DIS: Hot damn, it's been awhile...Okay, not really, when compared to, ahem, the last update on this story. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I was shocked I got more than one review as this story has been ignored for such a long time...(sweat drop) So, anyway, here is the last chapter of What really happened in Battle City! Finally! This story's been going on forever.
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Chapter Thirteen, The end of all this crap(Again, Marik's POV)
Man...Man, do I hate Jounouchi Katsuya. "Prepare to meet the shadows!" I declared to him as we stepped out of those...thingies. I dunno what the stupid pieces of shit are called.
"Ooh," Jou squealed. Wait...He isn't supposed to be happy, dammit! "I've always wanted to go to the dark side. Rawr!" He crooked his hands in claws. Oh, Ra.
"(-.-) Jou, this is not the time to be hitting on Marik," Yami grumbled moodily. Let me interpret what he really means. Ahem...(changes voice so it's a bad imitation of Yami's) 'Oh, Jounouchi, my love, my mate, please, stop making me look like chicken shit. I hate not being the one that's the center of your attention! Oh, Jounouchi, Jounouchi, Jounouchi!' And then he would go on his knees, clutch the mutt's legs and start sobbing hysterically. Kaiba would then join in, except he'd start ranting about how 'he's the best' and 'Yuugi should die, I should be Duel King' and all that shit. Really. These people need lives. (o.o) Oh, hell...I just realized something...(X.X) I hate the Shadow Realm!
"Aw, you're just jealous I'm not gonna be screwing you like I normally do when someone's dueling." He winked at me and I shuddered. "Ya know, Marik, honey, I get really turned on when a duel's going on." He blew me a kiss and I almost gagged. DEAR RA, WHAT IS THIS MAN'S PROBLEM?
"Would you idiots knock it off?" Kaiba sneered at us. OH NO HE DIDN'T! I flipped him off and he smirked. "I'm straight now, Marik, but Jou might take the offer."
...Ra I hate that guy. In fact, I hate every one of these little assholes – EXCEPT! Anzu.
"After all," Kaiba continued, still smirking, "I think it's pretty obvious that I'll be able to change Anzu's mind about not coming to my bed. I do have a certificate for strip dancing that places me in the 'professional' category."
………
(OoO) What? WHAT? You've got to be fucking kidding me. Seto Kaiba? A professional strip dancer? DAMN! THE SECRETS JUST KEEP ON COMING AND I AM SOOOO SICK OF THEM! (pause) Shit, I can't compete with professional strip dancing. Dammit.
"Listen, you asswipe," I snarled at Kaiba, who raised an eyebrow in turn. Jackass. Thinks he's so cool... "I could care less if you were a professional fucking ballerina!" Okay, I'm lying, but hey! He doesn't know that. "Anzu's mine, got that?"
"Uh-huh..." Kaiba rolled his eyes.
"I SAW THAT!" Yami declared.
"(oO) So did I," I said, eyeing him. What a freak. I STILL cannot believe that he was once some great Pharaoh. (-.-) Ugh, what am I saying? He's just a freaky little midget. Midget- boy, midget-boy! Hahahahaha! (pause) Ra I'm such a loser...With this nice ass and being as sexy as I am...(sigh) It's just not any good when I can't share it with someone. (glances at Jou) Okay, scratch that. When I mean someone, it has to be a hot lady – like Anzu. But not a man. No men. None. Especially not Jounouchi Katsuya. (shudders) Ewww!
"Let's duel, shall we, pumpkin?" Jou queried, batting his eyelashes at me. I made a disgusted expression and stormed to the other side of the dueling arena. Jou had followed me.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" I roared as the others came onto the platform. "YOU'RE DUELING AGAINST ME, NOT WITH ME, YOU IMBECILE!"
"Boy, don't I wish I were dueling with you," he said. I face-faulted and brought out my M. Rod.
"Go to the other side of the arena before I blow you to the Shadow Realm! LITERALLY." Oh, shit...I shouldn't have used the term 'blow.'
"O-Oh Really?" Jou sputtered, his eyes widening with joy. "Oh, please, please, please blow me, Marik!"
Many jaws drop at this point, mine included. Hell, who's jaw wouldn't drop? I mean, let's be honest...WHAT KIND OF GUY PLEADS FOR ANOTHER GUY TO DO THAT TO HIM?
"Jou!" Anzu scorned, stomping over to us and smacking him across the head. "Don't ask for things like that! Only I'm allowed to ask that from Marik-kun!"
(OO)...I don't know how I feel about her admitting that to everyone.
"(-.-) Damn," Kaiba muttered. "What the hell have they been doing?" He asked Yami, jerking his thumb to us. Yami shrugged. This is ridiculous...I've never been surrounded by a more idiotic crowd than this.
"Can we get on with this already?" I snapped, glaring at them.
"If the dog gets on his side, yes," Kaiba answered simply, strolling away to the sidelines, where his brother was. Jou sighed and after blowing me a kiss, went to his side. I shook my head in disgust.
"Well! Good luck, Marik!" Anzu said, patting me on the back. "Here, this will be for luck." And with that, she kissed me hard on the mouth. Ahhh, serenity! – Even if it only lasted for a moment. She went to the sidelines as well and Jou went to his spot on the arena.
"Okey-dokey," the moron chirped. "I'm a-ready to go!"
(-.-)...THE DOG SHALL DIE.
So, after each of us had one card on the field, I declared, "It's time to take this to the Shadow Realm! Mwahahaha!"
"...Aww...But I thought you were gonna blow me to the Shadow Realm?"
"I only blow girls, you revolting moron!" And so, we were in the Shadow Realm. Dammit, I really hate the Shadow Realm! I mean, I never used to, but then –
"Like, OH – MY – GOD! Is that you, Mario?" Mai screeched.
...but then she came along.
RA DO I HATE HER! I HATE HER WITH THE FIRE THAT BURNS IN THE PIT OF MY SOUL!
"MY NAME IS NOT MARIO!" I roared at her. "NOW SHUT UP BEFORE I SEND YOU TO THE DEPTHS OF HELLLL!"
"...Hellll?" She asked, repeating the way I said it. Okay...Okay. The dog and the bitch shall die. That is my declaration. Yup. Yup...Yeah. Shit. I fuckin' hate her so much! Grrr.
"SOOO," Mai drawled, grinning at her friends. "What're you guys up to?"
"Mai!" They gasped, then paused. "Marik, why isn't she dead? Geez, can't even kill the stupid bimbo..." (-.-) What loving friends they are...
"Listen, assholes, the fuckin' Shadow Realm wouldn't take her. It's not my fault she's so utterly annoying and stupidly ditzy that the Shadow Realm wouldn't accept her. DAMN! Gimme a break here! I'm only working with one Millennium Item! Ask Yami to do something! He's just sitting around on his ass all day!"
"Hey! He's right!" The pointy-headed freak exclaimed. "YAMI! Get rid of Mai!"
"Uh, helloooo, I'm right hereeeee!" Mai announced, glaring at them. She just doesn't take a hint or something. Ugh. I knew she was stupid from the beginning.
"Um..." Yami rubbed the back of his head nervously. "Anzu, why aren't you lecturing us about friendship?"
"Yes, well, I'm all for that usually, Yami," Anzu explained, "but...SHE IS SO FRICKIN' ANNOYING!"
"YEAH!" Honda and Otogi exclaimed. Yami sweat dropped. Good. The pressure is on him.
"Okay, okay...I'll see what I can do." He focused on his Millennium power and I could tell he was really trying, but uh...some dark figure came up from the shadows. "(oO) Huh?"
"What the fuck?" I muttered.
"LISTEN YOU MOTHER FUCKIN' WHOREBAGS," it roared. "WE'RE NOT TAKIN' THE ANNOYING LITTLE BLONDE BITCH OVER HERE, GOT IT?"
(OoO'')
"Sorry, Pharaoh," the dark figure continued, "but we can't bring all her idiocy and sluttiness into the Shadow Realm. There'd be problems and the guys at tech support already got enough on their hands with this jackass over here," he pointed at me, "sending people to the Shadow Realm left and right."
(-.-) Okay, I don't know who this guy is, but he shall die with the dog and the bitch. THEY ALL SHALL DIEEEE!
"Eh...Can we get on with da duel?" Jou asked, scratching his head. "I mean, I'm all for this stuff, but the sooner I beat Marik, the sooner I can get him in my bed."
(Sweat drop)
In his dreams.
(At the end of the duel)
"Jounouchi is mindless," Yami said bluntly, staring at Jou's motionless body.
"Oh, I knew that," Kaiba answered him.
"I meant something else, Kaiba!"
"...So?"
"MWAHAHAHA!" Yes, that would be me laughing evilly. Damn do I need a new evil laugh. "Ah...Man, that's funny. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to get rid of him. I was just getting SOOOO sick of his comments!"
"Yeah..." Anzu said slowly. "He was a good guy."
"He's not DEAD," Yami snapped at us. Geez, something's going through PMS. "MARIK!" He pointed at me. Aw, shit, not this again. I turned my back to him. "Wait, wait! This time I know what I'm going to say!"
"(sweat drop) Alright, go ahead."
(pause)
"Hold on," Yami said. "I forgot...Let me think..." Kaiba smacked his forehead, shaking his head. "Oh, yeah! Wait...No, that's what I was going to say to Grandpa when we got back." He sighed. "Now I have to sort through all these thoughts! Okay...hmm...Oh! Okay! I got it!"
"Idiot," I muttered.
"MARIK!" He pointed his finger at me again. "I will bring Jou back from the Shadow Realm! I'm, uh, not sure about Mai yet...I don't think I will, actually," he added at the dark looks he received. By Ra, if he does... "SO THERE!"
"...Yeah, sure, whatever. Go away and duel Kaiba already." What an annoying midget.
X
So...This sucks. I'm halfway through the duel with Yami and well...Malik is pissed.
"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! HOW DARE YOU USE ME FOR YOUR OWN GREEDY LITTLE – RADAMN YOU MARIK, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! KILL YOU, HEAR ME, KILL YOU!" Yeah...He's pissed. And Yuugi...Well, he's...Er...He's being a retard like always.
"La-la-la-la, wow, most of my body is gone," Yuugi remarked. "...La-la-la-la."
And Yami is staring at his cards. It's so fucking amazing how violent his mood swings are. One minute, he's a complete moron, ranting about something stupid and then the next minute, he's serious and lecturing me about morals, the heart of the cards, and friendship. Puh-lease, nigga!
"I summon...THIS CARD!"
"NO!" Wait...Oh, yeah...SHIT! My life points! FUCK!
"Marik!" Anzu gasped. "Oh, wait...Oh, that's okay, I have Malik, hehehe." DAMN HER! DAMN YAMI! DAMN THEM ALL!
"And now," Malik snickered, "I will take over."
"(OO) Malik, if you let me live, I'll buy you a candy bar!" Malik blinked and looked thoughtful.
"Well..."
"Malik," Yami growled in a warning tone.
"Aw, shove a stick up your ass, Pharaoh. I wasn't gonna anyway. Buh-bye."
"Fine! But I'm not going without doing this!" At that, I flipped him off and then mooned him and Yami. Mwahahaha! Hey, at least I went down in a flash.
"(-.-) That's it. You're dead."
X
(Malik's POV)
Ahh...It's good to be back! I've never felt more alive! Well, other than when I'm riding my motorcycle. Though, some of these weird memories Marik gave me...(o.o) They're really freaky. Like Jou hitting on him or him coming out of the bathroom and then being accused of sleeping with that mutt. And then there's this encounter with Isis and her saying she slept with Shadii – what the fuck is up with that? I'll have to confront her about that. Oh, look. It's Yuugi. (sigh) I can only imagine what he's thinking now. 'Oh my gosh, there's Malik! He looks so fine! I wonder if my hair's okay? Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Like, what am I gonna do if my hair is not okay? Eek!' (sighs again) It's hard being beautiful.
"Hey there, Malik," Yuugi greeted. "Sorry about all this stuff. It ended up being pretty messy, huh?"
"Little Yuugi, let me get something straight...I am not gay. I will never be gay. I enjoy being straight and quite frankly, gay people disgust me. What's more, I've been in bed with Anzu my fair share of times...so don't try anything."
"(oO) I, um, wasn't going to, Malik...Er...Okay?" Yuugi told me awkwardly. Hell's bells. I just made a complete ass of myself. (pause) Then again, when do I not? It is good to be back!
"Brother," Isis greeted warmly, going to me and hugging me. "It's good to have you back. I had foreseen you coming back – um, well, sometime. It is your destiny to live and to save the world!"
"Hey!" Yuugi turned to her. "I thought that was my destiny?"
"Yeah!" The others exclaimed. "Mine too!"
"(sweat drop) Er...It is," she hastily said. "Well, we have to be going! Gotta get back to Egypt and everything."
"Aww," Anzu whined. "I thought Malik might be able to stay awhile...Oh, well, there's always Bakura."
(OO) Bakura? NOOOOO!
(On the plane to Egypt)
"It's good to see you back to normal, Master Malik," Rishid said to me.
"Normal my ass!" I snapped. "Did you know that Shadii and Isis were fucking each other? AND WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER?"
"(OO) Miss Ishtar?" He gasped. "No!"
"Yeah! What kind of shit is that?"
"How are you two doing?" Isis asked, coming back from the bathroom.
"Isis, I'm your brother and you never told me you were fucking Shadii!" I told her, glaring.
"...Er...Well, he's very polite...And very cute...And very nice in bed now that I think of it. He does this thing where he – " She began.
"Miss Ishtar! - Isis!" Rishid and I shrieked in terror. As if we wanted to know what Shadii does in bed! Ugh! Ugh! And triple ugh!
Isis shrugged her shoulders and opened her book to read it. I really don't wanna go back to Egypt. But hey! I'll be back! Maybe...Yeah, I'll be back! Just you wait, Bakura...You won't get past me! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
...I really need to get a new evil laugh...
ENDX
DIS: (sweat drop) Okay, so it wasn't the best, but at least I updated and I at least I finally finished this Ra-be-damned story. So, anyway, tell me how you guys liked it and if you want, you can go ahead and tell me what your favorite parts of the story was – if you have a favorite part. With that said, please review on your way out. Ciao!