Chapter 3 - Hope

Suddenly the totally sated and languid woman beneath him disappeared and was replaced by an energetic hellcat, squirming and pushing against him.

"Get…" she shoved hard against his shoulders. "Move, Bobby!"

Stunned, he let go of her and raised up on his arms. Alex quickly slid out from under him and off the bed. Snatching his dress shirt off the floor, she shrugged into it and tried buttoning the front, but her hands were lost in the long sleeves. She was left struggling against the extra fabric.

"Alex… what…?"

Frustrated, she gave up on the buttons and let the shirt hang open, the bottom edges stopping just above her knees. "How dare you ask me to marry you!"

"WHAT?"

"You heard me!" He'd never seen Alex so angry. "You can't ask that!"

"Whoa whoa whoa… back up," Bobby's own temper was starting to rise and he got up off the bed to stand in front of her. "It… it's okay for you to ask me to father a child, but... I can't ask you to marry me?"

She hesitated a second. "They're totally different," she snapped unreasonably.

"Diff-…?" So this was how she was going to play this argument – illogically. "They're at least related," he hoped that sounded as sarcastic to her as it did to him.

Alex brought her hands up to her hips, still buried in the sleeves. "Tell me something. Would you be asking me to marry you if I hadn't told you I wanted a child?"

"I… ah…" he didn't know what to say to that. Hell, he wouldn't even be sleeping with her if she hadn't told him she wanted a child. That didn't mean it wasn't what he wanted all along.

"That wasn't part of the deal, Bobby," her eyes flashed with what he saw as triumph and all that did was piss him off.

"Deal?" Okay, so he'd used the same term inside his own head to try and understand whatever this was between them, but hearing her say it was so much worse. "Is that all this is to you… a deal? What do you think we've been doing these past three months? Because I don't know about you, but I've been making love, not fucking!"

She flinched at the vehemence of his vulgarity. "This isn't about you and me, this is about my child," she replied with a little less heat.

"Your child?" And he knew in his head that she was right – that was where it all began the day she first asked him. But in his heart it had become so much more to him. He was hurt to think that she considered it nothing more than a physical process for her to get pregnant. Hurt and angry.

"Maybe I should be charging stud fees!"

He caught her wrist before her palm could connect with his face. In a move that was part dance and part self-defense, he spun her so her back was to him and gathered her against his chest in a tight embrace that pinned her arms at her side. It took Alex a split second to begin fighting.

"Please, Alex," he started pleading. God, he couldn't believe he said that. "Alex… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" She struggled against his much larger, stronger body, but the best she could manage was to kick his shins with her heels. All he could do was hold on until the storm passed. "I didn't mean it… I'm sorry… please…" he begged against her hair. Alex cried out in frustration and gave a hard kick to his right shin. "Alex… " he grunted. Gasping with exertion she continued to twist her body, trying to wrench herself free from his iron grip. But Bobby was determined and Alex was starting to tire. "Please forgive me…" he murmured in her ear. "Forgive me…" his lips whispered against her temple. Her fury all but spent, Alex began to relax in his arms. "I didn't mean it… " She was breathing hard, but all the fight had left her and Bobby loosened his grip. "I didn't mean it…" He let go of her entirely and she slid from his arms. Closing his eyes, he hooked both hands tightly behind his neck – angry at himself for his words. Angry at her for bringing them out of him. "Ahh God, you drive me crazy."

Alex walked away from him and sat on the edge of the bed. She raised a hand to wipe the hair out of her face with shaking fingers.

She looked so weak and fragile. "Alex …"

"Please… Bobby," her voice shook with emotion. "I don't want to talk about this."

"But I want to talk about it… it's important."

"Bobby! I don't want to fight!"

Her temper dispelled any illusions he may have had about her being weak. "What do you mean you don't want to fight? You started it!"

"I did not!"

"Did too!" Well, great… that sounded like a four year old.

Alex turned her head away from him and he could see her shoulders shaking. Wonderful. Now he'd made her cry. Why couldn't women fight fair?

"Alex…"

And then he heard it. Laughter. Hysterical, tears-rolling-down-your-face, gut-splitting laughter. Alex was laughing so hard she rolled onto her side on the bed, clutching her stomach as all her emotions came spilling out in that ringing sound. Bobby fought to keep a smile from tugging at the corners of his mouth, but he couldn't help it. He loved that sound.

"Did too?" she gasped while trying to sit back up on the bed. "How old are you?"

He'd known it was bad when it came out of his mouth – he'd hoped she wouldn't notice. No such luck.

The absurdity of the whole situation struck him. Here he stood totally naked. There she sat with his over-sized shirt gaping wide open in front and not really hiding anything. He wanted marriage, she only wanted children. He was madly in love with her to the point he thought he would burst with it. She was… he didn't know anymore.

As her laughter died, Bobby sobered. For long moments neither spoke, nor moved. Dark brown eyes full of hurt and confusion looked into golden brown pain.

"Bobby, sit down here," Alex said softly. He hesitated only a second before doing as she asked. "Listen to me. Just hear me out, okay?"

"Okay," his low voice was now calm.

She took a deep breath and blew it out before speaking. "I've known for a long time that I'm in love with you," her voice was soft, but certain. "And I… I knew you cared – it was in everything you did for me. That's what gave me the strength to come to you. If nothing else, I knew you wouldn't hurt me and I knew you wouldn't use me."

Okay, so far so good.

"But I didn't expect this," she vaguely waved a hand between them. "I never thought that you loved me like this."

"But I do," he insisted. Needing a physical connection, he reached for her hands and held them in his. "I don't see the problem."

Alex sighed. "If I said yes, and we got married… would I ever really know if you want me or just the chance to do right by a child?" He was about to protest, but she quickly continued. "Bobby, I've seen you with children. I've seen you with my nephew. You love children. Maybe I should have known better. Maybe I should have realized how much of yourself you would invest in this because of your own childhood. But honestly, it wouldn't have mattered. I knew I wanted a child – your child – and that I'd want you involved in that child's life. I would have wanted that no matter what." She stopped to search his eyes and he desperately wished he knew what it was she sought.

"I just never expected marriage to come up." Her fingers clutched his tightly. "It feels like you're asking because it's the right thing to do … not because it's what you want"

He brought his left hand up to cradle the side of her face and Alex leaned into the touch. "Alex, I love you," he said fiercely. "This … you … make me happier than I ever thought possible. All this time I was too afraid of … of changing things. Too afraid of losing what we already had." He paused, trying to determine if he was getting through to her. "Please don't punish me because I'm a coward," he whispered.

Alex gasped and her eyes widened. "Bobby Goren…" her voice took on a scolding tone. "You are many things, including an ass every once in a while, but you are no coward." Mirroring his gesture, Alex brought her left hand up to his cheek, caressing his stubble with her thumb. "I think you're the bravest man I know…"

Bobby leaned down to kiss her, slowly and gently – savoring the softness of her lips beneath his. When he started to pull away, Alex clung to the kiss and soft, contented sounds vibrated from her throat into his mouth. Sighing she pulled away and he rested his cheek against the top of her head.

"So… if I'd said something first," and Bobby couldn't believe it had come to this, "we'd be okay now, is-is that what you're saying? Because as far as I can tell… we'd be at the same place we are right now. Me wanting to marry you and both of wanting to have a child."

Alex tilted her head to kiss his neck then pulled back to look in his eyes. "If I promise to think about it, will you promise not to ask again?"

"If I don't ask, how will I know when you've answered?"

"You'll know."

TBC …