Disclaimer: I don't own the Akatsuki, but I rent Sasori for the weekends.  Sorry, but Only Zetsu, Kisame, Itachi, Deidara, and Sasori are going to be in this fic. No Hidan or Kakuzu, since I don't know them that well. ;-;

An Akatsuki Vacation

"Ugh…." Sasori was the first to wake up, because he had stayed true to his word and slept in the tub the previous night. Too bad he didn't realize that tub was leaky until it was too late.

After all the other members had been woken, they set off for the zoo. Deidara had a little cute teddy-shaped backpack full of snacks and money to purchase souvenirs with. Sasori swore the teddy backpack was possessed.

They arrived at the zoo, and each member handed in their tickets and prepared to meet some cute and cuddly animals.

Itachi was studying a map of the park. "What animal do you want to see first?" he asked.

"The lions, un!" Deidara said happily. So the lions it was. After about 5 minutes of walking, they found themselves facing a pen of lions. Whose manes seemed to be the same color of Deidara's hair.

Deidara beamed. "What hair care products do you use, un, Mr. Lion?' he asked. The lion roared. Deidara almost wet jimself in terror. So they got away from there fast, to find themselves in the lorikeet exhibit.

To all that have been to the Wild Animal Park before, you would know that anyone can come and visit th lorikeets, and purchase nectar to feed them with if you want.

Sasori was smitten. He bought a cup of nectar. The others were too frightened, except for Zetsu, who bought on as well and drank it himself.

As soon as they entered the lorikeet enclosure, Sasori was attacked by angry lorikeets in need of nectar.

"Man down, un!" Deidara screeched. "Are you alright, danna?"

Kisame was screaming and fending off another hoard of crazed birds who decided they wanted a fish dinner, with a side of Samehada.

SPLAT.

Itachi felt wetness gliding gracefully down his raven-haired head. It took him a minute to comprehend.

"OH MY GAWD! THE BIRD FREAKING TOOK A CRAP ON ME!"

They fled the exhibit as fast as they could. Zetsu was smiling innocently, lorikeet feathers in his jaws. Poor, poor, lorikeets.

(AN: They deserve it for attacking my Sasori. :3)

"Gift shop!" Deidara said cheerfully, running into one of the park's many gift shops.

Kisame found a plushie that he liked very much. Zetsu found a poor customer for a snack. Itachi found some cute animal-shaped hair clips. Deidara found some little clay birds. That weren't explosive. And as for Sasori….he had fallen in love with a zebra hand puppet.

"Oh, you are so beautiful…" Sasori said to the hand puppet, beaming. "I'm going to take you home, and you shall be mine."

"SASORI-DANNA!" screamed Deidara, slapping the zebra hand puppet away.

"You're supposed to love ME, un! Why else do you think the crazed fangirls like to pair us up in fanfictions, un?"

Sniffling, Sasori bid farewell to the puppet before they exited the shop, Kisame with armloads of plushies, and Itachi wearing about a hundred new hair clips all at once.

They visited the zebras, the elephants, the tigers, the pandas, the penguins, the okapis, the hippo, and the giraffes.

They all stank of animal poop, after Zetsu insisted they visit the petting zoo. He had been craving lamb chops.

At the petting zoo, Zetsu had eaten his heart out, and the rest of the Akatsuki members were cooing and fussing over some adorable farm animals.

"You would look great as a puppet," Sasori told a little goat. "I could implant a gun in your head, and you would be my ultimate secret weapon!" When no one was looking, he whisked the goat away and hid it in his big Akatsuki cloak. Those cloaks are really useful sometimes.

Next Time: What's next at the Wild Animal Park? What will happen when Kisame decides he wants to have a duel with a crocodile? And where will their next adventure take place?