Resound, the Hymns of the Bacchus!
Two hours later, Tonks was in the middle of a long soak in the claw-footed tub of her room at the Leaky Cauldron. She had wandered around aimlessly for at least an hour, until she noticed that she was receiving curious and concerned looks from the passers-by. Finding herself near the entrance to the old pub, she decided to treat herself to a little privacy, at least for a few days. She wasn't in any mood to deal with her parents, who, though loving, were entirely too perceptive to be dealt with at this time. After a good cry on the comfortable bed, when she felt she had no more tears to shed, she poured a glass of wine, lit a few candles, and had a soothing bath, ripe with the scents of eucalyptus and peppermint. She was to meet with Moody and Dumbledore in less than an hour, and needed to take pains to conceal her broken heart.
Damn him for a bloody coward.
She refused to accept any other explanation. It was the first time she'd ever told a man she loved him, other than her father. In her girlhood fantasies, the scene would have been a lot less humiliating. She never would have imagined hearing the coldness that Remus' voice had held. She had nearly believed him. But his eyes had shown anguish. If he didn't care, it wouldn't have hurt him to say what he did. She had to hold on to that, even if it didn't help with the immediate problems. She couldn't just cut him out of her life, much as she'd like to. She had to see him, and often. Possibly even in less than two hours during her meeting. So, the burning question was, how to behave? There was a great temptation to hex him on sight, but that would hardly be in her best interest if she wanted to continue her services to the Order. She had to practice discretion. So was it to be coolly polite, unnaturally sweet, businesslike and brisk?
Oh, bugger, this is Remus I'm thinking about.
She didn't want to act at all. She just wanted to throw herself at him and kiss him until he begged for her forgiveness. She wanted to force him somehow to understand that she didn't care about his limitations or their differences. That she loved the person inside of him, and only wanted to grab a little happiness together, to take care of each other. The trouble was that Remus' reasons for his rejection, if they were what she suspected, were long held beliefs, and not easily abandoned. In fact, his steadfast adherence to his principles of decency and honor, in spite of what the world had given him in return, was one of the things she loved most about him. That such a fine person could have emerged from such tragic circumstances was miraculous and inspiring to her.
She had met him, once, when she was a little girl. Sirius had brought him along to one of her mother's dinners. She had adored her cousin Sirius, who seemed like a combination of handsome prince, rock star and overgrown playmate. His friend had been quiet and reserved for the first part of the evening, but Tonks, with her usual youthful exuberance, handed him a storybook to read to her, which he did, sitting on the floor by the fire. She plied him with questions, and he answered them patiently. He did not speak to her in the patronizing tone that most adults used. His kindness and sincerity had made an impression on her that lasted until Sirius reintroduced them years later, on her second visit to Grimmauld place.
Shacklebolt had been the first person to approach her about the Order. An overheard sarcastic remark about a recent Prophet article and a whispered speculation about what had really happened at the end of the Triwizard Tournament had resulted in his cautious surveillance of her. An investigation of her background revealed that she was one Sirius' relatives, and Kingsley asked him if he thought she could be trusted, where her loyalties might lie, and if he thought she might be persuaded to join the Order. Sirius had been floored by the idea that his baby cousin was old enough to be a member of the Auror Squad, but vouched for her unreservedly. Charlie Weasley, when contacted, seconded the nomination. He'd been a friend and teammate of hers at school. Minerva McGonagall also had good things to say about Tonks, having been her head of house. So, a tentative approach was made, and accepted with eagerness. Unfortunately, no one had thought to warn her that she would come face to face with her 'escaped convict' cousin on her first visit to Grimmauld Place, and be introduced to him by the man in charge of hunting him down and putting him back in prison. After a hurried explanation, she threw herself on Sirius, laughing and crying with joy.
Her second visit to Headquarters took place during a larger meeting of the members. She recognized Remus at once, though the difference in his appearance was quite a shock. When the meeting was over, Sirius asked her to stay and have a drink with them, and the trio had sat around the kitchen table, talking and drinking until the sun came up, reliving old times, and catching up on life in the interim. She was thrilled to be able to enjoy her cousin's company again, with the added bonus of being able to converse as adults. Remus was as kind and courteous as she remembered, and when his lycanthropy was revealed, she was amazed and sympathetic. He was not as uninhibited and candid in his conversation as the other two, but he added to it immeasurably with his intelligent humor and easy temper. Over the next few weeks, they repeated the procedure often. She found that her evenings with her new friends became the ones she looked forward to the most. It was during one of these merry evenings that Remus unexpectedly answered the only question that she had been hesitant to ask: why such an attractive and good-hearted man lived his life alone.
The conversation had been one of the trio's more memorable ones, having taken place rather late at night and after they had broken open a second bottle of gin. They were sitting around the kitchen table at Grimmauld Place, shortly after the Weasleys had arrived for the summer. It had taken hours for the family to vacate the kitchen and for Molly to finally clean up to her satisfaction and turn in, herself. They had felt like teenagers sneaking into the grown-up's liquor cabinet, and ended up reminiscing about their 'misspent youths'. The conversation, filled with laughter, had inevitably turned to sex. Apparently her cousin had a rather wicked reputation around school, particularly during his last two years…
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"So there I am, trying to keep a straight face, while she lectures me about my last Transfiguration essay, when all of a sudden her face gets all pruny and she says, 'Do I want to know who is under that table, Mr. Black?' And I said, 'Probably not, professor.' So she looks at me like she is trying to burn a hole between my eyes, and finally says, 'No, I'm sure I don't. But since this poor girl will undoubtedly suffer dearly for succumbing to your machinations I will give both of your punishments to you, alone. Two weeks detention, Mr. Black.' I swear she still gives me a dirty look for it every time the Order meets."
"So who was the girl?" Tonks asked.
"Head Girl, Slytherin. Josephine Merrick."
Remus nearly spat out his drink. "She was nearly two years older than you, and brilliant. However did you manage that?"
"I asked her to tutor me in Potions, then asked her to tutor me in…other things. She was all stressed out over her N.E.W.T.s, and I helped her relax. You have to appreciate the poetry, though, Moony. Head from the Head Girl. Who was I to pass it up?"
Remus and Tonks groaned in unison.
"It got worse after Lily and James got together," Remus said. "He was bored, what with James gone off all the time, and I wasn't nearly as much fun to spend time with, so no girl was safe from him. He covered all four houses and at least three years."
"In my defense, I probably had a premonition that I would spend twelve years in miserable celibacy, wanted to make up for lost time," Sirius said with a grin.
"Rich, good looking, and a rebel," said Tonks. "What girl could resist? And what were you doing while all this was happening, Remus?"
"Studying."
"That's not all he did," Sirius teased. "I heard rumours that he had developed quite a fan club himself. The girls all thought he was brooding and poetic. It was very effective"
"Watch out for the quiet ones." She gave Remus a wink.
Remus merely rolled his eyes.
Sirius continued, "And, unlike myself, they generally still liked him after he was done with them."
"Well, it was my understanding that you might have considered sticking around long enough to make sure that the girl had as good a time as you did."
Tonks burst out laughing, as Sirius aimed a biscuit at his friend's head. Eventually she asked, "So neither of you had a steady girlfriend at school?"
"Remus did, for what, about six months, Moony?"
"Seven," he replied, in quiet voice, "two of which were over summer."
"Well?" Tonks prompted, as she held out her glass for Sirius to refill.
"She was a Ravenclaw, her name was Ellen. We met in the library; both of us loved to read. We were sixteen."
Sirius interrupted, "You should have seen him, Tonks, he was positively giddy. It was revolting. Joined at the hip, they were. We called him Moony for an entirely different reason then."
"Sounds sweet." She smiled at Lupin. "So what happened to her?"
"Well…she was a very clever girl, and managed to spot that I went missing for a couple of days each month. She was always a little suspicious of my stories, and eventually accused me of cheating on her. Finally I had to tell her the truth, and she ditched me."
"Bitch!" spat Sirius and Tonks in unison.
"No, really, in her defense, it wasn't just the werewolf thing. Part of it was the lying I did, and I think she saw, more than I was willing to at that point, what the future held for me. She had great plans for her life, and I would have really become a hindrance to her. I can understand why she did it, now, although I was hurt at the time."
"No, Moony, she really was a bitch; selfish, possessive and ambitious, and you were well rid of her, as I told you at the time." Sirius refilled Remus' glass and lifted his own in salute.
"At any rate," continued Remus, "the entire episode made me really consider the future more clearly. I was beginning to realize how recklessly I had behaved with my friends, and what risks those that were close to me had to take. I finally had to accept that for me, the notion of marriage and family was simply irresponsible, so any romantic relationship I entered into was doomed from the start. I have been relatively single ever since."
"But you can't judge all women by that one, Remus," insisted Tonks.
"No, you misunderstand me. It has nothing to do with them; it's all my choice. I have made a firm decision not to saddle another person with my limitations. So I have been very careful to avoid emotional entanglements."
"A confirmed bachelor, as they say," pronounced Sirius.
"But usually when they say that, they are referring to someone who is decidedly gay," quipped Tonks.
"Now that would be a sad sight: a poor, gay, aged, lonely werewolf," Remus said wryly.
"Well, the two of you have been virtual monks for the past fourteen years. Spend enough time here alone together, and who knows what could happen?" she teased.
"I never said I have been a monk," Remus replied. "I've just been selective. I have tried to avoid all women who would tempt me to pursue them on a…permanent basis."
"Meaning…?"
"What my friend here is implying is that he has left behind a trail of losers, tarts and unavailable women."
"That about sums it up," laughed Lupin.
"And for the record, I have not been a monk for fourteen years, either. Twelve, yes, but fourteen, no," Sirius stated with a gleam in his eye.
"You mean to tell me that you found someone to shag you, while on the run, with your ugly face plastered as a dangerous criminal on every available wall in the wizarding world?" Remus asked, incredulously.
Tonks interrupted his reply with, "Maybe it's a member of the Order. Come to think of it, I did think McGonagall looked a lot more relaxed the last time I saw her."
In the midst of his laughter, Remus continued the thought; "Possibly you made such an impression on her that night at school that she needed to, er, satisfy her curiosity?"
"You two are sick!" exclaimed Sirius, but he, too was wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.
The kitchen door opened suddenly and in walked Fred Weasley, followed inevitably by George.
"Wotcher, boys," called Tonks with a friendly smile.
"This looks like the place to be on a night like this!" Fred grinned and George continued, "How could you have a party and not invite us?"
"Grab a glass and have a seat," said Sirius, "The more, the merrier!"
As he started to fill their glasses, Remus coughed slightly and said, in an undertone, "Do you really think that's wise, Padfoot?"
"They are of age, aren't they?"
"Yes, but I doubt their mother will think too highly of you corrupting her children…" He broke off when Sirius rolled his eyes at him. "Well, it's your house after all. Seems strange to be drinking with my students, though."
"Former students, " Fred corrected. "Wait a tic…did you just call him…Padfoot?" The twins looked at each other with wide eyes and dawning smiles.
"Yes, yes, I did," said Remus, trying unsuccessfully to suppress his own smile.
"We solemnly swear that we are up to no good," the twins chanted in harmony.
Remus shook his head, laughing softly. "I had wondered how Harry had come upon it, but this makes perfect sense, now. Mr. Moony, at your service."
He reached out to offer them his hand, grinning. Sirius gave a great bark of laughter, and Tonks looked at the four of them as if they had gone mad.
"It's a very long story for another time," Sirius explained to Tonks.
"But I suspect that these boys are well past corruption," Remus added.
"So, what were you talking about so loudly it woke us up?" George asked.
"Not that we minded," supplied Fred.
"Sirius' sex life,' replied Tonks. "He is insisting that he has gotten busy since he broke out of prison."
"We're not sure we believe him, since he spent a good deal of his time in the form of a dog," said Lupin.
"Unless maybe it was with another dog," added Tonks.
"Well…there was this lovely little cocker spaniel in Hogsmeade, but she was, unfortunately, a bitch," Sirius said with a nearly straight face, as the four others groaned.
"No, really, Sirius, we're burning with curiosity; who was it?" she prodded.
"No one you know, thank you very much. I spent nearly four months in the tropics, and they had not heard of me there. You wouldn't have recognized me. I filled out some and had a fabulous tan. The local ladies all thought I was mysterious and intriguing."
"I'm sure they did." Tonks smiled. "Well, good for you, coz."
Turning to the twins, she said, "Well, if you are going to sit at our table, you will have to spill the beans, too. Tell us about your sordid love lives."
"How're you supposed to have anything sordid at Hogwarts?" grumbled George.
"Apparently these two managed it fairly well," Tonks said, pointing to Sirius and Remus.
"Well, that was before Filch arrived with his psychotic cat, wasn't it?" Fred pointed out.
"Every time you get a girl in the right place and the right mood, that cursed feline shows up with her creepy red stare and ruins the whole thing," George continued.
"Because you know Filch is sure to follow."
"And we gave the bloody map to Harry before we had any idea how much we still needed it."
"Very shortsighted of you. That map was one of the keys to my successful seductions. I was very sorry to lose it, myself, " said Sirius. "Apparently you are fit to sit in on our little 'lonely hearts' club."
"Pathetic, the lot of us, sitting around here on a Saturday night," Tonks added. "But you know, it occurs to me that by rights, all five of us ought to be quite irresistible to the opposite sex. I mean, most of us are freaks of nature, but all in ways that ought to be well sought after."
"How to you figure that?" Remus asked.
"Well, take Sirius here. You know that all women are naturally drawn to the 'bad boy.' They want to reform him with the love of a good woman, and all that rubbish. And here he is, sinfully good looking if a little worse for the wear, and wanted for mass murder. Drag out his old motorbike and the picture is complete. Plus, dogs bring out women's maternal instinct. By all rights, he should be a bird magnet."
"Very good point, cousin." Sirius raised his glass and they all drank. "And I would be if I could only get out of this cursed house."
"Then you have Remus here." She looked at him pointedly. "Don't try to deny that you have come across women that were into you because you are a werewolf."
He shook his head, smiling ruefully.
"I have no doubt that women have jumped at the chance to 'tame the savage beast.' Add that to your poetic soul and that rumpled professor look you've got going and you have an irresistible combination."
"Unfortunately, the werewolf groupies I have come across have ended up losing interest because I was 'deadly dull.' One in particular was annoyed that I wouldn't howl during 'crucial moments,'" he admitted with an embarrassed shake of his head.
"You could have made her year, the poor thing! In any case, lets drink to my friend Moony, and his 'animal magnetism,' " Sirius said.
They all raised their glasses in assent.
"So what about us?" asked Fred, and George continued, "We need all the help we can get."
"Well, you two are not only young, fun, and easy on the eyes, but you have the rare advantage of being a matched set." Her eyes sparkled mischievously
"How does that help us?" Fred asked.
"Not sure I like where she's going with this," said George.
"You're telling me that no girl has ever expressed an interest in a 'Weasley sandwich?' " Tonks teased, and Fred and George laughed out loud, blushing furiously.
"Well there was this one woman at the Hog's Head…" George started,
"…but we thought she was joking."
"Plus, she was a little scary looking…"
"…not even sure she was a she," Fred finished, laughing.
It took Tonks a few moments to regain her composure after they shuddered in reminiscence, but she continued, "I'm sure it won't be the last time. You have already established that you work very well together, think of how appealing some witch would find the idea of having your 'undivided attention'. Plus, you can make a girl laugh, which is a highly prized commodity."
"Well, Tonks, love, any time you want to take us on, you give the word," Fred said with an evil leer.
Sirius, shaking his head, raised his glass "To the Weasleys, a couple of real team players."
"And what about you, Nymphadora? Apart from the very provocative name, that is." Remus grinned.
"Oh, don't act like you haven't figured it out, Lupin! Most men get a speculative look within thirty seconds of finding out what I can do. I am the perfect girl for commitment-phobic men. I can be a different woman every night."
"The thought had occurred to me," Sirius said, smiling wickedly. The twins nodded their agreement.
Sirius added, "If you weren't my cousin, we would be perfect for each other.
"That's the problem, isn't it?" she said ruefully, "I don't want to be a different woman every night, and I certainly don't want to be with the kind of bloke who would ask me to. So I have to put up with a lot of tossers while trying to find a good one. Then I think I've found him; things are swimming along, and it inevitably comes out…"
They all looked at her expectantly, and she mimicked a masculine voice, "Tonks, luv, you're so beautiful. D'you think you could maybe, um…make your tits a bit bigger?"
Laughter rang around the table.
"I saw that one coming," said Fred.
"You would have," said George.
"Tell me you've come up with a good hex to throw at them," laughed Sirius.
"I've been working on a curse that gives them absurdly large breasts of their own to fondle at will. Until I've perfected that one, however, I just sweetly suggest a very effective charm to improve the size of their knobs."
"Well, then, we must finally drink to my cousin, Nymphadora Tonks, every man's wet dream." Sirius raised his glass to her, as she turned crimson, burying her face in her arms.
"So, in summary," began Lupin, "if we would all just lower our standards considerably, and do away with our dignity altogether…"
"We would be very popular!" finished Tonks, with a laugh.