A/N Thanks again for the reviews. They really mean a lot! I thought I should mention that there is a lot of 'inner monologuing' in this chapter, so please note that thoughts are written in italics.
Chapter Nine
Love is a Torment of the Mind,a Tempest Everlasting
"Ah, here is the very young man in question, now," said Albus Dumbledore, as Remus entered his office.
"Good morning, sir." He noticed that his friend and former headmaster was seated across from a very beautiful, dark-haired woman, about fifteen years older than himself. She looked vaguely familiar.
"Remus, thank you for coming at such short notice. It is my pleasure to introduce you to Andromeda Tonks."
It took every ounce of self-control he possessed to limit his reaction to Tonks' mother to only a slight widening of his eyes. He managed to conjure a friendly smile and said, "A pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Tonks."
"The pleasure is mine, Mr. Lupin," Andromeda replied with a dazzling smile, and rose to shake his hand.
Dumbledore asked them to be seated, and continued. "To my great delight, Mrs. Tonks has recently joined our little group, and I suspect that she may be of invaluable assistance on the research assignments I have been giving you. She has an astonishing number of contacts, both political and familial, so you will find that you have access to people and places you did not have on the previous ones. But, I must say, you really did do a marvelous job on that last one, Remus."
He held up his left hand, which had been hidden below the desk, for a very brief moment. It was just long enough for Remus to notice a large, black-stoned ring on his finger. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled mischievously as he continued. "On this next project, we are looking for a certain place, rather than an heirloom. It is a cave, somewhere on the coast, less than a day's journey from London. However, to find the precise location we will need to venture forth into the Muggle world, and research via paperwork and recollection. The two particular Muggles that I am hoping you will be able to locate might even have become somewhat disturbed, mentally. I have written down what little information I have onto this parchment." His wand appeared from underneath his long sleeve, and as he waved it, a sealed parchment appeared on the desk. "It is, of course, imperative that you practice discretion, even from other Order members."
Remus looked from Dumbledore to Andromeda and back again. That explains the Muggle clothes he has us wearing, but why is she is at this meeting? She can't have very many Muggle bureaucratic contacts.
Dumbledore continued, "I invited Andromeda to join our meeting because I have it on excellent authority that she is, to quote, 'Bloody good at ferreting information from the unwilling and unwitting.' It may be, perhaps, that her special talents will be necessary for the success of this endeavor. While I have great faith in your powers of persuasion, Remus, I am afraid that time is growing rather short, and the both of you may get better results than you would alone."
"We will do our best, Sir," Remus replied. Glancing over at Andromeda, he gave her an uneasy smile, and the two of them rose to leave the office.
"Andromeda, my dear, I have one or two things I wish to discuss with Remus before you two make your arrangements," said Dumbledore.
"Of course, I will be happy to wait outside," she said, and closed the door behind her.
"I thought you might like to know," Dumbledore said with a gentle smile. "We've worked through that sticky situation which prevented our occupation of Headquarters. It should be perfectly safe to return there by tomorrow afternoon. In fact, I would greatly appreciate knowing that someone is staying there to keep an eye on things, to make sure that everything is in working order and comfortable, and that the place is stocked with essentials. It is my hope that I may count on you for those very important services. Unless, of course, you wish to remain in your present situation?"
"I'd be happy to move back tomorrow. Thank you, sir."
"No, thank you, my friend."
Remus walked toward the door, his mind racing. 'Bloody good at ferreting out information.' What does that mean? Does the old man have any idea how much I would like to conceal from this woman? If he does, he's got a rather sick sense of humor. He plastered a smile on his face, and opened the door to join Andromeda, who stood in the corridor, examining a painting of a snake, a badger, a lion and an eagle all cavorting happily in a meadow. She turned towards him with a friendly smile and they started the long walk to the castle doors.
"Mrs. Tonks…"
"Andromeda, please."
"Andromeda, then. Are you free to start on this today?'
"I am at your service for the next few hours, and possibly longer, if necessary."
"Let's head over to the Three Broomsticks then, and take a look at this in the back room."
"That would be lovely."
As they walked, there was a long silence, which was increasingly uncomfortable for Remus. It seemed impossible to manufacture idle conversation while his brain was doing an imitation of a whirling dervish. Finally, she spoke. "Your face is familiar to me, Remus. We've met before, haven't we?
"Yes, we have, as a matter of fact, but I didn't think you'd remember. I was a guest at a dinner party you gave, about sixteen years ago."
"That's it! Sirius' friend from school! You must have made a good impression on me. In fact, I remember thinking that you had such lovely manners for a teenager. And now here you are, a grown man, and we will be working together. It is a small world, don't you agree?"
Smaller than you can imagine, he thought, and smiled as they opened the doors of the castle to walk towards Hogsmeade. They certainly had a great number of things that connected them, but every subject he could think of to talk about was taboo. They could not discuss the Order or their project in public. Sirius seemed a morbid and touchy subject, and he wouldn't have brought up her daughter for a million Galleons. Unbidden, the image that Tonks had given him over a week ago -- of this woman enthusiastically kissing her husband on a sofa and grabbing his bottom --popped into his head and he had to stifle a laugh. She spotted his expression, and looked at him questioningly.
"I was just remembering." Think, Moony, think quickly. "How overwhelmed I'd been at all of the elegantly presented food you served that night. I am afraid that your dinner party gave me an appreciation for fine cuisine that my subsequent income did not allow me to indulge in often."
Not bad in a pinch, he thought.
"Well, then, Remus, you must allow me to cook for you again. It is the sad truth that my husband and daughter do not share my enthusiasm for gourmet meals, so I rarely get the chance to indulge myself. When are you free to come for dinner again?"
Oh, shit. "Er...well, possibly in a couple of weeks. I will have to let you know. It is likely that you will become rather bored with my company while we work on this…ah, here we are." He greeted Madam Rosemerta, who embraced him enthusiastically, and they made their way to the back room. Andromeda raised an eyebrow when Rosmerta left to fetch their drinks, and he felt the need to explain, "I lived and worked near Hogsmeade for nearly a year, so I used to come in on a weekly basis. I haven't been back since then."
Andromeda smiled indulgently, and Rosmerta brought them their drinks. When at last she left, Lupin charmed the doors and walls to prevent eavesdropping. He made the parchment reappear with his wand, and they unrolled it on the table. After finishing it in sync, their eyes met, and Andromeda said, "So, the orphanage then?"
"Seems like a good place to start. We can Floo to the Leaky Cauldron from here, if you like."
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Less than a half-mile away, Tonks surveyed the wet paint on her sitting room walls. The first coat had disappointed her; it seemed entirely too pink for the room she had in mind, but by the third coat, it was a rich magenta. She wandered around her new flat, noting with approval that there was not a single white or beige wall in the whole place. If I am doomed to look pale and drab for a little while, at least my home will surround me with colour, she thought. The sitting room, when finished, would be a riot of jewel tones. She had painted her kitchen the colours of an iris: deep purple and yellow. Her bathroom was done in soothing grays, greens, and blues. She'd turned her bedroom into a warm chocolate-coloured cocoon with pale pink trim. Tomorrow, she was going to unleash herself on Muggle London, armed with twenty-four years of Grandpa Tonks' birthday cheques, looking for furniture and decorative items. Her small flat would be something to be proud of, a haven, a new beginning, entirely her own. And maybe, if he was very, very lucky, Remus Lupin might be allowed to visit it someday.
After cleaning up and changing into clothes that were not paint splattered, she made her way over to the Three Broomsticks for a drink and a bite to eat. It had always been one of her favourite pubs, and the idea of being able to stumble home from there on her own two feet had been a major selling point for the flat. Tonight, she was almost in a mood to celebrate. Almost, but clearly not enough of a good mood to be able to metamorph. She was so close she could taste it, but the effort was exhausting. No, better to save any abilities she had for work, and spend her free time looking drab. She began to sympathize with her former dorm-mates, the ones who wasted so much of their precious time reading about make-up tricks, hair potions, and glamour spells. She wasn't vain, truly. If she was, she might have made herself drop-dead gorgeous, built like a centerfold. But she'd come to think of her rainbow hair as a part of herself, a sort of artistic expression. And, of course, her gift had really come in handy on the job. Now, she found herself spending her sleepless nights poring over her old textbooks, learning spells for concealment and camouflage that she had never had to bother with at school. She had a very important job to do; two jobs actually, and failure was not an option.
She was well into her third pint of butterbeer, and half through with her fish and chips. An Irish wizard on holiday, absurdly charming and a professional Chaser to boot, was sitting across from her, flirting outrageously. His eyes were the dark green of the Forbidden Forest, and when he borrowed Rosmerta's guitar to play a sad, sweet ballad, he captured the attention of the entire room. Her battered self-esteem was lapping up his poetic complements, and he seemed to be as impressed by her career as she was by his. And she hadn't even mentioned her metamorphic ability.
The Tonks of six months ago could have easily fallen under the spell of his wicked eyes and, mesmerized by the lilt of his voice, given in to the urge to find out exactly how talented those long fingers were. But the new and improved Tonks was not as easy to bewitch. She had fought in some awful battles, had lost a beloved friend, then a mentor and then a woman she had somewhat idolized, all in one month. She had seen evil and horror and pain firsthand, not to mention fallen in love and had her heart broken.
Oh, he was irresistible, and he knew it, too, but when he called her a lovely faerie, whatever else that was left of the spell was broken. A memory flashed in front of her eyes; of Remus reaching out his hand and ruffling her hair affectionately. She left her table and approached the bar, holding out her glass for a refill, as she sat on a stool.
"Wotcher, Andrew", she called to the man behind the bar. "Let's have a last one, then, before I head home."
Rosmerta sat down next to her; her eyes bright, and sighed theatrically. "I'll tell you, Tonks, if I were ten years younger, I would give that beautiful lad a run for his money."
"If you were ten years younger, no witch in Britain would stand a chance against you. You already have ninety percent of the boys at Hogwarts fantasizing about you in the showers! And a few teachers, too, I'll bet. You could have that bad Irish boy with a crook of your finger."
"Maybe I could at that. But you two did look lovely over there together. What happened?" She lowered her voice and grinned mischievously. "Did he ask you to change into a younger version of his mother?"
"No, but he wouldn't have been the first." She shook her head ruefully.
"Speaking of mothers, I saw yours today."
"Really, where?"
"Here. She came in with an old friend of mine. Didn't stay for long."
"I wonder why she didn't stop by to see me? Odd, that. Oh well," she said as she drained her glass. "I'd better pop off, I've got a busy day tomorrow. Cheers!"
She waved to the room at large as she headed toward the door, but her insatiable curiosity got the better of her. She turned around and said, "Rosmerta? Who was my Mum here with?"
"Oh, you probably don't know him. He was before your time, and after."
"Still, It's not like my mum to go to pubs with other men, is it? And, to come all the way up here and not see me?"
"I wouldn't worry about it love, he's not that kind of bloke. His name is Remus."
"Oh. Right, then. Ok, I'll be seeing you, Rosmerta."
Shit! There goes another night's sleep. What the hell? Of all things! Think, Tonks; think rationally. They are two members of the Order in a pub near Hogwarts. That has to be the reason. You will go see your mother tomorrow and hint around and find that that is all there is to it. Yes. That's it. He wouldn't be discussing you with her; he's the one that wanted to keep the whole thing quiet. Serves him right if he got assigned to your mother. In fact, he must be positively terrified. It's kind of funny, actually.
"Tonks, lass, where are you going?" The bad Irish Chaser was following her down the street.
"Home, Fergus. I've got to work tomorrow," she lied, as she stopped. She really didn't want him following her home.
"The night is young, a mhuirnín. Come and dance with me. Or, we could sneak onto your old Quidditch pitch and you can make me wish I'd had such a pretty Chaser on my team." He smiled seductively, as he took a step closer to her.
"I've got a boyfriend, Fergus," she lied again, rubbing at the goosebumps that had started creeping up her arms. Her mind suddenly filled with sadness, remembering how naïve she had been when she assumed that she would be reunited with a boyfriend that day at Kings Cross. She tried to banish the image of a duck nibbling at the soggy remains of her pastie, its bobbing movements sending tiny ripples out into the murky water. She felt an instinctive need to get moving, and started hurrying toward her flat. Still he followed. Dread was spreading through her body, branching out from the pit of her stomach.
"Tonks, lass, I don't know what's come over me. Please don't run away, I can't bear it. You have to know something; my girlfriend left me for my best mate, and I went on holiday to get over it. I just can't be alone right now."
"Fergus, you're really starting to annoy me," she said, increasing her speed. Her breath came out in visible puffs. Another memory snuck into her mind, of Amelia Bones' bruised and battered body.
"Tonks, lass, please stop. There's something wrong, I can't…"
Bollocks! How could I be so stupid? She spun around, wand ready, as despair flowed through her veins. Think about it: seeing Sirius again for the first time in thirteen years, think hard, Tonks!
"Expecto Patronum!" A blast of silver light flowed out of her wand, forcing the two hooded figures to pause and back away slightly. But the happy image in her head, her old standby, didn't last for long. Instead she saw herself waking up at St.Mungo's, hearing, 'We lost him, he's… gone.'
The silver light retreated. Find something else, then, the day at the park. "Expecto Patronum."
A little silver shot out of her wand, disappearing rapidly. Not good enough. Think! Passing the Auror's qualifications. "Exp…"
Not nearly good enough. Fergus lay on the ground, moaning in agony. Bugger! Five of them, now and this loser in no position to help me! Quick! Think! Remus, brushing his lips against yours, running his fingers down your bare back, moving inside of you, crying out your name. "Expecto Patronum!"
Once again, there was a blast of silver light, and this time she knew it had worked. The misty, silvery animal charged at the hooded figures, chasing them off into the night. She bent down to check Fergus, ignoring the odd prickle at the back of her neck. Something is off, but what?
As she checked Fergus' heart rate and the returning warmth of his skin, the silvery light of her returning Patronus came nearer. She looked up, and felt as if she had been doused with icy water. Well, fuck me, she thought as she reached out to touch it in wonder. Standing in front of her was not the familiar, eager, goofy kangaroo that she had become rather fond of. It was a wolf. An intelligent, fierce, majestic wolf.
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Andromeda Tonks and Remus Lupin walked together toward the Leaky Cauldron. In the pocket of his threadbare trousers, Remus was carrying three filing cabinets worth of sixty-year old paperwork, conveniently reduced to the size of a Snitch. "I must say, Andromeda, I am beyond impressed. There are only two people I have met that are as subtle and effective as you were today. If I hadn't been expecting it, I never would have guessed what you were doing. Allow me to bow to your superior talents."
"Ah, but if you had not been there, with your remarkable instincts, I never would have known which avenues of recollection to pursue, and which to ignore. And I am afraid I will be of no help at all in sorting through that mountain of paperwork you are carrying."
"She never would have let me near it all if it hadn't been for you. It seems Dumbledore knows what he is doing, even if his methods seem a little odd at times."
"I have to tell you, Remus, this is the best feeling I've had in weeks, months even. So many dreadful things have happened; it makes one feel so…vulnerable, helpless. But to know that what we have done today may be a small but important step in changing things for the better, well, it's exhilarating, isn't it? I feel like I am a character in one of those spy novels that Ted is always reading."
"I'd be a lot more exhilarated if I didn't know I have about a month's worth of research to do, minimum," he grumbled, but not with any real sincerity. He found that his companion surprised him considerably. Remus had always assumed that Nymphadora had inherited her enthusiasm and optimism from the reportedly jovial Ted Tonks. Somehow, he had always pictured her mother, one of the notorious Black sisters, as somewhat haughty and difficult to please. But he felt a jolt of painful recognition when he saw the laughter and determination in Andromeda's sparkling dark eyes. He also saw echoes of Sirius in her dazzling and genuine smile. This woman was beloved by the very two people he loved most. She might be able understand, better than anyone, the anguish that he was feeling. Once again he felt the pull of everything that Tonks wanted to offer him: family, security, love. Andromeda was the person who raised the remarkable woman that he was in love with; she might have been the ideal mother-in law, actually. Yes, Moony, but do you think she'd be this charming if she knew that you are the filthy werewolf who shagged her darling daughter?
They approached the door to the Leaky Cauldron. Once inside, she said, "Remus, I really am in the mood to celebrate. Why don't you let me take you to my favourite restaurant? It's just down at the end of the Alley."
"Thank you very much for the offer, but I really do have a lot of research to get started on. Besides, I'm sure your family is expecting you."
"Actually not, to be honest. My husband is at a meeting in Edinburgh until late, and my daughter has recently moved from home. So, you would be sparing me the very sad prospect of going home to my newly empty nest. Unless, of course, you have a family you need to get back to?" There was a glint of unabashed curiosity in her eyes.
"He said, "No, I'm single," a little too quickly.
"Well, then, it's settled. You would be doing me a favour. Besides, you need fattening up a bit," she said firmly, as she took his elbow and guided him purposefully down the length of Diagon Alley.
Two hours later, Remus felt as if he was about to go into sensory overload. She had somehow managed to talk him into eating a five course French dinner. The sights, smells, and tastes of the exquisitely prepared and presented meal, along with three excellent glasses of wine and her admirable conversational skills, had lulled him into a pleasant stupor. He had a nagging suspicion that she might have lured him into a false sense of security. Any minute now, like a very devious spider, she would pounce, draining away all of his deepest darkest secrets. Well, the best way to avoid uncomfortable questions is to ask them first. "So, where did you learn Legilimency, Andromeda?"
"It is something of a family gift. My mother taught my sisters and I, although my youngest sister did not have a real talent for it."
"And you taught your daughter, I presume?" Way to go, Moony. Couldn't resist bringing her up yourself, could you?
"Yes, she does have a knack for it, but is generally too polite to use it without permission outside of work, anyway. I didn't realize that you knew Nymphadora."
"We've worked together in the past. The only reason I noticed it is because she seems to have a gift for putting others at ease. It's almost as if she knows what they are feeling, and reacts accordingly."
"Unless, of course, she is determined to make you uncomfortable, and then knows precisely what to say to make you suffer."
. He laughed in agreement. He was beginning to understand that he would have to be a lot more careful in his dealings with Nymphadora.
"Remus…I have to admit that I did have an ulterior motive for asking you to dinner."
Suddenly everything that he had eaten that evening threatened to leave his body in the worst possible way. "Going to make me sing for my supper, are you?" He attempted a lighthearted note in his voice, and failed miserably.
"Well, you are under no obligation to tell me anything, of course. But I had hoped you would understand why I feel the need to know the truth about a few things."
Don't go and do anything stupid like making a full confession, Moony. "What would you like to know, Andromeda?"
"I understand that you were rather close friends with Sirius, at school and after, and more recently."
He nodded silently.
"In fact, it was hinted at that you were closer than friends…"
"Yes," he said with a note of irritation in his voice, "we were more like brothers."
"Ah, well my extended family did always like to jump to conclusions. They found it impossible to believe that Sirius could reject them just on principle." She smiled and rolled her eyes dramatically. "Not that the nature of your relationship would have made much of a difference to my questions. I just feel so terrible, Remus, like I failed him. It was always inconceivable to me that he could have been so very bad as he was portrayed. But the evidence seemed irrefutable. And now…"
"We all failed him…"
"But you did get the chance to reconcile, didn't you?"
"Yes, and likely only because I was the first person to figure the whole thing out. Well, after he did, anyway. However, that doesn't make me feel any less guilty for what I believed him capable of."
"But I feel like I could have done something to prevent it; you've seen what I can do. I wonder if I had believed in him enough, could I have made a difference? I mean he didn't even get a trial, did he?"
"Andromeda, could you really have persuaded someone like Barty Crouch to believe that he was innocent when fifty eyewitnesses saw him murder thirteen people? Could you have reasoned with the Dementors to let him go?"
She sighed and continued, "Remus, can you please tell me how it happened? I've heard rumours, wild rumours, about things like Secretkeepers, rats, dogs, time-travel and hippogriffs. I would just like to know the truth, the truth about what happened fifteen years ago, and how he died. I loved him very much. I tried to get Nymphadora to tell me about it, but you wouldn't believe how distant she has become since his death. I can't get her to talk about anything at all, but this in particular. When I asked for details, she told me she was unconscious when it happened, and I am afraid she is blaming herself."
Oh, no, she's not blaming herself about that any more. If she is distant, it's because I was an unconscionable asshole who couldn't keep his hands to himself. "Well, Andromeda, if you want to hear the whole story, I think we had better order up some very strong coffee, because we might be here for a while."