Chapter Two
Pack Up The Moon and Dismantle The Sun
A few hours later, Tonks began to stir, pulling Remus from a surprisingly pleasant dream. He tried to remember the details, but reality intruded and he felt a wave of pain wash over him. He looked around the unfamiliar room and located the clock, which he could just barely read in the dim light of the street lamp outside. It was half past one, and his stomach was reminding him of how little he had eaten. He looked down at the petite woman spooned against him. For a very brief moment, he allowed himself to imagine a different life, one where he could take for granted the peaceful sleep that one can only experience wrapped up in another person. Again she stirred, turning over to face him. Her eyes opened slightly at first, but then widened in surprise. She sat up and scratched her head vigorously.
"What time is it?" she asked groggily.
He sensed the exact moment when she remembered what happened. She inhaled sharply, then her shoulders sagged. She turned away from him, and he laid a hand on her shoulder.
"I have to use the loo," she muttered, and was out the door and down the hall in a moment's time.
After a moment's consideration, Remus made his way down the hall in the opposite direction. Fifteen minutes after that, he stood at her door again. He knocked quietly, but there was no answer. He looked down the hall to see the light still shining under the bathroom door, then slipped back inside the room, balancing his tray in one hand. By the time she returned he had a small fire crackling behind the grate, and two cups of steaming hot tea sat on her dresser.
She looked at him sheepishly. "Sorry about the waterworks, Remus."
"There's no need to apologise, Nymphadora." He handed her a cup of tea as she rolled her eyes at the name. He walked back to the dresser and returned with a tray containing a loaf of bread, a wedge of sharp cheese and an apple. He sat down on the edge of the absurdly ornate four-poster, setting down the tray in front of him.
"You are a lifesaver." She sat down cross-legged on the other side of him.
"Oh, did you want some too?"
"I take it back, you are a git." Her eyes, though still red and puffy, had a hint of their old sparkle.
"Besides, you missed the most important thing. What is a late night pantry run without chocolate?"
"When have you ever known me to forget the chocolate?" He grinned as he pulled a handful of Chocolate Frogs out of the pocket of his pajama bottoms. She popped up on her knees and kissed his cheek.
"You are a kind, kind man."
He ruffled her hair affectionately, then started to slice the bread and cheese, handing her a little of each.
"This is a new look for you," he said, pointing at her hair.
She glanced across the room to her reflection in the mirror. She groaned, then screwed up her face. Nothing happened. "I guess I'm not up for it, then. Sometimes I'm just too tired to hold up the transformations."
"You mean, this is the real you?"
"Pathetic, isn't it?"
"I think it is charming. You remind me of a faerie."
He handed her the chunk of apple that he had just sliced off with a paring knife. They ate in companionable silence for a few moments.
"Has anybody asked how you are feeling, Remus?"
"Oh, me?" he replied with a wry smile, "I suppose I have had better days, but I will be fine. I ought to be used to it by now." He turned his head toward the fire.
She reached over and squeezed his hand gently. "Thank you, Remus."
"It really wasn't much trouble, I was hungry myself."
"No, I mean for, um…earlier, it really helped."
She took her hand away. He looked back at her then, and saw that a blush was creeping up her cheeks.
"Any time."
She tore open a Chocolate Frog and offered it to him. He shook his head, and she popped it in her mouth. As she chewed, her expression fell again.
"It seems so…wrong to be here together like this…without him, y'know? I keep thinking he will walk in any minute."
Remus silently agreed with her, and looked back into the fire.
"His name will be cleared, finally," he eventually said, after racking his brain to think of something positive to say.
"Fat lot of good that will do him now!" she spat. "Bloody Fudge has his head so far up his enormous arse, he can't see what's right in front of him. TWO YEARS he would have had, do you know what a difference that would have made? He could have had something of a life, maybe even gotten a girlfriend, seen something of the world. Instead he spent it hiding, part of the time living like a stray dog, and then cooped up in a place he hated, feeling ashamed and…impotent! He deserved better!"
"He did, but now he will be known as a hero, rather than a murderer and traitor. He went down fighting, which was a hell of a lot better than dying in Azkaban."
"He shouldn't have had to fight her at all. I should have been able to take her."
"You have nothing to apologize for. You were spectacular. She was desperate; she had nothing to lose. She fought dirty. And it was a personal battle between the two of them. They'd hated each other for years."
"I'm going to kill her someday."
"Get in line."
They were silent for a long time after that. Finally, he spoke again. "I was thinking, earlier, about how much fun he had with you this past year. It was very kind of you to spend what little spare time you had trying to entertain him. It really made a difference."
"Kind, my arse! I came because I enjoyed myself. You two are my best friends, or …were." Her eyes welled up again and she buried her face in her hands, shaking. "Shit! Oh, bugger it all, I'm going to miss him. It just won't be the same."
"No, it won't." He rose to place the food tray on the dresser, then backed up to the warmth of the small fireplace, rubbing his arms.
"How can you be so calm, Remus?" She looked at him intensely.
"I'm not, really. I'm just as pissed off as you are. Maybe more so. But I learned a long time ago that you can go mad when you start to think about how different things could be if only..."
He waved his hand impatiently. "I had twelve years to agonize over the facts that James and Lily would never watch their son grow up, that Sirius had betrayed us all, that Peter died so violently. I spent many sleepless nights wondering what would have happened if I had only done something, anything, to stop it all. All of my rage was focused on Sirius. I just wanted to get my hands on him, just for a few minutes, preferably while I was fully transformed. Miraculously, I was given a second chance. I learned that Sirius had been falsely accused, that Peter had never died, and I was returned a small piece of James and Lily because I am now able to spend time with their son. I enjoyed another two years with my best friend. I am grateful for what I had, for however short a time. Now, the only thing I can do is to continue to fight for them, to make their deaths mean something at least. As far as I am concerned, I've been living on borrowed time ever since I was bitten as a child. I honestly don't understand why I am the only one of us left. But since I can't change it, I will make the best of it."
He ran his hands through his hair distractedly. "Please don't dismiss what I said earlier though. Your friendship meant a lot to him. It meant, or rather…means a lot to me, too. I want you to know that I am always available to you if you need a friend."