Thanking the men Justin slowly closed the front door as his body became numb. He was in shock, absolute shock. The conversation kept playing through the young mans mind as he stared dumbly at the closed door. Slowly he turned and walked to his computer, without a second thought he found myspace on his list of favourites and began to log in, he sighed when he saw that he hadn't been the last one to sign in. As always he struggled to find where to post a blog yet he was determined to write down what was on his mind, he feared that he would forget if he didn't do it now.
Finally the correct screen opened in front of him and slowly typed the words 'Ode To You' in the subject line before beginning his blog.
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I remember the day we met, I was 26 and you were just shy of your 21st birthday. I was in town announcing the wrestling; you were visiting your parents from Australia. The show had finished and the arena was nearly empty when I headed backstage stopping briefly to talk to my co-workers you and your friends caught my attention. I was in love with your accent as soon as I heard you ask for a photo, you mention my Myspace and I automatically make you get in the photo with me, having the feeling that I'd end up with the picture myself. You smiled and I fell in love again, I wanted to talk with you and your friends longer but someone interrupted us, they wanted me to take him backstage. I finished giving him the brush off and by the time I looked up you were gone. I guess you didn't have time to hang around talking to me. I went back to my hotel room and got online, I found the Myspace comment you'd mentioned and couldn't help but smile. An hour or so later I got a private message from you, it turns out we had a mutual friend, I would have the perfect opportunity to get to know you better. With my computer on my lap I sat grinning ear to ear as I exchanged messages with you, just before I was about to ask for your address, as I was still in Minnesota, my cell rings with Greg wanting to come and hang out. He hadn't been in the match that night, which I knew you had been disappointed about, but he was still in town with us.
Greg laughed when he saw me automatically assuming that I had met a girl, I guess we were so close that my friend could read me like a book. But it didn't matter, I knew I was smitten and I was at the stage where I was nearly bursting at the seams to tell someone about the girl I'd met. You were so beautiful, your smile could light up an entire arena and your eyes, man don't get me started on those eyes. They were so deep and dark they showed right to the depths of your soul, the passion you had for life, for what you do could all be seen by looking into your beautiful eyes.
After I get back to the hotel after a few drinks with Greg I get in touch with our mutual friend, I ask about you, attempt to find out as much about you without drawing suspicion. She seems eager to tell me all that I want to know, it doesn't take me long to realise that she thinks the world of you and she's not the only one. In an email she mentions another person you've spoken of, someone else I seem to know. How is it that you were a young university student from Australia and I was an American announcer on international television yet we had at least two mutual friends? It seemed you certainly knew people in the right industries. I finally found out that you name was Jamie, and for about five minutes I let your name roll off my lips, it was a beautiful name.
Eventually however I had to end my inquiries and get some sleep, as we were leaving for Texas the early the next day. I heard from you a few more times but then you slowly drifted out of my eye line, I didn't forget you but you stopped sending me messages. I secretly subscribed to your own blog and while you didn't update often I did learn more about your life, noting the small things such as you stuffing up a relationship with Conner, who I could only gather was your boyfriend or perhaps now your ex. Reading that made my heart drop, yet I guess deep down I knew I never had a chance with you in the first place. What would a smart young Christian uni student want with a Jewish announcer? Hell we were of two totally different faiths and while it didn't matter that greatly to me I had been told it was something of importance to you. It was disheartening but it was reality and it was the fans that were meant to be having a crush on me, not the other way around.
In the last week of December I got my schedule for the next month only to discover that I would be working another Smackdown/ECW show in Minnesota. I remembered you telling me that you spent your summer vacation in America with your parents and wondered if perhaps maybe you'd be at the show. Like always I posted my schedule on myspace hoping it would get a reaction from you, however you never commented.
That night I looked around the arena while awaiting the show to start, I noticed four empty front row seats and thought that perhaps they could belong to you. I wasn't able to dwell on it too long as I was called into a meeting to discuss the fact I was going to get 'knocked out' during the Smackdown taping, missing the rest of the taping but being back for ECW. Right before the taping began I took another look at the empty front row seats, only to find them still empty, I shook my head and began psyching myself up, before making my way down to the ring in time for the Smackdown fire works.
During the night I got closer to the moment that I was due to get 'knocked out', I hadn't had another chance to look around for Jamie. Eventually the moment that I was dreading arrived and I felt myself getting knocked to the ground, amazingly I fell near the seats I'd been watching earlier. Looking across I saw three very familiar looking people and one I hadn't met, yet in the middle of the group was, the woman I'd been thinking about for the past six months, you. I managed to make eye contact and wink causing you to burst out laughing; your smile was so amazing, it was as though it lit up the entire room. I was so captivated that I nearly forgot what I was meant to be doing and was about to walk over to where you were, it was only you pointing behind me that I remembered what was going to happen next, a Batista Bomb from a 'deranged' Batista. While perched on the shoulders of the mad man I couldn't help but wonder why I was being involved in wrestling moves when I wasn't even a wrestler. A whispered apology followed by a loud thud and dull ache was enough of a cue to get me to close my eyes and lay still pretending to be knocked out.
I get carried out of the ring and as soon as we pass under the giant fist I jump off the stretcher and walked around momentarily removing the slight dull from where my back hit the canvas.
"Justin are you ok? I didn't hurt you did I?" Dave's concerned voice broke into my thoughts,
"No, you put me down perfectly, smooth as."
"Oh good, you're lighter than most the others so I wasn't too sure"
"No I'm fine I promise" I smiled and sent the man to his locker room for a much needed shower. As I had an hour to waste I decided to watch the show with Greg.
"She's there" I muttered indicating at the screen,
"Who?"
"That girl I told you about ages ago. She's there front row," I jumped up to show Greg where you were sitting.
"Oh Jamie?"
"You know Jamie?"
"Yea everyone does. She's pretty hot, but off limits"
"Why?"
"She's one of Rick's mates," he replied referring to a good friend of Jericho's and Benoit's. He used to be an Australian wrestler but now owned a record distribution company we all knew him though.
"He treats her like his own daughter, no one goes near her." I was shocked, how was I supposed to know that you were that close to Rick. I mean I knew he was one of our mutual friends but I didn't realise you were that close.
"Just forget about her JJ, she's not worth having Rick kick your ass. Smackdown is about to finish you better get yourself out there" Greg concluded pushing me away from the TV and towards the locker room door.
I had heard what my friend had said but it didn't stop me thinking about you, I watched you every chance I got, I laughed at the comments you made to Sabu, nearly fell off my chair when you stopped your friend going after Sandman and admired your loyalty to your friends and heroes. Then my heart stopped you looked in my direction and saw me watching you so you smiled and snapped a photo. It was clear that you were having a great time, which made me fall for you even more. Once the dark match had finished and everyone had left I noticed you and your friends will still hanging around your seats.
"Justin!" You called out in your thick Australian accent causing me to smile and automatically head your way.
"Jamie good to see you again"
"Wait, you know my name?" You asked with a look of shock. I mentally kicked myself in the ass. Neither on Myspace or when we met had you told me your name, so in theory I shouldn't know it.
"Ah yes um, Stellie told me it. Sorry" I muttered hoping you wouldn't ask why she told me.
"Cool, hey can you take us backstage?" You smiled cheekily letting me know you were only being half serious. I decided to shock the hell out of you and your friends and agree, after all Greg did say that everyone knew you.
"Yea sure, I don't know if any Smackdown guys will still be around but the ECW guys should still be here." The look on your face and yours faces were priceless, their jaws dropped to the ground and when I encouraged you over the barrier you stared at me dumbly for a moment before I nervously held out my hand to help you.
I showed you and your friends around and couldn't help but smirk when one of them ran into Sandman and just about fainted, then tried to follow him into the shower block causing you to race after her. I didn't have to ask many questions to get to know you more, all I had to do was watch you and your friends bounce comebacks off each other. I don't think I've ever smiled so damn hard as I did that night with you and your friends, you weren't trying to impress anyone you were just excited that you were getting to meet your heroes. What I didn't know was that while Greg knew who you were, you two had never met, nor did I know he was one of your absolute favourites. I never knew someone could grin so wide or eyes shine so much as yours did when we ran into Greg and I suggested we all go and get a bite to eat.
Sitting down at Perkins my friend announced his need for the bathroom and grabbed my arm pulling me away with him, as we departed I heard you and your friends laugh when you commented on how you thought it was only girls that went to the bathroom in groups. My head was in the clouds when Greg pushed me into the bathroom and against a sink,
"Justin you moron! I told you to stay away from her; Rick'll have your ass if you sleep with her"
"I don't want to sleep with her and I know she won't sleep with me but I think I love her," I muttered dropping my head in embarrassment; I was the wanderer I didn't fall in love.
"Cut that out, you're thinking with your dick not your heart."
"I've never felt this way about anyone before; I don't want to hurt her. I love her." I barely knew you; all I had was what I'd seen that night and what Stellie had told me but something kept telling me that what I was feeling was love.
"I don't know what else I can say," I sighed walking past my friend to join you back at the table.
"I noticed you don't have that brace on your arm this time" I smiled at you indicating at your left hand that six months ago had a black plastic brace covering it. Stellie had filled me in about how'd your lost your temper and put your fist into a brick wall tearing the tissue.
"Oh yea I had surgery in September. Cost my parents a pretty penny so all wall punching is now out." You blushed slightly causing your friends to burst out laughing; clearly the situation was some what of a joke to you guys. We drink hot chocolates as I ask you about how long you're in America for and when you'll be back, you inform me that you're only around for another month but you'll be back in June this time for good. My heart skipped a beat as you said that and my eyes locked on yours smiling just then one of your friend's cell phone rings and moments later you need to leave as your friend has work in the morning.
"Jamie, can I talk to you a second?" I asked smiling nervously; you told your friends that you'd meet them in the car a couple of minutes.
"I really enjoyed talking to you tonight and was wondering if you wanted to meet in the morning for breakfast or something before I leave town," I rushed out feeling my cheeks heat up.
"Sure that'd be cool," you replied grinning.
The next day I met you in the hotel lobby and went for breakfast, while the food was fairly bland it was the best meal I'd ever had simply because I was with you. I focused on getting to know you more while answering the questions that you threw at me, I told you a bit about my family and growing up. You told me about what you studied and believed in and how much you hated living so far away from your mom. I was even able to find out about Conner, who wasn't your boyfriend just a good friend that you'd played a bad prank on and were only just getting your friendship back on equal ground. I could have listened to your voice forever; it was just so beautiful your accent was heaven to my ears. We lost track of time until Greg rang telling me to get my backside in to gear. So we were forced to part ways, I kissed you on the cheek slightly and got your email address.
"I'll email you when I get to the hotel,"
"I'll be looking forward to it." Yet I doubted you truly believed that I would contact you again.
That was our first date and true to my word the moment I got to the hotel I logged into the internet and sent you an email, I was in love and I wasn't ready to lose contact with you. It was a simple email speaking about how enjoyed your company and hoped to keep in contact with you, I was surprised to get one back so quickly even more surprised when you said you'd enjoyed spending time with me as well. The next couple of months we keep in contact via email and eventually via phone though we discover it is very difficult to decipher each others accents while on the phone to each other.
In April WWE toured Australia and we went to Brisbane, where you were living. Rick took sympathy on you being a broke college student and took you to the show as his guest, this meant you were also taken back to the hotel with him and we got another chance to hang out. I'd barely said hello to you when Rick pulled me to the site and gave me the speech about not messing with you and so forth. I promised that I'd never hurt you and Jamie I never did.
In the June you moved to Minnesota and started your second degree while I relocated to be closer to you, I figured that if you'd moved half way across the world I could move a couple of states over, we were officially a couple. I was shocked that you would actually give me a chance yet you did and while me being of a different faith bothered you, you were very tolerant and understanding. As the months went on we simply got closer and closer and I began to investigate Christianity and found it quite interesting. I was ready to move heaven and Earth for you so I had no problem looking into another religion.
I remembered the day that I proposed to you, it was in that week between your 24th birthday and Christmas. It was freezing cold but I had taken you for a romantic snow picnic, something we'd both spoken of doing before. During lunch we just about forgot about the cold and were able to have a romantic time. We finished eating and were sitting there snuggled together for warmth I pulled away gently and got on one knee,
"Jamie, I love you think that I loved you since the moment I saw you. The fact that I was so determined to get information from Stellie about you should have been a clue. I hate every moment that I'm away from you, you are my life my everything will you please marry me?" I asked pulling out a gold ring I looked into the depth of your eyes and saw tears; I was slightly worried that they were tears of disgust as opposed to joy. But moments later you simply nodded,
"Yes," you finally muttered. I nearly didn't hear you but when I realised you said yes I wanted to scream for joy instead I slipped the ring on your finger and kissed you gently.
A year an a half later we got married, the pastor at your church wed us and friends from all over the world including Stellie, Rick and Greg were there to share our special day with us. As we both hated formalities we encouraged the pastor to skip most of that part.
"Justin and Jamie have written their own vows. Justin…" Despite skipping the formalities it felt like it had taken forever to get to that part and I was more nervous than I had ever been.
"Jamie, I think I have loved you since I met you, since I first heard you call me over. Every moment I'm away from you my heart aches for the moment we meet again. I can't remember what my life was like without you; you are my yesterday, my today and my tomorrow. And today, in front of God, our families and our friends I make this promise to you, Jamie; I promise to love you with my every being, to rock you to sleep when you're crying, to bring you m&m's when I screw up. I promise to do everything humanly possible to ensure no one ever hurts you, to raise our future kids the best way I know how. I promise to be your best friend, to laugh and to cry and to love." It sounded corny but it was from my heart and I knew that was what mattered most to you. Your vows however blew me away; we'd planned not to share them before we said them to each other for real so I wasn't expecting it.
"Justin, who knew that the day we met, would eventually lead us to the point where we promise to love honour and obey in front of everyone we love. But here we are two people absolutely in love. Justin I don't know much about love but I promise you that I will love you the best way I know how, that I'll go to the pits of hell with you, that you'll never be alone. I promise that you are my one and only, you've given me everything and I promise you everything in return. I love you."
"May we have the rings?" The pastor asked Greg, my best man who silently pulled a ring out of his pocket and handed it to me.
"Justin please repeat after me. I Justin…" I repeated the lines that the pastor instructed and slipped the ring gently over your finger before listening as you did the same.
"May I introduce Mr and Mrs Justin Roberts. You may now kiss your bride." The pastor smiled and I leant down allowing our lips to touch, it wasn't our first kiss but it certainly felt it, and it was perfect.
We went off for photos then met the guests at the hall we'd hired for the reception, the place had been done up beautifully.
"Justin, congratulations mate. Just know if you break your vows I will hurt you!" Rick came up and slapped me on the back,
"Yes sir" I stuttered, ever intimidated by the bigger man. The whole day went perfectly, not a thing went wrong. I was the luckiest and happiest man on Earth.
We went down to New Zealand for the honeymoon, a place that you hadn't been for years and I'd only visited once or twice. It was your favourite place in the world and I loved seeing your face light up whenever you spoke about it, so naturally it was the perfect place for our honeymoon. We spend two weeks down in Queenstown, it was quite cold but with you around I never felt the elements, I suppose that was a sign of how in love we were.
We got back from our trip and we both returned to work. When we'd been dating it had been hell that I was constantly travelling but you had promised me never to give up my dream job for you, that the only reason to give that up was if I truly didn't want to do it anymore. Being back at work bought many congratulations but I hated being away from you, although it made coming home all that much better. We'd been married about 6 months when we got the great news. You were pregnant; we were going to have a child. Both of us wanted a large family and were ecstatic to hear that we were getting closer to that goal. Pregnancy wasn't kind to you though, you spent many hours in bed sick while I was on the other side of the country with work. I wanted to go on hiatus for a while, to be with you while you were going through such a tough time but you kept telling me not to give up my dream job, besides your mom was with you constantly. While you wished I was with you having your mom made it a million times easier to deal with.
Despite you being a teacher we'd already discussed that when our children were old enough for high school we were going to return to Australia, as you didn't think that highly of the American education system and well quite frankly I didn't blame you, who would? But that was a long way off, our child handed even been born yet so we didn't need to worry about high schools; we did however look into elementary schools, Christian of course.
Our son, Eli Joseph Roberts was born at 5:46 the morning of the 3rd of August. He was gorgeous, my first child, I couldn't have been prouder of him. Despite having told ourselves that our children wouldn't be spoiled we spoilt him rotten, he had the coolest toys and the cutest clothes. With you and my son I had something to spend all my money on. Life couldn't have gotten better. I was utterly in love with my wife, was a father and had been in my dream job for years.
Eli's three now, he's the smartest little kid; he can count to 20 and can spell his name in full. He loves sports as well, whenever I'm home he loves to sit down watching the wrestling or baseball or hockey with me and he understands it as well. But you know this already, when we're watching sports you usually join in. Life is still good, or it was.
Our anniversary came up and while I was on the road for it I was home the weekend after and you and I were planning to go spend a few days on Macinac Island in Michigan. Just the two of us, Eli was going to your parents; they love him so much, spoil him more than we do. While I finished packing you took Eli over to your folks and went to run a few last minute errands. You'd been gone a couple of hours but I wasn't worried, I wasn't expecting you back for an hour. Then as soon as you got back we were going to head to Michigan, only going up to Duluth for the night before reaching Macinac Island the next day.
I heard the knock on the door and figured that you had your hands full and couldn't unlock the door yourself. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to find two uniformed police.
"Are you Justin Roberts?" One of them asked gently,
"Yes sir" I replied nervously, what had I done recently to warrant a visit from the police. I barely listened as they introduced themselves and asked if they could come in. I opened the door wider and indicated at the seats around the kitchen table. Then they began to explain why they were here,
"There was an accident," was pretty much all I heard before my heart dropped,
"We're sorry sir everything was done but we couldn't save her."
"What?"
"Your wife is Jamie Roberts correct?"
"Yes"
"We're are very sorry but she didn't make it." Didn't make it? You didn't make it; I couldn't understand what they were saying. How could you have not made it? You're Jamie, you're a fighter, you've beaten the odds so many times it wasn't funny.
"What?"
"We're very sorry sir." You couldn't be gone, you can't be gone. We were meant to have a five more children, you'd just gotten the news you were pregnant again, we were going to grow old together. We were so in love, how can you be gone? Our life is perfect, how can an accident take you away from me? From your son? I broke my promise, I'm so sorry.
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Justin hit the submit blog button and didn't dare read over it as the preview showed on screen he just hit the confirm button. As the page loaded he rested his head in his hands as a single tear splashed against the keyboard. The noise caused him to look up and he noticed that one of his friends had posted a new blog. Absently clicking on it he was taken to Jamie's page he was in near shock when he read the title of her blog 'Let me tell you about the man I love'. It was posted on their anniversary and he had no idea why he hadn't received email notification of it. But through his blurred vision Justin managed to read the blog that was in front of him. It was Jamie's version of the story he'd just typed up, telling the world how much she was in love with the man that she'd married.
Justin lost it and fell off the chair in a heap as it sunk in. Their life was perfect now it was gone; Jamie was gone from his life forever. Once his sobs ceased he stood up and headed to the door, he needed to do something but something stopped him. A photo, a simple photo, it was of the day they'd first met. Justin leaning over the barrier pulling a face and Jamie smiling, with that photo something clicked in him. Their perfect life was gone yes but Jamie was still there, in his heart, in his soul, in the personality and the eyes of their son.
Justin stared at that photo for an eternity before grabbing his coat and walking out of the house, he needed his son. The news of his wife's death hurt and part of him died the second he knew that she had but he had a son and his son needed him.
Yes his body was still numb, yes he was still in shock and yes tears still stained his cheeks the entire way to his mother-in-laws house. He was petrified he'd come across the scene where the accident had been and yet was slightly disappointed that he didn't, perhaps he was looking for prove that she was really gone. Standing in front of his wife's parent's door he knocked hesitantly and waited for someone to answer. Soon his mother-in-law's kind face came to the door and she someone how knew just by looking at him what had happened and her face dropped, tears automatically forming in her eyes. Just then Eli bounded down the stairs,
"DADDY!" He screamed and took a flying leap into his father's arms.
Things were no longer perfect, the love of Justin's life was gone but he still had his son and while that didn't make things ok. It certainly helped.
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A/N: I thought of this story on a day trip when I was in Minnesota. It's long and it's sad but I hope you liked it. Oh yea this isn't true except for: Meeting Justin in Minnesota when I was visiting my parents, having surgery for busting my hand (I'm having it in a couple of weeks).