"Sasuke Lovers Anonymous"

by the Carpet Shampoo

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Naruto. But really…at what point did you think I did?

Author's Commentary: Um…I actually don't have anything to say. Enjoy the fic.

Chapter 1

            Hiya! This is Tenten, reporting live for the first ever meeting of Sasuke Lovers Anonymous! Today, rumor has it the beautiful Sasuke is going to be training in the forest! Naturally, SLA is going to watch. What if Sasuke got hurt while training? We could save his life! Or better yet, what if he took off his shirt because it was just so hot? Anyway, we're still in need of a treasurer…We've been talking about asking Hyuuga Hinata to join. I'm not sure…for some reason; Hinata doesn't seem all that thrilled when she's around Sasuke. She's kind of a weird girl if you ask me…

            "And do you, Hyuuga Hinata, swear to love Sasuke above any other boy – as he is the most handsome and smart and sexy…" Sakura's voice trailed off as her green eyes grew hazy and she stared off into space and sighed dreamily. Tenten and Ino followed behind. Hinata blinked her innocent pale eyes and looked at them. It wasn't that she really liked Sasuke all that much…he was pretty scary in her opinion. But she did so want to hang out with the other girls and be their friend!

            "Um…Sakura-chan?" Hinata waved her hand in front of the pink haired girl's face. Sakura blinked and suddenly snapped back into attention. The other girls jumped up as well.

            "Um…right then! So, Hinata, do you swear to love Sasuke and all that stuff?"

            "Um…sure…I guess so I mean…" Hinata said, her delicate voice barely above a whisper.

            "All right then!" Sakura chirped cheerfully. "Girls of SLA, I present to you, our newest member...Hyuuga Hinata!" Tenten and Ino clapped enthusiastically, each one of them secretly resenting their newest competition for Sasuke.

            "Secretary Tenten, the rules please?" Sakura stated importantly. Tenten nodded then pulled out a scroll.

            Hinata twisted her hand nervously. There were rules for following around Sasuke all day? What if she broke on?

            "Ahem! Rule Number 1: No girl may ever stalk…er, I mean, gaze lovingly upon Sasuke alone. Two other girls must be with her-"

            "Oh…Change that to three Tenten." Sakura interrupted.

            "Oh, ok. Unless three other girls are with her. Rule Number 2: No other boys come before Sasuke."

            Hinata thought this over…Well, she supposed she could always pretend to like Sasuke more…

            "Rule Number 3…and the most important rule of all…"

            "No being nice to Naruto!" All the girls exclaimed at the exact same time.

            "But why not?" Hinata asked before she could stop herself. Suddenly realizing her mistake she squeaked and covered her mouth with trembling hands. Everyone stared at her blankly for a moment, before finally, Ino spoke:

            "But…why would you want to be nice to Naruto?" 

            "Well um…Naruto…he…" Hinata could feel her face turning pink, "He could um…tell us about Sasuke!"

            "Tell us about Sasuke…?" Tenten asked, looking intrigued.

            "Um…yeah!" Hinata nodded, "Who spends more time with Sasuke then Naruto? If Sasuke were to ever say stuff about what he liked in girls, Naruto seems like the person he would tell. Guys always tell guys stuff like that!" The truth was, Hinata knew absolutely nothing about boys and guys, but neither did the other girls, so they all seemed to be buying her story.

            "So you're saying…we should kidnap Naruto and torture him for info!"

            "Wait…what?"

            "All right…we need a plan!" Sakura and the other girls jumped into a huddle. Hinata watched them for a moment, then jumped in as well.

            "All right…" Sakura said in a low whisper, "Hinata, Tenten, and Ino, this plan involves you three. Hinata, you need to use your Byakugan to locate Naruto. Once you've spotted him, alert Tenten to his location. Tenten, you tell Ino. Tenten will act as the distraction – whatever it takes, distract Naruto long enough for Ino to take over his mind. Then go retrieve Ino's body and bring it back here.'

'Ino, in Naruto's mind, you'll lead him back here. Remember! Act like Naruto, Ino. We don't want anyone being suspicious. When Ino/Naruto gets back here, I'll tie Naruto's body up, then Ino will give Naruto back his mind, and we will interrogate him! Ready girls? Go!" Hinata looked confused for a moment as each girl ran off, but she quickly followed.

Outside, Tenten and Ino boosted Hinata onto part of a roof so she could see better. She looked around half-heartedly, hoping not to see Naruto anywhere, but unfortunately, saw him wandering around the ramen bar, looking for potential suckers to buy him ramen.

"Ino, Tenten…He's at the noodle bar."

"Well…I suppose we could have guessed that…" Tenten said, glancing over at Ino. The two girls shrugged than ran off to the noodle bar. Hinata watched from where she was, her Byakugan still activated for the best view.

Tenten trotted up to Naruto, who in turn, gave Tenten his famous 'Buy-me-Ramen' smile.

"Hey Naruto, what's up?" Tenten grinned, already wondering what was taking Ino so incredibly long.

"Not much…" Naruto replied, leaning back.

Great…I have to hold him still…Ino always required her people perfectly still to capture them in her jutsu.

"So…Naruto-kun…" Tenten walked over to him, linking his arm in her's. "No one buying you ramen today…?" Naruto sighed and looked down, not even seeming to notice Tenten's flirting techniques.

"No…I can't find Iruka-sensei anywhere…" Suddenly, a weird look crossed Naruto's face and he looked down at Tenten.

"Get off my arm Tenten, and go find my body!" Tenten quickly let go of Ino/Naruto and ran off to where Ino had been hidden.

Ino/Naruto sighed and shook her head, heading back to where Sakura was hidden.

SMACK!

Not even paying attention, Ino had completely walked right into someone. "Move!" She yelled angrily, shoving the person out of her way. Or…at least she tried to push the person out of the way. It was more like she pushed…and stumbled a few steps back. She looked up to see Sasuke standing there, glancing down with a look of amusement on his face.

"Was that a push dobe?" Ino felt furious. How dare Sasuke call her names? She was about to give him a piece of her mind when, suddenly, she remembered she was Naruto.

"Sorry Sasuke-kun…I didn't know it was you." Sasuke blinked and looked down at Naruto. Was Naruto actually blushing? And since when did Naruto refer to him Sasuke-kun?

"So um…Sasuke-kun…" Ino purred softly, "How are you…?"

Sasuke blinked and stared down at the purring Naruto, oblivious to the fact it was actually Ino.

"I'm good…"

"Sasuke-kun…now that we're alone, I'd like to ask you something…" Ino stepped forward, and rested one hand delicately against Sasuke's arm.

"Uh…what?" Sasuke stepped back a little, a light pink dust spreading across his cheeks as he gazed down at Naruto's arm.

"Will you go out with me sometime?"

"What…? Um…sure Naruto…?" Ino jumped up with a squeak and threw her arms around Sasuke.

"Wait a sec…Naruto? Oh shoot that's right! I'm in Naruto's body! I need to act like Naruto!" Ino thought suddenly.

She quickly shoved Sasuke away.

"Hey…don't touch me! You…uh…stupid head! No one can touch me unless they buy me ramen first!" 

"Naruto, what are you talking about…you want me to buy you ramen?"

"I gotta go um…flirt with Sakura cause I'm in love with her even though she's way too good for a loser like me. Bye Sasuke-kun!" And with that, Ino/Naruto ran off back to Sakura.

Sasuke stood there and blinked. "What the hell?"

Ino barely got back as her chakra couldn't hold much longer, and just as Naruto was getting his body back, Sakura was tying the very last knot that held him to the chair.

"Where am I…? Sakura-chan? Ino? Hinata-chan?"

Hinata smiled softly and turned pink. He had called her Hinata-chan…

Meanwhile, Tenten pulled out a huge flashlight and shined it in Naruto's eyes, causing him to squint and recoil back.

"Gah, Tenten that's bright."

"I don't care! Spill it Uzumaki! Tell us everything you know about Sasuke!"  Naruto blinked and looked around confused.

"Wait…what's this about…?"

Author's Commentary: Ooh, this took me so long! I need to get started on writing the next chapter of The Courting too. And I need to work on finish up the ending chapters of Monster. (which I just got re-inspired for, very exciting to me.) Um…Not really much to say…Please review and stuff?