:A/N: Dear readers! Here I am back after a very busy week in which I was, alas, not able to write any fanfiction. But I'm planning on making it up to you after all. Here is another chapter, and I hope you'll gladly enjoy it! Please leave a review if you have anything to say.
:Disclaimer: I don't own POTO or anything related to it.
:WARNING: Same warning as in other chapters. Make sure you read them at least once. I don't want any flames in my reviews stating I like rape or any other lies.
:Beta-reader: Lady-Miranda-Van-Tassel
:Thanks to: Gerardphantomhot and Lady-Miranda-Van-Tassel for reviewing! (Plus the people who put me on their story alert list, butI don't know whether they're fine with me putting their names here, so I just keep this a silent thanks to them!)
: The Empty Cage :
: Chapter Three : Promise to Stay :
From the open door of the dormitory, I saw Madame de Jour hushing through the hall, an expression of concentration on her face, which formed deep folds onto her forehead. Her steps echoed in the stairway, warning everybody not to come too close to her. She was in a hurry and I knew that things were at high risk that morning; and so, she did not let anybody disturb her. Tears were running down my cheeks when I smiled at her. "Good morning, Madame," I said. "Are you done packing your clothes together?"
"Yes. There aren't many."
"Very well then, remember to come back every morning, but never cross the halls alone. I will follow you into the rehearsal room every morning at eight o'clock and will guide you back to your carriage every evening at five o'clock. Do never, and I repeat, never cross the halls alone."
"I understand."
"I do not want your face to be blue and beaten up again, for God's sake. Let us hope Monsieur Giry will take good care of you in his apartment."
"Yes, Madame."
Madame de Jour sat down next to me, wrapping her arms around my shivering body. "I hope you will be fine."
"I will," I bit my tongue not to lie any further, for I felt how much it had cost Madame to make the arrangements with Monsieur Giry. The marriage would be that afternoon, and Monsieur had not been very fond of marrying me under these circumstances. Of course he did not know about the rapes, it was of no need to tell him. I kissed my ballet master's cheek and, carrying my suitcase, we left the dormitory to go down into the Opera's Hall.
"I severely hope he didn't notice too much," Madame de Jour whispered into my ear. It would be the last private secret the two of us would share, for from now on, I was no longer a Mademoiselle. I would become a wife and had to be responsible for my own situation. And Madame was no longer there to care for me. I nodded at her, wiped the tears from my eyes and stepped on the streets of Paris.
X
"Madame Giry, would you like a tea?" I nodded, feeling a little odd for being called Madame. Since I had carried the title 'Mademoiselle' throughout my entire life, I was to have difficulties with certain changes. The servant girl nodded and left the room, leaving Monsieur Giry alone with me. I folded my hands on my lap, sighing.
"So, Antoinette, I hope you feel secure."
"Yes, I do, Monsieur. May I thank you again for marrying me so fast and trusting Madame de Jour? You are such a great man." I was honest, and God knows my heart had stopped beating so fast the second I had heard the priest calling me 'Madame Antoinette Giry'. The ceremony hadn't been very long, and there were only a few people. It had all been planned in a hurry, and Monsieur had borrowed a white dress for me from his mother. It didn't matter to me that day; all I wanted was to be secure in this man's house. Monsieur Giry nodded and sat down on a sofa. He looked around in the room, probably imagining spending the rest of his life with me. That is what I tried to imagine, too here, in this apartment, which was very big indeed. Madame had found a great husband for me; he had enough money to be regarded as a member of higher society, but little money enough to marry a ballet student. I felt sympathy for him, for he had saved me from a nightmare.
"You are very welcome in this house, Antoinette." He said and rubbed his chin. "I suggest the two of us spend a lot of time together. I want to know whom I am sharing my bed with."
A cold shiver ran down my spine and I felt my mind freeze in pain. Sharing one bed -? I stared at the floor, feeling the heat on my cheeks. I touched the fabric of my dress, trying to hold on to something to prevent myself from crying out loud that I did never ever want to share a bed with any man again. But it was useless. Monsieur saw my reaction to his words. "Antoinette," he stood up and knelt down in front of me, his hand caressing mine, "there is nothing to fear from me." I looked into his gray eyes, feeling that he was not lying. How could a man who did such a great thing ever lie to me? But although I felt he said the truth, my heart would never believe any man. "Yes," I said automatically, trying hard to control my voice. "I know."
"You do remember the thing the priest said about marriage?"
"Yes. It has to be set in bed." I frowned, looking down on my hands, which were shaking hard. His hand cupped my fingers and he gently pressed on them.
"Antoinette," he said, "I will not hurt you."
But he did. Except that night, I did not cry. I did not shriek, I did not try to harm him, I did not shout at him, and I did not resist. I let it be, for how could I have refused the only thing my husband demanded from me? How could I have refused anything my husband wanted for a life with him was my only assurance to be happy, safe and sound? Monsieur interpreted my lethargy during the act as childish fear, and after he rolled aside, he whispered, "You see? It did not even hurt. One day, it will be as pleasurable for you as it is for me. We will do it again and again, until you'll like it, my dear. And now sleep and let God do his work. A little baby is one of the few wishes I cannot let come true only by myself."
I nodded, closing my eyes and pulling the sheet up to my chin. I heard the servant girl leave the room. She had been in the room all the time, and after he was done, she had checked the sheet for blood. Thank God there was some, for my body still refused to take the act of love as a present from God. Now she would go to the priest, telling him our marriage was effectual. At least I had saved myself from talking to the priest about my responsibilities as a wife. He would remain silent and satisfied, then. That night I barely slept, listening to the deep breaths of my husband lying next to me. And somehow, I already felt that the nightmare was not yet over. The whole day, I had tried not to think about Erik. But at night, when everything was silent and only the moonlight fell into the room through the window, my thoughts wandered back to the Opera and him. He would be angry, oh God, angry was not the right word. He'd tremble with rage. He would smash everything that would be so silly to stay around him, he would destroy his lair in anger, he would - I did not want to think any further. My muscles stiffened at the thought of it. Was I putting other people in danger by fleeing from him? Would I be responsible for other persons' pain? The darkness around me seemed to grab me and pull me inside of it where it was even darker. Suddenly, the room seemed to be cold and the fire that had been lit in the chimney stopped burning. Only a few sparkles were left of what had been hope to me.
My fingers clenched the sheet. I still felt the blood between my thighs, still felt the pain between my legs. Fear slapped me hard in the face. And if he found out that I belonged to a different man - that I had married somebody whom I would give what he had been too secure of owning - my body? Would he search for me? Would he find me after having threatened Madame de Jour? The thought of his revenge made me tremble all the night, and I would not be able to sleep more than a couple of hours for the next years of my life. Especially after the birth of my baby, which I would hopefully give birth to, at least to make my husband a happy man, I feared Erik would steal it from me, threaten me or do anything to harm me but until that, I calmed myself, there was a lot of time. One couldn't get pregnant that fast. Could one? I completely underestimated how very fast I would see Erik again. And what other horrid things would escape his mind.