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A Recognised Loss
Part 8
Several hours later the Doctor, Rose and their daughter sat on a checked picnic blanket in a nearby field. It had been Venetias' idea to go for a picnic; everyone had instantly agreed and rushed out to buy party eggs and sausage rolls. All the food had been eaten and the sun was high – unusually warm for an October afternoon. They still wore their jackets but the sun warmed them, Venetia lay in between her parents having a nap; the excitement of the day had worn her out. The Doctor was lying on the blanket perched up on his elbows; Rose sat with her legs tucked under her. Venetias' golden curls flounced out around her head, her black trousers warmed her legs and her pink coat matched her little pink trainers, she looked so innocent whilst she was sleeping.
The Doctor just sat their watching Venetia trying to remember every detail of her face, every tone of her voice and every shade of gold in her hair. He knew he could just gaze at her all day; he glanced up to see Rose staring at him, a strange smile on her face.
'She's so beautiful' the Doctor murmured looking at Venetia again, Rose smiled and nodded in agreement
'Just like her mother' he told her smiling gently. She blushed and shook her head. He just smiled knowingly at her and lay back to look up at the blue sky that was dotted with white clouds of candy floss. Rose followed his gaze and lay back on the blanket at an angle so her head was near his. He pointed up into the sky
'Look that way' he told her smiling, she followed his hand and looked up into the heavens above
'Remember when we went there?' he asked her, she squinted at the sun
'Where?' she asked trying to pick out a single memory from her millions. He rolled onto his side and grinned at her
'Everywhere!' he joyously exclaimed. Venetia had awakened now and looked at them both as if they were stupid
'You can't have been everywhere!' Venetia exclaimed
'I can go anywhere' the Doctor told her with a grin, she shook her head like a little girl who knew too much
'No you can't – that's impossible!' she exclaimed with her hands on her hips sticking her tongue out. Rose rolled over and grinned
'Sweetheart, you'll soon find that life with your father, anything is possible' the Doctor grinned at Rose whose soft laughter filled the air as Venetia stood looking between them.
'I don't believe you' she told them looking at them smartly. The Doctor reached up and pulled Venetia down who squealed in delight
'Then you're never going to believe the stories I'm going to tell you' he told her grinning. She studied him for a moment then joined her mother in the laughter
'Tell me!' she exclaimed looking up at him, her eyes dancing
'Nope – not if you don't believe' he told her with a mock upset face. She grinned at him and poked him
'I do believe! I promise!' she exclaimed to him, the Doctor grinned at her then looked at Rose
'Well Rose, are you ready to believe?' he teased. She grinned back and moved closer to the Doctor
'Show me how to believe again' she asked him with a mysterious smile. He raised an eye brow at her before he began his story
'A long, long, long time ago in a planet called Gallifrey there was a man who lived in a blue box…' the Doctor began.
Hours later the sun had set and the picnic had been packed up and everything returned to the Tyler flat. Venetia had been bundled into bed, falling asleep the moment her head had hit the pillow for she was exhausted – it had been a very long and exciting day.
The Doctor had spent all day thinking about the future as had Rose. The stories he told – their stories – reminded him of who he was, or who he used to be. The stories had affected Rose as well – she had remembered her past and who she used to be, then she remembered Venetia and the Doctors' way of life. They both knew they needed to talk about it but neither of them knew how.
Rose walked into the kitchen and put the kettle on, the Doctor lent back against the wall and watched Rose busying herself by making cups of tea
'Want a cuppa?' she called over her shoulder. The Doctor had to smile – she sounded exactly like Jackie.
'Please' he replied, Rose nodded as she pulled out various jars and containers
'Still milk and two sugars?' she asked. He grinned – she still remembered
'Yep – you know me too well' he teased. Her face fell
'If only I did' she muttered to herself – the Doctor watched her back, her shoulders were hunched hard at work. The Doctor ran his hands through his hair as Rose turned around – she knew that was something he only did when he was nervous or worried. Rose set the steaming mugs of tea down on the table before she plopped herself down into a chair. She gestured at the one opposite
'Please – take a seat' she invited him. He shook his head as he picked up his mug of tea
'Prefer to stand thanks' he told her as he breathed in the warm steam floating away from the tea. The Doctor slowly took a sip of the tea avoiding Roses' gaze, the taste flooded his mouth bringing back all his memories of Jackie – that woman made a killer cup of tea.
'Mmmm' the Doctor mumbled 'very nice' he praised her making awkward conversation. She nodded in understanding knowing how awkward this must be for him as well. She looked at him and took a deep breath in knowing it was better to get straight to the point
' Venetia needs a father' Rose began watching him carefully
'Now she has one' he chirpily told her – she wasn't amused
'She needs someone who can be here for her, not someone who just pops by for a visit bringing presents and stories from far away places. She needs someone to hold her when she cries, someone to kiss her knees when she falls over, she needs someone to count the stars with and she needs someone she can rely on' Rose told the Doctor willing him to understand what she was saying.
'She has you' he told her simply. Rose rubbed her face
'That's not what I meant' she told him exasperated. The Doctor knew what she meant but he just didn't want to address it. The Doctor rubbed his hair again
'I know what you meant' he slowly told her. She looked up at him, her eyes wide and demanded
'Can you offer that?' she asked him, her eyes filled with the sorrow of his inevitable answer.
'I can!' he told her – her head shot up, it was not the answer she was expecting to hear
'What do you mean you can?' she demanded.
'I can do all those things – even more I want to do all those things' he told her. She stood up and shook her head at him
'But you can't! If you are fighting a monster a thousand miles away, a million years into the future how can you know when she needs you?' Rose angrily demanded, wiping at the tears that were ready to fall. The Doctor walked around the table up to where Rose now stood, her placed his hands on her shoulders and looked down into her eyes – his eyes were honest and loving, begging her to believe what he was saying
'Please Rose, let me be a father to her' the Doctor pleaded. Rose studied him seriously for a moment
'How can I know that you won't break her heart?' she whispered, broken.
'Because I love her' he told her convincingly. Roses' tears began to slide down her face
'But you loved me once yet you still broke my heart' she whispered her voice cracking. The Doctor raised his hand and wiped away a tear
'If it helps, I broke my own heart in the process' he told her 'both of them in fact' this got a small smile from Rose.
'But how can I know? How can I trust you with something so delicate as a child's love?' she asked wishing that she knew the answers.
'You can't know' he gently told her, then he wiped a tear away 'You just have to believe'
Thanks for reading!
I hope you liked and plan to review...
Some of you were asking about Venetia's future and the Tardis...If I told you it would spoil the plot... but I will say:
There are 14 parts in total to a Recognised Loss
and...
There will be a sequal called A Recognised Gain (which I can't give you the summary of yet because it would also spoil the plot!)
Okay - I'm done rambling!
Hope you enjoed!