"The Moribund People"
4
"My Sweet Shadow"
September 29
Oh yes, for long I have thought about this. Only to find that I had no choice but to. There never was a choice, maybe; maybe it was all part of the dream I have created and couldn't tear down. Ever since I heard that song... that song which brought me my sweet shadow; the essence, the very core of that which keeps me bound to this world.
It fed me, through and through. Feeding on it, was just like breathing; as if the song was the air I breathed. The song that stayed etched in my brain ever since... that day.
Little angel, your world can be so cruel
I set your wings on fire everynight I see you cry...
Pain... I take it all, and have some more...
Tonight...
Fire... it licks the skin but heart is cold
A heart that never beats for herself
Little angel!
Your world can be so cruel!
I set your wings on fire everynight
I die for you, everytime I see you cry...
Rain... I shower in her drops of tears...
Tonight...
All for our pain...
She craved for more but have it all
She took some pain and started again
Started to lose the life before my eyes
A heart that never beats for no-one else!
Little angel!
Your world can be so cruel!
I set your wings on fire everynight
I die for you, everytime I see you cry...
Oh yes. I do remember. But it seems like a dream... or the reality itself that I just can't face. I guess, in the end, I don't completely know. All I know is the blur, and the void of it.
I don't completely know how. All I remember is her. My little angel. My precious, precious dreamer. My beautiful one, whom I would never betray; no matter what that wretched SeeD commanded me to. My pretty one... my sweet shadow...
I love her. I loved her. Among all the days ever since, there is the face of that other one, that I took a promise from, gave a promise to. But she was much more precious to me, as the other one no longer was.
I never wanted to be what the others saw. I never was what they saw. They saw a man with a broken will. They saw a man under complete control. But that is not true. I never was controlled. It's just an excuse I made up when I fell asleep; that it was easier to see it that way. What was harder, was to look at a face, more beautiful than ever imaginable, and see disappointment. I protected her from her own emotions. I was her Knight; her protector, her saint. Her touch, tender and harsh at times, was the only thing I needed in this world.
Oh, but you see, I protected her. I never harmed her, or let myself be used.
I protected her from the loneliness she would face; if she had to face SeeD all by herself. I protected her from the immense desolation of ascension. I protected her... stood by her, and gave her the only thing she needed to be herself, to show her true face to all; love.
Four words echoed on and on in our days within her keep. Four words that reminded me there were no friends, no warmth besides us, nothing more than me, and her. I whispered other words to her, four other words.
She whispered to me, fithos lusec wecos vinosec. I whispered to her one, two, me and you. Lullabies to help us feel the warmth that SeeD tried to freeze. To thaw their hatred, and the icy reception that emerged from it, we held onto each other.
I protected my sweet shadow. I was hurt by her; but not her actions or physical hurt, no. I was hurt by my inability to cure her loneliness. My own vulnerability to the same thing; the fucked up feeling of never being able to help. Not completely, no. No, no, no.
But then, I discovered that, I could stand by her side. Forever and until forever ended. That could ease her loneliness; I could protect her.
When SeeD came, I fought for her. They weren't there to help her; to warm her heart. They were there to destroy her; push her into Death's arms - the loneliest place existent.
And that was when I saw the others as what they were. There were no friends in that war; no acquaintances, no loves, no infidelity or perversions.
Only enemies.
And I took and gave a promise from one of them. She can't justify now, what she did.
She didn't keep her promise.
So didn't they.
But, I have.
I still remember it; like a fire to be fed in the long winter nights.
"Even if the whole world stands against you, I will be your Knight."