A/N: I took extreme liberties with Bella's character and tried to make her more sympathetic, and I also brought out Sirius's "dark side," a little which is there in canon, but overlooked by most fans.
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns everything.
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Always remember others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself.
- Richard M. Nixon
Do not trust all men, but trust men of worth; the former course is silly, the latter a mark of prudence.
- Democritus
You promised me everything
You promised me thick and thin
Now you just say, "Oh, Romeo yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him."
- Dire Straits, Romeo and Juliet
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It sounds like a love story, but it isn't one. It could have been a love story, and it was, for a little while, then everything went wrong.
It started with curiosity, then desire, building to passion and love, yes, love, and then there was betrayal on both sides and finally death.
It should have been a love story, one with a happily ever after, a fairytale ending, but the time was wrong.
Everything was wrong.
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Bellatrix is bad at loving. She is a careless lover and a manipulative lover and sometimes a cruel lover.
It doesn't help that she's beautiful and almost every boy wants her.
She plays with them and toys with them before she tosses them aside, like a little girl with her dolls, but Bellatrix is never a little girl.
Sirius is the only one she doesn't cast aside, but she toys with him as much as she does the others, and maybe even more.
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The first time he betrays her, it isn't his fault.
It's their first year at Hogwarts and she's sorted first and is a Slytherin, just like she knew she would be. Then it's his turn, and she's not worried, because he's a Black and will be a Slytherin just like her, carrying on the tradition.
When the Hat calls out "Gryffindor," she chokes and he looks over at her with an unreadable look on his face.
They haven't fallen in love yet.
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She befriends all the people that he hates, and he's not sure if she's doing it to get back at him for abandoning her. Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape and Rodolphus Lestrange become part of her group of friends, even though she doesn't really like any of them.
Whenever James and Sirius torment Snape, Bellatrix always flies into a rage, directed more at Sirius than James. Neither Bella or Sirius are sure if she's defending her ally or if she's taking out her anger at him for leaving her.
Maybe it's a mix of both.
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During the winter holidays, Sirius and his family stay at Bellatrix's house because they like it better there.
They don't talk the entire time.
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Halfway through their second year, Sirius approaches Bella. She gives him a cruel look and then tells her friends to go away.
He takes her outside to walk around the grounds and they stay out past dinnertime talking.
They're friends again, and Sirius watches her retreating form as she walks up to her dormitory.
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The sun is blazing hot as they lie in the long grass and looking at the clouds. It's the summer before their third year. They talk about their classes and their past misadventures as children and they both make it a point not to talk about their friends.
She reaches for his hand and holds it and he doesn't pull away.
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Bella is afraid of what she's feeling. She doesn't want to feel anything besides friendship and cousinly love towards Sirius. And yet she finds herself drawn to him, as if by an invisible string.
They share a common bond and she knows it.
She's afraid of loving, because it means getting hurt, and she doesn't want to be hurt.
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When the rest of their family shuns Sirius for not upholding their ideas, Bellatrix is the only one who stands by him, because she agrees with him, secretly. She doesn't believe in the ridiculous pureblood superiority, though she would never say it out loud to anyone but him.
She's not brave like him to rebel against something. She wants to fit in and be accepted and not be rejected, because rejection is one of the biggest things she fears. So instead, she just keeps her mouth shut and doesn't say anything when someone rips into Sirius for being different.
Someday, he tells her, she'll stick up for her beliefs like he does, because she has in it her.
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By their fourth year, Bella is one of the most beautiful girls in the school with her porcelain skin and long, wavy black hair and deep blue eyes. Most of the boys, regardless of their House, try to woo her in various ways, but she keeps them all away.
Sirius is enchanted by her, even though she's his cousin. He loves the soft waves of her shiny dark hair, like polished obsidian and her lovely eyes, framed by thick, black lashes. He finds himself staring at her in classes they have together and wonders why.
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Bella can't deny that her attraction to Sirius is also physical. All the girls are in love with him, and she can see why, because he's handsome, with his chiseled jaw and wiry body.
She smiles at him as they pass in the hall, a quick half-smile that no one but he sees, and he returns it with a wide grin.
She tries to hide her blush.
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Even though both of them were desirable, neither of them keep a boyfriend or girlfriend for very long.
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They meet every night after dinner, and they sit on the grounds and talk. He sprawls on the ground and she sits neatly with her long legs bent and curled beneath her. They usually sit facing each other, both of them drinking in the image of the other.
After a while, their positions shift so that they sit side-by-side, shoulders and hands touching and neither of them pulls away. Sometimes they hold hands and sometimes she rests her head on his shoulder. He loves the smell of her perfume.
One night, during one of their meetings, he kisses her.
It was one of those spontaneous, perfect kisses and he strokes her cheek and runs his hands through her smooth and soft hair.
She surprises both of them by kissing him back.
---
This is the beginning of their affair.
Every evening they sit together on the grounds, regardless of the rules. They talk and kiss and pretend that no one else exists, just them.
He sometimes brings her flowers and she sometimes writes him love notes.
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The second time he betrays her in the summer after before fifth year, when they were fifteen.
His family is once again staying with hers, and it's one of the best summers. Bella and Sirius sneak off into the large, rambling garden everyday and sit amongst the flowers. He sits, leaning against a tree and she rests her head on his chest.
She lets him play with her long hair, running his hands through it and plaiting it and she pretends that it doesn't send shivers up and down her spine.
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Sirius realizes he's in love with her that summer. He loves her, and everything feels so different.
Because Bella is wild and unpredictable and passionate and intense and he loves her. Even when she's cruel, which is often, he still loves her. Even when she insults him, he still loves her. It's unconditional, and he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.
He gives her a ring, a plain silver one, but very pretty and she wears it on the fourth finger of her left hand.
When she puts it on, he can tell that she's trying hard not to let her smile get out of control.
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Bella denies that she loves him. She won't admit it because it's wrong, and she knows it. She shouldn't be in love with her cousin, which is why she's spiteful towards him. She tries to get him angry, but instead he laughs, and she tries to hate his laugh. She yells at him until she's red in the face and nearly collapses, and he catches her and kisses her scarlet cheeks.
She tries to hate his hands on her body and his lips on hers but she can't. Instead, she melts into his arms and kisses him back, fiercely, as if she's afraid he's going to leave her.
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Often in the middle of night when she can't sleep, she sneaks into his room and lays in bed with him. They lay with their arms wrapped around each other and he kisses her, but they don't take it any further than that, because she's afraid of being hurt.
Sometimes she cries, and the tears are tears of sorrow, because she doesn't want the summer to end and she doesn't want to go back to school, where she and Sirius are always apart and she fears that they'll never have this magic again.
He holds her close and strokes her long hair and whispers that it's going to be all right and he kisses her and the tears burn in her eyes and on her cheeks and her grip on his shirt tightens because she's so afraid of losing him.
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It's on one of these nights during the middle of summer when she crawls into bed with him and they give themselves to each other.
He marvels at her body, long and lean and perfect and he holds her and kisses her lips and cheeks and neck and shoulders and flat belly.
They both know that it's wrong, that cousins shouldn't love each other this way, but it feels so right and they love each other.
It's magical and they hold each other tightly and she feels so brave, because she put herself out in a place that could bring her great happiness or great pain and only the former happened that night.
She falls asleep in his arms, feeling content and brave and so in love that she might burst.
---
He leaves that morning and doesn't tell her, or even wake her. He packs all of his things in one bag before dawn, most of his clothes and belongings and all of her love notes. He's going to James's to live with his family, because he can't stand his anymore.
On his way out the door, he hears her stir in the bed, and thinks she's awake, so he walks over to the bed and kisses her and says, "I'm moving in with the Potters. I'll see you at school," before kissing her again, and finishes with, "I love you, Bella," before leaving.
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She awakens a few hours later to find the bed empty. Quickly, she puts on her pajamas and goes downstairs, expecting to find Sirius sitting at the table or outside or somewhere. Instead, she finds her family in a complete state of shock and it's here that she finds out that Sirius has left forever.
She runs back upstairs to her bedroom and locks the door and doesn't come out for three days. She cries so hard that she vomits, because she had put herself in that place and first she'd felt happiness, and now there was only sorrow and hurt.
He hadn't even said goodbye.
She feels empty. The magic is over.
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The next time she sees Sirius is on the second day of school, passing in the halls. He grins at her and she shoots him a look of pure venom and hooks arms with Rodolphus Lestrange.
He notices that his ring is gone, and he doesn't know what to say.
He finds out that she's dating Rodolphus the next day.
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He'll find her alone in the library some days and try to talk to her, but she'll snarl at him and tell him to away, and he'll leave, defeated, the lion poisoned by the snake.
He wouldn't care that much, if he didn't still love her. He still loves her and he'll always love her, no matter what.
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His friends are worried about him, because he used to be so much fun and now he's gone all quiet. During double lessons with the Slytherins, it's hard to get a word out of him, even if they do notice him casting quick glances at his cousin.
They're too blinded by prejudices towards Slytherins to make any connections with Sirius and Bellatrix.
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He starts tormenting Snape even more, and he notices that Bella doesn't come to Snape's aid anymore. He doesn't know why.
She does, though, because she wants to avoid talking to him as much as possible.
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They don't talk for the rest of their time in Hogwarts.
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When Bella is twenty, Rodolphus proposes to her and she accepts, gladly. She doesn't love him, but she knows that her parents will be more than pleased if she marries him, because the Lestranges are another pureblood family, and very high on the social ladder.
It's two weeks before the wedding, and she starts feeling guilty about her and Sirius's feud. In an attempt to make it up to him, she sends him a wedding invitation, hoping that they can find a moment alone to try to patch things up.
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Sirius receives Bella's invitation the day after she sends it. It's a piece of thick parchment and written in emerald green ink. He feels a mix of sadness and anger and regret, but then the anger takes over, and he burns it, along with all of her love notes and the portrait of her that he kept hidden in his closet.
Afterwards, he sits down and almost cries, but doesn't, deeming her too unworthy of his tears. After all, she was just trying to rub it in that she was getting married, wasn't she? She was mocking his love, like she always did.
He doesn't sleep that night.
---
Bella is married in white with a gold sash and her long hair is tied with a gold ribbon in a loose knot at the back of her head. Before the wedding, when Narcissa is helping her get ready, she's flushed and excited. Narcissa thinks that she's excited at the prospect of being married, but instead it's at the idea of seeing Sirius again.
As she walks down the aisle, she scans the crowd and sees no sign of Sirius. Her face falls and she starts to cry.
The crowd mistakes her tears for those of happiness.
---
Three weeks after her marriage, she wanders around the grounds surrounding Rodolphus's manor. It's still dark, but dawn is coming soon and Rodolphus has already left for work.
The heavy gold wedding ring feels awkward on her finger and she longs for the light, silver one Sirius gave her all those years ago.
She's wearing a long, deep blue dress that matches her eyes perfectly and a dark green robe over that and her hair falls loose about her shoulders.
From behind her, she hears a loud i roar /i and whirls around and realizes that it's a flying motorbike and on it was one Sirius Black.
For a moment, she can't speak and just opens and closes her mouth several times before she manages a, "hello." She's not sure if she wants to throw herself into his arms or kill him.
He nods at her and takes off his helmet. "Sorry for missing your wedding," he says. "I had other stuff to do."
It's her turn to nod. "It's all right. I mean, it's like when you had other stuff to do that one night and left me after I gave myself to you without so much as a goodbye," she says, keeping her voice light, but he can sense the venom under her words.
Soon, the conversation turns into a shouting match, and Bella yells so much that soon her screams are thick with sobs and she turns on a heel and runs away, back into the manor.
She expects him to come chasing after her, like he would in the old days, and when he doesn't, she feels like her heart has split into so many pieces that it will never be mended again.
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She becomes a Death Eater soon after, and before anyone knows it, she's in Voldemort's inner circle. She devotes her entire life to the Dark Lord and worships him the same way she worshipped Sirius so long ago.
She takes pleasure in killing and torturing and hurting. She makes her inner scars outer ones on her victims and is sorely disappointed in not being able to kill off Sirius's best friends.
In a way, this is her revenge on Sirius for hurting her so long ago: She becomes his polar opposite, even though she doesn't believe in it. But she likes to hurt and kill and pretends that all of her victims are Sirius. It's Sirius writhing in pain at her hand instead of a Muggle woman and it's Sirius screams in her ears instead of Longbottom's.
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When she escapes from Azkaban, she makes it her sole mission to kill Harry Potter. Not because of the orders to, even though that was a part of it, but because she knows how close this boy is to Sirius. She wants to hurt Sirius.
She wants to hurt him badly.
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In the Department of Mysteries, she battles him. She's fighting him with every ounce of strength in her body, dodging his spells with skill and grace.
She thinks it's funny, in a cruel, ironic way, because it's like when they were lovers. They both dodged each other's charms, before firing them back. Except now the goal isn't the heart of the other; it's the death of the other.
She bares her teeth and feels the sweat dripping down her neck in her hot, heavy robe.
"Come on, you can do better than that!" Sirius crows at her, delightedly.
He was always cocky. Always so full of himself. Bursting with confidence.
Her mouth twists into a sinister smile and she thinks I can do so much better than you, and she shouts the incantation.
It hits him square in the chest, in the heart, the heart that was so full of love for her and he falls backwards into the Veil.
She laughs, a loud, harsh sound.
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Days later, she would weep for him.
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le fin