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A Recognised Loss
Part Seven
The Doctor woke early excited about the day to come, this would be his third day with his daughter and he was looking forward to every moment he could spend with her, learning about her, finding little traits that reminded him of Rose and himself – he couldn't wait to just see her smile. The Doctor got up off of the sofa and wandered over to the window; he pulled the curtains back and looked up at the night sky. He looked out knowing of all the thousands of planets and galaxies that he hadn't explored yet – so many things he hadn't seen yet – he yearned to travel, to see everything, he loved the feeling he got every time he walked out of the Tardis doors and into a new dimension. Then he remembered the feeling that came over him every time he saw Venetia – he knew he was going to have to make a momentous decision. Did he stay with Venetia or did he return to the Tardis?
The Doctor pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind – they were thoughts he couldn't deal with right now – thoughts he didn't know the answer to – thoughts that would change his entire future. He lent forward against the window in the same spot Rose had yesterday night; he was deeply troubled and didn't know what to do. He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard footsteps behind him
'Hey' Rose softly called out 'You alright?' she asked coming up behind him and placing her hand on his arm. He paused then turned around to look at her, he gave her a reassuring smile
'I'm fine' he told her – he knew he couldn't talk to her about the future, not yet, not until he had decided what he was going to do.
'Why you up so early?' he asked her curiously. She shrugged
'Couldn't sleep' he nodded then put his arm around her shoulder pulling her close.
'It's beautiful isn't it' Rose murmured as they watched the sun begin to rise over London shedding its' amber light over the grey buildings of the city. When the Doctor didn't reply Rose smile to herself knowingly
'I suppose it's not that beautiful when you've seen the four suns of Gerbratar rising over the tropical oasis' she recalled smiling at the memory. The Doctor smiled down at Rose looking her in the eye
'You should never knock the beauty of Earth – it still gets me every time' he told her wistfully 'There's just so much here waiting to be seen and explored, so many wonders and magnificent things' Rose smiled at his musing
'Well you know what they say – home is where the heart is' she joked. He grinned at her, his familiar quirky smile and pulled her closer. They stood that way for a while watching the moon fade away and the sun begin to brighten the sky taking its' place. The Doctor moved so that he was standing behind Rose, his head poking over her shoulder, his hands wrapped around her stomach from behind.
'How was the pregnancy?' he quietly asked touching her stomach as if Vennie was still in there. Rose seemed to stiffen at the question then sighed leaning back into the Doctor
'It was terrible' she whispered as she recalled the hardest nine months of her life.
She was now holding his hands as they were wrapped around her, he gently stroked one of her hands with the back of his thumb.
'What happened?' he tenderly asked. Rose looked down at the floor
'I was so scared' she whispered 'I didn't know if she was like me or like you – I was scared if I went for a scan or anything they'd think she was some sort of freak or deformity and try to take her away' she told him, her voice cracking as she remembered the days of holding her bump but being so afraid.
'What did you do?' he prodded her, she sighed and looked up out of the window at the fresh day that was dawning
'Well I kept getting these pains in my stomach – sharp stabbing pains. I didn't know what was happening – if something was wrong. Mum convinced me to go in the end; waiting for the image to come up on the screen was the worst moment of my life. Just waiting to see what kind of child I'd have. Mum sat their holding my hand telling me everything was gunna be okay, but it wasn't the same' she sadly told him as the old memories brought back the same fears and horrors she had felt then. The Doctor wasn't prepared for the rush of guilt that soared through him as she told him of all her fears and worries that had been caused by him – all questions that he could have answered so easily if he had been there. But he hadn't been there – so Rose had to go through all of this alone - the Doctor winced. He didn't say anything; he just waited for her to finish her story when she was ready.
'I remember looking at the screen, them pointing out the tiny dot that was my baby. I swear I'd never seen anything like it before. When she was born, she had an abscess beside her left lung – they let me hold her then rushed her off to surgery. It was her second heart – it never grew, it just sorta stayed there' she quietly told him
'They cut out her second heart?' he asked, slightly shocked and perplexed. Rose shook her head
'They tried – but they couldn't. It had its own blood supply, arties and stuff, they said if they tried to remove it that it could kill her. They wanted to try again when she was older but I wouldn't let them. Mum wanted them to, she said she didn't see why Vennie had to be a two hearted freak just because her father was – mum started to hate you when she found out I was pregnant – she never forgave you' Rose quickly explained before continuing.
'But I couldn't let them do that to her, I couldn't let them give away something so special that only one other person in existence has – I wanted her to be her fathers' daughter' she told the Doctor simply. The Doctor beamed the moment she said that
'Thank you' he told her as he squeezed her, he pressed a kiss to her cheek in gratitude.
'So that's Vennie: half human, half Gallifreyan' Rose mused
'But just perfect' the Doctor finished. Rose lent her head back against his chest and smiled up at him
'Part Time Lord?' she asked curiously – she had always wondered but never known. Vennie had always been clever, one of those kids who could talk by the age of one, could memorise entire books, she was top of the class in everything and they had even talked of moving her up a year. Some of these things had shocked Rose and made her want to know more, to test her daughter but she knew that no matter how much intelligence Vennie showed, how much wisdom she conveyed and however many stars she could name she was still only a kid.
The Doctor moved his head so his chin rested on top of Roses' head, he looked out at the beautiful day with her, he moved his hands to her hips and her hands followed holding onto his
'I'm not sure…' he contemplated, he knew there would only be one way to know for sure and that was to run some tests using the Tardis – but he didn't want to do that. Determine the fate of a little girl, telling her she would live forever and be trapped alone or that she would surely die as did her Grandma and as her mother will. Rose thought for a moment to – she knew what the Doctor had been through, how hard his life was, and the thought of her daughter changing bodies and faces unsettled her. Rose shook her head
'I don't want to know' she decided, telling the Doctor 'Well not yet at least' she finished. He nodded
'I agree' he turned her around so that she was facing him now, his hands moved onto her cheeks as he looked into her hazel eyes – eyes that he could drown in.
'Oh Rose' he whispered 'I never stopped loving you – you know that right?' he asked her quietly. Her eyes widened then she smiled a slow understanding smile
'There've been moments where I've doubted it but…I never stopped loving you either' she told him sadly. He smiled at her
'Good' he teased before he pressed a kiss to her forehead.
Vennie ran in having risen with the sun – she screwed her face up atthe grown ups then giggled. She snuck over to where the camera was and picked it up, she turned around and shouted
'Say cheese!' they both looked at her and grinned. It was a beautiful photo, the Doctor and Rose looked so lost in each others arms and the rising sun in the background illuminated them like nothing else could.
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