Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Rating: PG-T, depending on your tastes. Slight violence and language.
Pairing: Charlie/Claire; Claire/ Locke-with a little Liam thrown in, a little Kate and Henry Gale too.
Warning: Spoilers for the film ESOSM.
Summary: How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot/The world forgetting, by the world forgot/Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind/Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
Notes: I have no beta, so all spelling/grammar mistakes are on me. Also, this story isn't meant to be huge, I just enjoyed writing it and wanted to share it.
Disclaimer: Quotes taken from the film-in italics. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind belongs to Michel Gondry and Charlie Kaufman
The Interview"Certainly you understand how odd your request is Mr.…Pace, is it?"
"Charlie Pace," the man finished.
"Yes…" Dr. Mierzwiak said with a long pause, pushing up his glasses. "But you do realize what, in fact, you are asking Lacuna to do, correct?"
"Yes", Charlie said simply.
"And, for legal reasons, you will not change your mind during the procedure."
"No, I'm sure."
After the "Mary" incident, Lacuna had come under investigation from the FBI. Surprisingly, all of its methods and procedures were legal. The Joel Parish/ Clementine Kruczynski case was one out of a million that had gone wrong. The two people had found each other again and were living together. Some memories were too precious to lose, the agents figured. But for the others who had the procedure, they continued living their lives normally. So Lacuna Inc. was given a permit and continued it's work.
Around this time, twenty some survivors had been found on a false island previously used in scientific experiments. Among the survivors were Claire Littleton, Aaron Littleton, John Locke, and Charlie Pace. Others included Walt Dawson, who was placed in the custody of Sun and Jin Kwon-along with their own child, a daughter. Jack Shepard and James Ford had also survived, Michael Dawson and Kate Austen had not. But Charlie had. He had lived.
MappingToday, Lacuna Inc. is a bigger company than ever before-or so it boasts. It serves everyone from rich rock stars to homeless drug addicts. Their client of today is a mixture of both. As objects are placed on the tray in front of him, Charlie Pace creates a clearer picture of himself than any VH1 "Behind the Music" show could. Stan and Patrick see the only Driveshaft album released, a bag of heroin, and two pictures. Charlie remembers the death of faith, addiction, Liam, and two failed loves. And Death-with a capital, ever-present, circling. They tried to forget it, tried to make light of it, but when the jokes ended, there it was. And he was the cause of it. One he was the cause of, actually, the other just reminds him of himself.
After he leaves, Patrick leaned over to Stan and whispered: "Hey, wasn't that just the guy from Driveshaft?"
Stan nodded in acknowledgement, staring at the computer screen and taking notes.
Patrick stares at the heroin, thinking he'll that home later. Maybe the picture of the girl labeled, "Kate". Next to it rests another picture of a guy, labeled, "Michael". Then his eyes shift over to the CD, and he wonders who Charlie Pace, ex-druggie and ex-rocker, killed. Surprisingly, he isn't far from the truth.
"No wonder he came here."
MemoriesI still thought you were going to save me. Even after that.
It feels like a dream. Like a nightmare I used to have where I would get lost somewhere large, surrounded by huge blocks. My mother was nowhere in sight, and I panicked. I always thought that I had been lost or forgotten, maybe on purpose. The nights when I had this nightmare, I'd wake up at one in the morning or later or earlier, too afraid to go back to sleep. The dream was too real-on the island-it reminded me of my druggie days-too painful to forget or remember.
This feels like one of those nightmares. I can see her-Claire. Her long blonde hair is pulled back, and the breeze coming off the sea pushes her skirt around her. She is holding Aaron up to look at the skyscrapers of Los Angeles. Locke is next to her, in his wheelchair. Behind the boats came for us, Locke was attacked by a group of Others. It still shames me to think that I led them to him. But only a little. Either way, the doctors-Jack included- think that he will be crippled for life.
At one point, Claire turns around from the city, laughing with her eyes smiling. Then her eyes catch mine and I see myself reflected in them. Sitting alone, apart from her. She thinks I deserve it-this loneliness. Maybe I do, but I miss her. I miss her laughing with me. But she knows what I did on the island. How I turned Locke over to them, helped Michael "escape" on a boat I knew would sink. How I trapped Eko beneath the hatch. How I … Claire is the only one who knows I did all that. She knows these because she knows me. I wish I could tell her why-but would she listen. If I told her the truth, which was that the Others tricked me, would she believe me?
But she never gave me the chance to tell her why, and I never took it. Claire turns away from me, back to her family, back to her son and her older boyfriend. A modern girl, after all. I still lover her, but she loves him-it's plain enough to see by the way she lets him hold Aaron, holds his hand, leans against him-the two become one, almost. And her I sit, alone. A drag is pulling me out of this memory and into the next-I am glad to go. Before I do, I turn to get one last look.
She's an angel, circled by the luminescence of the Hollywood lights-all of them seem to turn to her. She will marry John someday; the two will live happily ever after in the fairy tales. I will forget her, forget them.
I think all these things as I turn from her, onto the next memory.
It was the last time I ever saw Claire Littleton.
Memories, Part TwoAdults are a combination of sadness and phobias.
With just a slight pull, I'm out of that memory and into the next. I'm holding a gun in this one. It's smoking-which means it just went off. Five or six feet in front of me is Kate, a look of surprise and confusion on her face. Anger is there too, but mostly confusion. Yes, Kate, I want to say, it's me, Charlie. She collapses to the ground, a circle of red soaking through her tank top. Behind me, Henry Gale brings up a shovel, and he starts to dig. I drop the gun, imaging that it too has circles of blood on it- Ethan, I call one. Kate, I call the other. I wish I had heroin. A Virgin Mary statuette contain every drug ever known to man. I wish I wasn't here. I wish I didn't have to re-live this. I wish I was gone. I wish I hadn't killed her. I wish. I wish. I want to be gone.
Why? WHY?
"WHY!" I yell towards heaven, towards myself, to the dead girl on the ground and the man to the right of me.
"Charlie, shut up," Henry says.
Time inches forward as the shovel moves up and down. I remember why now. The same reason, I realize, that Michael killed Libby and Ana-Lucia. The Others promised me to get her off the island-Claire-and Aaron, if I helped them get rid of someone-a pest they said. I said yes before I realized who it was. And I just wanted to get off the island-ME. I wanted to get off. Even without Claire. So I shot Kate.
"Delete this one!" I yell to the sky, sounding like I'm on crack again, "Get rid of THIS one!"
Henry is getting annoyed, and as he reaches down for the gun-
BEEP.
It never happened.
Memories, Part the LastMeet me in Montauk…
Claire sits on the beach. She is wearing a black dress and is very pregnant. She is writing in her journal. I am holding a jar of peanut butter. I know this scene, but I'm not in the mood to act it out. I've just been through about twelve years of my life. Twelve years that will be gone tomorrow. I walk over and sit next to her. This is the first time we met, the first time we talked-seriously talked, not just eating fake peanut butter. This is the first time, and this is the last time we will ever talk. My last memory of her…
"Why are you doing this, Charlie?" she asks.
"Doing what?" I'm surprised she knows.
"Erasing me. Aaron. Drive shaft. Fame. Everything."
I sigh, "Because I screwed everything up. I hurt people, and-God, Claire, I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I tried to cut myself, and I'm just so-", I pause, out of breath. " I'm so tired of being hated, and I just want…a second chance."
Claire stares at me, her eyes regarding me softly. She's never heard this before.
I don't know what to say. "Do you deserve it?" she finally asks.
I shrug, not knowing what to say. We sit in silence for a moment.
"Well, I know this is going to sound stupid, but it was fun," Claire finally says.
"What?" That's all she can say.
She turns back to her diary, " It was fun-being with you. You made me laugh. I don't know how I could have made it through without you. Thanks."
I need to ask something before I go. "Did you love me, Claire?"
Claire looks at me for a long time before answering, "Yes, Charlie, I loved you. But then you just got too far away from me. " She turns away. " I love John."
I feel so achingly terrible then. To know that I had something like love with someone like Claire, and I screwed it up. Knowing that is worse than having been an addict, being haunted by a band with a one hit wonder title. It's worse than murder. Because it was mine-something good and pure. Something that could save me. Something that probably did, but I ignored it. I feel like such a fool.
The pull starts up again, dragging me awake and out of her life. I can't say I'm sad to leave this all behind. I'm sad I couldn't take her with me.
"Goodbye, Peanut Butter girl."
"Goodbye, Rock Star."
I black out completely. No memories are left.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind How Happy is the Blameless Vestal's lot!Charlie Pace is thirty one. He lives in an apartment in London with his brother, who is recovering from a drug addiction. He has never been in Driveshaft-there was no Driveshaft. He performs songs at church sometimes, but that's it. Drug addictions are something Liam is getting help for, something on the news. The Oceanic flight? Well, he says, Thank God I wasn't on it. Aaron is just a name from the Bible, Claire is a pretty name. He dates, a little, but there is no sex involved-he will never wake up in a hotel room in Sydney with a hooker again, that's for sure. As if Charlie Pace would ever do something like that! He is getting a job soon as a spokesperson for a small recording company, and-in the meantime- he works at a fast food joint. Charlie Pace is happy.
The World Forgetting, By the World ForgotDear Ms. Claire Littleton,
Mr. Charlie Pace has erased you from his memory. Please do not make an effort to see him again, as he has also erased the flight and crash of Oceanic Flight 815 from his memory. Thank you.
Lacuna, Inc.
Doctor Harold Mierzwiak
June 25, 2006
Mary Svevo
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind!Claire walks into the bar, and sees a ghost. Charlie is there, in a booth against the wall. He is sitting with a man who looks a lot like him, probably his brother from the band, Liam. She wonders if the letter she received is true. If she goes up to him, will he remember her? Claire lives with John now, in a small rancher by the sea. Aaron is getting bigger, he is talking and walking now. Will Charlie want to be a part of that? Does Claire want him to be a part of that?
She isn't sure, but it would be nice to talk to him, see what he has been doing since they were rescued. She remembers his sad eyes on the boat, his puppy dog expression. And then she remembers his crimes, and she thinks of Eko, Locke, Kate. She doesn't want to see him, she can't stand him! He should be in prison, or dead. No, Claire decides, there is no way –even if hell froze over-that she would talk to him. No way in hell, heaven, or Earth. Going over to the bar, she grabs a martini and waits for Locke. Halfway through her drink, Charlie comes up.
He takes the seat next to her and order a water. Claire wonders if this is a trick. Charlie would be having a beer by now, he'd probably already had several beers. So, she is surprised when he turns to her, and says, in a voice surprisingly sober:
"Excuse me, miss? I'm sorry to bother you but my ass of a brother insisted that I talk to you."
Claire decided to play along, "Oh, it's no problem. Why did he ask you to talk to me?"
Charlie's face made one of his "expressions"-this one was the one he got when he was about to lie.
"He thinks you're cute."
Claire pretended to look surprised, " Oh really!"
Charlie's face got a small bit red, "Well, not really, that would be me."
Claire smiled "Charlie, we don't have to play this game."
He looked surprised, "How do you know my name?" Then, as an afterthought. " Has Liam been up to you?" He mumbled under his breath as Claire stared at him.
Each pray'r accepted, each wish resign'd.
He really didn't remember. It astounded her that he would do this to himself. It was almost like the drugs she had discovered. Why? Claire asked herself, wondering if it was her. She took a drink from her martini, and turned back to look at him. He looked a little embarrassed, a little scared, and confused. He looked…innocent. Like Aaron. Like he had in between the drugs and the insanity. She decided to follow the card's advice, and get out before she hurt him. How odd was it that he seemed so different that she had forgotten about Kate!
"You're right! Liam was up here, we decided to play it as a late April Fool's Day prank, early Birthday prank."
Charlie sighed, "I knew it. Thanks miss!"
And with that, he was gone.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.