Kamijou's Dreamland Adventures

by UrsaMJR

Be cautious with your prescription drugs people, always make sure you read the fine print. Unlike Kamijou Touma. Who, by not doing just that, falls into a deep sleep where his wildest fantasies become reality. Lucid dreams are interesting indeed. So take a look into the mind of our sleeping beauty, and his most sacred desires.

2. I Dream Of A Pigtailed Prosecutor

LancerGaShinda: Thank you for the praise. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Sorry for making you wait for some more fun stuff.

Guest (Chris): I do intend to keep this up. No matter how long it may take me. And certainly, with the whole harem included.

Masify: Othinus can certainly fit into the teacher role quite well. Hopefully a biology teacher. ;) I'm glad you find my comedic style satisfactory, the drugs are the least of Touma's worries. I will tell you that for free. I do hope to see you around some more.

Guest: All those suggested characters could fit rather well in the role. But none of them give me the aesthetic appeal of Othinus in a tight pencil skirt beating random knowledge into me. I'm a bit of an M if you haven't noticed. But fret not, their turn will come dear reader.

BlueJack22: And another chapter has come! Pardon the wait. As for the Discord server, I hope you have found the link for it. It's quite the place.

Healthcare.gov: We ain't gonna stop here my friend. We're gonna grow into bigger and better things! Onwards, to conquer the platform!

cbustroyer: You know. I'm very tempted. But along with being a massive M, I'm also an S. And what I love most is teasing all of you dear readers until the right moment to transition into smut presents itself. Nevertheless, hope you stick around to see that change!

Guest (Hugo): Smut is an art I wish to perfect before publishing. Nothing is worse than a rotten lemon. Thank you for the praise. I hope you stick around.

Guest (Touman): In due time my friend. Her radiant glow shall present itself.

Dark Tyrant-Fool: My dealer has been too good with his products. Thought I'd share the love with the rest of you. So don't worry, the groove ain't ever gonna stop grooving as long as we have the power of hard drugs and friendship on our side.

Guest (Yaoi man): Perhaps.

SkyChaser17: How I'm proceeding with this story, Touma might not have it in him to remain sane, let alone a virgin.

craytherlay: Touma isn't gonna stay healthy for long, I'll tell you that now. And yeah, as long as I have ideas of how to present each member of the harem, I'll be sure to write more pain and suffering for our boy. Because much like a certain other writer, I'm a Touma Sadist.

Guest: Your compliments are much obliged. Hopefully you keep reading.

That's it for the reviews folks, sorry this took a while. I'll get to it in further detail in the author's notes.

Nevertheless, let's get into it.

Disclaimer: This lad right here holds no ownership over the To Aru franchise. Anyone that thinks otherwise is delusional and should take their medication.

The voices you hear are real…

---

"Ah, Kamijou-kun. How are you feeling this fine morning?"

A certain hospital room door cracked open. One Heaven Canceller walked in with his usual white lab coat attire and notepad pencil combination. He had addressed the other occupant of the small white room. A certain repeating visitor to his hospital.

Silently resting atop the inclined bed was the ever unlucky Kamijou Touma.

"..."

"Hm? You don't seem as talkative as you usually are. Is there anything troublesome weighing you down Kamijou?" Nonchalantly, the frog-faced doctor rounded the boy's bed, as usual noting the various vitals displayed on the monitoring equipment strewn around the cot.

"..."

Somewhat concerningly, Kamijou did not utter a word. Prompting the doctor to address him once again.

"My, something has definitely put you in a sour mood. As a doctor, it is my sacred duty to inform myself of my patient's condition, be it a mental or physical matter, so let's hear it then. What's got you so stiff?"

"Oh...I don't know…" Started the boy, his voice a gentle one, mirroring his serene composure.

"It might be the fact that I'm currently IN A FULL NECK BRACE! COURTESY OF ONE UNREASONABLY VIOLENT CLASSMATE OF MINE!! Or the fact that I literally got discharged yesterday, only to end up right back here! Why must this Kamijou-san endure these sorts of stupid scenarios!? Is it because I'm just unlucky!? IS IT!? Because I believe this has gone past simply being a case of shitty luck and straight into ridiculous territory!? Am I the comic relief character in some slapstick anime!? Because I would like to speak directly to the creator and shatter their illusions of what's acceptable to put this poor Kamijou through!!!!!!!!"

As it stands, Kamijou Touma, on top of his previous injuries from the morning prior, received another few to add to his list.

The aforementioned neck brace kept his head in a stable position. Having been gifted a gentle punch to the face from a certain Iron Wall Girl, which had enough force to twist his neck in an awkward manner and properly leave him crooked for the remainder of his day.

Adding to that were the various bandages that mummified his upper body and most of his face. A result of his punishment at the hand of a silver-haired nun named Index.

Once he came back home yesterday, notably late due to the shift in his remedial classes that forced him to stay in school for longer, the beastly Index pounced on the boy with the crooked neck and inflicted her righteous judgment onto him. Demanding him to fill that bottomless void in her body.

(Her stomach, you perverts.)

Her teeth sunk into various parts of his injured self. At times overlapping with the bruises found on his flesh and causing him even greater misfortune.

Worst of all was when Othinus attempted to talk to him. Usually, the boy would be more than comfortable around the 15cm fairy. Both of them have developed a deep understanding of one another. Telling her the various happenings of his day was a form of therapy the two had developed to ease the stress of the world's most favourite chew toy.

But yesterday, he just couldn't meet her eyes without sweating nervously. Each word spoken by the goddess made his body flinch. Adding to that, her usual resting place was on his shoulder in close proximity to his ear which caught each strained breath she made, each small grunt or sound she expressed as she climbed her way up his arm.

He just couldn't shake the visage of the tall and sexy, stocking clad teacher who had nearly taken the boy's dream virginity.

"Human. Why are you acting like that?"

"L-Like what?"

"You act like you're hiding something from me." That dangerous statement made him curl his lips in shame and look to the side, deepening the concern and mild annoyance of his Understander.

"No I'm not. You're just imagining it." He offered his weak excuse which didn't sit well with the girl, who stood up on his shoulder and tugged at his ear, leaning into it to demand an explanation.

"Tell me boy."

If one could see Kamijou's expression, it would've been a contrast of his pale white complexion and the furiously reddening cheeks that flamed up once he pictured the tightly dressed, pencil skirt wearing Othinus in his dream. Whispering those exact words into his ear to elicit a reaction from his male brain.

The fact he could only see that sexy sadist of his dreams whenever he looked towards his Understander, made him that much more ashamed and self conscious at home.

Everything she did frightened him.

A little while later as he was preparing dinner, still sporting the numerous injuries he had come from school with, the tiny girl had snapped a toothpick right next to his ear after finishing a kebab he made for her to snack on and forget her ire with the boy.

Normally, the sound wouldn't be anything worth paying attention to or getting distracted by, but the sharp crackle in such close proximity to his ear had reminded him of something. The sound brought back the painful sensation of the riding crop the tyrannical Othinus used in his dream to beat the poor boy over various parts of his body.

Fueled by his restless mind he immediately reacted. His arms moved quickly to cover parts of his body that remembered the beating all too well.

His sudden jerk brought immense pain to his wounded shoulder and crooked neck. What's more, his sudden actions caught the small Magic God off guard. Resulting in her tumbling off his shoulder and into the large bowl of flour he had prepared.

The flour puffed up into the air and settled all around the kitchen. And as he tried to rectify his mistake and apologize to the blonde, he slipped on the flour that was now coating the tiled ground. His one good arm shot up to grab the counter to steady himself, but he instead knocked over the bowl as he fell. With it, the now very dusty Magic God came tumbling down and into the boy's face.

She held on for dear life as he fell on his injured shoulder, fracturing it once again and undoing any treatment he may have received the evening prior.

"Ahhhh shit! My shoulder! Such Misfort- Gaaaahh! My eyes!!"

The blonde goddess, who now resembled a ghost more than anything, expressed her anger with violent repeating jabs into the unlucky boy's eyes.

"Why. Are. You. So. Stupid!"

"Gaaaaah!! Mercy, mercy Othinus-sensei!"

"Why are you calling me that now? Are you trying to annoy me even more!?"

Kamijou couldn't do much to defend himself in such a pathetic condition, so he was made to take whatever the universe decided to dish out on the lad while cursing it for giving him such a close affinity to Murphy's Law.

After cleaning up the kitchen with much trouble on his part, he hobbled his way back to the hospital he was released from that very morning. Once again being forced to spend the night in the building due to his increased list of injuries.

"You shouldn't get into class scuffles Kamijou-kun. I fear that the rumours going around about your delinquency are proving to be true." The frog-faced practitioner chastised the spiky haired mummy.

"I don't want to hear it! It's because of those pills you gave me that I'm even in this mess! How could you offer something so dangerous to me?"

"I don't see a problem with the medication you've been prescribed. From what I gather, you haven't had any horrific bodily mutations as a result of them. Nor have you met your end because of them." Heaven Canceller simply stated in his professional opinion, the boy's accusations being lost on him.

"The dreams Doc! It's the dreams! Because of those pills I experienced the best, worst moment of my life. The dreams were so real that this Kamijou made a fool of himself in front of everyone! It cost me my reputation in school and relationship with my homeroom teacher! What do you say for yourself after ruining a poor highschool boy's life!?"

"It looks to me like it's your overactive imagination that's the one responsible for your predicament."

"Don't say that! If I believe those pills had no effect on the contents of my dream then I won't have any other option but to accept that this Kamijou is nothing more than a sexually frustrated pervert! Don't ruin my self-image more than it already has been." Having done more than enough damage to himself over the past two days, he really did not need the added existential baggage.

"Well, I'll tell you once again that you're healthy enough to shout. More so than the previous time, so your internal bruising might've subsided." Explained the doctor, taking what little he needed to chart down in his notepad.

"Yay…" Grumbled Kamijou.

"Although, because of the added injuries to your upper spinal cord-"

"Isn't that something very important for my cognitive functions!?"

"-you'll be forced to stay here for a while. I know that you're not too thrilled about that idea, being a student with limited funds and all." This brought a silent weep to the being of one normal highschool boy.

"...all my funds are going down the drain...why couldn't I have been born a stuntman, at least then all this pain would come into monetary use…"

"If I recall, the whole point of being a professional stuntman is to get hurt as little as possible." His attending doctor gave an unbothered chuckle, stepping by the desk at the side of his bed and tossing him the remote that was on top. "Make yourself comfortable at least, that's the only thing that's free of use here. I recommend channel 5." Heaven Canceller said humorously as he nodded his head to the opposite wall, where a TV hung from it.

"You're finding way too much enjoyment out of my suffering Doc, if I didn't know you better I would've believed you to be some secret mad scientist."

"Might be, might be…" Heaven Canceller mused silently as he turned himself to the door. "Oh, before I leave, are you interested in testing out the properties of some of the new medication we received from the-"

"No."

"Worth a try. Anyway, see you again Kamijou." The doctor stepped out of the room, with Kamijou exhaling a long winded breath. He really wondered if he was lucky or unlucky to have such an uncaring yet skilled doctor. That made him think. Would he survive the injuries he receives on an almost daily basis if he were anywhere else but Academy City?

"Scary thoughts Kamijou, too scary." He slumped back against the raised bed. Fumbling with the remote in his good hand.

"Sigh...I might as well. Don't have much else to do anyway…" He pointed the device at the hanging TV, his finger finding the top most button coloured a vibrant red. Strangely, the remote only had three buttons, the middle one being more of a circular touchpad for scrolling through channels, or so he believed.

He pressed the red button. But nothing happened.

"Huh?" He shook the device in his hand, fearing the batteries had been drained.

"Come on, can't I even enjoy the simple stuff!?" He pressed the button again and again, doing so with the bottom most button as well but finding it to do much the same.

He finally tried the middle touchpad, forcing his thumb harshly along its surface in an upward motion, hoping it might be the right action to turn the screen on.

But instead he found his bed, and subsequently himself, suddenly forced into a V shape. His body was bent in such a way that his head went between his now raised legs. In a perfect show of pure flexibility, Kamijou had leveled his knees to his chest and had his feet dangling by his ears. Bending like one of those professional gymnasts.

He would've felt quite proud of himself.

"NNNUUUUUUUUURRRSSEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

If he wasn't currently experiencing the excruciating pain of being sandwiched by his mattress.

After a humiliating ordeal that involved three nurses, two security guards and one very vocal Kamijou who could only shout profanities at the universe, the hospital staff finally freed the boy from the folded hospital bed.

The remote he was given had actually served to control the hydraulics of the bed he previously laid in. He now chose to stay as far away from the aforementioned torture device and uncomfortably lay in one of the guest sofas.

When the first nurse came in to see what the commotion was all about, she quickly grew perplexed and utterly dumbfounded at what she saw. Trying to pry open the jaws of the bed and free Kamijou by herself proved unsuccessful. She was made to get help while the spiky-haired boy continued to silently cry, fearing this whole mess would require some form of monetary compensation from his side.

After a while, two burly security guards and three attending nurses managed to free him. Although not with a few hiccups along the way.

The first attempt saw them successfully pull open the bed a little bit, only for it to forcefully close once again when a button on the remote trapped between Kamijou and the bed got unwillingly pressed by him. Resulting in it clamping down harder than before and effectively consuming the boy in the process.

The second try turned out far better, having pulled him out the clutches of the bed and into a stretcher one of the nurses brought along. After that, they had to assess any added physical damage Kamijou might have sustained, luckily he was mostly fine save for the light PTSD the experience left him with.

He was feeling more and more fond of his bathtub back home.

With that hellish contraption known as a bed out of his room and his aching back adding to the rest of his aching body, he sat in the center of the room with a defeated expression, finally having the TV turned on for him after one of the nurses expressed her worries of giving him another remote to tamper with.

He didn't like that he needed to take some of those painkillers the doctor had prescribed to him yesterday, but with the bed agitating his previous wounds he really had no other choice, since the pain was driving him mad.

He shifted through the channels on his TV with a very uncomfortable viewing angle thanks to the neck brace he had on. With what felt like all the time in the world due to his now extended stay and inability to attend his classes, he quickly grew bored.

Unlike at home, he had no one to talk to. Index and Othinus were forced to stay there due to the heavy rainfall outside since Kamijou, being the poor man that he was, didn't have the funds to afford a replacement for the umbrella that met a sudden and electrifying end.

The limited channels the hospital ward offered weren't that great either, mostly consisting of reruns of movies he had already watched, the news which only added to his depressed state, some simple talk shows and a bunch of early morning soap operas. Though, he did find some amusement in a single show he stumbled upon.

One of the movies had a female lead who was also a successful lawyer, catching his attention immediately as her demeanor and clothing options landed her right in his strike zone. That being, a big busty Onee-san.

The plot to the whole thing was utterly ridiculous but very entertaining for a while. Having something in line with most romantic flicks, the set up was simple at the very least. A frugal, struggling female lawyer found love within the wealthy son of a neighboring family. As you'd expect the whole thing wasn't too original, but what stood out to him was the second part of the program. Where it was revealed in a surprising twist, that the wealthy man was actually a scumbag playboy with blood on his hands.

Turns out, the only reason he was interested in the busty Onee-san was due to her prowess in the legal field. Wanting to win her over with his wealth and fake love so she could represent him in an upcoming trial, he offered her a lot for her cooperation including a promise of a couple million. Unsurprisingly and with great pleasure to Kamijou, who by this point was only in it for the waifu, she turned him down. Instead of defending him, she became his prosecutor, taking up the case to lock the man behind bars and to never have him play with another woman's heart.

After a tense trial which had the stiff boy at the edge of his seat, the Onee-san had presented the case to both the judge and jury, all stood appalled by the end of the trial at the presented evidence and testimonials from a plethora of his previous lovers, who had at one point or another experienced the true side of the man.

The trial ended with his lifetime conviction, having both the leading lady and Kamijou cheering as justice was served.

"I'm coming in, Onee-sama!" A sudden entrance cut off his celebration.

Turning towards his door he saw a pigtailed middle schooler, one wearing the distinctive uniform of the prestigious all girls school of Tokiwadai. One Kuroko Shirai, who was now glaring daggers at the boy she mistakenly walked in on.

"Ape! What are you doing in Onee-sama's room!? Where is she, what have you done to her?" The girl dropped the red umbrella in her hand and reached for the strap of spikes on her thigh, holding up a single needle accusingly at the spiky-haired resident. "Explain yourself, you heathen."

"Nice to see you too, Shirai-san." Responded the boy, not at all bothered by the casual threat to his life. "First of all, this is my personal ward. You can tell by the golden plaque you ignored on your way in here." This caused the teleporter's eyes to widen, quickly checking the door she stormed through with her Onee-sama on her mind, only to see the boy was correct. There really was a plaque inscribed with his name, which only raised more questions than it answered. Since hospitals don't usually give out personal rooms.

"Then-" She started but was cut off by Kamijou.

"Second, this Kamijou-san would like an apology for the rude comment and sharp needle of death that was pointed at him. That's not something a member of Judgement should probably be doing in the first place."

"You-! Ugh...fine, sorry I guess. But what are you doing here anyway Ape?"

"Can't you see?"

"I can see quite well! I'm asking for what reason are you here!?"

"Sure didn't sound like it…" A needle teleporting into the ground between his feet quickly silenced his mutterings. "Ok! Geez, well as you can see I'm not exactly peachy. Having run-ins with violent purse snatching thieves can be quite hazardous to one's health… not to mention violent classmates, violent nuns and a violent mini-goddess..."

"I have no idea what you're insinuating with the last part but from what I hear you're just as idiotic as ever. When will you learn not to get yourself involved with things that don't concern you? It's the job of Judgement and Anti-Skill to chase down would-be criminals, it's not the job of a muscle-bound baboon like you." With hands on her hips she chastised him some more, garnering a disheartened chuckle from the spiky teen.

"Well, I can't just leave people to fend for themselves when I can do something about it. Is it not that which made you join Judgement? To help the ones in need and put those who did them wrong behind bars?" He replied simply, leaving the teleporter without words for a moment.

"T-That's not the point. Vigilantism is a crime, so whatever reason you have doesn't matter. You're still putting yourself at risk for something you're not even trained to handle!" She balled her fists and stomped her foot, she really didn't understand the mind of such a simpleton. Someone who'd willingly throw themselves into danger for the sake of another. Although that wasn't a bad ideal to uphold, she still didn't like his brazen attitude when dealing with such a situation. It was as if his monkey brain acts first then thinks of the consequences later.

Aaaaaaaah! It was so infuriating to her! Yet, she also couldn't be too harsh on his actions. It was his involvement that saved her during the debacle involving her Level 4 counterpart, Musujime Awaki. Not to mention him carrying her off to a medical ward during that surprise heatwave during December which left her suffering a heat stroke.

Now that she thought about it, both times ended with her in his arms being princess carried! Why is it that the only romantic-like interactions she's experienced have always been with that Ape!? Was this a sort of twisted fate she had to endure? To forever chase after her Onee-sama while only progressing with him? No, it can't be. She can't let herself be swayed by those kinds of things. She can't let herself fall for this boy. Not for him. Not now, not ever.

...but she did feel quite cozy in his arms.

NO! Focus Shirai. Imagine Onee-sama in a swimsuit. Onee-sama, Onee-sama... Onee-sama...hehehe…Oneee-saaamaaa~…

She quickly shook her head, ridding herself of the mesmerising thoughts and the little drool that ran down her lips.

"Eh… Well if I didn't know any better, I would've said you're worried for me. Also, you still have a little something here." His cheeky remark earned him another spike dangerously close to his groin.

"YOU-! WHO WOULD EVER WANT TO BE WITH SUCH AN IDIOTIC, SELFISH TROGLODYTE LIKE YOU!? Don't twist my words to fit your womanising agenda. You've already stolen my Onee-sama's heart, you're not that lucky to steal mine!" With heated breath the raging middle schooler stepped closer, her eyes shone with a dangerous crimson glare and her mouth was laced by a toxic miasma like substance. She looked absolutely terrifying to Kamijou. So, with all the grace of a wrecking ball he stumbled back against his sofa, flipping himself over it and onto his back so he could crawl to the nearest corner and cower.

"N-Now, Shirai-san. I didn't mean anything by that, please don't skewer this defenceless Kamijou."

"Oh… don't worry. I have other plans…" She stated suspiciously, coating the boy in a nervous sweat with the pure hostility she exuded.

"Wait, WAIT! Please put down that crutch Shirai-san! I don't like how you're pointing the end of it right at me! W-Wait, don't come any closer. Don't climb on top of- Ah! No, not there- Ah! Mercy! Mercy! Please, I give! I give! Don't stick it- AAAH! There! IF THIS KEEPS ON GOING WE'LL LOSE THE T RATING. THINK OF THE CHILDREN SHIRAI!!"

With a few moments of unspeakable horror later, Kuroko finally calmed herself. The boy sat on the sofa once again, no doubt having another form of PTSD etched into his mind, with the pigtailed girl standing over him, arms crossed.

"Can you not make a mockery of everything, just one single time? I really don't get what Onee-sama sees in you."

"I wish I knew that myself. Maybe then I wouldn't be on the receiving end of her taser strikes." He sighed tiredly.

"That's something I'd like to see more of." The girl said humorously, something not shared by the other party, as Kamijou could only look on with a light twitch to his brow. "Still, keep yourself out of trouble. Or next time you'll be getting treated in the prison infirmary."

With a sour expression he turned away, whispering a few words under his breath. "So typically Tsundere…"

"What was that?" A needle glinted in his eye, making him throw up his hands defensively.

"N-Nothing nothing, just this Kamijou being his usual self."

Feeling satisfied with his answer she sighed, sheathing her weapon of choice and turning to leave, throwing one final parting statement towards him.

"Take care, Kamijou."

"See you Shirai."

The door closed and the boy was left alone again. To his left the large window of the hospital, beaten by the constant pour of rain happening outside. In front hung a TV which had been playing commercials for the last few minutes. He had grown bored with the device now that the show he was watching ended, so he switched it off. Lastly to his right was the various medical equipment that once read his vitals, now also standing unused in the corner by the bedside table.

With nothing to help him waste time or occupy his mind, he just laid back in his uncomfortable sofa chair. He relaxed his muscles which were slowly growing dull with feeling due to the effects of the pills he ingested earlier.

His eyes fluttered lightly, growing more tired as the boredom and drugs kicked in. He was anxious to fall asleep again, memories of the effects and fallout caused by the pills fresh in his mind. But, since he was alone in a room not many would have a reason to be in, he eased his worries.

With his anxiety settled, he let his eyelids curtain his vision, before long he would fall asleep and just as his eyes shut he took a glance to the door, or more accurately what laid by it.

A single red umbrella, forgotten by the pigtailed teleporter and left within his ward.

"Ah...I should return...that…" Was his last thought before sleep overtook his tired and thoroughly overworked mind.

---

A rousing noise drew him out of his serene state of slumber. A sound like many hushed whispers coalescing into a wave of white noise with no discernible source. With his eyes still closed Kamijou tried to rid himself of the nuisance plaguing his ears and his well deserved sleep, but as he moved his arms to cover his ears an audible rattle of metal drew his attention and he quickly shot his eyes open.

He was met with the sight of a wooden desk, feeling his forehead resting on it while he sat in an uncomfortable wooden chair unlike the sofa that he occupied prior. He raised his head, blinding lights from above forcing him to shield his burning eyes with his hands as his vision started to focus.

The previously mentioned jingle of metal was explained, as he was met with the reflective surface of a pair of handcuffs dangling before his face.

Unsurprisingly this made the slow to wake Kamijou puzzled, and as the rousing noise that brought him out of his sleep grew louder whilst his ears adjusted much like his eyes, he finally realised the position he found himself in.

He sat in a grand hall, the blinding lights from before illuminating the room from the high ceiling above. On either side of the large room stood benches lined with people, he tried to focus on their faces but strangely, while he could note their presence he couldn't discern any facial features from the mob sitting in the stands. They remained hazy and unrecognisable by the perplexed boy. The only thing he could properly take in was their words, the chorus of misty faces all chanting varying synonyms for the same word.

Criminal.

Concern laced his facial features, fear and confusion were present too. He didn't know what was happening. Was he attacked in his sleep? Dragged off to this place and confined to this seat, handcuffs and all? Was this someone's doing, a magician perhaps? Even then, this rang out strangely to him. He needed answers, he had to find a way to escape.

And why were these shadowy faces all chanting the same thing? What did he do?

A loud banging silenced the masses and his thoughts in turn. The lad registered the source of the sound as he turned to look forward. Strangely, he couldn't feel his neck brace, nor any of the bandages and medical wrappings he had on his person that would hinder him from turning his body forward.

Even more curiously, what those wrappings were there to conceal and keep safe as his body healed were absent from his person. No injuries or so much as a scratch on him.

Nevertheless, he discarded his increasingly concerning list of unexplained questions and he looked towards the individual who made the crowd-silencing bang, his eyes opened wide and his mouth fell agape.

Up above on a podium much higher than any other structure in the room, sat behind was a certain individual that held a gavel in their hand, used just now to quell the chanting crowd.

"Order!" The noticeably feminine voice boomed.

His eyes darted to the person, eyes filled with the sight of auburn hair tied in two tails on either side of their head, a red bow tying each pigtail neatly at the base. Large bangs covered their small shapely face, yet eyes of striking brown laced with annoyance peered through below which a small, sharp nose and pair of gently pursed lips sat. Adorning their body was a black robe decorated with green and white lacing. This strange outfit would complete what was supposed to be the attire of an adjudicator.

A judge.

That bizarre get up was worn by none other than the middle school student, Shirai Kuroko. Something that was hardly easy for Kamijou to digest as his slacked jaw was already laid atop the desk below.

A silence permeated the hall, which he now accurately assessed as a courtroom. Explaining the podium, stands, his desk and seat along with the matching pair to his right. Most likely used for the prosecution's side.

"S-Shirai-san? Wha-What's happening here!?"

"Mr. Kamijou, I'd recommend you to sit quietly and let me start the trial. You're quite frankly in a lot of trouble, so I'd like to see some maturity and discipline while we conduct today's case." The often haughty and aggressive pigtailed teleporter he was used to was all but gone, in her place was as cliché of a character as you can get for a scene like this.

Kamijou, with what little brainpower his groggy mind could muster, racked his brain for answers as he sat in his chair, cuffed and on trial for an offense he knew not of.

"We are gathered here today to bear witness to the trial of Kamijou Touma. Who has been previously incarcerated and trialed for numerous counts of endangering the well-being of the general populace, one count of destroying personal property and finally a single charge of aggravated assault." The Judge spoke about the contents of the list she held before her, the mere notion of those crimes being enough to make Kamijou grow pale. "Today, we commence the last trial dealing with the greatest crime assumedly committed by the defendant. Grand larceny."

As Shirai, the uncharacteristically fitting judge started to list the crimes which he has supposedly committed, Kamijou couldn't do much but stare in disbelief at the preposterous claims he was hearing.

Grand larceny!? He was possibly one of the most monetarily challenged inhabitants of Academy City, but to stoop to stealing anything because of that was beyond him. He hasn't so much as stolen a piece of gum!

And what is this ludicrous claim of endangering public safety!? How can a normal highschool boy, much less one blanketed by nothing but the desire to see people smile even think of doing something so dangerous? Lies! All lies! He wasn't having any of it!!

What could this innocent Kamijou have done to deserve this ridiculous accusation!?

"..."

As he looked back on the life he led up to this moment the boy started to sweat.

Reviewing his past actions through a critical lens now that he was faced with this situation made him think about that time his dorm was set ablaze because of an altercation involving him. About that time when a hole was blown through the floor and roof of his loli teacher's house. About that time a whole shipment yard was blown up. About that time he was involved in an assault on a diner he was doing his homework in. About that time he trespassed on a construction site and caused its destruction. About that time he defied Anti-Skill orders and rushed into a crime scene. The numerous times he walked in on the opposite sex changing, much like that time in Italy when he walked in on a holy Nun. About that time he went against the world with a feared terrorist. About that time he…

You know what, this case might have more weight to it than he previously realised.

"Per his request, the defendant will be handling his own defense as is within his right to do so." The pigtailed adjudicator spoke, causing the boy to halt his exploration of the various possible crimes he committed and to look up at the girl once more with eyes filled with dread.

"Like hell I did! What do you take this Kamijou for!? A fool!? How can a normal highschool boy like me know anything about the judicial system? And not only that, but to know enough about it that I was confident enough to defend myself! What is this situation?" His thoughts carried through his panicked state, furthering his descent into madness.

"First, we shall start the opening statements from the prosecution's side, they'll present the details of the case from their point of view, after which the defense may do the same."

The boy tensed, as if he could've been even slightly relaxed during these events. His heart raced so much he could feel it in his ears. The nervous sweat that he donned only continued to accumulate the more his mind worked to figure out who exactly it was that was accusing him of these crimes. He thought of many who'd have valid reasons to, but none fit the crimes he supposedly subjected them to.

That thought itself saddened him. If he had truly hurt this person to the extent that they'd take it to court, then who was he to disregard those feelings that brought them here.

"Wait! No- don't think like that Kamijou! This situation can't be real, no matter how you look at it this situation can't be anything but an illusion. It's nothing but a bad dream, a bad dre-..."

That's it… a dream. A bad, horrendous dream brought upon by those medicinal pills that crazy doctor prescribed. Now it made sense! It made so much more sense!

"Ahahahaha! That's it, all I have to do is wake up. Wake up and escape this ridiculous situation! Wake up you dumbass! Don't believe anything you see, this is nothing but the delusions brought about by those sketchy drugs! That's it, I'll close my eyes, when I open them I'll be sitting in my nice and cozy hospital room. Ok. Ok….haaaaa… concentrate Kamijou. It's a dream... nothing but a dream..."

He closed his eyes, facing the desk once more he placed his cuffed hands to his face and laid his head down. Then he relaxed, he slowly counted in his head and exhaled a long strained breath.

One…

The chorus of voices boomed around him, passionate claps filing the courthouse.

Two…

As they died down the clacking steps of someone's shoes walking behind him filled the empty space left behind. But there was not only one pair, but a second set of footsteps he could clearly hear, one that rang out louder as if the person wore high heels.

Three…

The steps gave way to the sound of a pair of creaking chairs pulled back from the desk opposite him. On which he assumed the two new people sat.

Four…

Then, one of the people spoke. A voice so notable that Kamijou stopped his counting and desire to return to reality. He stopped and opened his eyes. He raised his head and turned to the prosecution's side.

What he saw truly could've given him a heart attack. It defied all reason and logical thinking as what he saw just boggled his already fried brain.

"Thank you Shirai-san. Then I will continue on with the procedure. I will be representing my client, the victim of this horrendous crime and subsequently the main witness to it, Shirai Kuroko."

What he saw was not one, but two Kurokos occupying the space opposite his. One was obviously playing the role of the lawyer, having dressed in a fine tailored suit of silver colour and a green tie, with her distinct pigtailed hairstyle still present. The other same-faced individual wore a long blood red dress, surprisingly fitting her small frame splendidly as it hung off her crossed legs with its one side cut open to reveal her stocking clad leg and black strap high-heels. It was a shoulderless dress, revealing a good amount of her nape and upper back, as both the front and back were cut in a deep V shape. Her untied hair laid loosely across her bare shoulders, serving to cover what little of her exposed skin it could. Lastly, her hands donned a pair of short, black silk gloves that held a single white napkin in their grip. She occasionally dusted her eyes with it, seemingly brushing off tears under the black laced veil that hung from her fascinator.

"One...two...three…three…" His brain rattled within its spiky cage, the act of counting now used to number all the present Shirai Kurokos. The mere sight of three of them was enough to fry what little brainpower the poor boy held within his mind.

"You animal! Stop ogling her! Have you no shame at all!?" A voice came from the surrounding crowd of indescribable faces.

"Was it not enough for you to traumatise the poor woman in her own home and then steal her most prized possession!? Put him away I say!" Another voice boomed.

Kamijou on the other hand sat in silence while he attempted to make sense of the situation whilst also thinking of a way to snap himself out of this dreamscape.

"I know they say dreams can be ridiculous but this really takes the cake." Looking around once again he simply couldn't fathom how his mind could create such a realistic yet strange fabrication. What deep, repressed side of his mind put this thing together? Because he wanted to find it and silence it forever.

"...ok Kamijou. There's only one way to get out of this and that's to make yourself feel a sudden or severe pain in the dream. Alright, I can do this. All to save some of my sanity."

The boy took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. Repeating the action a few times with his eyes closed. After a moment more he shot his eyes open and moved quickly. He heaved his upper body in a downward motion, flinging his forehead at the target below him. The wooden table.

With a resounding thud his head hit the wooden surface of the table, the strike reverberating inside his head for a moment before it was replaced by the sensation of a burning dull pain that frazzled his senses.

"Ah fuck, that hurt!!" He spoke out, his eyes shutting once more due to the severe numbing pain overtaking his forehead.

He shot them open a second later. Moving his eyes around his surroundings only to see the same image as before. The courtroom expanded before him, populated by shadowy figures and three Shirai Kuroko.

"Still not good enough eh? Well then, I'll just have to shatter my illusion with this next blow!!" Once more he swung his head at the desk, the numbing pain expanding throughout his scalp as the strike left him bewildered for a moment. Once more he opened his eyes and peered at his surroundings, looking at the same figments of his imagination.

"S-Still..? Ugh….again." He swung again but no change came.

"Again!" Once more nothing came of his action, only an increase to the amount of pain he was feeling.

"Come on…" With repeated attempts nothing changed, the only noticeable progress he made was covering the table beneath with his blood as the skin on his forehead split open.

"Why. Won't. You. Wake. Up!?" With each word another strike came, the confidently eager boy growing frustrated as his attempts to wake himself up proved fruitless.

"B-Beast….he's a mindless beast…" One comment made its way through the room as the boy continued to bash his head in repeatedly.

"S-Someone stop him! He'll kill himself before the trial even starts!" Another comment.

"Mr. Kamijou! Stop this idiotic behaviour and present yourself with some decency in court!" The booming voice of Judge Shirai drowned out the others as her attempts to stop the boy only fueled his attempts further.

"Just disappear already!! You're not real, just like those dreams, you can't be real!"

"Guards. Restrain him!" With that order two more Kuroko Shirais came in to do just that. Both wearing a standard set police uniform they used their teleportation to appear beside the boy and pull him upright into his seat and physically tie him down with rope.

"Sigh... honestly, I expected no less from such a disturbed individual." Lawyer Shirai gave her own thoughts on the matter. Her hand was laid atop the shoulder of her red adorned companion as a way to calm their growing concern for her well being after seeing such a violent display of madness.

"Your honor, do we need further proof of the deranged and criminal nature of this man? His actions speak louder than any testimony I may present tonight."

"I assure you Miss Shirai, this won't go unnoted, but please refrain from obstructing the proper procedure of this trial." The Judge spoke up again, turning once more to look at the boy. "We shall now begin with the prosecution, please state your case, Miss Shirai."

"With pleasure your honor." The Lawyer stood up with a paper in hand.

'Why didn't it work? Is my dream so strong that I can't break out of it no matter how hard I try? No, impossible. Then how did I break out of the previous one? Ahhh… I don't know...I guess I just have to let this shit play out. Ah, fuck my head hurts.'

"I think I don't need to speak much for Mr. Kamijou's character, as you've all been shown how unruly he can be. But for clarification I will have to name the crime he committed against my client here, who was by no means left unaffected by this man's actions." A gentle hic came from the red dressed Kuroko as she tried to hold together her saddened self.

'What kind of scenario is this anyway? I know I have a few problems inside my head but to make myself the criminal in a court case is not exactly the wish fulfilment I crave for when I sleep. I WANT OTHINUS-SENSEI BACK. LET ME GO BACK I WANT TO EXPERIENCE THE HEAVENLY SIGHT OF THOSE LEGS AGAIN!'

Seemingly unperturbed by the happenings in front of him, Kamijou internalised his frustrations further, as with no witness to his perversions he can finally let loose some of his desires. Sadly enough, he still couldn't act upon them as his own mysterious mind came up with a situation where he had none of that fulfillment, but instead he was locked inside a cheap soap opera.

"In his attempts to steal the prized possession of my client, this brute has enacted many physical and psychological injuries on her. He had barbarically, unabashedly and unapologetically committed these travesties upon her." Seriously, the more he listened the worse this plot became, he just couldn't imagine what part of his brain thought this up.

"All this, in the pursuit of her heart, which he was caught in possession of."

"Huh?" Wait, what did she just say?

"Yes your honor, that man right there had stolen my client's heart. He left her to deal with the mental torment of this act and the resulting physical distress."

"WHAT!?"

"Silence Mr. Kamijou, you've already done enough to worsen your case, so please remain silent while the prosecution is talking." The robe-clad middleschool girl shot him a warning, one he took a bit more seriously as with the current development he was all but forced to follow along.

"Um...Y-Yes your honor." He awkwardly stated.

"Good. You may proceed, Miss Shirai."

"Thank you your honor. As I was saying, my client was left with many afflictions due to this criminal act. If I may present the evidence to support my case it would make the picture all the more clear to the jury." The formally dressed Kuroko spoke while adjusting her tie, picking up a briefcase she had sat on the ground when she had entered.

"Continue." Said the Judge

The silver suited lawyer strolled forward in front of the stand. Out of her briefcase she had brought out a flashdrive, one that was then plugged into the large screen TV teleported in by the security. Who were still identical to every other Shirai Kuroko within the courtroom.

After the screen flickered on, it presented its first image. One that was awfully familiar to the spiky-haired boy. "Exhibit A. The physical acts of coercion perpetrated by the defendant. Clear as day, you can see in this video the carefully orchestrated and planned use of the Princess Carry. A notable and very popular method of seduction."

Just as the Lawyer Kuroko said, on screen was the sight he had long since forgotten. A circumstance brought about by the second Level 4 Teleporter Musujime Awaki. One where after a building began collapsing the boy had run in to save the pigtailed Kuroko Shirai from certain death. As she had been falling from a great height the boy had leaped to catch her in his arms resulting in them being in that position.

"As you see here. His arm is wrapped around her leg in such a fashion as to create the most comfortable resting arrangement for her wounded legs. An act of consideration so thoughtful that it is downright criminal. And here! You see how his other arm is laid under her back, soothing her beating heart and offering support for her head to lean back in an optimal angle so that she can gaze into his blue eyes without effort and be entranced by that gentle and serene sight."

His mouth agape, the boy simply sat and listened. The act of thinking was proving too laborious as what he was experiencing truly tested his mental capacity.

The prosecution continued. "After this blatant act of coercion. The defendant showed more of his hand by saying the following phrase."

"…That's right, it's a promise. This promise is to protect Misaka Mikoto and the world around her."

This was indeed what he had said during the time. Though Kamijou noted a slight discrepancy as the video played out.

"Why the hell am I sparkling in the moonlight!? Am I some cheap rip-off of a poorly written vampire romance flick!? And why the hell does my face look so immaculately sculpted!? I say forgery, nay I call it an insult to this average Kamijou!"

"Mister Kamijou, I will not warn you again." The judge spoke with another pound of her gavel. The boy quickly fell silent. "You may continue with your prosecution, Miss Shirai."

"Thank you, your honor." She replied. "You can see the utter lack of restraint in his actions. As he forcefully and knowingly enacted his devilish charm upon my client, all in a bid to weaken her defenses."

A silent hic followed from the aforementioned client.

"To declare himself the protector of their mutual attraction, Mikoto Misaka, he had subsequently presented himself as a trustworthy, compassionate, caring and loving man. Traits which my client found too endearing, as was his original intent!" The roaring voice of the attorney continued to rise, as if she was speaking of a great misdeed which was committed.

"He swaggered his way into her mind, and slowly made himself a place within her heart! With the following exhibit you will see him cement himself in it."

What followed was another video. A scene which was, yet again quite familiar to the boy. The heatwave that had occured not too long ago on the 7th of December, one which saw the whole of Academy City's denizens in their swimwear, baring the heat of the unusually hot day.

"Firstly, the defendant had infiltrated the school grounds of the prestigious Tokiwadai Middle School, an all female establishment forbidden to men. Yet somehow he had gotten through its rigorous screening process and made his way inside."

'It wasn't especially hard since Misaka got me in.' The boy thought to himself.

"This feat was achieved with the help of the previously mentioned mutual love interest, Mikoto Misaka."

'Ah, fuck…'

"At this point the girl had been smitten and indoctrinated into the ever growing number of female admirers our defendant had accumulated over the past year. And with this infiltration into a heavily populated area of young girls, he had sought to increase that number further."

"Lies! I had no such intentions!"

"Mr. Kamijou! If you wish to express your side of the matter you will get your turn soon. Unless you have valid objections I urge you to remain quiet. Do I make myself clear?" The ever ruthless judge gave one more warning to the boy, who then slumped back into his seat.

"Ahem, anyway. The defendant had acquired help from one of his previously conquered connections. Not only of Mikoto Misaka, but of Ś̸͙̝͖̀͂ ́ ̋͌ ͝ h̴͉̃́͛̃̇͌̑ ̉ ͝ ộ̴̠̔͆́͛ ͘̕̚ǩ̴̛͕̳͕̤ ̤͓̲͉͚̀̎̐ ̚ ȕ̶̢̡͖ ̣̘̩̠̪ ́̏͋ ͜ ͅ h̷͖̙ ̣̜͇ ̽͆̎͠ o̶̹̬̩̪ ̞̳ ̣̱̙ ͗ u̵̢̩̦̹ ͙̖̳̯̲̟͖͂̆͒̐ ̐̊̈ ̄ M̴͖̻̫͍ ͚ ͐ ĩ̶̧̢̛̻͎ ̣͍ ̈ ́̐̐ s̷̢̢̲͚̤̤ ̭̬͔ ̉̇͆ ̊̈ å̶̩k̵̡͎͖̪̫ ̈̏̿ ̋ ͜ į̴̙̞͍̲̰͍̪̀, arguably as popular and influential as the aforementioned Electromaster."

'Huh..?'

Ever so strangely the boy couldn't hear a phrase within that last sentence. It was quiet, almost as if someone turned down the volume with a remote. So faint yet definitely present. Words he could not hear yet he knew were being spoken. The lawyer's lips had certainly moved, certainly vocalised words meant to further develop this ludicrous situation, yet he couldn't hear them.

He tried to think back to a moment prior. Trying to remember or recall what she had said, forcing his mind to find the answer.

But none came. Only a sudden pang of pain that echoed from within his head, a sudden feeling like his head was imploding.

That feeling soon passed but it was replaced by another. An emotional response to the lack of an answer, a feeling of anxiety, of panic. Much like if you couldn't remember whether you turned the stove off or not and were worried if something terrible happened back home. Much like that feeling, he dreaded not knowing what this anxious and frightening emotion related to, what that barely audible whisper kept from him.

"He used these connections to seed himself in the curious female population of Tokiwadai Middle School and further promote his agenda."

He had no time to think deeper on the matter, as the crazy court proceedings continued, much to his dismay.

"A few moments later the defendant is seen with my client. Not only was he seen in broad daylight, flaunting his glistening bare chest and charismatically toned physique to the growing crowd of female onlookers, he was doing so while utilising the Princess Carry once again. Once more I cannot stress enough how effective this technique was at stealing the hearts of pure maidens, a fact known too well by the defendant. Which was his reason for employing it once more."

At a certain point Kamijou stopped trying to make sense of her words. The mere fact he was so mentally unsound as to create this scenario was incredibly disheartening. Depressing even.

'I guess running around half the globe really eats into my personal time. Was I really this pent up? Has this Kamijou-san ignored his base desires for too long? Do I need to jack off? Probably. Most likely…… definitely. I wonder if Index found those magazines I hid under the sink. Did Othinus? Hmm… maybe I should get some new ones. Maybe I could borrow from Aogami.'

A few seconds passed.

'... probably best if I don't. Ah, I'll get some when I'm at the store next time. Shit, I need to get to the sale this week. Index ate through the whole bag of uncooked pasta a day ago. I really wanna sock her for that… Sigh, what else… Oh, right. Othi said her roof needed fixing, Sphynx knocked the dollhouse off the shelf again. Should probably glue it to the shelf next time I ca- Oh she's pointing at me.'

Sure enough his mental ramblings were stopped as an accusatory finger was directed at his person.

"This man has done this numerous times. His harem grows by the day simply to satisfy his everlasting perverse desires. A group thousands in number." The boy gave an uninterested blink in response.

"This man is a criminal, a cheat and a scoundrel. He had no intention to reciprocate these feelings he was growing within the hearts of the many he conquered. He simply ran around the globe collecting women for the sake of his own satisfaction." The girl held herself with a resounding confidence, yet even then her spine shivered as her words grew louder. Almost as if her disgust for the poor boy grew with each passing phrase.

"He had seeded a love far too fierce to ignore. A respect far too deep to abandon. A heart far too attached to belong to anybody but him. He stole it! He stole my client's heart and made it his own yet he hadn't even reciprocated a single feeling. A single fleeting emotion. And we ask for this playboy to take responsibility for those misdeeds. For this man who has toyed and used the hearts, the minds and bodies of his victims for his pleasure, to answer for these crimes!" The well dressed lawyer ended with a loud finisher. One which drew the applause of the crowd.

In response, the tied up Kamijou couldn't do much else but scoff. Arrogance seeping from his pores whilst a single thought fueled this emotional response.

Fools, they were oblivious to the obvious.

"Hehehe… Lawyer-san I think you've made a great miscalculation saying that. Because you forget one thing." A darkened smile crept across his face, as his eyes became shrouded by his hair.

An air of pure arrogance enveloped the boy.

Yes, they forgot a single factor which burns holes into this whole theory, into this whole case. A piece of information that he was sure they stood unaware of.

Him? A playboy? They must be joking. For Kamijou Touma knew of a fact that would blow their claims out of the water.

"You see… you are unaware of a simple fact…" A single glint could be seen from below his curtain of hair, a gleaming eye filled with determined confidence parting the dark veneer created by his raven head of hair. "Idiots! Fools and clowns alike. You can't incriminate me, for I am a-..."

Yes. They were idiots for suggesting such a thing.

Why?

Because they forgot to consider…

Because they didn't have the foresight to think it through…

Because he was a…

"...-VIRGIN!!!" His warlike cry reverberated through the room. No soul was left unshaken as his proclamation filled their ears. No face was left without a look of shock.

Why?

"BECAUSE I'M A VIRGIN!! You fools failed to take this into account when constructing your case. Now tremble at my words whilst I laugh in your face! Me? A ladies man good enough to entrap thousands? You swung and you missed! Ahahahahahah!! Noone can grasp the pure virginity this poor Kamijou-san is capable of! Me, who has not so much as had a fling with a member of the opposite sex is being framed for his perverse desire to bed women!? I say nay!!! MY GOOD NAME SHALL NOT BE DRAGGED THROUGH THE MUD. For I. Kamijou Touma! AM A LONELY AND DESPERATE VIRGIN!!"

He wasn't sure why he played up his part in the trial. It could've been the fact he had grown disillusioned with escaping this ridiculous dream that he cared so little about. Or because he just thought it didn't matter what he said inside this dream space.

Nevertheless he said it.

They had nothing on him. All these baseless claims can already be swept aside. Because this single piece of information burst their whole bubble.

Yes. Because the loud and proud Kamijou Touma. Was a virgin.

So proud in fact that his eyes could not stop leaking tears while his teeth gritted in anger. His words worked as a double-edged sword and he felt the full force of that blade as it had made a sizable hole in his soul as soon as he had admitted it.

"FUCK! WHY THE HELL AM I STILL A VIRGIN!?"

Well… it would've been somewhat cool if he hadn't revealed his real emotions.

But hey, it's his mind.

The shocked onlookers continued to stare. Their baffled and shocked faces all looking on at the deranged boy who'd spilled his heart out on the floor. So palpable was the silence that they could hear every pathetic word he said.

Yet, one onlooker could no longer remain quiet, as they found new spirit to continue talking.

"Your honor, I'd like to have this outburst moved into evidence. The defendant has fully revealed his true colours, and I wish to capitalise on that." The brunette haired lawyer perched up. A new sense of confidence washing over her.

"Permission granted. Moved to evidence." Spoke the judge in response.

The smug smile that graced the lawyer's face was only matched by the barely restrained smugness of her walk. She approached the boy's table, placed a hand upon its surface and looked him dead in his teary eyes. "Thank you, your honor. With this I can put the final nail in his coffin far earlier than I envisioned."

"Eh?"

The girl straightened herself. Turning her back to the boy and facing the judge. "Your honor. With his admission of virginity I have now fully grasped the motive of his actions. I have fully understood why this man has been growing this large number of women for his harem. I had foolishly believed he had wanted these women as mere trophies. To look upon and toy with as he pleased." She took a step forward, a fist rising to her chest where it would lay.

"No, he had much grander schemes. The defendant! Sitting right there-" Her hand gestured to the perplexed wreck of a human being called Kamijou Touma. "-this man had wanted to do one thing!"

Yes, it was so clear to her. So clear in fact that she was foolish not to have realised sooner. He wanted a single thing only.

"He had roused this great number of women for a single task only. For a single reason only. That being, to lose his virginity in the greatest and biggest orgy of all humankind!!"

"..."

Long gone were the tears in his eyes. Long gone were the sorrowful words that filled his throat. Long gone was any sense of pity and sadness he held for his own being. Right now, Kamijou Touma gazed at the girl in front of him with a look in his eyes devoid of any emotion. A look so captivatingly empty it actually caused the female lawyer to take a step back in fear.

A moment later Kamijou's head met the table.

"YOU FUCKING MORON! THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DREAMING OF!? I KNOW YOU'RE PENT UP, BUT HAVE SOME CLASS MAN!" This was the exasperated shout of none other than the raven haired boy who'd found himself bloodying the table beneath him.

The simple reason for this being how utterly disappointed he was in himself. Utter disappointment for this shitty reality he had wound up in. The fuck was up with his subconscious self? Was he an even bigger pervert than he realised? Were his perverted fantasies running rampant to a degree where he had to so embarrassingly face them from the mouth of a middle school girl?

"Ahh… I just want to wake up now…" He was feeling far too pathetic to continue this fiesta. But, since his rehabilitative headbutt did little to even shake this mirage, he was in for the end of this strange strange dream.

"That is it! Kamijou Touma, your outbursts have crossed the line! I will not have you disrespect this courtroom with your tomfoolery any longer." The raised voice of the appointed judge boomed through the great hall, her annoyance and rousing anger apparent. "Miss Shirai, I wish to hear from you a suggestion for the appropriate punishment to be handed out to this scoundrel. I see no further need to waste the jury's and my own time with someone who can not follow court etiquette. So, I give you the power to properly present an appropriate punishment."

"Gee…thanks." The unamused response of the defeated boy rose from his lowered head.

"Ah, right." The well dressed lawyer shook off what little shock she had experienced and turned towards the jury. "As per my previous statement, I speak with confidence when I say this criminal had no other intention than losing his virginity in the most depraved manner imaginable. As is the case, I propose a solution to what the appropriate punishment should be."

The lawyer turned back towards the judge, her hand finding its way atop her heart. "I propose we strip this man of his ambition. To rip away the perverse goal he had in mind and ruin any future attempts at achieving this goal. I propose to make his heart and body come under the custody of my client! To forever be tied in matrimony with one person for the rest of his pathetic life! To be rehabilitated as a true man!"

Once more, a thud was heard from the boy as his head met the table. "Kill meeeeeeee…"

"So, you suggest that he be chained to a purely monogamous relationship? Ingenious. Would the victim like to voice any complaints to this verdict?" A single shake of the veiled girl's head was all the answer the judge needed to slam down her gavel and announce her decision. "Then I hereby announce that the defendant Kamijou Touma is to find solace within Shirai Kuroko, to forever be joined in holy matrimony, in life and death."

"SINCE WHEN DID THIS BECOME A WEDDING PROCESSION!?" The sheer idiocy and appalling behaviour of his imagination finally broke the boy. Even as he was being dragged out of his seat by the surprisingly strong and sturdy middle school guards, he still kicked and shouted at the utterly ridiculous situation he found himself in.

Nevertheless, the courtroom doors slammed shut with the faces of the three Kurokos being the last thing he saw before he was dragged into a black abyss.

---

Oddly enough, he felt the full weight of his body fall upon something soft. The hands that once gripped his arms in a tight hold have disappeared along with everything else around him. The only thing he felt was a surprisingly soft and gentle embrace of what he assumed to be a mattress.

He laid there in that pitch blackness, assuming whatever depraved scenario his mind would think up next could only agitate his self loathing further. Still, he enjoyed the small respite he earned after that hell. His hands might've still been tied but he relaxed fully within the tender embrace of this soft bed.

The fact that he slept in a bathtub most of the time made this small pleasure a dream he could truly enjoy. A fantasy he could get behind. Yet, even our greatest pleasures must come to an end.

As a light flickered on, a room illuminated itself before the boy. He was indeed laying on a bed, one with pristine white sheets and a generous amount of space for him to spread out. King-sized was an appropriate description of it. The bed sat in the middle of this room, headboard propped against the similarly white walls while the foot of the bed faced a large unobstructed window with a skyline view of what he could tell was Academy City's towering buildings. To his right was an open door, through which he could just about make out a bathroom. One with an ornate black and white aesthetic. To his left, a large painting stood paired with another door. This one he assumed to be the entrance.

Nonetheless, the whole space gave off a strange vibe. One he couldn't shake away as he looked over the many decorative elements strewn about. Like the abundance of hearts, cursive phrases and suggestive silhouettes plastered across the walls, all seemingly indicating a more intimate setting.

Yep. This was a love hotel.

He may not have had much experience with establishments like these, but even a virgin like him could recognise what the room's purpose was. And the fact he was tied by the wrists and laying atop a bed didn't fill him with much doubt of this assessment.

Nevertheless, he still jumped out of his skin when the gentle creaking of the door to his left roused him from his thoughts.

In stepped a single individual, closing the door behind them soon after and walking to the foot of the bed a moment later. It was the crimson clad Kuroko Shirai, specifically the witness and victim of his supposed crime.

Her petite frame was still adorned with the blood red dress, one which hugged her skin tightly and to the point every curve and indent in her body could be read. From the lining of her hips to the dip of her bellybutton, across the modest mounds of her chest. His eyes wandered further along her body, being met with the gaze beneath the veiled fascinator atop her flowing head of auburn hair.

While he had little interest in women outside his Onee-san strike zone, he had to admit that Shirai looked absolutely stunning in her outfit. He would have marveled a bit more if it were not for the stocking laced distraction that forced its way between his spread legs.

A single foot found itself very close to his unprotected groin, a foot which found its pair doing much the same, as the girl stood atop the bed, towering over the downed and restrained Kamijou.

"U-Uh… Shirai?" Came a pitiful inquiry from the anxious boy.

The girl remained silent. The flowing red dress parting in response as a single leg showed itself from within its crimson confines, parting the slit across one side of the dress and pushing itself forward until her foot laid atop the boy's chest.

More accurately. The red stained heel adorning her foot, one which dug itself painfully into his sternum, planted itself on his chest.

His widened eyes could not help but marvel at the glistening length of her stocking laced leg. A leg he was inclined to climb with his gaze and find the source of. Something which led to him having a particular eyeful of a few more laced goods that she wore beneath the red dress. Of course, the virgin turned away. Casting his head to the side and onto the doorframe of the bathroom, trying to shield his flustered face from her sight.

He wanted to speak out in protest but found his attempt short-lived as the girl above him pressed a bit harder onto his chest, effectively robbing him of the chance.

"For too long…" The veil which hung from her fascinator covered her eyes while she spoke. Any emotion they could convey being lost to the boy. Nevertheless, he could clearly see the quivering lips that formed the strained words which so meekly reached his ears, and that sight alone gave him reason enough to remain silent.

"Too long have I endured the pain your words and inaction have brought to my heart. Far too long has my love been sidelined in favour of your perverse desires." Her lips curled painfully, voice trembling pathetically as the crimson clad girl used all her strength not to burst into tears at this very moment.

"I've endured countless nights in agonising despair because the adoration I felt for you felt like it would forever go unanswered. Unnoticed." The foot that held his attention moved itself beside his hip, another heel doing the same on the opposite side.

"No longer. For you, are mine tonight. I will engrave this love of mine across your body, until every wretched woman knows you're mine." The full weight of the girl suddenly planted itself atop his abdomen, her kneeling form riding atop his frightened self and further increasing the volume of the alarm ringing inside his head. And as a single gloved hand placed itself on his chest, those same sirens deafened his mind.

He couldn't think of anything else. His head was filled with her all too suggestive phrasing, and his body was restrained under the weight of her dazzling form which didn't do anything but add onto his anxiety.

Once again, he tried to speak. His lips parted for a moment before a thumb plugged his mouth and stopped him from speaking.

That same gloved hand that sat on his chest had moved forward and cupped his cheek. Her thumb found itself lodged between his teeth and pressing down on his tongue with little intention to lessen its hold.

"Silence, you troglodyte. Your punishment has been chosen for you already. So accept me fully as I destroy any plan you held with the other women in your life."

"Bwut ai-" His insistent resistance found little success again. His arms were bound and his body pinned under the domineering woman who held him quite literally by the tongue. So, as he tried to vocalise his complaints, the ever agitated Kuroko simply leaned forward, pressing her petite frame onto his chest and silencing him with a kiss.

Safe to say his mind became even further frazzled by the sudden act. So much so that he gave little resistance to the tongue that invaded his mouth and tangled with his own in place of her thumb. Instead, he laid still as the woman firmly cupped his face with both hands and kissed him deeply, the softness of her silk gloves only outdone by the softness of the tongue that entwined itself in a dance with his own.

Gentle moans filled the cavity between their lips for a moment. A sound which silenced the alarms within his head and replaced them with the shaky melodies left behind every flick of her tongue and press from her lips.

Seconds melded into minutes, as time slowed for the dark haired boy. His eyes unfocused for a mere moment, as the heavenly delight gracing his taste buds melted both them and his brain.

Her tongue would vacate the cavity of his mouth, leaving behind a trail of saliva which stained their lips and broke apart as the brunette gazed at him from above, their flushed faces mirroring one another as she held her glossy-eyed stare.

Although Kamijou's flushed face held a distinct level of panic behind his dumbfounded look.

While the sweet and frankly heavenly sensation which graced his lips moments prior felt all too amazing. He couldn't enjoy it at all as thoughts of guilt and panic riddled his mind after the kiss.

He didn't want to enjoy this. Guilt at using the likeness of someone he knows for the pleasure of his own carnal desires rushed through his body. It felt off, weird and far too perverse. Even if it was a dream, he doubted he could enjoy it fully, knowing he'd soon enough have to face the person his mind defiled.

Yet, as he tried voicing his complaints, Kuroko wouldn't let him rest. Her ragged breathing stopped for a moment as her head leaned over and stole another kiss from his lips. The same honey-like sweetness permeated his mouth. Silencing his thoughts and robbing him of air.

This time, her gloved hands joined in. Lowering their palms down the side of his neck. Curling their fingers at his collar. Digging their digits into his chest as she grew more aggressive with the kiss. Finally, they reached the hem of his shirt, lifting it up and forcefully exploring the skin of his bare body which lay underneath.

Those silk gloves held a perfect texture, one that made him feel every motion of her small and delicate fingers. Even as her lips smacked against his, drawing from him every breath he made, his focus still laid upon her hands, which took the chance to lay themselves flat upon his ribs and circle his chest to his sides. Slowly they lifted up along his arms, her forearms taking with them the material of his shirt, gently sliding off the fabric onto his restrained hands, leaving the boy with an exposed and heavily panting chest.

The kiss was broken once more. Yet this time there was no break for pause as the girl shuffled down his legs and onto his knees, laying kiss after kiss along his body. The neck received what little was left of her lipstick. Gentle nibbles and soft kisses lining the veins of his neck. She'd follow them down to the crook of his neck, harshly biting down across his shoulder, effectively marking him.

He gave pained grunts and few labored breaths. Yet he stayed silent as the same thoughts raced through his mind again and again.

He needed to stop her. To stop this madness and regain the image of the pristine, high-strung and arrogant girl he knew. He couldn't let his mind dirty her image like this.

But even then. He struggled to let go of such pleasure, as every moment and action felt increasingly more difficult to not enjoy.

Kiss after kiss left his body shivering at her advance. She had found the middle of his chest and she had traced a line down it toward his stomach. Soon enough he felt her hands once more, as they clamped down onto the hem of his pants while her lips grew closer.

"N-No! W-wait Shirai! We shouldn't, my heart isn't ready!" He tried squirming out of her clutches, but that only made his pants start to slip from his hips.

The panic built up in his body made him freeze as his beltline crossed ever closer over his crotch. With her eyes now eagerly awaiting the thing which lay beneath, he couldn't do much else but turn his head to the side and try to block out what came next.

With his eyes closed he could feel a subtle chill enveloping his nether regions. The clothes he'd been wearing long since discarded off the side of the bed, leaving him even further exposed to the engrossed movements of the girl.

He dared not look, but even so he could tell how close she was. As he could feel the chill of the room swept aside by the shallow and careful breaths which warmly tickled his exposed self.

Soon, the soft silk texture of her gloves was the only thing in his mind. The slow and steady movement across his flesh, drew a feeble moan from his trembling lips. Yet he dared not open his eyes.

Even when a sudden moist warmth shook his senses.

"Ghnn! A-Ah…" He let his body paint a picture in his head of what exactly was happening. Yet even so, he could not and would not open his eyes for fear of his guilt and good conscience boring a hole through his heart.

As the silky smooth grip held him at one end, the soft and warm sensation worked on the other. Quivering gasps of air left his lungs, his legs felt as if the strength was being sucked out of them and his spine shook with pricks of electricity that robbed him of coherent thought.

Even with his eyes firmly shut, he could distinguish between the folds of her lips, and the firm's softness of her tongue. As both coiled around him and drew moan after moan from his throat.

Seconds slowed and his mind grew weary, weak and curious. Even as he screamed at himself to not look, to keep fighting the urge and to not soil the image of the girl he held in high regard. He couldn't help his perverse curiosity.

The rhythmic and wet sounds that tugged at his ears. The warmth of her mouth contrasted with the chill of the air which graced his skin every time she pulled away. The forceful hold she had on him with those textured gloves. The pure fascination he held for every moan, grunt and subtle sound she made as she put her all into the act.

He wanted to see it.

He wanted to look her in the eyes as she did it.

Her movements grew faster, and more hungry. As too did his desire.

As the wet and rhythmic sounds increased in tempo, so did her erotic moans grow with it.

He was nearing an edge on both his willpower and stamina. She'd been pushing him ever closer over it the more her tongue worked around his flesh, and the more her craving voice demanded his attention.

"Look at me…"

Her hold grew tighter. Her hand moved rapidly and with forceful pull.

"..ook at me.."

His breath grew more erratic, his chest pumping for air.

"..mijou…ook at..e"

His head swung from side to side, the sweat on his body growing more apparent.

She did not cease. She did not relent. She wanted him over that edge. She wanted him to break, to burst.

And as his whole body tensed up, and the desire to look her in the eyes and release his pent up urges overflowed.

He finally opened his eyes.

---

The face of a very confused and subtly worried Kuroko Shirai met his eyes.

She was far closer than he would've imagined. Far too close actually.

Wait.

He looked around frantically. The cold night air was replaced with a sterile and pungent smell of a hospital room. The softness of his bed was replaced by one of a hard and uncomfortable sofa chair. His body which he expected to be bare and lined with the remnants of lipstick was instead covered in a mint green gown and various restrictive bandages and cast. Yet no rope or cuffs to be found.

The change which confused him most, was the agitated, subtly worried and far less perverse sight of one Kuroko Shirai. Who had taken a rather close look upon his sweaty face.

"Finally! You know how long I've been calling out to you to wake up?" The haughty and almost repulsed sound of her voice contrasted heavily with the one he held in his head a moment prior.

"U-uh…Shirai-san?" He asked meekly.

"What?" She retorted as her back straightened up and her arms crossed over her chest, a crimson red umbrella hanging from her hand.

"W-What happened. Where am I?" The confusion on his face was apparent, something which made the scowl of the girl soften a bit as some of that concern which laced her features shined through.

"You're still in the hospital, you idiot. I walked back in here because I forgot my umbrella and it was pouring outside." She held up the object in question, to which Kamijou gave a nod. "I saw you asleep in the chair but it looked like you were having a nightmare of some kind. You were thrashing about and had a painful look on your face. So I thought I'd wake you up. You're welcome." The final part of her statement was said with her ever so high and mighty attitude.

As for Kamijou, the pieces of the puzzle had fallen into place, and a deep red colour swept across his face.

"A-Ah. Right. Yeah, a nightmare." He sheepishly turned his head, the only uninjured arm he had rising up to scratch at his cheek.

"I'm not one to pry, but mind telling me what happened?" The girl tapped her foot eagerly, the frown on her face returning.

"Oh, nothing! Just your regular ol' stuff like falling from high places and the like. Nothing to worry yourself about Shirai-san."

"Hmm…" She gave a slight pause before clicking her tongue and bringing a hand to her face. "I see what Onee-sama was talking about."

"Hm?"

"It's nothing you need to worry about Ape." She huffed before giving him a once over, noticing the heavy sweat across his face. "Are you sure you're ok?"

He gave a soft smile, returning her concern with a wave of his hand. "No need to worry, this Kamijou is tougher than he seems."

"Alright then…" She sighed, turning her heel to leave and offer him a few parting words. "Stay out of trouble and try not to get in the way of Judge...ment…"

Her sudden blank stare concerned the boy. Her sudden pause and the dusting of red that sat atop her cheeks further confused him, especially the line of sight she held which was aimed straight toward his crotch.

He too took a look down.

Only to have the colour from his own face bleached as a white sheet of paper.

There it stood. In all its erect glory.

The tent which rose from below his beltline and was unrestrained by the loose and thin fabric of his hospital gown.

They both stared at it for a few seconds.

And before long Kamijou turned his attention away from the indecent sight, as another thing caught his dead eyes.

That being the raised umbrella of one Kuroko Shirai.

"Y-Y-Y-You filth! You pervert! So it wasn't a nightmare after all! I was concerned about you. But you had the gall to trample on my feelings with your wet dream!? Repent for your crimes, you heathen!"

"NO! WAIT, SHIRAI! It's not what you think! All boys get like this in the morning! It's natural, I can't control it!"

"It's three o'clock in the afternoon! You want me to believe such a blatant lie!? Hm!? Such a weak excuse!? Die, you perverted liar!"

"W-Wait wait! I swear it's not what you thi- Ow! Wait Shirai, don't point that tip ther- Ah!! Mercy! Mercy! Let this poor Kamijou expla- FUCK THAT HURTS!! STOOOOOP!! NURSEEEE!! SUCH MISFORTUNE!!"

His shouts of pain achieved little.

And after the nurse had finally gotten to investigate the source of the commotion. All she found was a sight so gruesome, it was better left unspoken.

---

AN: Ahem…well then. This certainly took a lot longer than I expected. Uhhh…my bad?

It started with the whole pandemic crisis and whatever, but soon turned into multiple years of heavy procrastination after college started up.

But fear not dear readers, your patience has been rewarded. That is, if you remembered this thing even existed in the first place. Nonetheless I hope you like the direction of this particular chapter. It may have been a long while since the first one, but I still hold the same vision for the future as I did then. A horny, off the rails crack fic filled with all your favourite waifus. (And husbandos, I see you Yaoi Man) Though I was having thoughts on how cracky and how horny to make this. Eh, that's up to you lot. If you want this to be M rated, then so be it.

Funnily enough my first choice for this chapter was Mikoto, but since there's enough of those on this platform I thought I'd make her wait a bit for her turn and see how I could fit her Judgement roommate in this fic. So, how'd I do? Anything you'd like me to have done differently? Anything you'd like more of in the future? Should I truly make this a smut fic?

All that and more which you can discuss in the review section. I read each and every single one of your comments. So keep them coming.

If you have suggestions for the characters you'd like to see in the future, do tell. In the meantime, I'll be starting work on the third chapter, one which was done in the name of a dear friend and his personal favourite waifu.

Who knows, things might get particularly hot and spicy this time around. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

All in all, thank you for reading Kamijou's Dreamland Adventures, all mistakes you catch in my writing are illusions, visit your mother once in a while, kiss your dog goodnight and I shall see you next time.

Tootles~

I think Kamijou could use a Mega Pint after this.