Disclaimer: If you missed the interlude, you're not missing much. Oh, and I don't own the vampires.

"I don't care if you have no interest in what I want to do," I protested angrily as we trudged through the tall grasses. "I need to find some food."

"It seems strange that you would have anything else we would need in there, including more weapons than could possibly fit into such a bag, yet it suddenly fails you now," Kain pointed out.

"Standard theories about how it's larger on the outside than it is on the inside," I muttered. My brain was begging to fog from lack of calories. "It only has what it needs to have in it. But having food would makes things too easy."

"Easier than finding a pub in the middle of nowhere?" Raziel questioned from ahead of us.

We topped a rise to find a squat building sitting in the middle of the field. It seemed perfectly ordinary, except that it had a red florescent sign that read, "Lovecraft's."

"You will get your food and we will then search for a way to return to Nosgoth," Kain commanded.

"This is coming from a guy who died while trying to get a drink." My insult was softened by the disinterested tone of my voice.

"I drink only one thing now," Kain growled adamantly.

"Okay, I'm not going to interfere with your feeding habits, but if you're going to snack on the patrons, try not to cause a scene," I said.

As we entered the bar, I suddenly realized that I was the oddity and the vampires would blend right in. Werewolves, vampires, and humanoid demons populated the tables. A zombie was on a stage against the wall, doing a fair karaoke of Queen's "Under Pressure."

We all sat at an empty table near the wall. I felt glad that I was at least wearing dark colors. The vampires seemed at ease; Kain's earlier insistence was all but forgotten.

A waitress came by and looked at us critically. Her flesh was gray with a translucent quality, and I guessed that she was a well-preserved zombie. "I'll need to see some id, sweetie," she said to me. Her eyes lit up in vague surprise when she saw my creative license, but she said, "Alright, everything's on the Author's tab, then. I'm guessing you'll be having the formaldehyde, and you two will be wanting Bloody Joes," she said, pointing to Raziel, and then Vorador and Kain. She hesitated when she came to Janos.

"I'll have what they're having," Janos said.

"Formaldehyde?" Raziel questioned. "Why would I want that?"

"Real alcohol will rot your guts," the waitress said. She stared at Raziel again and remarked, "I think you would have figured that out by now."

I gently laid my hand on Raziel's arm, though I was hesitant about his reaction to the symbolic restraint. His only act was to relax slightly, an indication that he'd let the waitress be for the moment.

When the waitress turned to me, I said, "Get him something good, and I want something with raspberry liquor in it. And do you have any food here?"

The waitress nodded and left us alone for the moment. The zombie on stage tried to launch into another song, but a succubus wearing nothing but a thong shoved him off. The zombie stumbled, and his leg broke, pitching him off the stage to land in a contorted mass. His buddies helped him off the ground and carried him back to his table.

The succubus onstage swayed hypnotically as she belted out a song that I only knew because my parents liked it. Janos, Kain, and Vorador were ogling her naked breasts with unmasked fascination. Raziel sat and moped, still upset over what the waitress said to him. Raziel was also thinking about how painful it was to fantasize over the beautiful creature onstage.

The waitress returned. The Bloody Joes were red and viscous, obviously some cocktail with real blood in it. Raziel's drink was smoky and blue, I couldn't place the name of the drink, but it looked fairly typical. Mine was clear and it came in a martini glass. The waitress also brought me a platter full of fried mushrooms, potato skins, and mozzarella sticks.

Raziel stared sullenly at his drink. I pulled a crazy straw out of my backpack and plopped it into the blue concoction. Raziel glared at me for a full minute until he started fiddling with the straw.

I grabbed a wickedly sharp fork from the platter and stabbed a fried mushroom. I was a little critical of the food here; the demon at the next table was snacking on toasted mice. After a bit of thought, I popped the mushroom into my mouth and sighed in relief at how normal it tasted.

Raziel made a weird sucking noise, and I turned to see the straw pop out of his scarf as he wheezed in surprise. Raziel grasped at where his throat would be as he coughed weakly. He recovered quickly, and silently gave me the thumbs up as he fiddled with the straw again.

Janos and Vorador stared at Raziel in horror as he once again resumed sucking noisily at his drink. Kain glared daggers at me, though I could tell that he was disturbed as well. Raziel's sucking noises gradually died away as he mastered the art of drinking through a straw.

The night wore on as the vampires contentedly went through rounds of drinks like someone else was buying them. I yawned through an alcoholic haze as I contemplated were Raziel was putting it all; he didn't even have the mass to displace that much liquid, much less contain it.

Janos suddenly stood up from the table and weaved his way to the stage. His cheeks were flushed with the amount of booze-tainted blood he had downed.

Janos almost fell backward off the stage, but the she-wolf that had just finished singing managed to push him forward. Janos grinned inanely at her, and she returned his grin coyly. Janos managed to collect his wits, but dispensed with the karaoke machine. He began mangling some song that wasn't even in English.

"You're tone-deaf," Vorador complained when Janos returned to the table.

"Y'know, that's the literal translation of the word karaoke," I slurred.

"Perhaps you should try," Janos chuckled.

"No," I vowed.

"Your turn," Kain grinned as he picked me up by the scruff of the neck.

I shrieked as I grabbed at Kain's arm. He was in a rare mood, and only smirked as I hung from his grip and made futile protests.

Kain flung me onto the stage, and I froze in fear. I knew my own voice, and there were very few songs that I could pull off. A quick glance around the room confirmed that I was the only living human present. I knew at this point I would draw more attention by backing down.

I selected a song titled, "Why did you mess with Forever." It wasn't popular, but it also wasn't very hard to sing. I knew that if I wasn't careful, my voice would either crack or dissolve into a pained howl. At least with this one, I wouldn't be as tempted to randomly change octaves. I resolved to skip the melodic yodels and let the music fill the space.

As I sung, part of me wanted to sink into my drunken haze; my trick to public speaking had always been to retreat into my own world. Now, I allowed myself to be aware of the audience, but many of them were ignoring me. In this case, I did not mind the lack of attention.

When I was finished singing, I lurched to the table and gulped down my chocolate-raspberry martini shakily. Janos leaned his head heavily on his arm, seemingly in a trance. Raziel had finally passed out, his forehead resting on the table. Kain and Vorador were talking as I weren't there, and they were making fun of me.

I was getting sleepy, and I didn't care. I made a mental note to make those two suffer later, but for now I let my head sink to rest on my folded arms.