Lyall: OK, no cameos this story. I just want to get the story on with it. I hope you all are OK with it.
Lloyd: WOOT, STORY!
Colette: Yay!
Zelos: I'm pretty!
Everyone: (stares)
Zelos: But it's true!
Icion: If Zelos is pretty, then Lloyd's gorgeous.
Lloyd: WTF?
Zelos: Are you calling me ugly?
Icion: Well...uh...I'll have to dumb it down for you to understand. Y o u-n o-l o o k y-g o o d y.
Zelos: That's harsh, Icion...
Sheena: Well, you'll get over it. As usual.
Zelos: Sheeeeenaaaaa...
Sheena: ...
Colette: I like doggies!
Everyone: (sweatdrop)
Lyall: OK, disclaimer.
Drake: Um...it went like...uh...four score and...
Lyall: NO, NOT THAT! THE OTHER THING!
Drake: Oh, oh, right. Shall I compare thee to a summer's da--
Lyall: DRAKE YOU TURD! (throws chair)
Drake: Ow.
Lyall: Disclaimer time! Finally... OK, LyallAurion does not own Tales of Symphonia. Namco does.
Drake: I remember! LyallAurion does not own Tales of Symphonia. Namco does.
Lyall: ...Copying bastard...
---''---
OK, now it was 9 a.m. The birds were chirping. The owls were sleeping. Lloyd just got out of bed. What a lazy bum.
(knock) (knock) (knock) Someone was knocking on the door. Lloyd sleepily went to the door. He saw Genis.
"Yo Genis, sup? OK, if you want to make-out, wait till I'm done dressing and stuff."
Genis looked horrified. "WHAT THE HELL? Lloyd...you dumbass...look, I'm here to tell you that COLETTE ALREADY LEFT!"
Lloyd looked surprised. No, no, he WAS surprised. "WHAT? SHE SAID THAT SHE'D BE LEAVING AT NINE!"
"YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN THAT COLETTE GETS HER SIXES AND NINES MIXED UP! SHE'S A DUMB BLONDE! IDIOT! C'MON, WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW! Oh yeah, even if she meant 9 a.m., you'd still be late," Genis said.
"Oh, now I get it, Genis! You just want to sweet-talk me into kissing! Don't worry, I'm a real smooth kisser," Lloyd said drunk.
Genis got ticked off. "Lloyd, are you on drugs?"
"NO ONE WILL TAKE MY DRUGS AWAY FROM MEEEE!" Lloyd screamed and shut the door. Two seconds later, he jumped out of the chimney, fully-clothed. He then landed on the ground.
"OK, Genis, let's go!" Lloyd said cheerfully. For some reason, he's not drunk and gay anymore. Whew... (relieved)
"Where's Noishe?" Genis asked.
"Meh, he ran off late last night after I pretended to hit him with my sledgehammer. Like I care," Lloyd responded.
Now those two went through the Iselia Forest Noishe-less, so it took a long time. Five days to be exact. OK, fine three. One. A few minutes. It took a short amount of time because Lloyd got Genis and jumped most of the cliffs. It would've taken only a few seconds with Noishe because Noishe got nanotechnology and jet boosters in his feet. What a cool protozoan a.k.a. dog a.k.a. donkey a.k.a. bird/plane/coconut thing.
On the way to Iselia, Lloyd heard Genis talking.
"Hey Genis, what are you talking to?" Lloyd asked.
"Mr. Leaf and Mr. Brick," Genis responded while hugging his play toys.
"DUDE HOW LONELY ARE YOU?" Lloyd exclaimed. "Here's that plush toy I stole from you." Lloyd handed over a Big Bird body pillow.
"BIG BIRD! I THOUGHT YOU LEFT MEEE!" Genis cried and hugged the body pillow.
OK, now at Iselia. More precisely, Colette's house.
"DID COLETTE ACTUALLY LEAVE ALREADY?" Lloyd shouted out. No one was in the house, though.
"Where is Frank?" Genis asked. He then spotted a note card on the table. It read:
To whomever is reading this:
I am at the Martel Temple to look around. If I am not back, please look for me. I may already be dead. If I am dead, this is my will: Please burn my daughter alive. If she's dead already, draw happy faces on my underwear and hang them in the mayor's house. Thank you whoever is reading this.
Frank Brunel, father of a bitch
"Well then, guess we have to go look in the Martel Temple," Lloyd suggested.
"Yeah. I hope Frank's alive," Genis said concerned.
Lloyd and Genis then went to the Martel Temple. They saw Frank crippled on the ground, in shock.
"Dude, are you okay?" Genis said while shaking Frank.
"Dude, that dude has like been here for like the past one or two days, dude," Remiel said while randomly appearing out of nowhere. "Dude, get him out like now, dudes! He's been here for like too long, dudes. He like almost ruined my rad party, dudes. And it was the Cruxis people who like came, dude. Now I like have an uncool pay deduction, dude."
"Fine, fine, we'll take Frank," Lloyd sighed.
"Coolio. Later gnarly dudes!" Remiel said and poofed.
Now Remiel went to the Temple of Fire, and Lloyd and Genis dragged the anemic Frank all the way back to his house. THIS IS CHILD LABOR! I DEMAND A PROTEST! (cough) Anyways...
Once they got to Frank's house, Frank all of a sudden got better.
"Lloyd, Genis, Colette already left on her journey of stupidity," Frank said. He was supposed to inform them of that, but Genis already did that.
"Yeah, yeah, we know!" Lloyd yelled.
"Well...if you're lucky, you have a 1 out of 100,000,000 chance of catching up with her!" Frank said happily.
"Well, let's go, then!" Genis exclaimed.
"Wait! Colette left Lloyd with a letter," Frank said.
"OH, AND SHE DOESN'T GIVE ME A LETTER? WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE MEEEE?" Genis cried while rolling up into a ball on the floor.
Lloyd and Frank got "..."
Lloyd then opened the letter. It said:
Dear Lloyd and any other rats that may be accompaning you,
I have already left, but my jackass father probably told you already. Why didn't you come? I told you the right time! I HATE YOU! I'd rather be friends with Genis...wait, what am I saying? Look, your stupidness is rubbing off on pretty little me! Try to catch me if you're really that stupid. Well...I just want to make this letter seem longer than it really is, so...HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY! HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI! BLAH! MEEP! SQUEE! FLARP! WHEE! WAHOO! LOOPLE-DOO! KOOLOH-LIMPAH! BUB! YIPPIDY-DO-DAH! YIPPEE! HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY HALLOWEEN! BRAN FLAKES! JOY! BUTTERFLY! SBREE! SQUEAK! YELP! BUTTER! PEACH! BLUEBERRY! APPLE! ORANGE! GRAPE! DOGGY! PUPPY! DOG! WEINER DOG! PUP! KITTY! CAT! MEOW! ARF! WOOF! BARK! GROWL! ROAR! MOO! QUACK! HONK! BUNNY! RABBIT! SHINY! BRIGHT! PINK! WEEMASHMITS! OINK! SMACKLEDORF! YAY! WOOT! HUZZAH! MONEY! BIRDIE! CHEEP! SQUACK! BOO!
Love, Colette
"What is this? More than half of this trash is stupid words!" Lloyd screamed and ate the letter.
"Meh, some crap Colette slapped together at the last possible second," Frank answered.
"No fair, I wanted to eat it...," Genis complained.
Just then, they heard an earthquake outside. Lloyd and Genis quickly rushed outside. Wait, rushed means to go quickly...damn.
Anyways, the two saw the Desians making a bonfire out of the center of town. Some were also burning other houses.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Genis screamed.
"Gee, I dunno. Hmm, I don't know, maybe DESIANS ARE MAKING A BONFIRE," Lloyd said sarcastically.
"Uhh...uhh, I knew that!" Genis said and whacked Lloyd with a metal bar.
Then Lloyd and Genis saw a flag being raised. There was a picture of a Rabbid on the toilet on the flag. Ugh.
"Dude, what's THAT?" Lloyd said while pointing to the hideous Rabbid. (shudder) Oh the horror...
All of a sudden, a Desian came up to Lloyd and asked what was in his pocket. Lloyd took out the Fire Flower.
"Cool! We can use that to power our bonfire!" the Desian said excitedly.
"No! We need this...uh...thing! We need this thing for the future temples and stuff!"
"Hey, how did you know?" Genis asked.
"Hmm, I dunno. Ploooooothooooole...," Lloyd said.
Now the Fire Flower spoke.
"Lloyd, you are not that smart. I'm not even that smart."
All of a sudden, the Fire Flower's eyes started turning swirly.
"FEAR MY MIND CONTROL!" it yelled.
Nothing happened. The Desian then sat on a rock. Lloyd blinked. Genis yawned.
"It seems that you are immune to my mind control. ...This displeases me," the flower said.
"Hey, you two are not registered to be citizens of Desianville!" the Desian said.
"DESIANVILLE?" Lloyd and Genis both shouted.
"Lloyd, do you know what this means?" Genis screamed in Lloyd's face.
"I know! What a cheesy name," Lloyd said. Genis just stared at him.
"How do you manage to pass school...?"
"I dunno. Some magical fairy I think," Lloyd responded dumbly.
"You mean the voices in your head?"
"Yep!" Lloyd said stupidly.
"You two need to register to be a Desian! Or you get...," the Desian then did shifty eyes, ""The Boot.""
"What's this boot?" Lloyd asked.
The Desian shuddered. "Bad memories...so you gonna register or not?"
"HECK NO!" Genis yelled.
"OK, you get...THE BOOT!" another Desian that popped up said.
A giant, mechanical, iron boot appeared from nowhere in the heavens. It screamed hysterically, and then it chased Lloyd and Genis out of the once-happy village of Isela. In other words, Desianville. (cue evil background music)
Now Lloyd and Genis were trekking to the Triet Desert.
Meanwhile in I--er, Desianville...
"No, don't kill me!" Frank cried.
"Haha, too late! You didn't want to subscribe to Desian Playboy magazine! Now you will perish!" Forcystus announced.
Four Desians then picked up Frank.
"Hut hut hut!" they said and threw Frank into the bonfire. He died. The Desians had a party. The end.
---''---
Lyall: Woot, Frank died. (sarcastic) I really don't have anything against him.
Colette: My daddy died! And I'm mean. (pouts)
Zelos: Aw, don't worry, Colette! I'll help you feel better!
Icion: Gasp, Zelos, I thought you were after Sheena!
Zelos: ...Uh...
Drake: Yeah, Zelos. I thought you said that you tried peeking at Sheena once when she was taking a shower. How did you enter her house?
Zelos: ...Uhh...um...er...(sweating) I WILL NOT BE SILENCED! (disappears)
Everyone: ...
Kratos: No cameos next time, as there will be a filler.
Sheena: Which kind?
Lyall: Not telling HA!