(Authoress Note)

Lyall: I hope the last chapter didn't drive you insane. My brother did the randomness.

Kratos: I did NOT do that.

LA: I meant my brother in REAL life. I'm also your sister in fanfiction life, as I created her. Nyahaha. Back to being Lyall.

Lloyd: I don't get it.

Icion: I don't get it, either.

Lyall: Lloyd, it's OK. Icion, you're just stupid.

Icion: Who are you calling stupid, PUNK?

Lloyd: Hahahaha! Finally, someone stupider than meee!

Zelos: I don't think that's possible.

Lloyd: Do you want to go to Niflheim early? (unsheaths swords)

Zelos: NOOOO, PRETTY BOYS DIE YOUNG! I TOLD YOU, SHEENA!

Sheena: You're not pretty, femboy.

Zelos: (crying in a corner)

Icion: Ooh, ooh, I know where Niflheim is! I live there. (:3)

Lyall: Yes you do, but the readers shouldn't know that. It's only for my other fanfiction, moron. Good grades my ass. Pff.

Icion: WHO CARES! IF I WANT TO SHARE PERSONAL INFORMATION ABOUT MYSELF, I CAN AND I WILL!

Everyone: (sweatdrops)

Icion: (guzzles gallons of sugar)

Kratos: Crap. EVERYONE, GET BEHIND THE FORCE FIELD!

Everyone: (behind force field)

Anna: What's happening?

Kratos: Just watch.

Icion: (starts glowing)

Sheena: Crap. Phase I.

Icion: (gets unlit bomb and puts it on head) (still glowing)

Genis: Oh no.

Icion: (screaming maniacally)

Drake: Phase II.

Zelos: God, that guy should get a personal doctor or something.

Drake: Tell me about it. (rolls eyes)

Lyall: OK, while we fend off the now (Icion explodes) mental Icion, please enjoy the second chapter.

Kratos: (calling Yuan) You two, Icion's gone crazy.

Yuan: Shit. Do I have to bring the tasers?

Kratos: Most likely. Just hope there's not another explosion.

Mithos: I'm gonna bring a crossbow, then.

Icion: (climbs electric pole)

Drake: We're moving on to the story because people shouldn't witness the coming event. LyallAurion does not own Tales of Symphonia. Namco does.

(end Authoress note)

---"---

Kratos and the group of turds entered the Martel Temple. Kratos asked Lloyd, "Lloyd, are your sword techniques self-taught?"

Lloyd responded, "Yeah. So what, punk? YOU TRYIN' TO MAKE SOMETHIN' OUTTA IT? COME ON, I CAN TAKE YOU ON! YOU DON'T SEEM SO STRONG! BRING IT!" Genis restrained Lloyd, whom was trying to slash at Kratos. It was a futile effort.

Kratos just stared weirdly at Lloyd. "Lloyd, looking at you right now reminds me of my childhood. There was a crazy kid who lived next door. He ended up in an asylum. Ahem, Lloyd, you may want to take this." Kratos handed Lloyd a book.

"WHAT THE HECK! GAY GUYS' GUIDE TO THE GALAXY?"

Kratos quickly took back the magazine. "Sorry, that was for Komiyan. Here." Kratos handed Lloyd the Training Manual.

"Are you calling me weak? I don't need this crap!" Lloyd threw the book on the floor and repeatedly stomped on it. He then threw it outside.

"AUGH, MY EYE! MY BLEEDING EYE!" A random pedestrian got hit and then bled to death. A Moogle came and handed the manual back to Lloyd.

"EWW, WHO NEEDS MANUALS?" Lloyd chucked the book outside yet again. This time, the book hit the Moogle and the Moogle got knocked unconscious.

"K-Kupo..." Poor Moogle. Kupo.

Anyway, Lloyd and the group approached the blue shiny force-field thingy.

"Ooh, that looks pretty AND dangerous! It also looks life-threatening! I'll hug it and name it Bob!" Colette exclaimed with enthusiasm and ran right into it.

(BZZAP)

Colette got shocked by 50,000 volts of power from "Bob". Colette fell unconscious. Genis kicked Colette down a flight of stairs. Colette then lay on the cold, damp, moldy floor that had ants all over it.

"Hey! We need the Chosen for the ritual!" Kratos screamed. "Lloyd, fetch that freak," Kratos then commanded.

"Fine," Lloyd grumbled and picked up Colette.

Now the group went to the part where they had to kill Golems and make a path to the box of holy Twink--erm, I mean the Sorcerer's Ring.

The four people saw a golem walking around. It noticed Lloyd and gang.

"Yo homies, if you want me to carry you fresh punks to the box of yellow food stuffs, give me a Twinkie."

Lloyd ripped out his hair (not literally). "WHAT THE FREAK IS WITH TWINKIES?"

"Hey, you aren't supposed to talk. It's not in the script," Genis said while pointing to his script, which randomly appeared.

The Golem responded, "Uhh, I can talk so I can communicate with dorks like you better."

Colette poked the Golem. "Why are you soft?"

"Erm, so you can't hurt me?"

Colette again asked another question. "Why do you have big hands?"

The Golem screamed, "SO I CAN POUND THE SHIT OUT OF YOU, BITCH!"

Kratos merely said, "Botta, stop trying to get free Twinkies."

The Golem a.k.a. Botta whined, "Aw, man...you guys aren't cool."

Then an actual Golem appeared. It picked up Botta and threw him into the endless chasm. Botta was screaming like a seven-year old girl.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Botta fell. And fell. And fell. And fell. And fell some more.

Unbeknownst to Lloyd and co., Yuan saved Botta from his demise.

"You dumbass. You're gonna die of diabetes, too, if you keep eating those horrid Twinkies."

"Meh."

Yuan slapped Botta and warped both of them away.

Meanwhile, Lloyd and the others did the puzzle-thing and reached the Sorcerer's Ring pedestal...

"WHAT THE HELL? A BOX OF TWINKIES?" Lloyd yelled.

Genis ate one. Lloyd just glared at him. Genis said, "But I'm hungry..."

"WE DON'T NEED YOU EATING, FATTY MCFATSO!" Colette yelled and kicked Genis. Genis started crying in a corner. Kratos dragged him back to the pedestal, but suffered some hits from Genis's kendama and a Lightning spell. Kratos then yelled at Genis.

"Um, so why are there Twinkies?" Colette asked.

Kratos shrugged. "Dunno. I think Re--erm, never mind. Let's just use that flower instead of the ring."

"Okies!"

"IN THE NAME OF MARTEL, STOP SAYING 'OKIES', BITCH! SAY IT ONE MORE TIME AND I WILL RIP OUT YOUR PHARNYX!" Kratos yelled at Colette. A moment of silence followed, in which Colette was crying.

Poor Colette. Not. Anyway, they took the box of holy Twinkies. Now Lloyd and group were at the altar. Blah blah blah.

A light appeared and a small ball of light slowly floated down. Remiel appeared. He had a lampshade on his head, the Sorcerer's Ring was on the top of his head, and he was holding a can of soda.

"Uh, yo, dudes. I'm, like, Remiel, the angel dude, who, like, is like supposed to throw parties and summon that tower that leads to Derris Kharlan, dudes. Now Chosen girl person dude, say your prayers or whatever you're supposed to do, dude," Remiel said and chugged some soda.

Colette said whatever she was supposed to say (if there was any lines...) and Remiel said more stuff about the Tower of Salvation, the journey, and the best tortilla chips to dip in salsa.

"Are you my real father?" Colette asked with hopeful eyes after Remiel was done yapping about stuff.

"Dude, I'm like, no. I'm just getting paid to say this cra--" Remiel started but Kratos shot him a glare and a finger-across-the-throat gesture.

"Erm, yeah, dude, I am your father and stuff. I was just kidding, OK, dude?" Remiel said while shaking in fear of Kratos.

"I hate you. Frank's better. You're gay," Colette said smartly.

Remiel started crying and disappeared in a flash of golden feathers.

"You made your father cry!" Genis exclaimed.

"I love seeing that guy cry. Heh," Kratos said evilly.

"1 10V3 5331NG GR0WN M3N W33P," Largo exclaimed while chugging booze. "It's almost as fun as feeling Erika..."

Erika then beat the shit out of Largo as Tifa did to that ugly dude in Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children for the DVD and PSP. Good times, good times...and that movie rocks.

"Well, he kinda beat me...hmph," Tifa said as she randomly appeared. Cloud dragged her and Sephiroth away on that nifty bike of his (which also stores his oh-too-cool sword that can split into multiple swords). Sephiroth was laughing at Remiel's stupidness.

"Hayasaka-san, Largo, we have to go find Ping and Miho," Piro said boredly.

"Fine. Lemme finish this booze," Largo said. He chugged it because Erika was cracking her knuckles for a second round. Then the three left as quickly as they came.

"...Uh, what do we do now?" Lloyd asked.

Suddenly, the Fire Flower spoke.

"Hey, gimme some water, freaks. I AM a flower, after all.

Genis jumped ten feet in the air. "YOU TALK!"

"Of course I do! No wonder your parents abandoned you! What kind of parents would want a bitchy son!" the Fire Flower said in a very mean tone.

Genis broke down sobbing and curled up into a feeble, little ball on the cold, menacing floor. Colette and Lloyd were having fun tying him up and taking turns using a baseball bat to hit him like a pinata. Genis cried even more than he was supposed to, according to the evil script.

"Chosen, we have to leave, or else Raine will beat the shit out of us. ...Well, mainly you," Kratos said. He and Colette left really quickly.

Lloyd untied Genis. "C'mon, Genis, or we'll get our shit beaten out, too."

(sniff) "Y-Yeah..."

Kratos and Colette managed to escape the horrid and monstrous Raine, but...let's say that Lloyd and Genis weren't so lucky...

When Lloyd and Genis were ALMOST to the exit, Raine ambushed them from a beam support and kicked them from midair. She then started her yelling rant. "ARE YOU TWO SKIPPING MY CLASS? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY WAYS I CAN ABUSE YOU? YOU ARE ASKING FOR A WHUPPING! I WILL FEED YOU TERMITES AND PILL BUGS!"

Lloyd and Genis were running in circles, begging the heavens for salvation and help. They started praying, but Raine took that as an insult.

"NOW YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF MY FOOD! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?"

Kratos and Colette then heard shredding and screams of horror eminating from the Martel Temple.

"GACK!"

"AUGH! THE HORROR! THE PG-13 HORROR!"

"NOT THE ROUNDHOUSE KICK!"

"LEMME GOOOOO! MARTEL, HEEEEEEEEELP!"

"GET BACK HERE, SWINE!"

"NOT THE PILLOW! ANYTHING BUT THAAAAT!"

"NOOOO, NOT PIKACHUUU!"

"NOT FAIRY BOTTLE! THE CUTENESS IS TOO MUCH! MY EYES ARE BLEEDING! HELP, DAMNNIT!"

(ZAP)

(WHAM)

(SMACK)

(BOOM)

(POW)

(KABOOM)

(RIP)

(TEAR)

"Heheh," Kratos smirked.

"Oh no! Did Raine eat them?" Colette said in tears. "Not another pair of kids!"

"Erm, another?"

"Ah, nothing! Kratos, let's goooo...to my house!"

"...Mithos should give me a raise for doing this AND for putting up with this girl."

"Hm?"

"Nothing, Chosen. Let's be off."

"Okies!"

"WHAT THE HELL DID I SAY ABOUT USING THAT WORD?"

Lloyd and Genis crawled out of the temple half-dead. Their hair was messy and their clothes were torn. Genis had a black eye. They each sported bruises, cuts, and blood stains. They were too tired and speechless to talk, or even groan or whine. And Lloyd was known to whine and groan even when he was deprived of food and water for a week.

On the Martel Temple's path, Genis stumbled over the unconscious Moogle from earlier and got cut by grass.

"Owie..."

"Weenie."

"HEY!"

They managed to feebly crawl all the way to Iselia. All of the monsters thought they were going to croak sooner or later, so they didn't waste time killing them.

They were right.

Sort of.

---"---

Lyall: Whew. We're done with Icion's sugar rush issue. Sorry if that one was worse than the first. The topic isn't very...interesting; funny, you could say.

Lloyd: Hey, but Genis and I get mauled to death, practically! That's not fair!

Raine: It's not like I wanted to, you know.

Genis: I'm glad that actually didn't happen.

Kratos: You'll be even more glad that Icion won't be here for the note.

Colette: Yay!

Sheena: Woot!

Zelos: Oh yeah!

Drake: He WILL be back.

Lloyd: PARTY!

(everyone's partying except Raine, Kratos, Drake, and Lyall)

Lyall: ...I'll just hope that I don't get hit in the head with some candy. (sits down)

Kratos: I'm going. (leaves)

Raine: (reading a book)

Martel: OK, whoever reviews will get Twinkies I stole from Botta!

Botta: GIVE ME THE FAR-OUT TWINKIES!

Yuan: (knocks out Botta) (takes a Twinkie) What a HIPPIE.

Mithos: For once, I agree with you. (kicks a Twinkie)

Botta: NOOOOO!

Presea: ...I hope this story will not become too crazy.

Regal: Yes, we all hope that.

Lyall: Let me consult my real brother, then... (sigh)