Share my harvest and my home
Tonks watched Remus slink out of the room with a heavy heart. She had failed; she knew it now. She had pushed him away permanently. She looked over to see Molly watching her future daughter-in-law tenderly minister to Molly's eldest baby. With an expression that spoke of equal parts pain and gratification, Molly looked up and met Tonks' eyes. She gave her a sad smile, and then looked toward the door, inclining her head in a gesture that Tonks could not fail to interpret; 'go after him, you silly girl!' After the briefest of hesitations, Tonks left the hospital wing and pulled from her brain everything that her Stealth and Tracking courses at the Auror Academy had taught her. She finally caught up with him, just as he was disappearing under the Whomping Willow
Her conversations with the two Marauders had never given her the location of the famous knot on the willow's trunk, and one near miss from a powerful branch of the tree convinced her not to spend too much time searching for it. She turned around and made her way into Hogsmeade, following the winding path that branched off the main street toward the 'Most Haunted Dwelling in Britain.' Tonight it would surely live up to its reputation.
Fortunately, he had not thought to ward the place against her. As she stood in the entryway, her ears were assaulted with sounds that she never in a hundred years would have attributed to Remus. She heard loud crashes and powerful roars, and the unmistakable sound of wood splintering and glass shattering. With a sigh, she sat down on the bottommost step, after cleaning away about three inches of dust with her wand. With her knees up against her chest, and her arms securely wrapped around them, she listened to Remus letting out about twenty years worth of pent-up pain and rage and frustration. It seemed to go on for hours. As the damp mist that covered the lake on even the warmest of spring evenings seeped into the cracks in the frame of the shack, she began to shiver from the cold and from exhaustion and heightened emotion. Finally the room above fell silent. Her first impulse was to go darting up the stairs, but she found herself overcome by fear. She did not know if she had the strength to barrel through another rejection. Also, he had come here because he clearly wanted to be alone, and this horrible place seemed to Tonks to be nearly sacred to him, a symbol of all that he kept private and locked inside of him. Then she remembered that in the past he had been persuaded to share this place by friends that loved him enough to insist on being included. She also remembered that Remus had possessed both the courage and compassion to intrude on her private grief nearly a year before.
With a great deal of trepidation, she extinguished the light of her wand and made her way quietly up the dusty stairs. The door to the upstairs room hung drunkenly on its hinges, so there was no need to unlock it and no fear of setting off a creak from a rusty hinge. The only sources of light in the room were the moonbeams shining through the cracked windows and the gaps of the decrepit roof. Dust motes filled the air and were reflected in the random beams of light. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she made out the angle of Remus' shoulder silhouetted in the light of the window. He was on his side, curled up in a ball and breathing erratically. She chose to ignore the wave of relief that she felt because really, it was mad to be afraid that Remus had given into the pain and harmed himself, wasn't it?
She tiptoed toward the bed and slid behind him, causing the mattress to creak loudly. He stiffened, but did not pull away as she spooned her body up against his and wrapped her arms around him. They stayed like that a long time, silent except for the harsh sound of his breathing. Finally, after she gave him a squeeze and a kiss on his shoulder, he twisted around in her arms, not looking at her but burrowing his face into the nape of her neck. There were no tears trickling down her neck, nor was there a sound from his mouth - just his ragged gulps of air - but his entire body shook with emotion, and he clung to her like a drowning man. She held him fiercely, murmuring soft words of comfort, gently running her fingers up and down his spine. Eventually, the exhaustion of the night's physical battles and emotional upheavals overcame them and both fell asleep at nearly the same time.
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She awoke first, fighting to suppress a massive sneeze that she felt creeping up on her. When she realized that it was not going to be contained, she put a non-verbal silencing spell around her body, and let it rip. Afterwards, she looked around the sad little room. No wonder. Everything was covered in layers upon layers of dust and grime. Much of it must have been disturbed by Remus' temper tantrum of the night before, but the dust had settled back down eventually. There were old paw prints in the dust of the floor and she wondered if they were Remus' or Sirius'. The claw marks in the walls were obviously attributable to Remus, as were the smashed furniture and the broken glass. She had an impulse to clean it all up - to repair the damage that he had done, but she wasn't sure how he would react to it. Maybe the evidence of his anger would be satisfying to him. No, scratch that. Remus hated losing control more than anything. She slipped out from underneath his limbs and sat up. He grunted and rolled over to face the opposite wall, settling back into sleep.
The silencing spell on her person still holding, she proceeded to strip away layer upon layer of dust from the furniture with repeated cleaning charms. Her mother might have been able to do it all with one elegant sweep of her arm, but Tonks didn't mind the repetition. She wondered idly where the dirt actually went. Did it actually disintegrate, or did it rise up into the atmosphere, or was there a small mountain of dust from wizarding homes somewhere in the Sahara? As the layers of dust and dirt came off, the furniture was a little more identifiable. It must have been a decent place at one point. She tried to imagine who would have been responsible for setting up a place of refuge for a frightened, young werewolf away from home for the first time. She wondered at what point Remus had stopped bothering to repair his monthly damage to the place or if he ever had in the first place. Stupid sod probably thought that he deserved to be in a place that looked awful.
She eventually uncovered a tattered but once colorful rag rug and imagined that she saw Poppy Pomfrey's handiwork. (Poppy had sat by her bed talking to Tonks after one of her more spectacular Quidditch injuries, and one of the things that had come up in conversation were the rag rugs that had been scattered around the otherwise barren hospital wing. They were all Poppy's work, something she did to pass the hours she spent at her patient's bedsides.) She imagined the stern but sentimental old woman thinking that it might be a nice spot for a wolf cub to curl up on.
Tonks then went to the window and touched the grimy and ragged shards of cloth that still clung to the bent curtain rod. By stripping away layers of dirt, a cheerful yellow-patterned fabric emerged, and she set about repairing the curtains cautiously. She cleaned away years of grime from the windowpane and repaired the shattered glass. There was a very nice view of the lake from this window, and the turrets of the castle could be seen over the tops of the trees. She identified Gryffindor tower and wondered how well Harry was sleeping this morning, if at all. Her eyes were involuntarily drawn to the Astronomy tower, and she moved away from the window quickly, a cold chill washing over her.
She then approached the piano near the window, and wondered what had caused it to crack in two, carrying a secret hope that it had been Snape's body that had done it, a result of being Stunned by three of his least favorite students. She set about cleaning and repairing the piano, remembering to cast a silencing spell around it, too. As it began to resemble a working instrument again, she detected a spell that had put on it, charming it to play itself when touched with a wand. She wondered if Filius Flitwick had done this, hoping that music might soothe the raging beast. She couldn't remember if Filius had been the Charms teacher during Remus' time at Hogwarts, but she thought he had.
Once finished with the piano, she set about repairing the overstuffed chair that sat between the fireplace and the small bookcase built into the wall. The chair, once cleaned and repaired, had a familiar tartan pattern to it and the table next to it was inlaid with a chessboard pattern. She Summoned the chess pieces scattered around the room, cleaning and repairing them, then arranging them on the board. Minerva McGonagall had apparently been in on it, too, giving young Remus a chance to get his mind off his approaching transformations. The shelf had at one time been filled with books, but they now lay scattered all over the room, their pages torn from their spines. Tonks carefully repaired each of them, setting them back on the shelves by hand after examining each title.
She worked on the walls next, stripping away the grime until a blue and gold-patterned wallpaper emerged, which she was able to repair easily. She had just finished scouring the fireplace with her wand when she turned, intending to get started on repairing the ceiling. She gasped when she realized that Remus was standing in front of her. His mouth was moving, but no sounds were coming out. She quickly realized that her silencing charm had also rendered her impervious to sounds outside the parameters of the charm.
"Finite Incanteum!"
"That's better. I have been trying to get your attention for about three minutes."
"Sorry. I had been sneezing and I didn't want to wake you up. Besides, I figured that the odds were pretty good that I would trip over something, which of course, I did, but it didn't wake you up. What did wake you up? I thought you'd sleep for a couple hours longer." She always did have a tendency to babble when startled.
"The sun came into the window, and I had never seen it come through so brightly. But I have you to thank for that, don't I? Then, I realized that looking at those curtains was a bit disconcerting. I haven't seen them in years. For a moment I thought I was twelve years old."
Tonks beamed proudly, but found herself at a loss for words as memories of her embarrassing display in the hospital wing the night before came back. She turned away as she felt heat rising to her cheeks. She straightened her shoulders and began to busy herself with cleaning a bundle of rags she found in a corner. A hand on her shoulder stopped her, and she turned to face him.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Do you mean the cleaning?"
"Yes. It seems like a lot of work for a place that nobody will ever care about much."
"You care about it. Otherwise you wouldn't have come back here."
"I hate this place."
"Why?"
"Isn't it obvious? It's filled with painful memories."
"And good ones too."
"Not really, not when you think of the end result…"
She protested, saying, "You got Sirius back in this room, didn't you? You uncovered the deceit of that evil little rat. You got to watch three teenagers kick that slimy, hook-nosed bastard's arse using a spell that you had a hand in teaching them to do. And that's just the last time you here. I know you had years of fun with your mates here…"
"Well to be honest, this was more of a starting point."
"And don't try to tell me that you lot didn't bring girls here on non-moonlit nights."
"Never!" he said vehemently.
"Well, now you have," she said teasingly.
"You came here on your own," he pointed out. "Actually, I would really have preferred that you never see this place."
She moved away as if he had slapped her. "Nice. I guess I'd better go, then."
He looked up, his eyes widening. "No! Don't'! I…I'm glad you came…it's just…this place is…full of shame for me. He hung his head, determinedly looking at the floor
"Funny, I see it as full of love."
"Are you mad?"
"I haven't seen the whole place yet, but from what I have seen, or rather what I have uncovered…I have seen evidence that at least four teachers had a hand in making this place safe and welcoming for you. And all four of those people still respect and care about you - love you, really - to this day. Or at least, three of them. The other one did until last night. And isn't this where your three best friends risked everything to show their love for you? And, as for me…well you asked me why I am doing this - it's because I want to share this with you. I want to know and love all of you, even the parts that you are ashamed of. I want to…heal your wounds."
"You can't just clean a place up and expect that to heal…"
"That's not what I meant! But this place…You let it get like this, Remus. Long before you stopped coming here. They took the time to make this a nice place for you, and you let it be destroyed. They tried to give you a comforting place to wait out your transformations, and instead you forced yourself just to just sit here, looking at the damage you had done, knowing you were going to do more. But with a few waves of a wand you could have repaired it every time. Why didn't you?"
"It got tiresome after a while."
"This coming from the man who presses his pajamas. Who never leaves a pair of socks on the floor. Who cleans up his breakfast dishes while he's eating his breakfast. Who makes his bed every goddamn day, hospital corners and all. You let this place go to shit because you wanted it that way - because you didn't think that the werewolf deserved a decent place."
He looked away then, turning to walk toward the window.
"Look at this mattress, Remus. It's horrible. But with a wave of your wand you could have made it into a feather bed."
"Which I would have ripped into shreds…"
"Or given it a cushioning charm…"
He shook his head stubbornly. "This is actually the first time I have really slept the night on this bed, and last night I was…a little preoccupied."
"Whatever. My point is that you deserve better. And although I realize that life has not given you all you deserve, you are staring at a chance for a better life right now, and you are throwing it away because you don't think you deserve it. But you do, Remus, you actually deserve far better than me."
He turned around and started to protest. She wasn't sure if he was going to protest her unworthiness or reassert his, but she wasn't going to let him get started. "Has it occurred to you, Remus, that this has been going on for over a year. And that through it all, my feelings have only gotten stronger? Haven't I earned your faith, Remus?"
"It's not a matter of faith…" he muttered.
"Yes it is," Tonks insisted.
"You don't know the reality…"
"The hell I don't! Why do you continue to try and paint me as naive little girl? Why do you ignore the danger I face every day of my life both from work and the Order? And did I ever once shrink from it? For your information, Remus Lupin, I have taken on a fully transformed werewolf already!"
"You what?"
"Yeah, big shocker there, huh? And my big, brave macho partner squealed like a girl and froze. But I managed to bring him in--the werewolf, I mean--practically unharmed."
Remus looked thunderstruck. "Wha…what was his name? What happened to him?"
"O'Connor…Brian, I think. And he did three months in Azkaban for coming too close to a Muggle campground while transformed. He ought to be getting out any day now. I was thinking of meeting up with him and trying to set him up with some potion. But none of that really matters. The point is, Remus, you underestimate me."
"No, I don't. I've told you before, it's not you, it's me."
"It is me, Remus. Last night, you told the whole room that I 'deserved better.' I think I do deserve better, but what I deserve is better treatment from you, and a little more faith. And how about respect…as someone you have trusted to watch your back on countless occasions? When have I ever let you down, Remus?"
She glared at him and he started to speak, but she interrupted him again. "And don't go bringing up that Charlie business because I was doing exactly what you told me to do, and for your information, nothing happened!"
He frowned. "I know that."
"You do?"
"I always did," he admitted.
She felt a wave of indignation building up in her. "Then why did you try to make me feel like shit?"
"Because I was jealous as hell," he spat. "And none of this has anything to do with…lack of feeling for you, or lack of respect, or faith, or anything. You're asking me to do something which goes against everything I stand for."
"Am I asking you to join the Death Eaters? Or re-join Greyback's pack just for the fun of it?"
"Maybe not everything I stand for," he admitted. "But it would be contrary to the decisions that I have made about the life I want to lead, anyway."
"Oh, so we're talking about the old 'Remus isn't allowed to be happy, because he decided back when he was a moody teenager that he was going to be a pathetic, lonely old man' moral code, are we?" she said caustically.
"Is that what you think I am? Pathetic? Just because I don't obsess about my love life, unlike…"
"Unlike me, you mean!" she yelled. "Is that what you think--that I am obsessed about you?"
"No…I just…" He gritted his teeth. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. I wish everybody would just leave it alone and let me …"
"Wallow in your misery," she spat.
"I don't wallow," he protested. "And even if I did, don't you think I have a right to?"
"Not when if ruins my life in the process."
"This was your choice wasn't it? I made my feelings clear from the beginning…"
"Not from the beginning. Only after you had a chance to talk yourself out of it. That first time…"
"Was a mistake. And ever since then you have relentlessly pursued me."
"Oh, that's a load of bullshit! Every time we've slept together it was you coming to me – my room, my flat, my house..."
"You came here on your own last night. I didn't invite you. We were supposed to be over with, Tonks, in spite of that embarrassing display in the hospital wing."
"Embarrassing?" Her voice came out as something like a screech. She was mortified, but couldn't stop talking. "I hope you are referring to your reaction, because everybody in that room thought that you were an idiot. Not a noble, self-sacrificing gentleman, Remus--an idiot! And you know what? I'm a bigger idiot for caring about you."
Tonks was determined not to cry in front of him, and turned to leave. She heard him call her name out softly, but she kept right on barreling across the room and out the door. A few steps from top of the stairs, she tripped over a dusty butterbeer bottle and went flying into the air, landing in a heap, face down on the filthy floor. Furious at herself, sore and scraped up, she attempted to get to her feet, and looked up in astonishment to see Remus' hand out, offering to help her stand. She glared at him and reached for the banister. He watched her struggle for a bit, then leaned back against the wall and continued to watch, arms folded, his mouth twitching. Still on the floor, she angrily turned her back on him and buried her face in her hands. She was humiliated, depressed, and generally pissed at the world.
"You know, Nymphadora," he said gently. "Some people might consider clumsiness to be a character flaw."
"Bugger off!"
"I am not, however one of those people. I have always found it to be one of your most charming qualities. Here you were, this fearless, audacious and lovely young woman, and yet…"
She turned and glared at him.
He continued, "It made it easier for me to feel comfortable around you. That first night, when you dropped the tea service and I was able to crouch down with you and help to clean it up, it forced you to look at me, really notice me."
"I noticed you before that, Remus. I remembered you."
His only reply was to smile slightly, and he continued with his previous thought. "And later, it gave me a chance to be useful to you, an opportunity that a man in my position would be a fool not to take. I was allowed to touch you, to help take care of your wounds and offer you reassurance and I have to confess that I did enjoy it thoroughly. Of course, I told myself that I was a filthy old pervert for feeling that way, but…"
"I'm clumsier around you than anybody else, Remus. It's always been that way. Pisses me off. You made me nervous, and not…"she looked at him sternly, "not because I was afraid of you. I just wanted you to think well of me. Your good opinion seemed really important."
He stood up and moved toward her, holding out his hand to lift her up. With a sigh, she took it, immediately stepping away from him after she reached her feet, but he didn't release her hand. He just stood there, watching her intently for a moment. "Are you injured?"
"Just my dignity," she muttered.
He chuckled softly. "Dignity is highly overrated."
"That's bollocks, coming from you."
"As I said, dignity is overrated." He slipped his arms around her, finding her body to be uncharacteristically resistant to his embrace. He tried to look in her eyes, but hers remained stubbornly fixed on the floor. He continued, "And, I might add, so are misery, self-sacrifice and obstinacy."
Tonks prepared herself for another onslaught of excuses from him. She didn't much care for being called obstinate and felt that he had a lot of nerve accusing her of being miserable when he was the cause of it. Not to mention that he was the most miserable person she knew, other than that mad ghost in the third floor bathroom. She stiffened, meaning to pull away and let him have an earful, but he tightened his embrace and kissed the top of her head, murmuring the very last words she ever expected to hear from him; "I love you, Nymphadora."
Tonks pulled away, staring at him with wide eyes. She felt as if she had been pushed off a broomstick -- slightly nauseous, terrified that she had misheard, her heart thumping madly. Remus looked directly at her, and for the first time in months his expression was completely unguarded. He looked apprehensive, but absolutely sincere. He took her face in his hands and repeated, "I love you," before kissing the tip of her nose. She felt her tears seeping out the corners of her eye, and he gently brushed his thumbs over her eyelids, pushing the tears aside.
"I love you," he said, with his lips a hair's breadth away from hers.
The brief contact of his mouth on hers was enough to release the flood of emotion that she had been trying to contain since the night before. She let out a noisy sob and collapsed against him. He responded by sliding his arms around her, holding her against his chest while she wept. His heart was beating as rapidly as hers was, if not more so.
"I'm so sorry, love. I'm sorry I didn't say it before, and I'm so bloody sorry that I hurt you. I thought I was protecting you."
Her voice was barely audible, muffled by his robes. "…Can protect myself, you stupid, stubborn man! Could probably kick your scrawny arse all the way to France if I had a mind to."
"Undoubtedly, you could," he said with a laugh in his voice. He stroked her hair, pressing her against him with his other arm.
They stayed that way for some time. Tonks was hesitant to pull away and look at him, afraid that he would take it all back; coming up with another list of reasons why they couldn't be together. Just as the burning desire to have her questions answered fought with the need to remain in his arms, breathing in his comforting scent, his hands, which had been languidly caressing her back, began to roam her body with increasing boldness. He bent to kiss her again; first the top of her head, then leaning down to brush his lips over her earlobe, then her cheek, and finally tipping up her chin to press his mouth to hers hungrily. She responded automatically, but found herself oddly detached from the moment, not quite ready to believe that he had surrendered. Could she handle another rejection after this? Did she have the strength to hold on to him when his inevitable doubts resurfaced?
"Say it again."
"I love you."
"Show me." He fastened his mouth on her neck, pulling her closer and at the same time, maneuvering her toward the staircase. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Your flat."
"There's a bed less than thirty feet away."
"I hate that bed, I hate that room. I hate everything about this place and I want to get out of here."
She pulled away. "Then why did you chose to come back here of all places last night? And anyhow, don't you think you'll like it better after we've shagged in there?"
"It's filthy. And I don't want us to simply have a shag, Nymphadora. I want to make love in a better place than this. It's going to be like a new beginning for us, and I want to do it right."
"And I don't want you to shut me out of your life anymore, so I think it would be sort of symbolic if we start to banish the bad memories in this place with a few good ones."
"Nymphadora…"
"I'm afraid I'm going to be stubborn about this, Remus. I love all of you, from that frightened little eleven year-old who had to be locked in here once a month all the way up to the repressed nearly middle-aged man who threw a well-earned temper tantrum up here last night."
"You heard…" He looked horrified.
"I listened to almost the whole thing."
His neck reddened and he looked at the floor. "I behaved like a …an infant."
"Felt good, didn't it?"
He shook his head vehemently, but after a few seconds of her glaring at him, he admitted, "Perhaps it did. But I'm not…as you put it, repressed. And I am going to choose to ignore the middle-aged comment. If you like, I'd be more than happy to push you up against this wall and demonstrate precisely how repressed and middle-aged I am." He eyed her wolfishly.
Tonks felt her cheeks burning and a different kind of warmth spreading through her lower extremities. "I said nearly. And I meant emotionally repressed, and that, my love, you are. But we are going to work on that."
"Nymphadora?"
"Remus?"
"Before you go and start on your campaign to completely alter my personality, having just claimed to love all of me—"
"I don't want to—"
The words died on her lips as he growled, pushing her back into the wall. He lowered his face until his eyes were inches from hers and grinned, saying, "Shut up, Nymphadora. For once in your life shut up."
Her angry retort was swallowed up by his lips assaulting hers. He was clearly determined to make her forget how to breathe; much less all of the issues she wanted to bring up with him. When her body finally relaxed against his, and she started to kiss him back enthusiastically, he surprised her again my lifting her effortlessly and carrying her back into the bedroom. After dumping her unceremoniously on the bed, leaving her panting and confused, he began throwing out spells left and right; first a remarkably effective cushioning charm on the bed, then that bloody impossible cleaning charm that her mother also threw out so casually. He also darkened the windows, and she found herself thinking that he must use that one a lot on post-transformation days. He lit a fire in the grate and began conjuring candles, two at a time.
"Showing off a bit, aren't you, Remus?"
"No, showing off would be if I covered you in flower petals or removed your clothes with a flick of my wrist."
"Can you do that?"
He chuckled, approaching the bed and unbuttoning his robes. "Wouldn't you like to know? But I will keep my secrets for now and force you to wonder if I might try it out at out at the next Order meeting. But, for tonight, well…It would take away half the fun. I rather like undressing you; it's like unwrapping a present." He sat down on the edge of the mattress and ran his index finger along the hem of her robes at her ankle.
Tonks squirmed on the bed as her blood began to heat up. Her mouth seemed to have developed a mind of its own and thus, kept right on talking. "The next Order meeting is going to need something like that to make people forget that two people are missing."
Remus closed his eyes and sighed. "You really are determined to ruin the mood, aren't you?"
"No, I am determined to get you to stop trying to set a mood and concentrate your considerable talents on giving me some long-awaited orgasms." She kicked her shoes off and sent them flying across the room.
He crawled up the bed, his body inches above hers and settled against her side. His fingers began to run up and down the column of her neck. He lowered his voice and said, against her ear, "Greedy, aren't you? Insisting on more than one?"
Her body arched against his, and she closed her eyes involuntarily. "You've got months of celibacy to make up for, Lupin."
"So does that mean that I will earn my room and board in this relationship by performing sexual favors?" His lips had started to make their way down her neck, as his fingers began undoing the buttons at her collarbone. He continued, "Sirius would be pleased with me; his first career choice had always been 'kept man.' What is it the Muggles call it?"
"Gigolo. Works for me, anyway." Suddenly her eyes flew open and she peered at him, asking, "Did you just say that you're gonna move into my flat?"
He chuckled, his lips hovering over the top of her bra. "We're not deciding that right now, Nymphadora. Right now we're making love, so you really need to stop asking questions."
She propped herself up on her elbows, allowing him to unhook her bra from behind. "I'm not allowed to ask questions?"
Suddenly it seemed as if his hands were everywhere, as were his lips. "Well, I will allow you a few. For example, you can say, 'Remus, will you do that again?' Or perhaps, when I do this…"
His fingers had slipped under her knickers and she moaned in response. "… You could say, 'Is that not the bloody hottest thing you've ever felt?'"
He yanked off her knickers and began kissing her body, his fingers continuing their explorations. In between kisses, he kept talking. "Or maybe, 'A little to the left, would you please?' Or, 'That's a bit much right now, could you get back to it later?'"
"I swear to god, if you dare stop that I will hex you into next week."
Remus raised his head and grinned. "You like that, do you?"
But Tonks was beyond words at that point, and when she finally screamed out something that sounded like his name, he slid up her body, capturing her mouth with his. "I love you," he said, and he kissed her hungrily, biting her bottom lip
"I love you," he said, as he covered her breasts with his hands.
"I love you," he said as he sheathed himself in her.
"I love you," she said, but it was more of a sob, as he began to move inside her and fixed her with that same old look of deadly intensity, the one that always made her feel utterly exposed.
"I love you," they said in unison, as they collapsed together, spent and sweaty.
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It took a while for Tonks to remember where she was and that the darkness outside the windows was not, in fact, real. Time itself did not seem real, with so many strange and terrible and wonderful things happening in so short a period of time.
But, it was not night-- it was morning, and though she had been given the day off from work, in deference to the battle she had fought the night before, she suspected that the Order was going to be in need of all the help that it could get today.
"Remus?"
"Hmmm?" The hand that had been resting on her hip began to slowly move back and forth. She tried not to arch back into him in response.
"You wearing a watch?"
"Er, I think so, why?"
Why is it that sex always drains men of all of their brain cells? "What time is it?"
He slid his hand over her belly, pulling her closer until their bodies were perfectly spooned together. "Mmmm…time for another shag, I think."
Tonks giggled, but protested, "Seriously, Remus"
Remus chuckled in response, nuzzling her neck "Let's not bring him into this, shall we?"
"Lord, Remus, what has gotten into you?"
"I think you've got it backwards, love. It's me that's gotten into you. And I think it's time I did it again." He closed his mouth over her earlobe as his hands moved away from her belly, sliding up to cup her breasts.
"Don't you think…" Her words dissolved into a moan. "Really, shouldn't we to go back to Headquarters to see what the plan is?"
"What's your hurry?"
"Remus! I thought you were the responsible one in this relationship." She really was having trouble scolding him when he was rubbing his body against hers like that.
He chuckled again, his breath warm on her neck. "No, you're the one with the job. I am the 'shiftless layabout' and I demand a little more time in bed."
"Remus…" she protested.
"Talked to Minerva last night," he murmured into her ear.
"When?"
"Probably when you were giving that Floo report to your boss." One of his hands began to make achingly slow progress down her torso. "She's going to be very busy today."
"No shit."
"And asked me to set up a meeting for eight tonight…" His fingers inched their way between her thighs, while he continued, saying, "At the Hog's Head…"
She bit her lip, trying to concentrate on his words. "With Moody…" His forefinger began to stroke her in slow circles. "And Arthur and Kingsley…" He eased her to the side until she was flat on her stomach, nibbling on her shoulder from behind.
"And Hestia." He slipped on top of her, pinning her to the bed. "And the twins…" Parting her legs, he began to nudge at her entrance.
"And a few more people I'd rather not think about. So we have almost an entire day to rest, and recuperate, and shag like rabbits…"
"And eat…" She sucked in a breath as he entered her. "At some point, anyway…"
"What do I need food for? I've got a feast right here…" He fastened his teeth on her shoulder and began to move.
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The first post-Dumbledore meeting of the Order of the Phoenix was utterly depressing. Tonks would gladly have allowed Remus to perform a clothing removal charm on her if only it would have cheered everyone up.
Nothing had really been settled, either. The main concerns were the safety of Headquarters, the continued safety of the school, and the need for a new plan of attack. Everyone knew that a new leader would have to be appointed or elected, but the gaping wound left by Dumbledore's absence was still too raw to allow them to even consider a replacement. They decided to put it off until after the funeral, anyway. The funeral was another concern, or at least the safety of the participants. Then there was the Snape issue, which quickly turned very heated. Locating him was obviously a priority. Locating him alive would be ideal, at least to get some answers. Of course, as it was Snape, anything he said would have to be taken with a bucket of salt. But the point was, he had to be found and questioned. And then strung up on the battlements for the birds to pick at--was the general consensus. Fred and George seemed to think that dropping him into a dragon's nest would be even better. Hestia Jones had a rather fascinating idea involving castration, salt and lemon juice, but McGonagall never let her finish the details.
After the meeting, people seemed inclined to hang around, hugging each other. Tonks even got a comforting pat on the back from Mad-Eye; who congratulated her on a job well done at the castle the night before. Remus seemed to be in demand by everyone who attended the meeting, and she waited around at the door, not quite knowing what to do. Her flat was only a few blocks away, but if she left, could she be certain that he would follow?
Finally, he broke away from Arthur, who had dozens more questions about Bill's injuries. (Molly had declined attendance at the meeting, preferring to sit at her son's bedside.) As Remus shook Arthur's hand in farewell, his eyes sought out hers, and he strode towards her and the exit.
"Thought I'd never get out of here."
He gently put his hand at the small of her back and led her to down the stairs. As they reached the outside door she hesitated.
"Something wrong?" he asked
"Not sure where to go, Remus. Are you…coming home with me?"
"Not exactly." She felt a wave of disappointment wash over her, but he continued, "I've been ordered to continue staying at Headquarters. They want me to start testing the enchantments as soon as possible. Plus, they seem to think that I would be a good person to have there if the place gets attacked. Extra senses, you know. Or perhaps I am the most easily dispensable Order member--I don't know."
"That's rubbish! Nobody thinks you're dispensable"
"Oh really? You don't think I know that Dumbledore was forced to defend my position in the Order on countless occasions? Now that he's gone…and has been proven to have misplaced trust rather spectacularly…"
"Bollocks, Remus! I happen to know that Minerva trusts you implicitly. So does Mad-Eye…" Remus began to protest, but she continued, "Yes, he does, you prat!" And I happen to know for a fact that Kingsley feels the same way. So do the twins, Molly, Bill, Charlie…"
He looked at her incredulously, and she insisted, "Yes, Charlie, Remus, because he trusts his family, and they love you. And not only does Hestia trust you, she wants to..."
Remus interrupted at that. "Yes, yes, I've heard your opinions on that subject before…"
She folded her arms and glared at him in challenge. "And you've got me. And I would happily hex anyone who would question your place in the Order, Remus."
He watched her, and a slow smile spread across his face, one which sent a thrill down to her toes. The she remembered that he had to stay apart from her tonight, and felt a pang of sadness. "So I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"
His eyes widened. "What's wrong with tonight?"
"You said you had to stay Headquarters."
"I want you with me."
That thrill of pleasure was back. "Oh, that's…nice."
He took her hand, heading toward her flat. "Let's go and get you some clothes and such."
She felt like skipping. "And the lemon tarts that my mother left the other night."
"Definitely." He licked his lips.
"And a lovely bottle of wine I've been saving."
He squeezed her hand. "We'll test the wards, then sit around the kitchen table talking and drinking like we used to."
It felt good to know that he had fond memories of their past, too. She said, "Or we could cuddle up by the fire in the library."
"Or get crumbs in that enormous ugly old bed."
My bed at Headquarters, the one I haven't slept in for over a year. "The one we…"
His eyes bored into her. "Our first time…"
"Yeah, I've kinda missed that bed."
"So have I."
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A/N: Can you hear an angelic choir somewhere? 'Bout bloody time, I know.
I think the problem with this chapter is that I knew that it (Moondance) is almost done--the story, I mean. One more chapter and an epilogue. Sorry, that's it. And I am not quite ready to let it go.
So, please let me know what you think so far, and I promise to finish this very soon.
Oh, and thank you. Thank you for sticking with this and for all of your lovely thoughts and hints and suggestions.