"Sasuke Lovers Anonymous"

By the Carpet Shampoo

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Do you?

Author's Commentary: I love Sasuke Lovers Anonymous. More than any other fic I've written. So, why the no updates? Well, for one, I wanted to finish "The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto" first, because I started it first. So I worked on that. Unfortunately, I also got stuck on it, but was determined to finish it first. The other fic that has eaten away my fan fiction writing time is known as "L'il Ninjas". No, its not on fan Mostly because its based off an RP and therefore, request only. But for the people that do read it…they know who I am and where I sleep. Aka, it takes a lot of the priority. But I'm typing now. Be happy? Please?

Chapter 2

"This is vice president Yamanaka Ino, recording live for the second meeting of Sasuke Lovers Anonymous. Today's Mission: Get information out of that stupid head Naruto about Sasuke! He's looking like he won't talk now, but we'll find a way. After all, we have the power of love on our side! And all he has is the power of stupidity! Which isn't really a power. Its just Naruto being dumb! This is Yamanaka Ino. Stay tuned as the day unfolds and we discover the secrets of Uchiha Sasuke."

"Come on Naruto. Don't be so pig-headed! Just tell us everything you know about Sasuke!" Sakura demanded as Tenten shoved the flashlight closer in his face for a more dramatic effect.

"Why should I?" Naruto shot back, struggling against the ropes. Pssh…Sasuke wasn't his friend, just a guy. Just a regular old, stupid, arrogant stuck up loser…guy. An arrogant, stuck-up loser guy who Naruto happened to know and see on a daily basis.

"Look kid," Tenten said in her most 'tough guy' voice. Naruto was confused. Didn't he already see Tenten sometime today? "We may know that Sasuke wakes up every morning at 6:45 without the assistance of an alarm…"

"And he always looks sleepy and sits in bed for five minutes before getting up…" Sakura added, in a voice that implied that a sleepy Sasuke was the most sexy Sasuke.

"And the first thing he does is use the bathroom, then he washes his hand with soap that smells like mint and -"

"Wait," Naruto interrupted Ino, who liked positively offended someone would interrupt a story about the glory of Sasuke, "How do you know what his soap smells like?"

"Easy!" Ino added, "We went into his bathroom and sniffed it!" Naruto blinked, trying to figure out if she was lying or not. But she couldn't be lying…Sasuke's hands did smell lightly of mint. Naruto knew because when Sasuke punched him in the face or slammed his head into the ground, he could smell mint…As if mint were the smell one smelled when they were about to die.

"And after he washes his hands…" Tenten picked up the story, "he brushes his teeth! And his toothbrush is just the cutest little thing, navy blue with the little Uchiha fan on it…" Tenten sighed, dreamily.

"Of course, Sasuke replaces his toothbrush every 4 months, to ensure healthy teeth!" Sakura added. Naruto shook his head. They acted like he accomplished world peace or something. Naruto looked at Hinata, who quickly looked away.

"But we're not here to talk about oral hygiene!" Ino pointed out, "Tell us all you know about Sasuke!"

"Well…I doubt I know anything you don't…but um…Sasuke likes rice balls? Like, more than normal people should."

"Duh Naruto," Sakura sighed, "And he likes them plain. He can eat two normally, but sometimes eats three if he's been training or did a hard mission." The girls sighed at the thought of Sasuke eating his rice ball. Naruto rolled his eyes. Must be a girl thing.

"Um…maybe I'm wrong, but isn't that Sasuke now?" All the other girls quickly snapped their heads towards the Hyuuga heir as she mentioned the name of their beloved god Sasuke.

Tenten ran over to the window and glanced out. There really was no need…Hinata could see quite clearly that Sasuke was out there.

"SASUKE SIGHTING!" The girls exclaimed together…except Hinata who seemed quite confused at the whole thing. Sakura had the fastest reaction time and started running towards the door in attempt to be the first to reach Sasuke. Ino was the second to react, but she was the most destructive in her attempt to reach Sasuke, knocking the poor tied up Naruto over as she raced to keep even with Sakura. Tenten was the third to react, but thanks to all those laps Gai had made her run, she was the fastest and caught up to Sakura and Ino quickly.

Hinata blinked. She had noticed Sasuke first and probably would have reacted first, but she didn't realize it was custom to run up and maul the boy you liked. Hinata straightened Naruto upwards and then ran off to catch up with the other girls.

She arrived to see a defeated looking bunch of girls sitting there.

"What happened?" she asked in her barely-above-a-whisper voice.

"Sasuke got away…" Sakura sniffled. The girls trained and trained to be fast enough or clever enough to catch Sasuke, but the Uchiha prodigy always managed to stay one step ahead of them at all times.

Ino pulled out a small pink journal with an Uchiha fan crudely drawn on the front. Printed in huge flowery writing was the words "Sasuke Lovers Anonymous." Tenten took the notebook from her and pulled out a pen.

"This is Tenten, secretary of Sasuke Lovers Anonymous, here to report some sad news. Our newest member Hyuuga Hinata was adapt at spotting the beautiful Uchiha Sasuke, however, it is with great regret that I write that we lost Sasuke in an attempt to pursue him."

"We like to keep track of everything that goes on in the meetings." Sakura explained to Hinata who must have looked quite bewildered at the sight of it all.

"All our failures and successes are recorded in various 'Sasuke' journals. All kept in back in our meeting place." Ino added.

Hinata nodded, trying to look interested, but secretly thinking that there must be thousands of these 'Sasuke' journals lying around if the girls recorded everything that ever went on. They were probably all entries like "This is Yamanaka Ino reporting that today the great and wonderful Sasuke stepped on my foot. It was heavenly." Hinata giggled a little at the thought and the other girls stared at her.

"I was um…just um…happy at the thought…of how…devoted you were to Sasuke…" Hinata lied. It felt bad to lie to her friends, and the dark haired girl vowed that she wouldn't make fun of them anymore, even if it was just in her head. After all, didn't she have many notebooks at home where she had printed "Mrs. Uzumaki Hinata" over and over again.

Ino nodded slowly, thinking over what Hinata said. Ino decided she liked Hinata, because she was right - Ino was very devoted to Sasuke. After all, that's why Sasuke had fallen in love with her. He just…hadn't realized he was madly in love with Ino yet. But any day now, Ino was sure he would come to that conclusion.

As Tenten snapped the journal shut, the girl's started back to their clubhouse to discuss Sasuke's hair, clothes, style, toes, feet, ankles, pants, eyes, eyebrows, perfect pearly white teeth, lips, smell, armbands, leg bands, shoes, fingers, fingernails, cuticles, cute little butt, forehead protector, mysterious aura, cool nature and most of all, how much they absolutely hated Naruto!

Ino reached for the door handle, surprised to find it locked. She blinked and looked back at the other girls, who seemed confused. They had not locked the door when they left - they were in too much of a hurry.

"It must be that idiot Naruto!" Sakura declared. She pressed her ear up against the door and tried to listen for Naruto inside.

"Or someone trying to kill Naruto," Ino added hopefully. She too, listened at the door.

"Yeah. Or something." Tenten added, joining the listening group. Hinata twiddled her fingers nervously and decided to listen as well.

"Eh? Naruto, is that you…?" Hinata frowned. That voice sounded familiar…Sakura, Ino, and Tenten swooned.

"Sasuke…" they sighed romantically.

"This is president Haruno Sakura reporting from outside our clubhouse. Our sources tell us that Sasuke and Naruto are both trapped inside and have been for an hour. We have yet to make contact with them, but it would sound as if Naruto has been untied - though I don't know why Sasuke would do that. It sounds like they can't figure out where the key is to unlock the door."

"This is Vice President Yamanaka Ino. Two hours have passed since Sasuke and Naruto were locked inside. It has been quiet for a while. We assume that Sasuke has heroically kicked that jerk Naruto's butt. Good for Sasuke. The group has decided this only makes us love him more."

"This is Secretary Tenten. Its now been four hours and we're working despretly to find a way to open the door before Sasuke starves to death. Of course, he could always eat Naruto…but we don't want Sasuke to resort to such barbaric methods."

"This is Treasurer Hyuuga Hinata. Well….you see…we just tried the door. It was unlocked. Inside we were greeted with a bunch of ropes on the ground and an open window in the back. Neither Sasuke or Naruto is in sight. I suppose this is it for today's meeting…"