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A Recognised Loss

Part Two

The Doctor stared at the little girl in front of him – his little girl, well that explained why her eyes looked so familiar – they were his eyes. He really didn't have a clue what to say, he was in shock – did Venetia even know he existed? Had Rose told her stories about him and their life together before… before she had been born?

Then it hit him – why Rose had been so upset that morning in the Tardis, why she had cried and looked at him with such uncertainly in her eyes, why she had shied away from his touch and fled when he spoke cruel words to her – she had found out she was pregnant. The Doctor stood there numbly for a moment not knowing what to say – all he could do was stare at the child, their child, their beautiful daughter. Venetia looked up at the Doctor, her eyes wide and curious

'Mummy?' she asked quietly to Rose who looked down at her, 'Is he alright?' Rose took her daughters' small hand in hers and looked up at the Doctor

'I don't know' she quietly replied knowing what her words must have done to him. She looked at the Doctors eyes – she shivered seeing how incredibly similar they were to Venetia's, but his eyes were shadowed – lost deep in thought, he looked at her unsure of what to say. She took a deep breath in and knew most of this was her fault so she would have to take the first step – she held her hand out to him

'Do you wanna come in for coffee and talk?' she asked him meekly. He paused for a moment then pulled himself out of his thoughts, nodding slowly he said

'Yeah – I think that would be a good idea' The Doctor and Rose walked together, both of their hands by their sides warily watching one another whilst Venetia ran ahead.

'Put those water balloons down Vennie!' Rose briskly instructed as she ran down the pavement with her blonde curls bouncing wildly around her head

'Yes Mummy' she sang back as she threw the balloons at the other children waiting on the corner before running ahead squealing. Rose smiled proudly at her

'Vennie?' the Doctor asked curiously whilst trying to make conversation

'It's her nickname – its short for Venetia' she told him

'Venetia' he said again slowly as though he was still adjusting to the name 'Any reason why you picked that name?' he asked quietly. She seemed to pause then looked down at her hands to fumble with her coat button.

'It was strange, unusual and unheard of – it reminded me of you' she tried to joke whilst being brutally honest. He didn't know what to say to that so he changed to subject instead

'So do you still live in the same flat?' he asked

'Yep' she replied as they continued to follow Venetia

'Is there… anyone special in your life at the moment?' he awkwardly asked. She blushed at his question but shook her head

'No – just me and Vennie' she told him quietly

'Oh' he said nodding – secretly pleased. 'What about your mum, she still around?' he asked sounding genuinely scared. Rose paused for a moment and bit her lip as though she was going to cry

'No, she passed away a couple years back' she said quietly. The Doctor stopped walking and turned around to look at her, he awkwardly put his hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture

'I'm sorry' he told her – she could tell it was really heartfelt. She nodded, biting back the tears

'It was cancer' she said after a short pause, her voice cracking 'Took her in the end – she fought so hard though, didn't deserve to… to die' she said before she let her tears fall. In a second the Doctor had wrapped her in his arms for a hug – just like the old days. She stood there for a moment in his embrace, her arms closing in around him savouring the feeling.

Venetia turned around, her curls bouncing all over the place as she paused for breathe from her running, she saw the strange man holding her mum as she shook, crying into the strangers arms. She slowly approached the pair watching them cautiously want to know who had upset her mum

'Mummy?' she quietly called out in a frightened little voice. Rose stepped back from the Doctors' arms and smiled reassuringly at her

'I'm fine sweetheart' she lied to her daughter. Venetia watched her studying her with her big brown eyes, she looked at the Doctor – he was doing the exactly same thing – it was eerie how similar they were Rose thought.

'Come on – we should get inside before it gets cold' she told the pair as she began to walk briskly ahead, the Doctor and Venetia both watched her before following. Rose wiped away her tears and took a deep breath in – she didn't have time to breakdown, especially not today of all days.

The threesome quickly approached the flat and stopped outside the door – it was getting darker as she evening drew in and a frost began to settle in the air. She fumbled through her pockets looking for her keys as she did this the Doctor and Venetia stood silently staring at each other.

'How do you know my mum?' Vennie asked as she assessed the Doctor – he was fairly sure that Rose hadn't told her anything about him

'I used to travel with your mother – a long time ago' he told her quietly as he remembered the old days.

'Before I was born?' she asked innocently, he suddenly straightened

'Yes' he simply replied.

'Did you stop travelling because I came along?' she asked yearning for information, the Doctor froze at this comment

'I don't know' he sadly replied as Rose bristled. She had opened the door

'In. Now.' she instructed Venetia who obliging followed. The little girl ran into the flat throwing her shoes and jacket off

'Wash up for dinner' Rose called out to her

'Yes Mummy' she sang back. Rose turned in the hallway and gestured to the Doctor to enter – he paused for a moment unsure. The moment he stepped over the threshold a thousand memories hit him at once, him and Rose in this flat, at Christmas with her mum – falling asleep together on the sofa after eating too much Christmas pudding. He tried to block the memories as he walked in looking around at how much the flat hadn't changed. The only thing that was different was the tiny pairs of shoes and abandoned Barbies that littered the place.

Rose hung her coat up and watched the Doctor until he did the same; he wandered into the living room and saw the photos that lined the mantelpiece. Photos of Rose pregnant, of Venetia being born, Venetia's first steps, her first day at school, her first Christmas and birthday – all the major milestones that the Doctor had missed out on – a cold rage swept through him. He had missed his beautiful little girl growing up and the knowledge ate away at him inside.

Rose threw some chips and nuggets into the oven and asked Venetia to sit in the kitchen watching the food whilst she spoke to the Doctor – Venetia agreed happily loving to play grown ups.

Rose walked into the living room and watch the Doctor touch each photo – burning these images of Venetia into his mind, she could feel the icy tension that laced the room. She knew the confrontation was coming – she had been preparing herself for it for the last six years – she just didn't know if she was ready – but then again, it wasn't as though she had any choice. The Doctor put the last of the photos down – it was taken on Venetia's third birthday, it was Rose, Jackie and Venetia – the three generations of Tylers – all looking so happy, looking at that photo you would never have known of the secrets that lay within the family.

The Doctor turned to look at her, his eyes dark and angry – also a little bit hurt, she stood anxiously, her hands twisted behind her back and biting her lip.

'Why?' he asked – he walked up to her until he was standing eye to eye with her, he could see the fear, and sadness and even desperation that laced her eyes. She held her breath as he said it again

'Why?' that simple word asked a million questions, all questions that she didn't know if she could answer. She chewed her fingernail as she wondered what to reply – which 'why'sheshould she reply to.

'Why what?' she weakly asked. She could see the anger blaze in his eyes as he listened to her

'Why… why did you leave?' he finally exclaimed. She was sick of him glaring at her, she could give as good as she got

'Because you threw me out – do you remember that?' she testily replied, when he winced she could tell that he did. 'Do you remember the words you said?' she began

'Rose…' he began not wanted to drag it up, she glared at him

'I bet you can't – well I can. I remembered those words when I sat alone out in the dark, alone and pregnant' she shouted at him waving her arms in the air in dramatic gestures.

'How the hell should I have known!' he yelled back 'You never told me!'

She seemed to jump at his tone – as though she hadn't been shouted at in a long time

'You just… should have' she whispered quietly – she blinked back her tears as her rage returned to her

'I remember what you said – you said "Well Miss Tyler, if I'm that terrible and such a horrific person as you tell me I am, why don't you go the hell home?" do you remember shouting that in my face? Do you remember me falling back against the wall wiping away my tears?' she asked him hurting

He sighed angrily

'Do you remember shouting "I wouldn't stay here if you paid me – get me the hell out of this place?"' he asked bitterly, his voice just below the shouting level.

'I was pregnant I was allowed to be upset!' she screamed back at him as hot tears fell down her face burning her – she had sworn to herself she wouldn't cry over him, not any more, yet here she was. She angrily wiped the tears away

'You – Never – Told –Me' he spaced out with a voice fuelled by emotions. She swirled around and walked up to his face

'How could I? You threw me out and disappeared' she whispered. She lent back against a wall and let the sobs ride through her soul; the Doctor ran his fingers through his hair trying to regain the leash on his anger.

'Rose' he warned darkly, her eyes shot up to meet his

'Don't' she warned him.

'You never told me' he repeated quietly as though he still couldn't believe it

'What was I supposed to do? Send a postcard?' she asked crying, hers eyes streamed as did her nose each tear drop creating a tiny pool on her top. 'I couldn't get hold of you' she whispered the heartbreaking truth. The Doctor stepped back realising this couldn't all be her fault – he was partly to blame

'Damn it' he muttered. He glanced up to the doorway to see Venetia standing there with her hands on her hips, tears streamed down her face and fear heightened her features but she was going to protect her mother – she was hell bent on that.

'Mummy?' the innocent voice called out between sobs.

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