Title: Hope
Author: elfluvr
Summary: Four. That was the number of months that he'd held his breath and hoped. Sequel to Progeny.
Disclaimer: Thanks Dick Wolf, René Balcer, Vincent D'Onofrio and Kathryn Erbe. I've hurt no one, made no money, and put everyone back where I found them.
Archive: Fanfiction - anywhere else, just ask
Feedback: Please! It's always welcome
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A/N – I really didn't intend to do this sequel, but it seemed to be a popular request. Warning: The rating on this story is likely to change to "M" for sexual content. If that's not your thing, you probably don't want to read any further.
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Chapter 1 – Hope"Hope" is the thing with feathers—
That perches in the soul—
And sings the tunes without the words—
And never stops—at all—.
-- Emily Dickinson
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10:48.
Bobby Goren anxiously scanned the squad room – again. It was over half an hour since Eames wordlessly got up and walked away from her desk. Engrossed in his book on the psychopathy of teenaged serial killers, he'd felt her absence without really noting where she went. He'd just assumed she'd gone to get coffee.
"Alright, Goren," he heard the captain's voice. "Tell me what's going on."
"Uh …" Bobby looked up and tried to focus on him instead of wondering about Eames. Deakins' replacement still had a way of sneaking up on him – like stealth attacks. Goren had yet to figure out a comfortable rhythm with their new boss.
"What's going on with, um … what?" he stalled, worried that his recently heightened awareness of Alex was apparent to everyone.
The captain blew out a breath in exasperation and that's when Goren realized that he too felt the instability of their working relationship. Deakins' calm assurance and understanding of Goren's quirks were sorely missed.
"The Sawyer case … you know, what you and Eames have been working on for the past week," the captain was trying to sound patient. "What's going on?"
"Oh …" Somehow he felt like he just dodged a bullet. "Well, we … we pulled his DMV record … nothing more than a few parking tickets. But his school records show an … an extended period of absence around the time …" and his voice trailed off as the two men turned to acknowledge Eames' return. She gave a tight-lipped smile and a nodded greeting to the captain.
"Don't let me stop you." Her words were vaguely directed at Bobby, but she kept her eyes averted as she rolled her chair away from her desk and sat down in front of her laptop.
"Absence around the time … ?" the captain prompted, interrupting Bobby's study of Alex.
Goren forced his attention back to the conversation surrounding their current case. "Yeah, well …" he started pulling papers from file folders, pointing out notations and dates to the captain. "See, here … these dates coincide with the … the time of the first two killings …" and his voice droned on of its own accord while his mind desperately wished he could read Alex's thoughts.
"Keep at it you two," the captain encouraged. "And let me know if you find anything more to tie this kid to the killings – something substantial enough to get a search warrant." It wasn't anything Deakins wouldn't have said to them, but something about the words felt like a rebuke, and the seasoned detective in Goren bristled at the perceived criticism. He really needed to figure out how to work with the new guy without being so defensive.
As soon as the captain walked into his office, Bobby turned to his partner. "Eames …"
"Not now," she said softly and finally looked at him. Her eyes were dry but red-rimmed and Bobby's heart sank in disappointment. "Not here, please Bobby." Nodding wordlessly, he tried staring at the papers on his desk as he listened to Alex tapping away at her laptop. The pages in front of him started to blur and he abruptly stood up to go and get a cup of coffee.
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Four. That was the number of months that he'd held his breath and hoped. The first one wasn't so bad, nothing to panic about. The second, Alex had been visibly disappointed but they both joked about having to try harder and, honestly, neither one of them had complained about the extra effort. When month three still produced no success, they both grew quiet for a day – retreating into themselves, each secretly fearing that it was their fault.
This was number four. Judging by Alex's mood and appearance, there again would be nothing to celebrate – nothing to anticipate nine months down the road. God, he never expected this to be so hard emotionally. Especially considering the circumstances of the whole thing.
When Alex – his friend and work partner – first approached him with her request to have his child, he should have been appalled, or at least shocked that she would ask such a thing of him.
But even more surprising than his lack of shock at her request had been his quick acceptance of the idea. It had taken only a minimal argument and a teary-eyed plea for him to agree.
Granted, over the years their relationship at times was charged with an underlying tension. And somewhere along the way Bobby had begun to notice how sexy she looked wearing red – how sensual her voice sounded when he woke her after a couple hours sleep on an all-night stake out. He would find himself touching her arm or shoulder during a conversation, or guiding her with a hand at the small of her back, enjoying the excuses for establishing a physical connection with her.
Even so, the reasoning behind going from a secret and forbidden longing to the passionate, physical relationship in which they now found themselves was far outside the boundaries of conventional thinking. And the suddenness of the change should have left Bobby reeling off-balance, questioning both his and her sanity. Instead, he'd never felt more content and at peace with any relationship.
Not that he could really call this a relationship – not even in the most liberal of definitions. Sure, they'd confessed their love for one another and about that Bobby had no doubts. But Alex still seemed to be treating this as more of … an arrangement. After that first night with its candle-lit dinner and tension-filled cab ride back to her apartment, nothing else really felt like a date. They just seemed to wind up at his place or hers. And almost invariably if it was his, Alex got up to leave before morning saying everything she needed for work the next day was at her apartment. He once broached the subject of her leaving a few things at his place, but her response made it clear he shouldn't raise the issue again.
Worse, she wouldn't talk about what was going to happen after she got pregnant. It hadn't taken Bobby long to realize that he would want a place in this child's life – preferably as the legal father and husband to the woman who would bear its life into the world. That wasn't part of the original deal, he knew that. But he had become so sure of it himself that he had no doubt Alex wanted the same thing.
The subject had been at the heart of the one major argument they'd had since Alex first told him, 'I want to have a child.'
TBC …