The Raven Reformed

by Ryouko and Himizu

While Ryouko and Himizu are trying to memorize The Raven, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, and Hiei show up. They want a favor. But first...evil grins Oneshot. Complete.

The Raven Reformed

Disclaimer: We do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. We do not own the poem The Raven. We don't own anything that has anything to do with Edgar Allan Poe. Heck, we don't even own the idea for this fic! We read a fic by Hylian dragoness that made the guys perform this, and we went off on our random tangents and realized we could make this fic our own, but the original idea was given to us by Hylian, so we thank her joyfully!

It all started in Mrs. Ross's eighth grade English class.

"Guess what we're doing today everyone! We're memorizing The Raven!"

"WHAT? WHY?"

"Whining? Did I hear whining? Because you know what I do to whiners." She pulled out a fifty-page packet filled with activities and facts about the brain.

"No, of course not Mrs. Ross," the whole class said with innocent angel faces.

"Oh good. Although if you really want, we can have a small brain lecture afterwards…"

"Uh…we'll have to pass this amazing opportunity," Ryouko muttered into Himizu's ear and they both started giggling. Mrs. Ross looked over at them, but since they were her favorite students (and still are her favorites, just not students) she let this lapse of discipline slide.

"Anyways, you will have two days to memorize half the poem, and then you must perform it in front of the whole class." Ryouko and Himizu slid down in their seats, lower and lower. Class presentation was almost as bad to Ryouko as speeches and to Himizu as math tests. So during class, they came up with a brilliant solution. At the end of class, they walked up to Mrs. Ross.

"Hey girls, what do you want?" Mrs. Ross beamed up at her two adorable students.

"Well, Mrs. Ross," Himizu began, "you know our thoughts and feelings about presenting anything in front of the class, plus you know that we like to do all projects, especially in this class, together."

"Yes, you two are attached at the hip," Mrs. Ross agreed.

"So, we were thinking about performing the entire poem together. Can we do that? Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!"

"Oh sure, just for you."

"Thank you so much Mrs. Ross," they chirped and left the room.

A couple of hours later, in Himizu's basement

Ryouko and Himizu were sitting around taking a break with Mountain Dew after trying to recite the poem flawlessly for what felt like the millionth time. They glared up at the black deformed penguin statue that was playing the part of the raven.

"Stupid raven, it's mocking us…" Himizu said.

"And it's a pervert!" Ryouko added. Himizu laughed, then suddenly stopped when four familiar boys walked into the room.

"So, who died?" Ryouko asked.

Hiei, Kurama, Yusuke, and Kuwabara all looked at her quizzically.

"You came to see us on your own time. Someone must've died." Ryouko explained.

"Yeah, and we're being accused of murder!" Himizu laughed and then added, "What are you doing here?"

Kurama took it on himself to explain. "Well, we were all over at Kuwabara's house and we got bored, so we decided to come visit you."

Ryouko blinked. "This can't be real, there must be a hidden camera somewhere."

"Is it so hard to believe that we'd just come to be in your company?" Kurama asked.

"Uh, yeah." Himizu and Ryouko said together.

"What do you want from us?" Ryouko asked.

"You just don't come at your own free will, not after all the times we've tortured you, beaten you, extorted you, threatened you, robbed you, etc., etc." Himizu pointed out.

Kurama sighed. Even though they didn't always act like it, the girls were clever, and it had been only wishful thinking that they wouldn't have guessed that he and the rest of the Tentai needed a favor. "All right, you caught us. We need a favor."

"How interesting. I think we can work something out…" said Ryouko, an evil grin appearing on her face. She whispered something to Himizu, who instantly got an identical evil grin.

"Perfect," she agreed. "Shall we see what they want from us, or make them do what we want them to do first?"

"Well, let's go for our part of the deal first, this will be fun. Muahaha," laughed Ryouko. Himizu nodded eagerly. The boys looked nervous.

A few minutes later

Hiei stood against the wall out of the way, looking a strange combination of 'I am totally bored' and 'I am about to run out of this room as far away as I possibly can'. Kuwabara was also in a similar out-of-the-way area. Ryouko and Himizu sat on comfy chairs where they could easily direct the proceedings. Yusuke stood to one side of a large chair, where Kurama was seated, appearing engrossed in a book.

"Okay guys! You may begin," said Himizu cheerfully. Yusuke glared down at the sheet of paper he was holding, but since he had no choice, he began to read.

(FYI, whatever Yusuke says is in bold, whatever Kurama says is underlined, and whatever Hiei says is bold AND underlined.)

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door-
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow, sorrow for the lost Lenore
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me, filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you" here I opened wide the door;
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore!"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!"
Merely this, and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice:
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;
'Tis the wind and nothing more."

Just before his cue, Hiei jumped up onto the exercise bike that would serve as the pallid bust of Pallas above the chamber door. And now, Hiei Raven is born.

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning- little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."

Hiei glared at Ryouko and Himizu. "I haven't felt this stupid since you made me play Kronk in that ridiculous parody." They both grinned innocently.

Yusuke scowled. "Why does Kurama only move around and say one or two lines while I have to read the whole stinkin' thing? My reading test scores weren't that great, you know."

"Which is why now, you two are going to switch parts!" Himizu cried gleefully.

"Good!" Yusuke said. Kurama just shrugged. In his head, he knew there must be a catch, but he was going to go along with it anyway. They did need this favor, after all.

"But first…" Ryouko smiled wickedly, "you must perform the first part again, and again, and again, and again, and again…"

"Just how many times are we going to do this?" Kurama raised an eyebrow.

"Until we memorize it!" Himizu exclaimed. Kurama and Yusuke both sweatdropped.

"And of course, this applies for the second half of the poem too," Ryouko added. Kurama and Yusuke face-faulted.

So the boys practiced and practiced and practiced and practiced some more, until the girls were satisfied. Then they moved on to the second half of the poem.

(Remember, now Kurama is the narrator and Yusuke is the actor. Hiei is still the raven though.)

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered, not a feather then he fluttered
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other friends have flown before
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of 'Never nevermore'."

But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

"I'm so glad I'm not acting right now. No need for two perverts in this room." Ryouko said while Himizu fell over laughing.

"Hey, I take offense to that," Yusuke muttered. This, of course, made Himizu laugh even more. Between giggles she said,

"Not you, the penguin!"

The boys stared at the two authoresses like they just came back from their poppy field.

"What…penguin?" Kurama asked.

"The deformed, black clay penguin that Himizu's brother made! It's our raven, or was, until Hiei showed up. But it was staring into my bosom's core! Pervert!" Ryouko yelled. Everyone face-faulted, with the exception of Himizu, who continued laughing.

Suddenly everyone noticed that Kuwabara was absent from the room.

"Where did that idiot get to?" Hiei asked.

"If he left us alone here I'm gonna'…" Before Yusuke could even finish, Kuwabara entered the room.

"Is it time for my cue yet?" he asked. Then he noticed everyone staring. "What?"

Kuwabara was wearing what can be described as a full angel ensemble. He wore a long flowing white dress, with two large feathery wings and a shiny halo that could make Youko drool. He also carried a small golden harp and a censer.

Himizu started twitching. "Kuwabara, why are you wearing a dress?"

"Robe!" Kuwabara yelled.

Kurama stared. "Didn't you tell him to dress this way?"

Ryouko shook her head. "Nope, we only told him that he was an angel with a censer and harp. The rest is his idea."

"Oooookkkkkaaaaaayyyyyyy…." O.o

"By the way," Ryouko asked, "where'd you get the costume?"

Kuwabara blinked. "This will be my Halloween costume. I wanted to see it in action." He displayed it proudly.

"Riiiiiiigggghhhhtttt."

"It's official, Kuwabara's mental," Himizu said.

Ryouko turned to her. "Wasn't he mental in the first place?"

"Well, yea, but now it's official!" And with that she handed him a certificate.

"Don't I get a reward too?" he asked.

"No!" Ryouko and Himizu yelled together, "Back to work!"

Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee- by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! prophet still, if bird or devil!
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted
On this home by horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore
Is there, is there balm in Gilead? tell me, tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil, prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us- by that God we both adore
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked, upstarting
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

At this, Yusuke charged Hiei Raven, hitting his head on the exercise bike. Immediately, tiny Hiei Ravens, similar to the Hiei bats, started flying around his head quoting "Nevermore, nevermore, nevermore, nevermore…" Kurama looked at Yusuke's swirly-eyed figure on the floor, then shrugged and continued to read the poem.

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted… nevermore!

"Uh… Yusuke… something you want to tell us?" Ryouko asked, staring at Yusuke. "You know I am a licensed psychiatrist."

"Uh… psychiatrist, yes. Licensed, no. I should know, I'm one of your patients," Himizu reminded her.

"Hush. He doesn't need to know that," Ryouko admonished.

Yusuke sat up dizzily. Then he glared at Ryouko and Himizu. "Why did I have to read most of the time? In the second half, I had a ton of lines!"

"And what does this have to do with your little breakdown?" wondered Ryouko.

"Well, I was angry… and Hiei pissed me off with his annoying 'nevermore'." Hiei glared. "So I charged him."

"Okay, one, he was supposed to say that. Two, you're a moron," Himizu informed him, rolling her eyes. "Moving on!"

"Yes, we must continue practicing!" Ryouko exclaimed. The boys groaned.

So they practiced, and practiced, and practiced some more. Eventually, the girls had the poem memorized.

"So, about OUR favor…" Kurama reminded them.

"Go for it. How bad could it be?" Ryouko said cheerfully.

In Spirit World

"Hello everyone! I'm Juri and I am pleased to welcome you to this year's Light Triathlon! This year's games are bowling, mini golf, and croquet (AKA cricket, if you listen to Ryouko)! The winners of last year's tournament, as we all know, was Team Shousha and they have been challenged by Team Urameshi! And on location, we have my co-announcer, Koto! How is everything shaping up, Koto?"

"Just great, Juri! Both teams are ready to go! And Team Urameshi has surprised us all by bringing along two human girls to serve as cheerleaders! I'm going to try to interview them!" Koto walked up to Ryouko and Himizu, who were wearing typical outfits favored by American cheerleaders, much to their dismay. "Are you ready to cheer on your team?" she asked them. Her reply was a death glare from both girls. "Why did you decide to cheer for them?" More glares. "Are you happy to be here?" More glares. "Do you have anything at all you want to say?"

The girls looked at each other. They both thought about the foolish way they had agreed to the favor without finding out what it was first. They reflected upon the way they had allowed themselves to be tricked so easily. Then they looked at Koto and simultaneously said, "Nevermore!

Author's Note: That was so much fun to write! Ryouko's back everyone! MUAHAHAHAHA! (coughhackchoke) Yes, this is the product of Himizu and Ryouko reuniting, staying up until 6:30 in the morning talking, and drinking too much Mountain Dew! But that's just because Ryouko forgot the vodka at home…(sigh) Anyways, like we said, this wasn't originally our idea, but we took many creative liberties… We hope you enjoyed reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it, and you can look forward to more fics appearing during the next two weeks while Ryouko is here! And like we mentioned, this wasn't our idea to begin with, so if you've got the time check out where we got our inspiration from and go to our favorite author's page and click on…the only author there at the moment. -.-() As you may be able to tell, we are more interested in the writing part than the reading part… So please review! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE! (Ryouko's desperate, help her out)