Damaged Goods
Ch2. Perception of fire
Disclaimer- own nothing and no one you recognize. . .yet . . .sun dun dun
"Wow, you look worse then normal" Janet exclaimed as Carrie neared the group.
"Your concern for my well being is astounding" Carrie chuckled.
"Well, What happened" Lizzie scanned her friend over, assessing the damage.
"Oh don't tell me you got your ass kicked in a match and I missed it. Ill be kicking myself all night-"
I wondered why you two were never camp counselors. Words of wisdom for you: If a three hundred twenty six pound wrestler ever has a panic attack in your company know all steps normally deemed acceptable to alleviate the situation will help. . .at all" Carrie rubbed the back of her neck.
"Panic attack? You should be an expert at handling those. Remember you used to have them when we were little" Sidney had bring her back to sanity as her emotions and adrenalin levels went haywire. He would hold her close, no matter how much he knew the other little boys would tease him. Carrie would cry and yell, gasping for air as she fought to get loose from Sidney, but he would continue to hold her till it passed.
"That's what i thought. And look where my experience got me" She lifted the back of her shirt.
"Goodness" Lizzie leaned down and touched one of the darkened purple bruises on Carrie's back.
"Damn Carrie, he really wanted you to let go" Janet stated with a hint of a chuckle in her voice.
"But you didn't" Sidney sighed. He could understand how the bruises got there and why it wasn't completely Kane's fault but he didn't want to see Carrie hurt like that.
"Not until he calmed. Of course then i fell like a sack of potatoes because frankly fists hurt." She agreed.
"Carrie maybe you're in over your head, I mean what if he has another panic attack, and it's worse. It was different with you and me, we were the same size, this guy could seriously-"
"I'll take my chances. Plus it's only three weeks then he'll never even acknowledge ever again." She rationalized. "But first things first I need some rest" Carrie yawned, it had been a long and exhausting day.
"We'll drop you off at your hotel Befo-"
"You guys aren't staying with me?" Carrie frowned, and the day had no signs of looking up.
"No, Janet... 'entertained' her way into jobs for us, sound boards. Crew stays in the hotel down the street" Lizzie filled Carrie in on all she had missed.
"Oh" Carrie snickered.
"Hey I never said I slept with anyone to get our jobs. You guys are just jealous because I'm a people person and you are three socially stunted duds that I grace with pity" Janet folded her arms, mockingly insulted by the accusation.
"Aw sweetie, you don't have to 'say' you slept around to get your job. Just know that we know that you know what 'people person' is code for." Carrie joked
"Jealous" Janet insisted with a smirk as they made their way to the car.
"Um. . .can I help you?' The woman behind the counter asked nervously.
"Kane" He grunted. He was boiling mad, he had to get away from the root of his anger, away from people.
'A monster their right, that's what I am. I tried to warn her, but she had to take my heartless wrath head on and now she's bruised and broken' Kane cursed his own being.
"Yes here we are Room 497. Sir should we expect ms. Diem tonight or-"
"What?" He croaked.
"Kane. Carrie Diem. Room 497 King bed two nights" She read the reservation aloud.
"I'm sure he's getting a big laugh out of this. He wont be laughing after I snap his ignorant head" Kane spat.
"Sir is there something wrong?" she questioned with caution. Kane grabbed both card keys and stormed off muttering to himself.
"No see I think everyone should be bisexual, I mean think about it, it immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night" Janet enlighten her friends on her theory in between licks of her lollipop.
"Did you steal that from a Woody Allen movie?"Carrie scoffed.
"Doesn't make it any less true" Janet shrugged.
"Well it doesn't matter I'm not dating men and that is final" Sidney asserted at the moment they reached the desk.
"May I help you?" The attendant asked politely.
"Hi. My name is Carrie Diem, I think I have a reservation here" Carrie second guessed herself hoping she hadn't misunderstood protocol or something.
"Oh" The woman behind the desk couldn't help but let out a chuckle.
"What?" Carrie felt her doubts growing.
"What she mess up this time?" Sidney leaned over the counter to try to see the computer screen.
"Oh, no everything is in order. Your. . .friend has already checked in and is up in the room now. I don't exactly think he was expecting-"
"Friend?" Carrie interrupted.
"So I'm guessing you didn't make these arrangements either? How perplexing. Well a Mr. . .Kane, a very tall man. He-" She couldn't be heard over the laughter.
"Shut up!" Carrie huffed.
"Oh my god Carrie's going to get her freak on, with her very own freak" Janet squealed at Carrie's discomfort.
"He's not a Freak! And I am not tonight nor any night soon going to have sex. . .with anyone!" Carrie informed the inhabitants of the lobby.
"Alright, no need to get all testy about it" Sidney threw his hands up in surrender.
"If you ever reconsider-"
"Ew. . .I don't even know you. I live in a world of filthy whores" Carrie sighed looked pathetically at the random liquored up businessman who had given an offer she was all to eager to refuse. "Ew" She shuddered one last time before turning back to the desk. "What room?" She sighed, drained of energy.
"497 mam. Have a nice stay"
"Thank you" And she dragged her luggage to the elevator not feeling the need to wait for any assistance. "Goodnight lovelies . . .and Sidney" She waved as she entered the retracting doors.
He just sat there, weighing down the edge of the bed. 'Women equals pain' he tried to block the images of Carrie from his mind. His mantra was interrupted by a knock at the door, he hoped if he ignored it she would just go away, but the knock was persistent and growing increasingly louder. "Kane? I know you're in there. You can have the bed I just want a room to sleep in in, hallways and dark alleys are beneath me" Carrie pressed her face into the door. Kane stood but remained stationed aside the bed. "Kane I am really tired now open this door or Ill burn this door down like an American flag at Woodstock" She sighed just wanting to get some relief from all the changes she was being introduced to. The door swung open, Carrie's face was made inches from Kane's rising and falling chest.
"Don't joke about that" He sneered, turning his back to her and returning to his perch on the end of the bed.
"I've got a gym bag full of pyrotechnics that say I was as serious as a heart attack" Carrie pilled her belongings in a corner. "but don't worry, I'm a professional so you'd be quite safe" She insisted.
"Professional what? Arsonist?" His eyes followed her around the room.
"Hmmm? Oh not nearly. I chose to display my fascination with flames in a far more creative and less cynical way" She was happy to finally have what resembled a real conversation.
"All fire does is destroy everything standing in it's path. Pain isn't creative, scars aren't beautiful-"
"They can be. Fire, along with the things you listed, is dangerous, wild, colorful mesmerizing. I was a professional fire artist, a fire eater in the most obvious sense, right out of high school straight into the carnival, seems fitting for a weirdo like me. But I'm getting off topic the point of the matter is that fire is unpredictable. . .well here let me show you give me a minute or so and Ill show you one of simple tricks." She picked up one of her bags and disappeared into the bathroom. When she resurfaced her hair was up in a tight bun and her t shirt had been replaced with a tank to and the air was being coated with the smell best described as gasoline and pine sole. She took a lighter from her pocket and like a speeding locomotive a streak of flames shot from the tip of her fingers across her shoulder to the tips on the opposite side. She stood like a burning scarecrow, arms long and stiff, the flames dancing dangerously close to her pale face that glowed against the flickering light. Smiling She took a bow still burning though the flames were dying. She then nonchalantly wiped her arms and shoulders clean of gel and burned skin. "See. I promise you it's a lot cooler when I have all my equipment and my partner is here thats when I do actual fire 'eating' but you get the gist."
"How much of your show is real. It can't all be legit-" he grew more talkative. He felt emotions festering inside of him, he did his best to subdue them.
"How much of it do you want to be real?"She sat next to him on the bed.
"Huh?" He would no longer look at her, not when she was so close.
"Everything around us is our perception. Whatever you think to be real, is, what ever you chose to be false is concretely so in your own mind." She answered speaking from all the books she had read searching for something to fill her with meaning.
"Then you might not be real" Kane scoffed at her backward philosophy that he didn't want to try to comprehend, but he liked her voice if she kept talking forever about nothing he wouldn't care because the sound of her voice calmed the dozens of cruel ones that bounced through his head.
"I dono. I'm real to me. I think there for I am. . .I think. But to you I might not be. Do you perceive me as real? Am I real to you Kane?" She put her hand to his face turning his eyes to hers.
"If everything is what I make it then why do I get hurt. Why is my life hell?" Kane tried to keep his mind on their ongoing conversation and not on everything that made him want her more then anything else.
"Because yo make it that way. You feel you should and so you do feel pain. If you don't perceive pain it wont be, You need that frame of mind to stick a torch in your throat so I believe it. Here's an example. When you had your panic attack-"
"Panic At-"
"Today in the dressing room, you whipped yourself into a frenzy and fought against me tooth and nail. Even though i felt physical pain, can't help that, it didn't hurt me emotionally" She sighed
"You think I'm crazy" Kane snorted.
"We're all born mad, whose to say it doesn't stay with all of us one way or another" Carrie shrugged as though it was a compliment.
"I had wanted to scare you" he admitted.
"If it makes these weeks any easier on you I'll be scared of you. I think if people want you to be scared of them you should follow their advice or regret it later. So should I be scared of you Kane" She looked into his eyes witch looked like they were holding back so much. She built up all of her confidence, leaned in and kissed him, he couldn't fight it and he didn't rightfully want to, he found himself kissing her back. He receded from her lips almost regretting that decision as a wave of confusion swept over him. "S. . .Sorry' She murmured her face tunning red with embarrassment.
"I've got to go" He let out a big breath "Out and get some air" He wiped his face and fled once again from emotions that he feared. 'I am So socially hopeless and weird' She collapsed with a plop into the soft bed in defeat.
He paced a hole in the concrete trying to regain control. 'Women equal pain, Women equal pain. . .Then why the hell is Carrie so hard to hate?' Kane gritted his teeth. Standing out in the July night he gave up on his quest for answers and settled for much needed rest.
Opening the door he noticed Carrie was no longer on the bed but curled up on the floor, a pillow cradled my her arms and head. ' She can't hurt me when she's sleeping' he rationalized as he scooped her up carefully, doing his best not to wake her. Gingerly he placed her on the bed and he lied next to her. Almost out of instinct he wrapped his arm around her waist nestling close to her falling asleep amiss her wavy brown hair.
A/N- Thanks for the reviews hope you like the new chapter