DIS: Hey everyone! I'm back with 'What really happened in Battle City'! Despite the fact that Battle City is over, I plan on keeping this fic. I have plans for it after all. Plus, I'm not even much interested in the 3rd season, 'Waking the Dragons'. It's not very interesting. (-.-)

Marik: (comes in, eating a fudge bar)

DIS: (snatches thee bar from him) Anyways, I got another idea for this, hahaha! (eats bar and hands stick to Marik)

Marik: (stares at stick and fumes) DIS!!

DIS: Yes?

Marik: This was the last Radamn one!

DIS: Really? Sorry about that. (shrugs) Enjoy!

-

Malik's POV

Damn stupid Kaiba...

"So, do you understand the plan, Mr. Masturbator?" I asked Rishid, glaring at him.

"Master Malik...please, don't rub that in my face."

"Well maybe if you got a girl you wouldn't have to rub your small—uh...well do you or do you not understand the plan?!"

"Yes...Master Malik..."

"Good!" Aw shit, Kaiba heard us. Stupid gay fag...I wouldn't be surprised if he was the one who masturbates. "Come on, before that gay-ass CEO finds us." I stood up and Rishid stood up. I took a step and he slammed right into me, the moron!

"RISHID" I hissed at him, falling flat on my face.

"Sorry Master Malik."

"THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT AND YOU KNOW VERY WELL IT ISN'T!"

"Uh...what are you talking about?" He asked nervously. Stupid prick, I'm ashamed to call him my brother.

"Go take care of your Radamn problem and make it fast!" I growled at him and glared. How could rub against me like that?! I've been molested!! SICK!

"(X X) Yes, Master M-Malik." I grabbed him by the collar and he gulped.

"And if you ever, ever put me in that position again, I swear—RISHID! ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION?" He blinked and gave a sheepish look towards me. I cringed and threw him ahead of me. He stumbled away and hurried behind him. He halted and I crashed into him. "STUPID ASS! What, were you trying to get a feel?!"

"MASTER MALIK!" He gasped out in horror. Oh for Ra's sake, don't make it sound as though we're having sex...THAT'S PROBABLY WHAT KAIBA THINKS! Horny, porn-loving, gay-boy...(glare)

"Well, GO!" he started to run ahead at that and I followed him, tripping over dirt clogs. Once we were out, Kaiba turned on the stupid bright lights. Ha, ha! Missed us! (sticks tongue out).

"(X.X) Master...Malik...?" I blinked and glared at him, pulling my tongue back in. Hmm, maybe I should get my tongue pierced? (thinks dirty thoughts)

Ok, anyways, looks like those asses are here. Excluding Anzu, of course. Beautiful, beautiful, Tea. Hehehe...

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...Ra these people are annoying! Except Anzu of course.

"Ok, you stay here while I go out there, alright, Rishid?" I said to him, irritated with his grimacing.

"Yes Master Malik." He said nervously.

"What the hell is your problem?!"

"I need to go."

"Go where?"

"Somewhere...To get a, uh, blow job or something." WHAT? A BLOW JOB? I swear my eyes must have bulged out, because he was holding his breath.

"Rishid..." I said, short of breath. "I don't care how horny and gay you are, just don't bring blow jobs up with me!"

"But Master Malik—"

"NO!" I stormed away from him and went towards the fools that were talking stupidly—except Tea.

"Hey Namu!" Joey, that disobedient fool, came up to me, beaming. Tea turned and smiled as well.

"Namu, you made it to the finals!" Stupid gay-ass Yugi was so busy staring at that stupid CEO's ass, he didn't notice me. Ha, ha, you retard! I SHALL HAVE YOU OBLITERATED! Aw, dammit, he noticed me. "This is Namu, Yugi." Tea said, smiling at me. Fuck me, Tea, hehehe...You know you want innocent little Namu! HAHAHAHA! (coughs) Ugh, I need some cough drops or something...

"Hi, my name's Yugi!" 'Hi, I'm Yugi the fag! I like men and dick, do you want to offer yours to me?' is what I heard.

"Wow, you're Yugi Mutoh? I'm Namu, it's an honor to meet you!" 'You're my prey, little Yugi and I am about to fuck you up good. It's me, Malik and you'll regret giving me your innocent Tea! Hahahaha!' is what I meant.

"Hehehe, thanks." 'So do you want to fuck some time?' is exactly what he meant. 'I'll buy the lube.'

"Oh, but I'm being honest!" 'I'm not kidding you stupid Kaiba-lover.'

"Well, this is Mai, Serenity, Duke, and Tristan." 'I don't care much for these wenches, Mai and Serenity, but I did suck Duke and Tristan once...'

"Lovely to meet you all." 'I'm going to kill you all once I get the chance.' At the point, that prick Bakura entered.

"Ryou?!" They all exclaimed. No, Bakura, you reknobs! I SHOULD KILL YOU ALL FOR BEING STUPID!—except Tea of course. Ra how I hate stupid people!

"Hey there, old chaps!" Bakura greeted, posing as Ryou. Good, the fool is keeping his end of the—"Hello Tea."—bargain............I'LL KILL HIM FOR HITTING ON MY GIRL! Grr...She's mine you ass!

"Hi Ryou, are you sure you're ok??"

"Of course I am! Just seeing you all makes me better!" Would Ryou really say something that corny? (silence) A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHAT A MORON! I don't think Ryou is like a Radamn Mr. Rogers! (snickers) Man! I didn't think I could laugh any harder! Ah...

"Aw that's sweet!" Mai chirped. Then, Rishid entered, posing as me. Let's see how people take that, hehehe...

"It's Malik..." Yugi whispered.

"Eh?" Joey looked away from Ryou at that. I eyed Rishid. Did he go masturbate? I saw a bead of sweat roll down his forehead. I take that to my advantage.

"HEY THERE BUDDY!" I exclaim WAY too happily and clap him on the back. "You look lonely, now doesn't he?"

"Um, Namu? That's Malik." Tea said uncertainly and pulling me away from Rishid.

"Malik? Ohhhhhhh! I had no idea." And they have no idea that I'm Malik! Perfect!

"That's ok." Tea said, holding my arm tightly. Hey wait a minute...(O.O) Well, maybe she really does want innocent Namu? She's pressing my arm between her breasts and I obviously am not the only person who noticed...Mai and Serenity are glaring at her. (X.X) I wanted Tea to want me, not the slut and the 13-year-old girl! I'm not some kind of pedophile! My Ra! I prefer older women...well, excluding Tea, of course.

/Moron, it's obvious. And stop excluding the wench from everything!/

And you shut the hell up, Marik.

/You shut the hell up!/

I don't have time for your shit!

/Then tell those bitches to fuck off or something! They're making me uncomfortable./

Making you uncomfortable? My Ra, man! I'm the one who should be uncomfortable, stupid nimrod!

/Just for that, when I get the chance, I'm going to take over my body./

It's my body, you ass!

...(silence)

Oh good, he's gone. He's such an ass.

-

Well this is pretty boring. When will anything happen? (sigh)

Knock, knock.

I'm jumping for joy...NOT.

I got up and answered the door. I blinked. Oh for Ra's sake...

"Hi Namu." Mai said.

"Hi?"

"Can I come in your room?" (O.O) Lay off, woman!!

"Well, you see, you can't because...Oh look at the time!" I slammed the door in the stupid blondes face.

(Later)

Knock, knock

If that's her again...

"Yes?" I stared down and my eyes went wide.

"Hi!" Serenity chirped to me.

"Um, hi."

"Aren't you a shy thang? Can I come in?"

"I'm about to, uh, take a shower."

"Ooh, can I come with you?"

"NO YOU CANNOT!" I slammed the door shut, my eyes wide. For Ra's sake, I know I'm good-looking, no one needs to tell me! Or show me...

(Even later...)

Knock, knock!

Ok, cautiously...

"YES?"

"Hi Namu." Oh thank the god's of Egypt! It's Tea!

"Hi Tea." I said brightly. "Want to come in?"

"Sure!" I let her in and shut the door. Perfect! A place for perfect sex...Mwahahaha!

"So...what did you want?" I asked innocently.

"Did Serenity and Mai come to your room?" She asked in the same innocent tone I had. What the hell?

"Yeah..." I said slowly.

"They did, did they?" She turned to me now.

"Um, yes...?"

"Well...I won't allow anyone to have what I deserve!" WHAT? What the fuck is she talking about? She isn't about to castrate me, is she? SHIT!

"What do you, er, deserve Tea?" She looked at me like I was stupid. Maybe I was...(O.O) And then something scary happened...She threw me on the bed. RAPE!

-

I'm so sated...Yet pissed. That dumbass Bakura lost the duel...Damn him to hell! Now Rishid is dueling that idiot Joey. Now all he has to do is summon the Winged Dragon of Ra. Mwahahaha!

(Later)

Well this sucks shit...Marik's trying to get through. HOW COULD HE?! HE NEVER KEEPS HIS WORD, WHY MUST HE NOW?!?!

/Because you pissed me off! Ha! NOW PREPARE TO GO TO THE SHADOW REALM!/

Dammit, I should've known this was going to happen. Ra hates me...

-

DIS: Not as funny as I had hoped it would be, but now it will be in Marik's POV! Next chapter, it will be in Marik's POV because, well, he's in charge of Malik's body now. Well, please review and I'll be sure to update! Ideas are appreciated. See ya'll.