Chapter Four

Author's Note: I had my birthday yesterday, thanks to all you wonderful reviewers who gave me a "Happy Birthday!". So, I'm 14… so that means this chapter has to be one year better in quality than the others, right? Well… I'll try.

First of all I'd like to thank people who particularly inspire me to write… Jessa7 with your new sequel, Stargazing Basketcase with YOUR new sequel, Romana , Radish Earrings, Ravena Storm… there are more… I'll remember them later 

Want me to read your fan fiction?

Tell me in a PM or review… reviews preferred, XP. I review anything I read. Absolutely anything. And I'm pretty honest, too.

Right… let's get on with it, shall we? I hate to say it, but I have a horrible feeling this won't be a happy chapter… but it will get happier 

The 'Big Dark'

It was black where they were. The darkness was absolute. If the Doctor hadn't said something, or had she not tripped over him before helping him up, Rose wouldn't have seen him. But… that was definitely him. He was there. Her Doctor.

"Where are we?"

"This…" Said the Doctor thoughtfully. "I don't know," he said. "But I have a theory. Bring me anything?"

Rose fumbled for her jean pocket, bringing out the familiar shape of the sonic screwdriver and handing it to the Doctor. The blue light switched on and she saw his face, smiling through the darkness. Only then did the line of worry in Rose that still constricted her thoughts diminish; she beamed back.

"Ah, she comes prepared," he said; "mind you, I could kill a tuna sandwich."

"Sorry… no sandwich," apologised Rose, and found that ridiculously, she meant it. It was the relief that had taken her. For a moment in the TARDIS she had thought – just for a split second – that she'd never see him again. The thought had made her heart stop – miss a beat. And then it had gone, staying in the back of her mind…

"So, that thing… how did you kill it?"

"Oh, it's not dead."

Rose looked around worriedly. "Where is it then? You send it away or something?"

"Nah," he said, and tapped his head. "Still in there. Actually, I should be getting rid of it about –"

And he yelled in pain, doubling over. Within two seconds he was standing up again, eyes looking up as if he was trying to look inside his mind, sonic screwdriver poking in his ear threateningly, as if trying to make the parasite come out. Rose stepped forward hesitantly.

"Doctor – are you all…"

"Fine! Fine and being eaten inside but that's okay! Just give me a moment!" His voice was tight and higher than normal. He was having… well, Rose would have said a mad moment – but mad had just been named after the Doctor.

"Shouldn't we go back to the TARDIS?"

"Here's as good as anywhere to kill a suicidal murderous bug, Rose. You should know that by now."

Rose didn't quite know what to do or what to say. The worm of worry that had burrowed its way into her mind and promptly vanished returned, growing larger, and she watched the Doctor close his eyes. His face changed like she'd never seen it before, like he was giving in to it…

LightSoBrightBlindingFlashingEnteringThroughTheMirrorOfMindsDarknessWhite

Words would never be able to describe the Doctor. What he had seen. The emotions he had experienced; the contrasts, the pain, the love and the heartbreak. The loneliness. This was just one of those indescribable moments that were the Doctor. One of the scenes in his life where he wrestled with fate and challenged it, when all odds were against him.

Inside his head was the dust of a thousand battles past; the remnants of planets dead with the ages; swarms of people who lived and died just as the seasons change – the sadness, the remorse.

Because now, he could remember.

All thanks to a tube of superglue. And Rose Marion Tyler; the Bad Wolf.

So he was stronger than his space invader that tried to take over his head. With this thought in mind, the Doctor relaxed his thoughts, concentrated his mind. He could see the golden light of the insect. The feminine voice shook his thoughts as he listened to it talk.

You have not escaped me, Doctor. I swam through space and time and nothing to get you… nothing… will stop me…

We'll see about that.

"Rose?"

"Yes, Doctor?"

The ever hopeful voice piped up through the darkness.

"Feel like helping me save my life?"

A pause. Maybe she was smiling. Or frowning; maybe she was curious. But then it came:

"Any day."

"Come here, then. Put your hands… there." He said, resting her fingers on his temples. "I'm sorry…"

"Sorry for what?" Rose said, and this time he could sense her frown. And then she went deadly quiet.

The.mirrors.touch.the.reflections.merge.

She walked on a rock that had died centuries passed.

She drowned in a sea that had dried.

She walked through a scene of battle where bones had been obliterated, and the very land had turned red.

She was alone. She went through a time where there was nothing but the tide of darkness. Where she felt hopeless against it.

She felt new ground underneath her feet and relished the feeling.

She felt the sunlight of different stars on her head and saw the beauty of her surroundings.

She felt the moonlight on her head and saw the beauty destroyed.

Rose saw time flash by. Centred around one person.

Golden light ensued.

Reflections.Become.One.When.You.Touch.

The Doctor wasn't stupid. He knew two heads were better than one. He knew three heads were better than two, and he knew four were better than three. He didn't have four or three heads. He didn't have the strength inside him, not with the parasite still in him, to eradicate it alone. But Rose was his second head and he needed her to do one thing for him. Maybe she'd already seen enough of his memories sticking them back together, but either way, whether he liked it or not – whether she knew what was going to happen or not, he needed her mind to help take the dark presence away from his head.

The thing inside felt cold surprise. The Doctor could feel it, as Rose saw everything he saw. No time for doors and he had no right to build them for her anyway. She was Rose… and that was explanation enough.

"Rose, focus on what was inside your head."

For a moment her presence vanished entirely from his head, and then it was back; golden light returned to the world as the Doctor looked through both his own and Rose's eyes, into his mind – that one fixed thing. The parasitical entity feeding off his thoughts.

It was then he realised that the light wasn't just coming from the creature, which was dull in comparison to the brightness that surrounded his thoughts. No; that was something stronger, something Rose had brought with her into his mind.

The Bad Wolf?

The Time Vortex?

Either way, he focused his mind and the centre of the light together, merging them together, binding them into one; focused every part of energy in his being at the alien plaguing his thoughts.

The pain and the anger were forgotten in the battle larger than life, yet happening in someone's head. The ferocity of the Bad Wolf was extreme; it burned even the Doctor's head. There was no time to register Rose's surprise at the thing unleashed inside her, no time to scream out loud in reality – because every bit of his… their being, was focused on the alien presence.

It was consumed in the fiery tides of union.

Reflections.Shatter.But.You.Stay.Real.

The two figures lay as if they were dead.

Golden light flickered at the corners of their being, but the connection had been severed. No longer were they touching. Through the darkness, this light was the only thing that could be seen. The only detection that anything lived in the empty space was that point of fire. That blinding gold sea.

Those two figures. Cold as death. Living where no life should have existed.

The Time Lord was flat on his back, like a stargazer might lie on a hill to watch space pass them by. He wasn't stargazing. She was curled protectively around herself, defending her being against hidden enemies.

Eyes closed. Dead to the world.

Fighting inside.

If.I.Fall.So.Does.The.Mirror.Image.Fate.Decides.To.End.This.Together.

Dazzling light and foreboding darkness mixed together in Rose's mind. She felt her eyes burn as they glowed beneath closed lids. She was lying on a surface she couldn't see. Somewhere in the blackness.

She rose slowly, and put a hand to her temples. Remembering was hard work. Her vision was obscured by the pure gold glory that sufficed her body. She looked at the veins in the wrist of her hand. They flowed with a starry stream of something.

The Bad Wolf lived inside her still.

And that was the moment of remembrance. The Doctor doing something that she'd only ever seen him do to a young girl named Chloe Webber in 2012. Somewhere on Earth; the same earth she'd lived in years ago. That didn't matter. He'd looked in her memories, without permission.

She didn't care.

She'd seen her own equal share of his thoughts, too. None of them made her feel happy inside. How did he cope?

You.Give.Me.The.Strength.To.Rise

Break Away from the Reflection

The Doctor knew in his conscious mind that the battle had been won. That was something to be glad about; but Rose was a different matter.

He'd seen what was in her mind. And for the most part, it was what he saw: the adventures they'd had prized above, held most precious above anything else that had been in her life. The fierce determination to stay with him. To not get left behind. No, she definitely wasn't having that again; he could tell that. Even the way she prized him above everyone else – even her father, Pete, who she'd always wanted to find again. That made him feel guilty.

But somehow, he wasn't surprised. Because she'd confessed herself a long time ago on that godforsaken beach.

The thing that made him feel most guilty was the fact that he hadn't warned her or asked her at all. Just gone ahead and done it. Taken advantage of her trust.

He hadn't opened his eyes yet. Sleeping had always been one of the Doctor's favourite hobbies. But then again, there was always a time when one had to wake up: a sad and terrible truth. So he did.

He got up, brushed off his pinstriped jacket and looked around at the blackness. He saw Rose on the floor scramble up as soon as she saw him get up.

It didn't really do much to stop him feeling guilty.

"Is it… is it gone?"

"Yep," said the Doctor. "Dead, gone, done for… doomed… however you'd like to put it."

"…Good." She seemed to be struggling with talking in the proper manner; her voice was almost falsely bright, like she was trying to lighten the mood up. Good old Rose. She would do that.

"So, um, where are we?"

Another pause after he answered, and this time, the Doctor had to think about it. "Y'know," he said: "this is just me making a theory, just a guess –"

"Which you're terribly good at…"

"…But I think we're in the heart of the TARDIS."

Rose paused.

"You're joking."

The Doctor didn't say anything to that. He walked around in a circle and waved at the air. It was unmoving, no longer rippling like it had before. That meant he couldn't get back to the TARDIS control room via the mirror; after all, it had only existed outside the heart. But the Doctor wasn't worried; his guesswork was normally right. It was when he announced something as fact that it was proved wrong.

The TARDIS had sucked the memories and fragments that contained the Doctor's thoughts within herself. The Doctor had been conscious of it, even while he battled. So it made sense that when they recollected, and produced the existence he was in now, they would merge in the TARDIS.

The Doctor had a way out, of course. This was the last part – and unusually, the easiest.

"Not joking," he said. "But easily fixed, eh? Good 'ole' sonic screwdriver."

He directed it upwards, and turned the light on.

Light flooded the world.

Imagine.Me.Without.You:Without.Reflection.Without.A.Shadow

Rose felt the gold rip through her body. It wasn't unpleasant, and yet it wasn't wholly comforting, either. And when she next looked around, she was looking upon a familiar sight – more welcoming than ever. Compared to the darkness that had been within the heart – if that had been it – the greenish tinged light of the control room was like the light of morning. It was welcome. Rose, for the first time since the battle in her head had ensued, saw everything in reality.

The whine of the sonic screwdriver sounded behind her and the heart of the TARDIS closed. She still didn't understand why that had happened – why the heart of its being? And why… why when they had been in there, it hadn't been the gold of the time vortex shining around them? She voiced the question. The Doctor had one of his ridiculously long and complex answers in store for her, as response.

"The TARDIS recollected all my memories, sucked them in. That's why we were there; why you could hear me. And as for why the time vortex wasn't there, don't be fooled by the size of the console. The heart of the TARDIS has just as many memories as I do, it just took us to place of safety."

"Right… I think I get it."

There was another awkward silence as Rose scratched the back of her head and looked at him. His eyes were downcast as he restored the systems of the TARDIS, turning a switch there and pulling a lever here. She'd seen him like that once before.

A long time ago.

It was after he'd rushed off, excited about adopting a new companion in King Louis' Mistress, Madame de Pompadour; or, to the Doctor, Reinette. He'd returned with a sorrowful face and a lot less energy in his step. That was the first time Rose had thought the Doctor had come close to heartbreak. She might have been jealous then. But it didn't matter now.

The Doctor without energy. It was like an English sky that wasn't grey.

Maybe it was you. You looking at all his memories.

Guilt burned brightly in Rose.

"Doctor…"

"Mm."

"What happened. I didn't… I didn't, you know, look at anything. Not on purpose, anyway…"

Pause.

"I don't care if you did."

"But…?"

"I said," He announced, in one of his softer tones; "I don't care if you did. Memories… are memories. That's how they'll stay, too."

"You know that isn't true."

Rose felt a burning in her throat and her eyes. She'd lived inside his head, just for a second, with all the memories. And it had been the worst time of her life. She knew almost everything about him now, and yet she didn't feel any closer. If anything, she felt further away from him.

"How do you cope, then, Doctor?"

And that was when his face changed as fast as lightning.

A/N: Squeeness! Thanks for all your reviews and if there are typos in this don't hesitate to carve out my insides with a big sharp pointy knife.

I don't know what happens next. But I'll make it good. Promise.

Thanks again, SP.