Jack Daniels Straight Up

Get your Jack/Daniel slash without all the boring details.

Version 1: Where Jack is Not Gay.

"I'm not really gay. It was the alien atmosphere. The atmosphere made us do it. No, wait, it was that alien virus. No, the alien drink, yeah that's it. That's the ticket."

"Go back to sleep, Jack."

Version 2: Where Jack is Gay

"Daniel, I have a confession to make: I'm gay."

"That's so cool! Can I be gay too?"

"What? No! Hey! Get off me!"

"Sorry. That was bad of me. You should spank me."

"Oh, for crying out loud."

"I'm going to pout now."

"No! Not the pout! Anything but the pout! Oh, this is so wrong…"

Version 3: Where Daniel is Gay

"Jack, I have a confession to make: I'm gay."

"What? Since when?"

"All my life."

"Daniel, you're not gay. I've seen your record collection – not a single Barbara Streisand album. You never quote The Wizard of Oz. Plus, you keep sleeping with women."

"No, really! I'm gay as a two-dollar bill!"

"See, that doesn't even make sense! Besides, what about Sha're?"

"Who?"

"I mean Sha'uri. Your wife, Daniel. Remember?"

"Oh, that. I was just compensating."

"Well, how about Shyla?"

"Sarcophagus addiction. Wasn't myself."

"Melocia?"

"Regression virus. Wasn't myself."

"Hathor?"

"Pheromone mind control. Wasn't myself."

"Sarah?"

"Graduate school. Wasn't myself."

"Linea?"

"Amnesia. Wasn't herself."

"Vala?"

"Don't even GO there, Jack."

"I'm just saying…"

"Look, Jack, are we gonna have sex or not? Because there's a line of fangirls forming behind you, and I've got like eighteen Mary Sue stories to be in before noon."

"Sex? With me? Why? Never mind, forget I asked that. Let's go! We can be at my house in ten minutes."

"Hey, why your house?"

"Because you have a different apartment every time we go over there and it's creepy."

"I meant, what's wrong with this offi – wow. I've never seen anyone get undressed that fast."

fade to black

Author Notes:

Would you believe I actually had to do research for the Daniel one? I had to look up all his girlfriends. While doing so I ran across several comments about how every single time they show where he lives, it's a different apartment. Had to work that in.

I don't think I'll be doing a "Daniel is Not Gay" one because they're not substantially different from "Jack is Gay."