-1So this is my was of getting to include a song without having to say that it was a songfic. Not that there is anything wrong with those, I state in defense that I have written a few. Plus we can all just imaging Shane West performing. I bought Season Two on DVD and couldn't get over that scene so I had to include a few. At least I changed it from script, which kind of makes me sad because I had to remove a lot of details-like background music. Anyway: read, review, relax!
The club wasn't completely packed, but to Grace's pleasant surprise, there were quite a few people there. Eli and Coop were talking with a tech on the lights for the show, and the rest of the band was onstage setting up equipment. She saw that Eli had both of his guitars set up to go, something he rarely did. Finally, she and Jessie found their seats with some girls from school. Grace found herself comfortable, luckily, none of the girls were treating her any different. She had a feeling that Jessie was behind that.
The rest of the family was sitting nearby, but Jessie and Grace wanted front row. Even Rick had managed to come. Coop and Eli went back onstage, and the stage lights dimmed. The noise quieted down as Eli walked to the mike.
"Thank you to everyone for being here tonight. We're Anti-Inflammatory, and we've got quite a few songs for you tonight. This first one is a personal favorite of mine, and I'd love it if you enjoyed it to. This is for my family. All of you." Apparently he was including Grace, because he looked straight at her.
"Looking back at me,
I see that I never really got it right.
I never stopped to think of you.
I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win.
You are the antidote that gets me by:
Something strong, like a drug that gets me hi-gh!
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way
I am.
I never meant to be so cold.
I never meant to be so cold.
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way
I am.
I never meant to be so cold.
I never meant to be so...
Cold to you!
I'm sorry about all the lies.
Maybe in a different light,
You could see me stand on my own again.
Cause now I can se-e-e!
You are the antidote that got me by:
Something strong, like a drug that got me hi-gh!
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way
I am.
I never meant to be so cold.
I never meant to be so cold.
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way
I am.
I never meant to be so cold.
I never meant to be so cold.
I never meant to be so co-o-ld!
I never really
Wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me
That I keep
Locked inside of me
So deep.
It always seems to get to me.
I never really
Wanted you to go.
So many things you should've known.
I guess what I mean is just know:
I never meant to be so cold.
What
I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way
I am.
I never meant to be so cold.
I never meant to be so cold.
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way
I am
I never meant to be so cold.
I never meant to be so cold."
Eli whispered the last words, staring directly at his family, mostly Rick and Grace, the two people he failed the most in his life. He stepped back from the mike, and played a few lead riffs to cool down. The rest of the guys prepared for the next song, and Eli switched guitars.
"I usually don't play this guitar with the band, so this is a good experience for me. This song is really special, and it goes to my best friend. You know who you are."
"Breathe in right away
Nothing seems to fill this place
I need this every time
So take your lies, get off my case
Someday I will find
A love that flows through me like this
And this will fall away
This will fall away
You're getting closer
To pushing me off of life's little edge
'Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer
To holding the rope and taking the fall
'Cause I'm a loser
Well, I'm a loser
Yeah
This is getting old
Well, I can't break these chains that I hold
My body's growing cold
There's nothing left of this mind on my soul
Addiction needs a pacifier
The buzz of this poison's taking me higher
And this will fall away
This will fall away
You're getting closer
To pushing me off of life's little edge
'Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer
To holding the rope and taking the fall
'Cause I'm a loser
Well, I'm a loser…"
Grace watched as Eli played, praying that the song didn't mean what she thought it did. Somehow, she knew that this was Eli's goodbye, and she only hoped that it wouldn't be forever.
"You're getting closer
To pushing me off life's little edge
'Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer
To holding the rope and taking the fall
'Cause I'm a loser
You're getting closer
To pushing me off life's little edge
'Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer
To holding the rope and taking the fall-and takin'
'Cause I'm a loser."
Eli was in virtual tears now, and he stared at Grace in the front row. Jessie caught the look they shared, and almost cried herself. 'I love you, goodbye.' He mouthed those words to Grace and she nodded, not hesitating to let the tears fall. Jessie reached across the table a held the hand of the girl she felt was her sister.
The band continued playing, and Grace was pleasantly surprised when Eli sang the song she had helped him write, and gave her name as the credit. She sang along, knowing the words better than anyone in the audience. He looked genuinely happy, and Grace was glad for that.
After an exhausting evening, the entire family, plus Coop and Katie had retired to the house. Eli sat on the mantle, fidgeting, a sure sign he had something to say. And because of this, the entire room had taken to studying him. Except Coop, who apparently already knew what was coming, and Grace who expected it.
"I'm leaving," Eli suddenly announced.
"What?" Rick jumped.
"Next week, the band is going on the road. I'm leaving, too. Coop's uncle works on a breakout concert tour group. He's invited us. The thing is…"
"What is it, E?"
"The tour's in Europe. I'll be gone for at least a year."
"A year?" Grace asked this time. She clenched her jaw as if she was trying not to scream or cry.
"At least," Eli responded. He stood now, only to find Grace standing as well. The last thing he wanted was to fight, especially with everyone there. He was fairly certain that they had managed to keep their secret.
"So, you'll miss it?"
"Miss what? Grace, what are you talking about?" Lily asked. The focus had shifted away from Eli to her. She looked to Eli for help, and closed her eyes. Finally she took a deep breath, preparing to tell everyone.
"You guys all know about Mr. Dimitri, right? Well, there's more."
"More? Grace, tell us."
"I didn't know how, and I still don't."
"What? Grace!" Lily looked at her daughter. Again Grace looked at Eli, she couldn't say it.
"She's pregnant." And it wasn't Eli who said it, it was Coop.
"What?" Lily screamed.
"You told him, Eli?" Grace faced at Eli.
"What does Eli have to do with this?" Rick rose, raising his voice as well.
"Hold on! No, I didn't tell Coop. And how do you know?" Eli asked his friend.
"Well,
it's the only thing that makes sense."
"Answer my
question, E. What do you have to do with it?" Rick faced his son.
"Nothing, and everything at the same time. Eli is my best friend. So I told him. He offered to help me out."
"How?"
"I was going to claim paternity. But, that would turn out weird, so…"
"It's Dimitri's," Rick continued.
"You aren't going to tell him? Right?" Jessie spoke.
"No, I'm not going to tell him, but I really want to hear more about E," Grace answered, both not wanting to detail the situation, and too focused on Eli's sudden announcement.
"I have to leave. I'm sorry, all of you. I need this, I'll call, and e-mail. Keep me posted. I'm packing what I need, other than that, I'll have people by to deliver it to my new place. In San Francisco."
"San Francisco? What?" Grace was a little more than upset now.
"I have to do this, Grace. You, of all people, should understand."
"You're running away, Eli!"
"It's not like I have a reason to stay here. I can stay in touch with my family no matter where I am!" Eli reasoned.
"You did just what I said. It's why-"
"Why you pushed me away? Because I was the screw-up! Because I'd only hurt you, right! Maybe it's time to explain to everybody what the problem is, Grace. Because I've done enough of keeping your secrets," he replied. His temper was getting the best of him.
"My secrets? Don't even, you were more than a little involved," she responded sarcastically.
"Now you say that? If something goes wrong, yeah, I'm there. You really are messed up," he remarked, scoffing.
"Don't give me that attitude, Eli. It doesn't work on me. You forgot that. And as far as keeping secrets go, we're pretty even on that scale!" Neither noticed that the family was watching their match.
"Hold on! You two want to explain what is going on?" Lily's unusually shrill voice sounded.
"It's over!" Jessie yelled. Everyone was shocked to hear her so emotional.
"Jessie…"Grace warned. She had a look on her face, and Grace knew she was about to spill everything.
"No. I'm laying all the cards on the table. Grace is in love with Eli, he's in love with her. They were together, she broke up with him when he offered to be the father. She's pregnant. Eli's leaving, a lot because of the way you," she looked at Rick, "make him feel like he's nothing. Not to mention that the first person to actually have faith in him seemingly gave up on him," she finished, now looking at Grace.
"I never gave up on you, E. Why would you think that?"
"Come on, Grace. Why else wouldn't you want me? After all it took us. Everything we went through, and it was thrown away."
"For this, Eli! Maybe it's the way it had to be. The tables are turned. Dramatic irony! Something ironically poetic!"
"Poetic? This is-"Eli stopped before he said anything more. She was right. He needed to leave, and now she knew it. He needed to leave because she didn't accept him. And she didn't accept him because he couldn't, he wasn't good enough yet. Going to Europe would be the thing he needed.
"Wow," Lily whispered.
"Just so you know, E. We are proud of you. I may not agree with the fact that you don't want a conventional job, but this makes you happy. And that makes me happy. Makes us happy."
"Yeah, I know, Dad, but I still need to do this."
"And as far as you and Grace…"
"I don't want to hear it, Mom," Grace said.
"Grace!" Rick hissed, shocked.
"I love him. Always will. We're not together anymore, and if we decide to later, it will happen. You trusted me before, and I may have lost it, but Eli isn't the same person you saw before."
"I'm not the same. Not at all. You changed me, Grace. But until I can look in the mirror and like what I see, I can't be happy. My love for you hasn't changed."
"Well, I need to leave," Rick said, looking at the clock. He was obviously wanting to change the subject from the whispers of Eli and Grace. Not a single person had heard their final exchange, a good thing.
"Oh, yeah, you're meeting with the hotel owners. Good luck, sweetie," Lily said, kissing her husband quickly, still looking at Grace.
"So, Katie, this is my family," Jessie kidded. Katie laughed with her, but she was concerned for her friend. She grasped her hand lightly, but Jessie pulled away. As Katie looked into her eyes, she realized Jessie's true problem. She felt guilty because she wasn't being honest with anyone.
Coop rose, knowing that now, more than ever, the family needed to be together. He spoke with Eli for a moment, then addressed Jessie.
"Take care, Jess. I'll be back next week to help E with his stuff."
"Bye Coop," Jessie hugged him. Katie started to get up.
"You need a ride, Katie? My guess is this is gonna be a serious family moment tonight."
"Yeah, thanks. Bye Jessie," she hugged Jessie tightly, not worried about reactions. Neither was Jessie, it seemed, because she returned the hug full-force.
They walked out to Coop's car, making small talk and he even opened her door for her. Katie was a little suspicious.
"I never knew," Coop whispered when they both were sitting in the car.
"Knew what?" Katie asked of Coop's sudden statement.
"That Jessie was gay," he stated simply. Katie's jaw dropped, and she almost choked.
"What?"
"I'm pretty observant. I'm not as dumb as I seem, and I saw the way you two looked at each other. I won't tell, she's obviously not out. But, you are, aren't you?" He started the car and began to back out of the driveway.
"Yeah, how did you-"
"It's easy to tell when a person is pretending not to be in love with someone. To feel their hurt when they know the person that they love is either taken or unattainable."
"Wow, do you have a personal experience?" Katie, too, was rather observant, and she had a theory.
"A little," Coop answered laconically.
"How long have you been in love with Grace?" Now Coop's jaw dropped. He regained quickly.
"Not long. And I'm not really in love with her. I thought she was hot in high school, then I got to know her through Eli, and I started to like her. I wouldn't have hooked up with her, she's not my normal type. But, yeah, I had feelings for her."
"Had? When did you stop?"
"When I walked in on her and Eli…"he motioned his hands forward, letting the sentence drop. Surely Katie would fit the puzzle together.
"Whoa. I didn't know that they were sleeping together," Katie shrieked.
"Our little secret."
"One of many," Katie whispered as she and Coop drove away. She knew she'd certainly have a lot to think about.
Back in the house, Lily was staring her daughter and step-son down. Eli was fuming, panting from his rage. She knew better than to try to talk them down, Eli would probably only push them all away. And they needed more than ever to be a family at this point in time.
"Tonight, it's just about us. As a family. Let's not think about your leaving, Eli. Grace, we need some details. Such as when you were going to tell us."
"I planned on telling everyone, I just wasn't sure when." Grace walked away, taking a parting glance at Eli, leaving the conversation at an end.
That evening, everyone has finished dinner and is going about their own business. Plans have been made for going away celebrations for Eli, whereas Grace's pregnancy was absolutely not open for discussion.
"Are you ever going to speak to me again?" Eli asked Grace when they were finally alone in the kitchen. She put the last glass in the cabinet and sat on the island.
"I don't know, E. I kept thinking you should tell me, but you did. I can't be mad at you for any reason. I can just…"she venturedtoward the one subject.
"Yeah, but I need to leave. You understand that, right?"
"I know. So let's make this about celebration. To our new lives. Put the problems aside."
"Deal, Grace." He knew she was fronting, so as her brother he didn't debate.
Time went on, and the day before Eli was to leave finally came. Eli was up early, ready to leave, and say his goodbyes.