If I could have cried, I would have. I clenched my jaw, grinding my teeth. I was angry, frustrated, slowly becoming more depressed. I gazed at the enormous mansion of which I was co-owner. It was beautiful, grand, in a kind of Victorian style. It was supposed to be home. I sighed hanging my head and leaning against my dark blue Porsche. I couldn't believe that this is what I had come to.
He was right of course. I did marry for power, but I also married to survive. I was changed half a century ago, by a lone vampire that wandered through the woods of Forks. I had been roving aimlessly in confusion. I remembered that night clearly. It was just after Edward left. I was frazzled, and I decided not to heed his warning and stepped out into the dark. I remember the flashing grey eyes burning with thirst and then the bite. And then pain of course. It was horrific, but somehow I changed. Abandoned by my creator I wandered through Washington when I met a few other "vegetarian" vampires. We joined together to form a kind of family. Ten years later I met him.
Drake was very handsome. Tall, well built but still lean and a bit lanky. He had amazing grey eyes that seemed to dance with passion and determination. The first time I saw him his jet black hair blew in the wind lightly and wisps fell around his impeccable jaw. I admired him immensely at first, but I never felt any kind of love for him. He asked me to join his coven, to bring along my family. He wanted to create a permanent residence for all vampires that did not feed off of human blood. He wanted to unite us and make a community. I found this all very noble. Then… he proposed.
He somehow managed to convince me that for us to run the coven together, as partners, we would have to be married. I refused immediately. I hadn't forgotten Edward, and I never would allow myself to marry someone I did not love. I knew that despite Drake's good looks and charm I could never love him. Yet, he was very convincing. He pride and prodded me for months until I realized that I wouldn't find anything better. Besides, I would be working for a cause, doing society some good, turning vampires onto the right path. I felt very self-important. So, I finally agreed.
I laughed out loud bitterly now thinking back to the day. The wedding day. It was beautiful, elegant, and glamorous. I wore an exquisite vintage dress and he looked breath taking in his black tuxedo. After exchanging quick vows in front of our coven, he insisted on taking me to Italy for our honeymoon. That's when our physical relationship began.
I had never thought it would be that amazing. At least that's what I thought the first time. No pain, no discomfort, just pure and overwhelming pleasure. Sure, I didn't love him, but that didn't stop me from lusting after him, for he was very attractive and sensual when he wanted to be. Yet, from the first time there was no romance. In bed I merely saw him as a body, not a man who could make love to my mind and soul and I to his. Eventually it just became routine. There was no excitement, no spark. I withdrew from him completely when we had sex. I felt cold and unwanted. I felt used. I hated myself every time we finished, but just came back for more the next day. I guess I used him too. It was only fair.
"Bell?" My head snapped at the sound. I quickly realized it was only Cordelia, one of my sisters from my first coven.
She approached me slowly, her burgundy hair dancing in the light night breeze.
"Are you alright?" Cordelia always knew if something was up, especially between Drake and me. It wasn't as if she could read minds like Edward, but she was very sensitive to emotions and troubled minds.
"Fine." I faked a smile, knowing well that I didn't fool her for a second.
"Oh Bella. He's very stressed out about these guests. I'm sure he didn't mean whatever he said." Cordelia wrapped her lean arm around my bare shoulder.
"Yes. That's probably it." I had to admit that she was right. This wasn't like Drake. Like myself, he never feigned love, but he was generally kind and sensitive, though bossy and very temperamental. I knew that despite my current contempt for him we were bound together in many ways.
"This is stressful for him. You know how he loves to impress. He's just trying to look out for our coven… and you. Despite what you may think, he does care about you. Besides, these new arrivals could mean an addition to the coven." Cordelia informed.
"What? You really think so?" I hadn't thought of it that way. I understood now.
"Of course, any "vegetarian" we meet is a possible member, provided he or she abides by our guidelines, cooperates, and is interested in joining the family. You of all people should know." The last sentence sounded like a reproach.
"I know, I know. Is everyone going to pester me tonight?" I shook her arm away from me.
"Bella, you are one of the leaders. It is your responsibility to know. We all had a meeting tonight. You didn't show. This is important to us and to Drake. Like it or not, he is your husband, and you are our leader." I cringed at the word "husband." Why did everyone insist on making it a point tonight?
"I know Cordelia." I said sternly. "I will make sure all goes smoothly." I said with authority. "Let's go back in the house." I ordered. I felt mentally exhausted.
As I entered the house and walked through the parlor and up the stairs, all eyes were on me. I read disapproval on all of their faces. Whosever eyes I caught, I glared at, and they quickly looked down or away embarrassed, but irked nonetheless. I finally flew to the bedroom door and halted. Slowly, I reached for the door handle and entered the bedroom, exuding all grace and confidence I could muster.
I didn't see him, but I could smell him in the dark bedroom. I suddenly felt two arms wrap around my shoulders from behind. His lips were at my ear.
"I'm sorry." He cooed. "I shouldn't have said that. Please forgive me Isabella." His voice was soft and sincere.
I swiftly turned to face him. Even in the blackness that filled the room I could see his grey, sad eyes. They were soft now, tender even.
"I am your wife." I declared confidently. "I deserve much more respect than I received tonight. You will honor me." I commanded him.
He merely nodded slowly. He opened his arms, and for whatever reason beyond my knowledge I came to him. I was soon wrapped up in his smooth and strong arms, my own around his waist. I felt his cool breath on my face. His lips lightly touched my cheek. He really could be charming when he wanted to.
Slowly he picked me up and carried me to our enormous bed and laid me down on the white satin sheets. They felt cold and soft on my hard skin. I turned to face the open window. The cool breeze caressed my flesh and the sweet scent of lilac and an approaching storm wafted into the room. There was a sense of peace, yet also of urgency.
I turned back to Drake, allowing him to take me into his arms. Our routine began. In seconds I felt the waves of pleasure washing over my entire body. I clutched to his body like a child, frantically searching for some warmth in his frigid limbs. Yet, the closer I pulled him to me, the farther I withdrew. I separated myself completely from him. At least before when we did this I knew he was there, if only physically. Now, I couldn't even feel him. I clung to him, but my hands just felt numb. Whatever ties we had were now being severed. I didn't care if he did "care about me" as Cordelia put it. He was not my lover and I would not make love.
Outside I heard the thunder roar and the rain came crashing down, dissolving everything.