SILENT SACRIFICE...part 31

John stepped into the transporter and the doors closed behind him. He didn't touch the panel so that he would be delivered to a spot close to the infirmary. Instead he took a moment to sag against the wall so he could rub his temples without anyone noticing. Right this moment his head ached fiercely, he could hear a soft buzzing in his ears, and he was so tired he was pretty sure if he closed his eyes he would fall asleep instantly. Standing up or not. None of which he intended to tell Beckett, when he reached the infirmary.

Just then his radio crackled in his ear, making John jump. He figured it had to be Beckett, dogging him. "Sheppard here," he replied.

"Lt.Morris here, sir," came the response.

"What's up Lieutenant?" John hoped there wasn't any big emergency. He really wanted everything to run smoothly, and without any assistance on his part, for at least the next twenty-four hours.

There was a moment of silence then Lt. Morris replied, "Sgt. Banes didn't report for his shift, sir."

John resisted the urge to sigh. Lt. Morris was new and wasn't used to the way things worked around here. Not that John was lax with his men per se. He expected them to be prompt and efficient in their duties. But he was also willing to give a bit of leeway if they overslept once in a blue moon. Which mean, overall, his men were careful to not do that kind of thing. "Did you check his room?" John asked.

"Yes, sir," Lt. Morris replied. "I've radioed him and I've just come from his room. Bed's made and no one's there."

"Oh." That surprised John a bit.

Lt. Morris cleared his throat, sounding nervous. "I've also asked around, sir. No one has seen him since yesterday."

John was not happy to hear that. "Yet no one thought to notice and report that till now?" He wasn't angry at Lt. Morris, he was just tired and a bit upset that one of his men appeared to be missing.

"No, sir." Lt. Morris beat John out in the unhappy department. Even over the radio the man sounded utterly miserable right now.

"Meet me on level six, east entrance with a life signs detector," John replied. "We'll see if we can discover anyone lurking about where they shouldn't be." If something had happened to Sgt. Banes, which John was hoping like hell wasn't the case, the odds were he'd be somewhere unexpected.

A moment of uneasy silence, then, "Is that it, Sir? No search parties?"

John almost chuckled at that. Almost. He realized that Lt. Morris was questioning his ability to do his job. Which wasn't surprising, given how he hadn't been able to do his job in quite some time. And, in fact, still wasn't actually back on the job. Yet Lt. Morris had still contacted him instead of Lorne who was, technically, doing John's job at the moment. Which meant he was probably just projecting his own doubts about his own abilities at the moment, John realized. Which meant he was way more tired that he'd thought. And he'd thought he was pretty damn tired. Allowing himself a tiny sigh, John replied, "Let's see what we can find before we call out the cavalry."

"Yes, sir," Lt. Morris replied, readily enough.

"Be there in a minute," John said. "Sheppard out." He clicked off his radio and was reaching out to touch the panel when his ear piece clicked again. John sighed and tapped it. "Sheppard here."

A sigh then, "Carson here, Colonel. Did you get lost?"

John winced. He'd forgotten about Beckett. "Hey, Doc. I'm a little busy at the moment. I have a missing marine."

"Missing?" Carson echoed.

"Yeah. Didn't report for work so I'm off to find him." John pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a tension headache coming on. Which he really didn't need to deal with right now. "I'll pop in once I find him."

There was a moment of heavy silence, then Carson's voice crackled in the air. His tone was sharp with anger. "You will be in the infirmary in five minutes or I will send out reinforcements to drag you here and I will use restraints. And before you even think of wasting your breath arguing with me, keep in mind at as CMO of Atlantis, I have the power to follow through on my threat." A beat for a dramatic pause, then he finished with, "And I will do so." With that Carson signed off.

John cursed beneath his breath, resisting the urge to call Beckett back. He knew the man would do as he threatened, and no doubt enjoy every minute of it. So the best John could do right now was to call Lorne to take over the hunt, then hook up with him after his check up. Which is what he did. Then he touched the panel and made his way to the infirmary.

Not so surprisingly, Beckett was waiting for him just inside. John grimaced a bit, seeing the look on Doc's face. The man was not a happy camper right now and John had a feeling he was going to pay for it. "How are Weir and Teyla?" he asked, hoping to distract Beckett a bit.

"They're fine." Carson took John by the arm and led him over to a bed in the corner. "I sent them off to clean up, eat and rest."

"Good, I'm glad they're okay." Which was an understatement. The relief John felt was a bit overwhelming, but he knew enough to hide his reaction.

Carson pointed to the bed. "Sit." Once John did so, he grabbed his penlight. "Look straight ahead," he ordered.

John fought a wince, since the bright light sent spikes of pain through his head and made his eyes ache, but he did as he was told. When Carson told him to follow his finger with just his eyes, he did that too. Then he blinked hard and refocused to see Carson looking worried. Not a good sign. "I'm fine," John stated, just for the record. Although he had a feeling he didn't score any believability points since his body suddenly listed to one side without warning.

"I don't believe you." Carson's tone was grim as he gripped John by the arm to steady him. Then he was pushing him to lie back.

"I'm just a little tired," John allowed, even as he sagged back against the pillows. At this very moment he felt exhausted to the point where he didn't even have the energy to keep up the facade of being okay.

The look Carson gave him spoke volumes, but the Scotsman's voice was soft and concerned as he asked, "When did you eat last, Colonel?"

John had to think about that for a moment, only to realize he couldn't remember. "Uh...I'm not sure." He figured he was going to be in trouble for it, but he just didn't give a damn right now. Let Beckett yell.

"I'm going to send for a tray," Carson stated.

"I'll get something on my way to my room." John knew he needed to get some rest so he wasn't even going to give Beckett a hard time. He wasn't happy that his body was betraying him like this, but he knew his limitations and that working against them just set him back further. Lessons he had learned the hard way.

Carson shook a finger at him. "You'll eat here, Colonel. If you do well enough...then I might consider letting you go back to your room."

John made a face, but gave in graciously. "Fine. Can I have some tylenol first?" His head was really begin to ache.

"Aye." Carson studied John as he spoke, looking worried. "I'll get that for you." He scurried off and was back a moment later with two tablets and a glass of water.

"Thanks," John said gratefully, as he accepted the pills and the water. He downed them quickly then sagged back against the pillows. He hated the fact that his body still wasn't up to par and that something that wouldn't have taken it's toll on him a year ago, now put him down and out for the count.

Carson was grabbing a blanket and shaking it open. "Rest until the tray gets here," he advised.

John nodded, just slightly, letting his heavy eyelids drift closed. He felt the blanket being spread over him, then Carson's hand patting his shoulder. Then shadowy darkness was swirling over him and a heartbeat later John drifted into darkness.

OoO

John dreamed about Atlantis. That she took him flying with her, soaring through her circuits with the same ease in which he walked her corridors. She showed him her secrets and whispered to him about the past and the future that was waiting for all of them. The whispers got louder until they turned into screams and John came awake with a jolt.

Feeling his heart pounding in his chest, John sat up, blinking hard. He recognized the infirmary, although the lighting was dim. Which meant it was night time. Which meant he had fallen asleep for hours instead of minutes. Jerking back the covers, John realized two things at once. One he had an IV taped to the back of his left hand and, two...he was dressed in scrubs. Which meant someone had both undressed him and dressed him and he hadn't even noticed. That bothered him. Alot.

"Dammit!" John hissed, scrubbing his free hand through his hair. Pain thudded lightly in his temples, but what bothered him more were the whispers in his head. He couldn't filter them out. They were the whispers from his dreams. Atlantis talking to him, only he couldn't understand her now.

"Colonel?" Said a familiar voice.

John looked up to see Dr. Strauhan approaching. "Hey, Doc," he said in greeting. Although he wasn't feeling very sociable at the moment. More than anything he was pissed. And he had to pee.

Nick was frowning as he reached him. "You okay?"

"Sure." John figured succint was best.

"Bad dream?" Nick guessed, grinning when John cocked an eyebrow at him.

Sighing, John gave a nod. "Not like the old dreams though," he confessed, feeling grateful for that much.

Nick looked surprised by that, but pleased. "Want to talk about it?"

"I'd rather use the bathroom," John countered.

"I'll bet." Nick was reaching for an IV pole. He unhooked John's back from the wall hook and rehooked it to the pool. "Can you walk okay?"

John glared at him. "Last I checked my legs weren't broken." But then he relented, since it wasn't Nick's fault he'd run himself down. "Sorry..I'm feeling a bit cranky."

Nick nodded. "I can see that." He hovered close by as John slid out of bed.

"I'm good," John said, although he felt a bit of dizziness. He just locked his knees and rode it out, then he grabbed the IV pole and headed for the bathroom. "How long was I out?"

"About ten hours." Nick glanced at his watch before replying. "Hungry?"

John considered, one hand rubbing his flat stomach. "Maybe a little. How pissed is Beckett?"

Nick grinned and shook his head. "He's not mad, just a bit worried. You let yourself get too run down, Colonel."

"It wasn't intentional," John countered, defensively.

"I know." Nick stepped ahead to open the bathroom door.

Just as John was about to step past him, the whispers got a bit louder and he couldn't repress a full body shudder. "Something's not right," he whispered.

A frown marred Nick's face. "What do you mean? Are you in pain?"

"Not with me." John grimaced, pressing fingers to his left temple. "Something's wrong with Atlantis."

"Oh." Nick looked relieved, but at the same time he looked a bit guilty.

John narrowed his gaze at the other man, sensing that there was something going on that he didn't know about. He was going to ask what was up when he suddenly remembered his missing Marine. "Sgt Banes. Did Lorne find him?" He didn't miss the fact that Nick flinched at the name. "What's going on?" John demanded.

Nick made a face then gestured to the bathroom. "Take care of nature first, Colonel. When you're back in bed I'll tell you."

"Tell me now!" John snapped, because he really hated being treated like he was fragile, and he hated being out of the loop. At the moment he wasn't sure which was worst.

"I'll tell you when you're back in bed," Nick shot back, folding his arms over his chest and giving John his best stubborn glare.

Realizing that Nick wasn't going to budge, John pushed past him into the bathroom. He wished he could slam the damn door closed, but had to settle for pretty much stomping his way over to the toilet. He took care of business, washed his hands, splashed cold water on his face then he was heading back out. He didn't acknowlege Nick as he headed back to his bed. John climbed in, peripherally watching the Doc rehook his IV to the wall hook. Then Nick was drawing the covers back over John, fussing with them till John grabbed his forearm. "What happened to Sgt. Bane?" John asked, keeping his tone soft this time. Whatever had happened, he knew it wasn't Nick's fault.

Heaving a shuddery sigh, Nick pulled away from John. He took a moment to clear his throat, then he avoided John's gaze as he blurted out, "Sgt. Bane is dead."

"Dead?" John echoed, and he probably should have expected to hear that, but it shook him. "What happened?" A myriad of thoughts ran through his head. The first one being suicide. Sometimes the new guys didn't deal so well with the realities of the Pegasus galaxy.

"He was...murdered." Nick looked a bit ill as he spoke.

John rocked back, as if Nick had punched him. "Murdered?" He realized he was starting to repeat everything the Doc said. "Tell me what happened." He needed to know the details. He needed to make sense of this. But even as Nick started to speak, John grabbed his arm and said, "Why didn't someone wake me? When did Lorne find him? You should have woke me." They weren't questions or statements, so much as accusations.

Nick locked eyes with John. "Dr. Beckett did try to wake you at Dr. Weir's request. But you were unresponsive and we realized it was best to let you rest. As for when it happened, we're not sure but Dr. Biro figured Banes was killed around twenty to twenty-four hours ago."

"I see." John released his grip on Nick's arm, giving him an apologetic look and getting a nod of acceptance. "Where did Lorne find him?"

"The new labs," Nick replied.

John was stunned. "The one's McKay was trying to set up?" When Nick nodded, John took a moment to try and process what he was hearing. After a moment of tense silence he asked, "How did Banes die?"

Nick looked like he wanted to be somewhere else. He pretty much shuffled his feet before clearing his throat again and then replying," He was stabbed in the back. Three times."

"Sonofabitch!" John was angry and surprised and overwhelmed all at once. Shoving back the covers he started to get up only to find Nick's hands hard on his shoulders and pushing him back. "I have to talk to Rodney, and Major Lorne and Elizabeth!" John snapped, ineffectively trying to push Nick off him.

"It's the middle of the night, Colonel," Nick said calmly, not releasing his grip on John's shoulders. "Everything that could be done for now, has been. There's nothing you can do right now and no reason to wake people up. I'll be sure to get the message to Dr. Weir that you need to see her in the morning. For now, you need to rest."

John knew Nick was right, but he wasn't happy about it. And he doubted he could rest. He was too wound up for one thing and, for another, the whispers in his head were getting louder. Making himself relax against the pillows, he laid his arms at his sides and said, "Fine, I'll be good."

Nick narrowed his gaze at him, then he nodded and released him. "Do you need something to help you sleep?"

"Probably, but I don't want it." John needed to be awake and alert the moment Elizabeth came to see him.

"I'll give you something mild," Nick countered. "You need the rest even more than you need to eat right now."

Which John knew was Nick's message that he needed to make up for what he didn't eat come morning. He also knew that he did need the rest. His body was screaming that at him. So he nodded, then watched Nick dump something into his IV port. "I'm signing out of here tomorrow," John warned, even as he felt a warm flush in his veins and his eyelids grew heavy.

Nick patted his shoulder. "Take it up with Dr. Beckett. Sweet dreams, Colonel."

John didn't even get the chance to reply before he drifted away.

OoO

He could hear Atlantis whispering to him, but that's not what woke John up. It was Rodney and Beckett arguing that drew John out of his slumber. He shifted until he was sitting up, then scrubbed the remaining sleep out of his eyes before snapping, "What's wrong?"

The argument broke off abruptly and Carson was at John's side in a heartbeat. A weary smile crossed his face as he asked, "How are you feeling, Colonel?"

"Fine." John gave the standard reply. He searched Carson's face, then looked at Rodney who had moved to the foot of the bed. "Any updates on what happened to Sgt. Banes?" He addressed the question to McKay.

"No. Nothing." Rodney was fidgety and pale. "Major Lorne has a team searching every possibilty and Dr. Biro is working with one of my people doing as much forensic work as we're capable of. We didn't really expect something like this to happen."

John knew that, but muttered, "Maybe we should have."

Rodney looked deflated. "Yeah...I guess."

"Are you hungry, Colonel?" Carson interjected. He was taking John's vitals as he spoke.

"Yeah, but I can grab something in the messhall after I shower and get dressed," John replied, locking eyes with Beckett and daring him to argue with him.

Which Carson did anyway. "You're eating here and we'll see about releasing you depending upon how well you eat and the like." It was a vauge response and Carson looked tense.

John winced but didn't argue. For now. He knew how to pick and choose his battles. "Can I get something to eat now?" he requested. He realized he really was hungry and that it had been probably over a day since he last ate. And he couldn't help but wonder how much that set him back for his weigh ins. But before he could contemplate it further, Elizabeth arrived.

"How are you feeling, John?" she asked, reaching his side.

"I'm good." He smiled at her, letting his eyes roam over her. She looked okay, which was a relief. "You?"

Elizabeth returned his smile."I'm fine. Glad to be back, but not happy about what's happened."

John couldn't agree more. "Has anyone else turned up missing?" he queried. He was thinking either the killer or another victim might slip past their radar, so to speak.

"We did a head count and everyone is where they belong," Elizabeth replied.

"Which is creepy," Rodney interjected, and when everyone looked at him he clarified. "Knowing someone amongst us is a killer and that another one of us might be the next victim."

John tried to nip Rodney's fears in the bud. He knew the scientist could, and would, way over think things. "This could just be a one time thing. Revenge for something. A fight gone wrong. We'll figure it out."

Rodney looked at John for a moment, then nodded, as if accepting him at his word. "I hope so. But I'll still feel better once we catch the killer."

"Me too," Elizabeth replied.

"I'll go send someone to get your breakfast, Colonel," Carson stated, looking like he might be ill. He nodded at them as a group then headed off.

John reached for the bed controls, raising the back up so he could sit more comfortably. He really hated being incapacitated at the moment. He wanted to be doing something, even though he knew Lorne would be doing everything that needed to be done. So he looked at McKay. "I hear Sgt. Banes was found in the new labs."

Rodney nodded. "I think we'll just be shutting that are down permanently."

"Where abouts was he found?" John prompted. He was gathering info for when he got out of the infirmary. He was going to do his own investigation.

"In one of the rooms we hadn't checked yet. Storage area," Rodney replied.

John had another question but swallowed it and pressed his hands over his ears. Atlantis was whispering to him again. Louder this time. He knew something was wrong, but it was starting to freak him out. He wasn't supposed to be hearing voices.

A hand touched his arm. Elizabeth was eyeing him with concern. "John...are you all right? Do you need me to call Carson?"

"No!" He dropped his hands and smiled at her. "I'm fine. Just feeling a little groggy from the sedative Nick gave me last night. I'm good, really." He wanted to wipe away the worry that darkened her eyes. But he closed his own eyes when the whispers spiked. "Atlantis..." John whispered.

"Atlantis?" Rodney echoed, looking confused.

John's eyes flew open. "Something's wrong."

Rodney snorted. "No kidding. We have a murderer on the loose, Colonel. You're ability to state the obvious is astounding."

"We'll find who did it," John said firmly. For his own sake as well as Rodney's.

"Just don't push yourself too hard, John," Elizabeth cautioned. She looked like she wanted to say more but her radio buzzed for attention. She listened a moment then said she'd be on her way. "Technical difficulties," Elizabeth said to John, then she looked to Rodney. "I could use your help."

Rodney nodded.

John looked at Elizabeth. "Keep me updated until I'm out of here?"

"I will." She patted his shoulder then headed off with Rodney in tow.

The moment they were gone, John considered sneaking out. Might have actually tried if Beckett hadn't appeared with his tray. It was settled over his lap on the tray table and John stared at the contents. Oatmeal, toast and orange juice. More than he wanted, but he started eating without argument. He managed to eat most of it before conceding defeat and giving Beckett puppy dog eyes. The man had stood guard over him the entire time. "Can I go now?"

Carson looked like he was going to say no, but then he sighed and nodded. "For now," he allowed, as he moved the tray table off and set about removing John's IV. "But don't over do and I will be checking up on you."

"I'll be good," John promised, as he slid out of bed. "Clothes?"

"In your room." Carson grinned. "You know we don't trust you, son." He patted John on the shoulder then scurried off when a nurse waved for his attention.

John cursed under his breath, although he wasn't really surprised or angry. He scuttled out of there and made for his room. A shower helped invigorate him, and he knew the sleep and food did it's part in making him feel better. Which was a positive thing all the way around because he needed to be focused and alert. There was a killer on Atlantis and he was going to find the bastard.

Once dried off and dressed, John strapped on his thigh holster, tucked his radio in his ear, shrugged on his jacket, then turned back to get his knife and slid it into the scabbard at the small of his back. Now he was ready. He headed out and went straight for the new labs. After he did a once over on his own, then John would talk to Lorne and get a report from Dr. Biro. He wanted to see everything from an untarnished point of view first.

It was easy enough to find the room Rodney told him about. There was red tape over it. John entered and there wasn't much to see but the blood on the floor. It was streaked in places and there was an area that looked smeared, like a part of it had been wiped up. John was kneeling beside it when he heard the whispers again. Atlantis was trying to tell him something.

Rising to his feet, John knew what he needed to do. He needed to talk to Atlantis. Slipping into the nearest transporter, John made his way to the Chair room. It was deserted and he was grateful. Not that anyone would have a reason for being there right now. Moving to the chair, John knew what to do to get it online, so to speak. Then he sat down and it lit up instantly.

John was about to make his connection only a tiny voice in his head was chiding him. So he tapped his radio and contacted Rodney.

"I'm busy, Colonel!" McKay snapped.

"I need you in the chair room, Rodney," John replied. "It's important."

A heavy sigh then, "I'll be there in an hour or so."

John rolled his eyes, even though McKay couldn't see him. "I need you now, Rodney. This could be very important."

"Fine! I'll just drop everything at your beck and call!" Rodney snapped. He muttered quietly a moment then added, loudly, "I'll be there in five minutes. Don't do anything I'll regret."

"Right." John tapped off then closed his eyes and reached out for Atlantis.

The whispers in his head got louder, and more distorted, becoming more of a loud buzzing noise. Then, without warning, pain lanced through his head. White-hot and burning, making John grit his teeth as his body arched in the chair.

Then darkness claimed him.

THE END...of part 31