DIS: I couldn't think of anything funny for the duel between Kaiba and Isis, so I'm just going to do the duel between Bakura and Marik. Enjoy!

-

All my evil laughing is getting old. I need a new evil laugh.

"Hey stupid!" Bakura called over to me. I swear I'm about to devour his brains in a millisecond.

"Go fuck yourself!"

"Why don't you?"

"Because I have Anzu for that."

"HEY, ANZU'S MY BITCH!" Malik shouted at me possessively. Fuck that, that little chicken ass can get himself a different whore, Anzu's mine.

"No, Anzu's mine!" Bakura snapped at Malik.

"She's mine, you nimrods!" I snapped at them.

"BULLSHIT SHE IS!" They both growled at me. I glared at them and we lunged at each other.

-

Ow, Bakura hits hard. Now I have a black eye. Damn him to hell.

"I thought you knew all the secrets to Ra, Malik?" Bakura whispered to pathetic other half.

"Well obviously you thought wrong because I didn't know all the secret of Ra, therefore I knew that he knew that I knew that he knew that I knew that he knew that you thought that I knew that he knew that I knew that he knew that I knew that he knew that I knew that he knew that I knew that he knew that I knew that he knew I knew that he knew I didn't know the Ra-damn secrets of Ra." Malik ended, breathing hard.

Silence……

What the fuck did Malik just say?

"What the hell are you talking about?" Bakura asked, his eyebrows knitting together. Damn, the Shadow Realm is kind of cold.

"Wow, you guys are in the Shadow Realm too?"

(OO) I know that annoying voice! I looked up and saw the hourglass I put Mai in and she was smiling at us.

"Hey, isn't that the bitch you sent to the Shadow Realm, Marik?" Bakura asked.

"Er, not exactly." I said awkwardly. "The Shadow Realm didn't exactly "accept" her."

"(oO)"

"So anyway, it's pretty cold out there, so I came in here, cos it's warm, ya know?" Mai told us. "I lost my way in here, though, so I had to go out and see where I was supposed to go. Then, I found the door and fell in here. Then, all of a sudden, sand came down like a warm blanket. I mean, how lucky am I? I guess someone got horny from me. I mean, I am too sexy, ain't I?" Oh Ra, I hate this wench. "I mean, why would you, like, send me to a cold place, Marik? I mean, I am so sexy and hot, don't you get hard just by looking at me? I mean, I am so hotter than Shizuka and Anzu. And like, you don't seem to understand! I am way too sexy for Domino. All the bitches there, er, here, no there are so ugly! I mean, aren't I the cutest of all? Like, you 3 are quiet. Why aren't you talking?"

"(-.-) Make your move, you two." I told Bakura and Malik, attempting to ignore Mai.

"Okay."

"—Do you remember when I summoned Ra? How it was in a popcorn ball? It looked so tasty. I mean, to think that Ra would look like a popcorn ball. Speaking of which, I once—"

"—in defense mode."

"—and it was really scary, cos I didn't know what to do. I mean, the Goth was all, glaring at me—"

-

Well, Malik and Bakura are gone, but...

"And, I mean, what if there really was a hangnail? Like, what would I have done? It was so creepy too."

"Marik!"

Great, now the Pharaoh is here.

"What?" I asked, glaring over at him.

"But I, mean, why would they do that? Don't they have some special treatment for hangnails?"

"(-.-)"

"Mai!" Yami gasped.

"Hi hon." Mai greeted shortly, then resumed her annoying yapping. "And like, it would be, almost, like, 40 maybe? Oh! I used to have a boyfriend that was a celebrity, did you know that? Yeah and he is SO small. I bet you're big. What, are you, like, 8 ½ inches?" I sighed and turned to the shocked Pharaoh.

"Where is Ryou?"

"You tell me what happens to someone who loses to a Shadow Duel."

"Duel?" Yami repeated and drew a sword out of Ra knows where. "DUEL!"

Slice.

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM!" I boomed after he sliced my cape off.

"Yeah, what did Mario do to you?" Mai demanded. Did she just call me Mario? That little bitch! I do not have a fucking mustache and I am a helluva lot hotter than that asshole.

"Mario?" Yami repeated, blinking. "Um, are you 8 ½ inches, Marik? Cos Kaiba's only 8 inches." Ra-dammit!

-

DIS: Mai is so annoying in this fic, lol. Poor Marik, being mistaken for Mario. And now Yami's hitting on him! XD! Well, please review and thanks goes to WesternUniversityChick for the idea of the whole sword dueling. Ciao.