MUAHAHAHA.

We're baaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaack . . .

Chapter Thirty-One, for your reading pleasure.

Also, did you REALLY think that me and Hayley would just LEAVE FLASHLIGHT WITH THIRTY CHAPTERS?

I mean, we're evil, but not THAT evil.

Give us SOME credit. We ARE literature buffs.

Lolly.

- 8 -

. . . It may just be a simple ellipsis, but in its simplicity I can better describe the first moments of death.

It was nothing. I couldn't feel anything at all, not even numbness because, well, there was nothing else to feel numb. After all, I was kind of . . . you know . . .

Dead.

I remember a lot of darkness, the kind of darkness that was surrounding. I was aware of it, but in a most detached sort of way. It didn't really affect me because I didn't feel anything. It was just this state of pure nothingness.

I can't really say it was like sleeping, because when you're sleeping you're sort of aware of things like the pace of your breathing or maybe a ray of sun shining on your closed eyes. I wasn't breathing and I can guarantee you that there was no sun where I was. Wherever that was.

I don't even think where I was was a place. It was more like a state of being only . . . I wasn't being.

I don't really know how long that moment of nothingness lasted. Time seemed completely irrelevant and lost. It could have been days, years . . . maybe an eternity. Who knew? Who cared?

All I know is that eventually I found myself in a place kind of like Shadowland. In fact, it WAS Shadowland. I don't think I could ever forget the place. You know, the never ending hallway with it's vast span of doors leading who knew where, with the sky and the shimmering, unfamiliar constellations that looked just the same as ever. Oh, and who could forget that fog? That frosty, chilling fog that seemed to blanket the ground beneath my feet.

As soon as I was finally aware, I found myself slipping to the ground. I felt a little uneasy on my legs because however long earlier, I didn't have legs. I didn't have anything.

I stood up again and brushed myself off unnecessarily. That's when I noticed the glow that was radiating all around me.

And that's when I knew that I was really and truly dead.

Well, that was great. I went through the whole death thing and then I was stuck there in Shadowland, not knowing where to go or what to do. I mean, where the heck was that Gladiator-Guy that guarded the place? Wasn't it, like, his job to make sure I went where I was supposed to go?

What if this was the place I was supposed to be? What if my afterlife consisted of wandering this hallway for the rest of my days like Mr. Russell Crowe Wannabe? Maybe it was my punishment. As if the last five years of my life wasn't punishment enough . . . now I had to spend the rest of my days in this really creepy hallway all by myself. Just me and the fog.

You know, all these years I was right. This was hell. I don't care how many times Paul tried to convince me it wasn't.

I wanted out of this place so badly, so desperately. But I didn't know how to escape. If I hadn't been so emotionally drained, I would have probably started crying right then and there.

What good is crying when you're dead? As far as the universe is concerned, your tears don't exist anymore. Not that the universe EVER cared for me, but still.

I felt the worst combination of emotions . . . both useless and helpless. There wasn't a thing I could do about it. It was so unfair just dying like that at the hands of some horny dead guy out for a little vengeance and a lot of action. And since he didn't get the latter, he decided to just go ahead and kill me.

I was looking down at my feet and the surrounding fog. I noticed, however, that the fog started to stir. Usually it was still . . . there was no wind here in Shadowland. But it was moving.

I glanced behind me and to my horror, I saw this wall of pure, black darkness. It, like the fog, was moving . . . toward me. On it's way, it was engulfing the hallway, the doors, even the fog. If I didn't start running, it would probably swallow me too.

So run I did.

As I ran, I kept looking straight ahead so I wouldn't trip and end up Darkness-Dinner. I noticed that, far away in the distance, there was this outstandingly white light, but it seemed so far away.

I remembered something that our favorite A-List wannabe once told me . . .

Don't go into the light.

He had told me that when I was in Shadowland trying to find Jesse. He told me I didn't belong there. Now that I did belong there . . . wouldn't it seem practical to run for the light?

I always kind of wondered what would happen if I went into the light. But it didn't seem like I would ever find out because the more I ran, the farther away the light came to be.

It was frustrating and disheartening at the same time. If I couldn't go into the light, then that meant . . . that meant I had to be swallowed by the darkness.

God, Suze, just DON'T STOP RUNNING . . .

I was scared. I didn't know that even in death, I was capable of fear. But it seemed that I very much so was. Because this darkness that seemed determined to suck me away into oblivion was following me, and was getting closer . . . and I didn't want it to catch me.

I had to run from it.

I whipped my head and looked at the creeping darkness behind me. I didn't want to resign myself to the darkness. It looked so dangerous, so dark, so deadly. And, to tell you the truth, I didn't want to die yet . . . but it was too late.

Why did the light go away? I was supposed to go into the light, wasn't I? How can I go into it when the frigging light KEEPS ON MOVING? Did that mean that I actually wasn't supposed to?

If the light wasn't the way to go, then that meant that the only way to go was the darkness. But I was afraid of the darkness. The fear I felt was so great that it was like all my fears were made manifest in this one gigantic, consuming wall of black.

What did I do with all my fears when I was living? I ran. And now that I was dead, I was doomed to do the same thing. I felt like I was running on some freaking treadmill or trying to go up the 'down' escalator or something like that. The more I ran, the more I saw that it was hopeless.

If I wanted to escape the darkness, I had to run for all eternity. Part, if not all, of me was actually willing to do that as long as I didn't get trapped in this shadowy destiny. Keep running, keep running, KEEP RUNNING! It's not like I would ever get tired, right?

Well, that wasn't the case then. I guess my spirit was so used to having lungs that I still felt it necessary to have air. I had to ignore the urge to stop and breathe even though I felt as if I were suffocating. It really got me thinking . . .

Who the HELL would want to spend eternity running? It may have been effective when I was alive, but it just seemed rather pointless now.

And even though I believed I could keep running for eternity . . . wasn't it about time that I stopped running away?

Wasn't it about time that I stilled my flying feet, stood my ground, turned around, and faced my fear?

I was dead.

I'd run out of time.

But . . . it didn't matter. If I was meant to get swallowed by this dark wall, then let it be. I had to turn over my fears to fate and let destiny run its course, whatever that happened to be. Whatever God wanted it to be.

The light up ahead of the door-lined hallway suddenly didn't seem so glorious anymore. It didn't seem like such a sanctuary to me now. It was just another stopover, where I'd rest, but then find myself being forced out by more and more of my emerging fears.

I can't run from fear.

It IS everywhere.

No matter how much I try to kid myself, the darkness is everywhere.

And there has to be a point that I twist fear's testicles and kick its ass.

To put it politely and all.

So I stopped.

I stopped running.

I turned around.

I stared at the oncoming cavity of black nonexistence.

As much as it scared me; terrified me; paralyzed me, I didn't run away. Faster and faster it advanced upon me.

And when it was near enough, I jumped into it.

. . . For a moment, I hung, immobile, suspended in something that felt so much lighter than gravity. I could only breathe. Well, breathe is sort of a strong word for it, since I really didn't need oxygen at the time.

Suddenly, it felt as though I was being torn apart by something. I started screaming, as pressure tried to rip pieces away from me, and wind was rushing at me, and I was falling, and I wanted to give up, and I wanted to run, but I wasn't going to because I had to prove to myself that, even in death, I had the courage to face what scared me.

If I didn't prove it then . . . then I never would.

The pain in my head and in my ears was atrocious. This WHISTLING noise was all I heard, which almost drowned out my screaming. Pain was pumping throughout my body, like poison; perilous. My muscles were shrieking from being tensed so fiercely, and the pressure in my mind was overwhelming . . . deadly . . . hopeless.

It was beyond endurance . . . I wanted to let go . . . to just keep falling ceaselessly . . .

But I had to endure the pain. I knew I did.

If I didn't, I'd truly be lost. Everything that I had fought for in my life and death would be gone.

I mean, I'd already lost my FAITH in God. I didn't want to lose my true essence.

The essence that Paul still saw from when I was sixteen; that I don't give up.

Come on, Suze . . .

I screamed louder as agony sliced at my body, my mind, my soul . . .

. . . Was this hell?

The darkness that blinded me on psychological levels as well as literal was killing me . . . no, really, killing what was left of the ghost that I was there . . .

Suze, come on . . . don't let go this time . . .

Don't feel the pain . . . USE it.

And with a new mindset, I channeled the pain . . . I channeled it into something that would defeat the darkness . . .

With a final scream of fury, and blazing determination, there was an explosion of luminous, blinding light that was burnt into my memory with a glorious purity, and all of a sudden, there was no pain anymore.

There was only the awareness that the darkness was gone, and that I'd made it go.

I'd conquered it.

I'd been strong enough . . .

- S -

I found myself surrounded by this entrancing light. Its brilliantly white intensity seemed to hypnotize me. The darkness had been cold and icy, but this new light . . . it was so warm and inviting. This had been the warmth that I'd always been searching for all my life. There was no physical description for what it was, besides . . . well, light. I felt this new sense of peace and tranquility . . . like everything would be okay after all.

It was more than okay . . . it was perfect.

More than just the white light was the feeling that accompanied me in this place. I became something glorious, something magnificent that I could not even describe.

Best of all was the total and utter resurrection of my faith. The shattered pieces mended themselves over, and it glittered once again, restored.

I was filled with this raw integrity that cleansed me from the inside of my soul. It was divine, and loving, and protecting and empowering and peaceful and so, so gentle . . . I just knew I wasn't the same Suze anymore . . . I was something bigger, better, more superior to what I was when I was alive.

I had always felt this great emptiness in my life . . . one that I supposed was incurable. Now, I felt complete wholeness. Total absolution. Everything had righted itself, and nothing would ever cause turmoil ever again.

Everything was chaste, and pure, and so good . . . the immaculate simplicity lifted me up till I experienced elation to which earth's happiness could not compare. My heart sang and my mind was at peace and my body felt no pain at all and my skin tingled from the melodic tranquility. It was like . . . music that couldn't be heard, but could be felt. It was like a song that I knew the tune to all my life and only now was I singing the lyrics.

I was glowing now. I was weightless; flawless; strong; complete. I was radiant. I shone.

I was forever.

. . . I owned forever.

The experience was something mysterious, something sacred, something purely holy that I cherished with all of my being, and my total ability to love.

I was filled with this new knowledge. It was a revelation one would get when shown the answers to a test after they'd taken it. I knew what went wrong, and how I could correct it. This existence felt like a secret that had finally been uncovered. It didn't matter anymore, but just knowing put my once restless spirit at more ease.

I felt like I was floating on warmth and delighted inspiration. Gentle warmth caressed my physically, psychologically, spiritually, religiously . . . in almost every possible way. It comforted me, surrounded me, welcomed me, and soothed me. I was smiling. I was free from the chains of being mortal. I was infinite and innocent.

This brilliant blue globe appeared out of nowhere, surrounded by a halo of golden shimmer that lit it up magically. Something, I don't quite know what, was guiding me in the direction of it. I stared at the golden shimmer around it, curious as to what purpose the orb served.

You have to go, Suze.

I whipped around and searched for the source of the voice that resonated around and through me. It sounded familiar. If I wasn't mistaken, it kind of sounded like my dad –

It couldn't be.

. . . Could it? Was he here? Was he waiting for me?

Why did he want me to leave? I'd just GOTTEN here. Wasn't this where I was supposed to be?

No, you have to go.

I . . . I wanted to stay, though. Forever. This was what perfection felt like, and to tell you the truth, I loved it. Everything here was right, and everything down there was wrong.

You have to go back to save them.

In the sphere of luminous sapphire splendor, a vision of Paul and Jesse struggling with the Misforts appeared. The situation hadn't gotten any better since I'd died. Paul, after being knocked to the ground, stood up on two wobbly feet, trying to regain his composure only to be knocked to the ground again and again by Robin and Charlie.

He – he was crying. I could barely tell, but the repeated glinting in his eye couldn't indicate otherwise. Something told me it had something to do with me. And Jesse . . . Jesse was devastated.

Then I saw me. My body, I mean. It was just . . . there.

It was painful to watch. I didn't want to go back to the pain . . . there wasn't pain here. I was scared to go back.

Besides, how could I save them? Paul, actually, since Jesse was already dead. I couldn't save Jesse . . . But yeah, they were just about as doomed as I was. What could I possibly do? I didn't know.

Going back would mean living again. And . . . I wasn't sure if I could face it. Not after this. Not after I'd tasted this blissful rapture. I wasn't brave enough to go back. Not when I felt so safe here. So protected from the hostilities of life and mortality.

And besides, if I went back . . . I'd just die again. I didn't know how to get rid of the Misfortunates. Not quickly enough to get out of the school alive. Robin would kill me again.

And I –

Suze. You're preparing to run again. Don't. Don't you dare start running again.

Face it.

Yes. Face it. Be brave, Susannah. Live. Living takes true bravery. This bravery is something that is innate in you. You were born with it. It's in your essence.

But I didn't know how to stop the Misfortunates –

Yes you do. Think, Suze.

What?

What the hell was I supposed to do? I mean, to defeat them. I'd failed bitterly last time. What good would a second chance draw do? I couldn't kill them. They were already dead –

But suddenly, this knowledge from somewhere just flooded into me with warmth and virtuosity.

. . . And I smiled.

Good, Susannah. Very good . . .

I had my weapon. I had my power. And I had my confidence, because my dad, Peter Simon, was telling me I could achieve it.

And I was believing him.

I mean . . . I could face the darkness, then I could definitely face whatever hell was being raised down there. From the scene, it didn't look so good. Paul seemed to be in a lot of pain, emotionally and physically. Jesse was touched on a completely different level . . . I couldn't even describe the sad expression on his face.

Not only did I owe it to myself to go back . . . I owed it to my friends who were down there fighting to the bitter end with these ghosts.

'Dad?' I whispered, speaking for the first time.

Even my voice sounded so much fuller. It was rich and silken and mellifluous. It delighted even my ears. It was as if earth could not provide such quality of sound. It was so euphonious that it was almost intoxicating. The sound was like a drug to me . . . it made me feel so tingly and high, but in a good way.

I awaited the response with a – well, okay, not a thudding heart, but it WOULD have been thudding if I had been alive, so there.

Yes.

I sucked in a breath. The air – was it even air? It was more like immortality – was warm as it glided down my throat, and filled my body with even more sublime purity.

Suddenly, I had a million and one things to say to him, but I couldn't get a single word out. It all ran through my mind at a million and one miles an hour – speeds that I couldn't comprehend – but it seemed that I didn't have to say anything.

You didn't have to say or think anything here. This place was everything and nothing at the same time.

I know, Suze.

I blinked quickly at the response, which caught me off guard. This abundance of emotion started manifesting in me, as I radiated even brighter. 'I'm sorry about – '

I know.

'I don't hate you, I could never hate y – '

Suze . . . I know. It's clear here. You don't understand yet . . . but it's not the time for you to. You're don't belong here. Not yet. It's not your time.

I didn't know why, but . . . suddenly I could feel tears falling. I sniffed hurriedly, and brushed my eyes with the back of my hand. The tears that glistened back looked crystal. They didn't even look like water. More like diamond.

'Are you happy here?' I asked, not wanting to disturb the gentle silence of the serenity.

I craved to know the answer. My dad had been living a dead life while he'd been haunting me. He hadn't been happy. He'd never truly been happy . . .

Oh, yes. Again, Suze, you can't fully understand how much. Most of my happiness though, still is a direct result from what's going on in the plane of the living.

'What do you mean?'

. . . You.

I stared at the blue sphere of light, and I blinked down even more tears.

They seemed so accepted here. Like I didn't have to be ashamed of them anymore.

I had nothing to be ashamed about because I was perfect here. I didn't have to hide anything anymore. I was just me.

You, Suze.

I love you so much. You can't begin to imagine how proud I am of you. I know that life can be hard sometimes, but even though you don't see it, you've fought through with a quiet courage that I could only expect from my daughter.

'Really?' I didn't believe him.

After all of the running I'd been doing . . . so much it was EMBARRASSING – I couldn't believe his words. After what I had said to him . . . how could he still love me and be proud of me . . . especially since I was so rotten to him.

Really. I don't know who you get that from, me or your mother . . . probably her.

I choked on a strangled laugh.

Go now.

'One last question,' I said quickly, 'Is . . . is Dani here?'

There was a silence that didn't even seem uncomfortable. Even that was filled with unbelievable warmth.

Yes.

I smiled very slightly.

'Tell her I said thanks . . . '

She already knows.

Whoa, SORRY for underestimating the SUPER FAST MAILING SYSTEM HERE.

'Oh,' I mumbled, 'Okay. Well – '

Go.

'But – '

Susannah, don't make me embarrass you . . . I will, and you know it. Now go.

I giggled a little, and nodded. 'Love you, Dad . . . '

I reached out and touched the scene on the orb and found myself being sucked into it vacuum. I was being sucked away from my sanctuary and into a complete war zone.

But now I was prepared.

- 8 –

The next thing I know, I'm back in this world, greeted by a few million loud sounds and a strong urge to choke. I did choke . . . if fact, I woke up gasping for air. It felt like I had been holding my breath for a really long time. All my blood started rushing to my face as I grabbed my chest and coughed.

A lot of the crashing that was going on before my coughing spell continued on without end. I guess no one realized that I was resurrected or whatever. Then again, that might have worked to my advantage, so I kept quiet for the most part. It was kind of hard to with all the uncontrollable coughing and stuff.

And just when I was starting to get the hang of the breathing thing again, some debris from the ongoing battle fell on my stomach. I let out a small groan in pain and sat up wearily, throwing the rubble off of me. It turned out that most of it was coming from Paul, who was randomly throwing things around with telekinetic ability.

The only thing was, he wasn't throwing the stuff at the Misforts necessarily. His emotions were causing him to throw things sporadically around, without any real sense of focus.

I could feel the strength of Paul's scattered yet powerful emotions. Most of it was comprised of anger, which felt directed mostly at Robin who had killed me earlier. But the one that was stronger than that was misery. Paul was anguished, tormented, and completely wretched. I could tell, not only by his facial expression, but also in his manner.

His actions were so uncharacteristically un-thought out and un-strategic that it seemed that nothing mattered to him anymore. He wasn't trying to be defensive; he just kept attacking with as much force as he could muster.

That meant that even though he was dealing some heavy blows, he wasn't really stopping the ones coming at him.

I did want to run away. Very badly, I'm afraid to say. But I knew I couldn't. My Dad had given me reason to stay. He'd told me the way it had to be done. Wordlessly, he'd given me the key to unlocking an unknown part of my shifting power. A part that I never knew was even possible. I bet this knowledge was even beyond Paul, who I used to think knew everything.

It was breaking my heart to see him struggle so much. I could tell that it was torturing him within every ounce of his body. He was realizing that there are some things that even he, Paul Slater, could not even control. He couldn't save Dani from dying, there was no way he could have prevented my first death, and there didn't seem to be a way for him to control the Misforts' bad behavior.

There was a way, I knew now. It was up to me to restore order and bring hope back to the broken SIA.

The ballroom was a complete mess. There was crap everywhere. If I thought the broken mirror before had been messy, it was nothing compared to now. All the things that were stacked against the wall before? Um, yeah, they were now spread across the room, in millions of pieces.

And of course . . . the dust was a real problem. I couldn't stop coughing. I tried to quieten myself, but after a moment, it was a final cough that caught the attention of Jesse.

He was over in the opposite corner, fighting off Nathan who once again, looked kind of . . . stiff. I don't know. He looked like that the first time I saw him after Dani's murder. It was like he was guilty, but he was trying not to show it. I guess it was going to take him a couple more homicides before he got used to the guilt, huh?

But yeah, Jesse completely stopped, looking shocked; disbelieving.

He said something, but I couldn't hear what. Then, he dematerialized, and moments later, I felt his hands on my back, rubbing it urgently in order to help me breathe again properly. It was like, after death, I'd just . . . forgotten how or something.

'Nombres de Dios,' Jesse's eyes were positively huge, 'Susannah . . . '

However, uh, yeah, just by Jesse stopping the vicious combat, that caused Nathan to completely scream in outrage, 'WHAT THE HELL? BUT – ROBBIE KILLED YOU!'

Which, you know, made Charlie, Robbie and Paul completely freeze in their chaotic war.

I swear to God, it was as if I'd seen Paul's pupils shrink.

Then, he was pelting over to me and before I could mention that I was kind of having a little trouble breathing, very strong arms were holding me with desperate possession and making my breathing issues a little more difficult. But I didn't care either. Because in . . . wherever I'd been, I hadn't forgotten about Paul. But suddenly, the memory came back with a forceful rush that made me hold him as urgently as he was holding me.

His hand in my hair was shaking. I could feel it against my scalp.

Well, it seemed that HE was having a little problems with his breathing too. His breath was really, really heavy as if he was well on the way to hyperventilation. It seemed strange, to see Paul like this. So . . . out of character for him. He was usually so cool, calm and collected. Acting like he didn't care, or like nothing could affect him.

I guess this was kind of proof that he WAS touchable. There was a little bit of human in Paul. He had vulnerability . . . something he'd certainly never openly show to others.

'Thank God,' he whispered, more to himself than me. 'I was so scared that y - Oh God, I thought that you were g – '

'YOU WERE DEAD!' Robin yelled at us, fuming. 'You – I . . . you stopped breathing! You can't be - !' he took a dangerous step toward me, but with a weary flick of my hand, all three ghosts were propelled backward.

The thing is, I didn't MEAN to do that. I didn't know I could. I just got the impulse to shake my hand, as if someone else was telling me to without telling me the outcome.

I guess it wasn't exactly a sucky consequence, though. I felt like a magician or something, pulling some sort of magic from my sleeve that surprised even me. The best part was that this magic stuff was actually real. No mirrors, no gimmicks . . . it was all me.

'But you were gone for so – how did . . . ?' Paul trailed off, gazing at me, bewildered. His eyes were wet.

Um, he cried for me?

Okay . . . sweet, but ya know, I WAS alive. He could very much so STOP now.

Because the whole Paul-actually-having-some-sort-of-emotion was new to me. Especially emotions that seemed to be meant for me and me alone . . .

Well, actually, that part? I didn't mind that so much.

Because, well – this proved he cared.

About me.

A lot.

And you know, that's always a good thing.

'Not now,' I shook my head. His eyes would not leave my own, as if he was hoping to find some secret buried deeply in my irises or something. That was one thing that wasn't new with Paul . . . his ability to read me like a book. Because I really did have a few secrets of the universe hidden deep inside of me now.

'I can't believe that I almost . . . that you were nearly gone,' he breathed. 'How – '

The Misfortunates would not be distracted for long. Within moments of the little reunion between myself and Paul, they had got back on their feet and were not appreciative at ALL of the fact that I'd knocked them over with my shifting power.

They were so annoyed, in fact, that suddenly Paul and I found OURSELVES shoved back against the wall behind us.

The rude shock drew Paul out of his reverie that I was, you know, un-corpse-like and all . . .

But you know? Getting thrown back against a wall?

Um . . . OW.

That's one thing I didn't miss as a member of the dead . . . no pain.

Okay, NOT appreciating the HOSTILITY after my death-experience. Yeah, that's right. It wasn't even a NEAR death experience. I DIED. I was a ghost. I was nearly non-existent.

But I was back now . . . and this was their sick way of throwing me a welcome back party.

'I'm getting you out of here - ' Paul growled at me, but I wriggled away from him. I was still shaking. I felt tired . . . but even as I thought that, I could feel it building up inside me. Power, I mean. I didn't know what it was, exactly. Maybe it was just adrenaline. Whatever it was, I felt a sudden urgency and anxiousness.

I shook my head at him. It wasn't meant to happen that way. 'No,' I said. 'I have to stay - '

'They will kill you again, Susannah!' Jesse said urgently, 'Go with Slater, this is beyond you now - '

'No it's not.'

I had been beyond this world. I think it's even correct to say that I'd been beyond this UNIVERSE. If anything, I was beyond IT.

'You are NOT invincible, as they just proved, querida - '

'I came back, didn't I? I'm here? I'm ALIVE? I can - '

'Suze,' Paul stood up, and dragged me up with him, 'Come on, this isn't funny - '

'I said NO,' I yelled at him, and he was shoved back by . . . I don't know WHAT by. He landed flat against the wall, his eyes wide.

Jesse stared in awe. 'Susannah . . . what - '

I didn't want to explain this now. How important it was that I did this, I mean. I was the only one who knew what to do now. Paul didn't know this. I'd died to know how to get rid of these three properly. The way they richly deserved . . .

'Don't stop me,' I warned Paul. 'Just don't.'

He was still gazing at me, astonished that I'd forced him back with my power. I'd never done that. I'd never been so flippant with my shifting abilities. In fact, I had tried to avoid it as much as I could because I didn't know enough about it.

This was crucial, though.

I turned away from him, facing the three Misfortunates, who stood glaring at me.

'HOW did you - ' Nathan began, but once again, there was something of the situation that amused Robin.

'Won't give up without a fight, will you? Strong one, aren't you, Susie?' he arched an eyebrow elegantly. 'Well, I guess that this time we kill you, we'll have to guarantee that you'll stay dead.'

An expression so cold was upon my face.

I didn't feel threatened or scared anymore. I felt I had a whole army of people behind me. I did . . . Dani, my dad . . . Paul and Jesse . . .

I had an army.

They gave me strength to overcome this, power to make it happen, and sanctity to do the right thing.

'You say you want life back?' I asked them quietly.

The three of them froze. I had obviously sparked their interest in a completely different way. Before, all they seemed to want was my body. But now it seemed like they wanted theirs back even more.

' . . . What did you say?' Charlie asked me, making sure he'd heard correctly.

'Life,' I said. 'You want it. Right?'

Robin narrowed his eyes. ' . . . Why do you ask?'

I blinked innocently. 'Well, we still need to get you out of the school somehow. I was just figuring, I can resurrect you. Here and now. And then will you FINALLY stop trying - and occasionally succeeding - to kill me?'

They were completely silent.

'You want to bring us back,' Nathan said flatly in wonder.

'Yes,' I nodded.

'Suze,' Paul began in outrage, but Jesse shushed him quickly. Jesse looked at me questioningly, but when he saw the amount of confidence in my face, he nodded as if he trusted me to continue.

Robin took a single step forward. 'No you don't,' he answered skeptically. 'You would never want to bring us back to life. Not after what we've done.'

I shrugged. 'Well, our job was to get you out of this school. If you're alive, you wouldn't stay HERE, would you?'

' . . . No.'

'Then that means that we've done our job. Ghosties are gone, we get paid, everyone parties.'

Nathan's eyes were very wide, imagining the possibilities. 'You're . . . serious?'

I rolled my eyes. Seriously, no matter how much older these guys tried to act, they still had no idea. 'YES, already, okay?'

'Resurrection? It's possible?'

'If it wasn't, would I be offering this? My only condition is that you piss off from this school when you're back.'

They were still staring at me. They couldn't believe that I would do such a thing for them. After they'd murdered Dani, murdered me . . . why WOULD I even consider giving them what they craved so badly? Life, I mean.

Well . . . ya know. I'm just nice.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiight, Suze.

They could consider this Christmas in July.

'Okay,' Robin said quickly. 'Done.'

I smiled innocuously, and looked back to Paul. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

It's not possible, his eyes told me firmly.

Ah, but Paul, you haven't died for this information, have you? It always helps to get the full perspective of something, even if it does mean looking down on it from ze fluffy clouds above. Or wherever that happened to be.

Jesse was staring at me steadily. His eyes told two stories. The first was of hurt. That I'd never offered to resurrect him in order to save us. Our relationship. Our love.

The second story told me that he knew I had something up my sleeve.

Which I SO did. I was surprised that Paul Slater wasn't giving me that credit. Did he really believe that I'd allow myself to get played by these three aggressive ghosts? No. It's time that I played THEIR game.

. . . And won it.

I could still feel blood on my arm from where Charles had sliced it with the piece of the mirror. It still stung. That was what really told me that I was alive. The pain, I mean. Where I'd been . . . there'd been no pain.

But I didn't belong there. I belonged here.

Here and now.

'Okay,' I said simply. 'Stand against the wall.'

'Why?' Charles was suspicious.

'Well, this'll blast you back,' I said, my eyebrows raised. 'I have to be careful. I AM summoning the remains of your bodies, after all. Don't you realise how complex it'll be, trying to restore you to the way you were, by just working off charred skeletons? I mean, I haven't tried this before. But I know that much. So if you please . . . '

'Will we be the same?' Nathan demanded, sounding nearly hysterical. 'Will we be eighteen again?'

I nodded. 'Of course.'

They all moved back.

'Suze, what are you doing?' Paul demanded. 'This is - '

'The right thing,' I sighed. He didn't understand. He couldn't understand. 'Paul, these boys were murdered. They didn't deserve to die. They were only eighteen.'

'YOU didn't deserve to die either!' he snapped at me. 'Or Dani!'

'Slater, stop it - '

'Suze, you know it's not pos - '

Jesse punched Paul in the stomach. Hard. I winced a little, and turned back to Robin, wiping all expression determinedly off of my face. I didn't help Paul no matter how much I wanted to because I needed to keep my focus. If I let anything slip . . . then it was all over.

'He's just jealous,' I smirked at them. 'That I've become more powerful than him . . . '

Robin smiled, as if he understood this craving for power. 'Aaah.'

Understood me? Someone like him could never even DREAM about understanding me . . .

I did not know what it was like to kill for pure arousal. I didn't know what it was like to deliver someone to certain danger. I wasn't capable of hurting anyone out of pleasure. I just . . . I couldn't do that. My humanity didn't allow it.

Revenge, maybe. I know revenge.

Not that vengeance does much good. I mean . . . it makes both parties equally guilty.

I guess that was my anxiety about what was about to happen. My only relief was that this was what my dad had told me to do. He'd said to do it this way, and that it didn't count in the least as . . . you know. Murder. This was unnatural, and it was willed to happen. I was just an instrument in fate's course.

The blood was pumping through my veins. I breathed deeply. God, I never knew how badly I needed air until I didn't have it, courtesy of ROBIN LAWRENCE.

They were all apprehensive, and astounded. 'How long will it take?' Robin demanded.

'God, questions much?' I scoffed. 'It should be instant.'

He nodded, looking away. 'Okay . . . Do it.'

Another lightning-fast flash of pure infuriation made me momentarily drunk on rage again, before I remembered that this wasn't the time to be infuriated by receiving orders from my murderer. I bit my tongue really hard to supress my anger.

I doubt that many people can say they have a murderer. You know, Hey-I-got-murdered-by-so-and-so!

Well, I officially had someone who'd TAKEN MY LIFE.

Wonder if that would get me a job better than Starbucks . . .

Knowing my luck, probably not.

I closed my eyes, and breathed. Deep, deep breaths. A tingling sensation came to my fingertips. It was pleasant at first. Then, suddenly my whole hands went COMPLETELY numb. I kept my eyes shut, and concentrated. The numbness spread up my arms . . .

Three boys. Three bodies. Three deaths to reverse, for the purpose of de -

'Hurry!' Nathan urged, but Robin kicked him and spat, 'Shut up!

'But she's taking so l - '

However, at that moment, there was this EXPLOSION of something. It came from me, and it landed on them. They were all surrounded by this blinding light. I heard them all yelling and swearing. From the ground, I saw piles of ash appear. Three piles. Slowly, trickles of ashes blew from each pile into the mass of light.

'Suze! What are you doing?' Paul yelled.

'Trust me!' I squeaked back at him, 'Please!'

Oh, ye of little faith, Paul.

The light burnt even brighter. Paul and Jesse had shielded their eyes with their hands. I couldn't. I wanted to, but if I did, it would stop. The light was so shiny and pure that it burned my eyes to look at it. If only I could stop to put on some shades.

No, I had to keep going. I had to end the process, otherwise it wouldn't work. And they'd never leave . . .

When the ash was gone, and the light had died down, I saw the three of them standing there.

Breathing.

. . . Not glowing.

Alive.

Nathan was staring at his hands, inspecting them as if he dared to believe it were true.

Paul ran next to me, whispering in horror, 'Suze, are you seeing what you've just DONE? Or are you COMPLETELY out of your - '

'Shhhh . . . '

Paul had to learn to trust me, as I had learned to trust that what all my dad told me was possible.

Robin started laughing hysterically. 'God!' he cried out, 'It's real. It's . . . this is . . . I can't believe th - '

Charles shoved him happily, and they were delighted when they made full collision with the wall. They had not been able to do that as easily in ghosthood.

I'd done it. I had performed a tri-resurrection. They'd been restored to mortality. Living, breating, human individuals that they were. They felt they'd finally gotten what they deserved . . . their lives back.

Well, were they in for a treat.

'My God,' Nathan said under his breath, 'This is unreal . . . '

'Hmm,' I smiled. 'It is, isn't it?'

Robin's eyes snapped up at me. Gradually, his awed expression slid off his face.

'Catch,' he said softly. 'What's the catch, Susie?'

I sighed pleasantly. 'Yeah, I was hoping we'd get to that . . . '

Paul looked at me sharply. Poor guy. I was REALLY confusing him. I mean, I'd just BROUGHT THREE GHOSTS BACK TO LIFE. I bet HE hadn't done that yet.

SEE? I WEAR THE PANTS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, PAUL.

. . . Or not.

Nathan and Charlie looked at me also, now in alarm. 'Catch?' they choked out.

'Yeah,' I said. 'What, did you think I brought you back to life with the intention that you live?'

Robin blinked. His dark, sure eyes didn't look so certain anymore. He looked scared. I'm sure I had looked the same way as he was killing me. Now it was his turn. It was their turn.

I shook my head solemnly. 'No. I brought you back to life with the intention that you can die.'

This didn't impact them immediately. Beside me, I felt Paul smile in recognition, and he slid his hand in mine.

It felt good to know that my boyfriend didn't think I was a crazy person anymore. Even if boyfriend was sort of a big term for what we were. Paul and I hadn't established that. We'd have plenty of time for that later.

For now, I had some business to attend to.

'WHAT?' Robin snarled wildly, 'What do you MEAN?'

All I could see then in my mind's eye was Robin's eyes looking down at me as he choked me to death. All I saw was his eyes as they were narrowed in stimulation as I was dying. As they condescended me while he was killing me. Conquering me. Murdering me.

And that mental visual spurred the most ferociously fast fire that I'd ever seen.

It started just in front of Charlie, Robin and Nathan, just as a candle flicker. I saw the reflection of it in their eyes. So tiny. But with another push, it spurred into something SO huge and SO deadly.

Nathan screamed. He ACTUALLY screamed. Like a twelve year old boy going through puberty.

'NO!' he begged, 'NOT AGAIN . . . '

Paul squeezed my hand tighter. The flames engulfed them so quickly. The fire was hot, and ever-moving and sweltering and the smoke poured out and they coughed violently and suddenly I didn't want to go through with it but my Dad had told me to do this . . . he'd told me to.

My forehead was glazed with sweat almost immediately, from the intensity of the heat before me. The power that inspired the flames was deep-rooted within me. It was like I wasn't even controlling it – as if it was a magic unto itself; it knew its purpose well and knew that, had I been in complete control over it, it would not have been as effective, due to my apparent reluctance to go through with this.

This power was like a side of me that I dared not imagine.

Or . . . it was like it wasn't even me at all. It was a power invested in me.

I didn't know. But once again, I felt this fully-fledged influence pumping darkly through my body, possessing me and taking over my mind, my breath and my life, and using my as means of channeling a greater intention in the plane of the living.

I was being completely used by an unseen force that I had no hope of reigning. The power belonged in me, but it didn't. It dwelled within me, but it was not mine to use as I wished. I was only vessel for this overwhelming power. And this power would only manifest itself when needed.

Now . . . or when my friends were in danger . . .

When Paul was about to be killed by a bikie dude in the Mission Chapel . . .

When I had some form of control over the power that pulsated through my veins like purified, simplified pain, I tried to pull away from Paul's hand, but when I did, the fire died almost completely, meaning that most of the power was being channeled from me. I had to do this. I grabbed Paul's hand properly, and pushed out all the energy so it manifested itself as the fire that was finally doing justice.

First to go was Charles. He yelled out obscenities at me before combusting in an explosion of dust. Ash. Carbon . . . call it whatever you want.

Of course it wasn't a real death . . . he'd already died that. That resurrection had been unnatural.

And that was my only comfort. You know . . . knowing that I wasn't really a murderer. This death wasn't real. It was only a replica of the original. I was just rewinding, and stopping them becoming ghosts at the exact point of death.

I had not sunk to their level. I was not a murderer.

I was just a shifter. A mighty powerful one, at that.

Horrified, Nathan started screaming even more. I hated the sound of it. I mean, he was scared. He was begging me to stop in a most guilty way. A feeling tugged at my heart that was close to sympathy, but not enough to stop what was happening. I reasoned, had HE stopped when I'd been begging him to?

No.

Besides, I couldn't stop this. I wasn't in control of it. It was something or someone beyond me that was giving me this strength.

And with a dusty eruption, Nathan too was gone.

Gone . . . from this plane of existence. He was no longer a ghost. He was expelled from the living dimension. As he should have been so long ago.

Robin was swearing unprintables at me. He roared as well. The pain in his voice was atrocious, and cutting and I hated it but it had to happen like this . . .

Paul's hand gripped mine even tighter when it seemed like I was about to pull away once more out of guilt.

I screwed up my face, and tried to push more of the power out before it finished completely.

I just needed something to push Robin Lawrence out of the fire and into the frying pan . . .

'Next time,' I said to Robin, 'Don't fuck with me.'

Shut up! He KILLED me. I'm ALLOWED to be a little . . . blasphemous!

And with another surge of raw, fresh, pure astral energy, I heard a final yell of hate and sworn, empty revenge, before with an explosion of basic human form, he disintegrated like the vamps do on Buffy the Vampire Slayer or something.

It was at that EXACT moment though, that Robin's rage had indeed inspired one last attempt of destruction.

Golly . . . ghosts have a really annoying habit of doing this. Right as they're being exorcised or something, they'll always do SOMETHING to piss me off as their goodbye present.

Like when I was exorcising Heather Chambers, she freakin' made a BREEZEWAY fall on me, and nearly crush me to death.

Ghosts really need to get out of this habit. It's totally not cool, you know?

But Robin's last imprint on this sad, sad world was his effective breakage of the chain that was supporting the chandelier, which dangled directly over Paul. I merely heard wind, before I heard a yell, a thump, and a crash. I turned around quickly, and realized that I'd sadly missed the action.

But what had happened was . . . the rickety chandelier had been about to pulverize Paul. But it didn't.

. . . Jesse had saved his life.

Yeah. You read right. JESSE had actually done something positive for Paul Slater. He'd prevented his death.

He'd saw the chandelier dangling menacingly over Paul's head, and as it snapped, pushed Paul away in the nick of time. When the dust settled, I could see that Jesse had landed on top of Paul a few feet away from the fallen crystal. It was really, really close to falling on Paul. It would have, if Jesse hadn't have been there.

And you know, considering the no-love-lost relationship that Paul and Jesse shared . . . I was REALLY proud of this.

Unfortunately, Paul wasn't able to express his immediate gratitude, seeing as in the fall, he'd been knocked out.

Yep, Paul was unconscious.

Also high in suck-factor was the fact that the fire was still VERY much so present, and was currently roaring with life around the ballroom, and I wasn't entirely sure how to make it stop.

'Susannah, get out of here!' Jesse yelled, 'Don't stay, it is dangerous!'

'I can't leave him here!' I shrilled, pointing at Paul's limp form. He didn't look so good, especially now since he had a gash on his head.

It was getting a little harder to breathe with the deadly mixture of thick dust from the old chandelier and black smoke from the fire. We needed to get out.

Jesse couldn't dematerialize with him. Only shifters could materialize with other shifters. Or shifters with ghosts. But NOT the other way around.

Would Jesse be able to CARRY him? Oh GOD –

'Susannah, go! The ballroom doors are blocked off – you will be stuck in here . . . '

In a panic, I jumped over the bits of broken crystal to Paul and Jesse. I hoisted Paul over my shoulder with a humungous groan and tried to find a way to get out of there. It was really hard to see with all the dust and smoke clouding my vision and all.

And plus, um, yeah Paul?

REALLY heavy. You know, DEAD WEIGHT AND ALL?

This proved to be too difficult, since I already felt completely dried up, and I felt myself slumping with Paul on top of me.

'Susannah!'

'I – I can't carry him,' I shook my head. 'He's – I just can't – '

The fire was getting even more out of control, since I was panicking so much. I couldn't figure out how to end it. It just kept getting BIGGER.

Jesse had already pointed out that the ballroom doors were unusable. The only way out now was for me to materialize with Paul. I had never, EVER materialized before, so I was hoping to use that as a last resort.

Apparently, all the other means of escape had already put up their "no vacancy" signs. I had to at least try it.

I was scared. I mean, what if I did it wrong and ended up in some obscure place like Greenland or . . . Australia? Wouldn't be that bad . . . if they breed hotties like Hugh Jackman and all. What if it was somewhere worse, like a completely different dimension?

I had to try. For Paul. I had to do this for him.

I closed my eyes and imagined the old, dried up grass in front of the school I imagined the nice, blue cloudless sky above my head and the slight scent of garlic that filled the Gilroy air. I could even feel a cool breeze go through my hair.

When I opened my eyes, I was there.

At first, I didn't really believe that I'd done it. Materialized. I mean, God knows in my twenty three years, I hadn't managed it, even under the most dire circumstances.

And yet, now I had. I didn't know why. I mean . . . I didn't know what I'd done differently.

Except maybe the fact that I'd been more scared about Paul than me. But whatever.

Whatever it was, I just started giggling helplessly. I think I was hysterical for a whole thirty seconds or something. Just – I mean, I'd basically evaded death, hadn't I?

However, I pretty much stopped laughing when I remembered who I was holding onto for dear life.

I looked down, and for the first time, saw how dead Paul looked. Just the vision of him so motionless and unconscious jarred me. His forehead was still bleeding, and there was blood smudged down the right side of his face.

He had to get up. I needed him to.

'Paul,' I whispered desperately, 'Wake up. I'm serious. Paul. Get up now . . . wake up, you ASSHOLE . . . Paul!'

I thwacked his chest passionately.

'Wake UP!' I shouted at him. 'NOW.'

And then suddenly, for no reason in particular, I just started crying.

'Paul!' I screamed at his face, as I started shaking him. 'Listen to me! You need to . . . you need to wake up now!'

He just wasn't moving. And the fact that I'd only been recently dead myself was just a bit DISTRESSING for me. Did I look like that? When I'd been gone? What if he wasn't unconscious? What if he was DEAD?

Maybe it was the fact that his face was so still . . . maybe it was because the cut on his forehead was still freely bleeding with thick, crimson steadiness. Maybe it was because I'd accidentally gotten some of the blood from my gashed arm in his, and if either of us had AIDS, we'd suddenly DIE.

Maybe it was the fact that I hadn't told him yet . . .

Because he'd told me. And I still hadn't told him. And then I'd been dead. And he hadn't really known. Or even if he had, I hadn't confirmed it.

I'd died with him not knowing. And now he wasn't able to HEAR it, I was completely terrified.

That he never WOULD hear it, I mean.

'Paul! Wake UP, DAMN IT!' I yelled at him, and slapped his face, hard. Screw neurological damage! Tears were free falling now. I hated crying. I hated him not knowing. 'Slater!'

I was about to slap him again, when I felt him shudder. Then his eyes opened suddenly, before closing again as he winced, holding his head.

And then, he uttered one glorious, sacred word that made me realise that he was alive.

'Shit.'

He felt pain! YAY! He wasn't in the white place!

I sucked in sharply, before just . . . falling on him, hugging him to death and kissing him. I guess that took him by surprise. You know, seeing as he'd just regained consciousness and all. But he caught on quickly, by going, 'Suze . . . ?'

I didn't even dignify that with an answer. If he couldn't tell it was me, that was his own problem.

Then, I told him.

I made sure he heard me.

I knew he had, because he looked back up at me intensely, before pulling my face down again. And he was kissing me.

Note to self: Die more often. Makes kissing a WHOLE lot better.

He knew now. Good. As long as he knew . . .

Then he stopped kissing me, and he sat up, pulling me against him. He was holding me possessively.

'I love you too,' he replied.

Such powerful words . . .