It almost burned him up.

A lot of things burned in the teacher's soul passionately, but…this gave him heartburn. Something that made him feel nauseous. He couldn't help it—all humans would feel this emotion at some point, and Maito Gai couldn't deny that a form of it was in his 'rivalry' with Hatake Kakashi. Thick brows twitched, only partially hidden by the shining bowl cut, and only a most observant stalker would have noticed this change in his otherwise stoic expression.

Only stoic because Lee was off doing other things. Which gave Gai too much free time today after completing a mission. He could still feel the dull thud of bruise pains on his chiseled form hidden by the green spandex…

It was nothing compared to that sickening pulling and tearing at his heart. The chûnin, Iruka, looked so flippin' blissful while standing beside Kakashi, leaning against the wooden rail of the bridge and talking under the bright sunlight to the silver-haired copy-nin. Blushes forming on the couple's cheeks. Incomprehensible conversation, just mutters and the tender ringing of amusement. Everyone muttering on how much of a cute couple they were. He blinked a little from the glimmer of the river that the bridge crossed, and he shifted just slightly on his perch in the tree that he was watching them from.

…what? Gai had been there first. He wasn't spying on Kakashi, waiting for an opportunity to catch him alone to challenge him to yet another contest…

Alright, fine, maybe he was. And even in that mental statement the taijutsu master was still lying to himself.

He was really here to just be able to see him. Think about a few more depressing thoughts that made him seem soaked. Little did anyone know, he wasn't the bubbly, overenthusiastic guy that everyone took him for.

Gai was really a very lonely person. That's why Lee was one of the two most important people to him, because he was the son he probably would never have. That's why his 'eternal rival' was that second person, certainly in no particular order, and the world would crash and burn and let him rot in hell if Kakashi was ever taken away from him or, worse, he forgot about Gai.

It almost burned him up. Nearly tore apart his sensitive heart when he saw Kakashi and Iruka one time, simply put, making out. Underneath the star and moonlight, almost as if it were from a fairy tale.

Handsome…

Their two forms were shimmering with a thin layer of sweat, at certain angles flaunting off their visible desires, their panting easily heard beyond the choir of cicadas, bodies seemingly rocking with their rhythm and coming together with warmpth and passion. Oddly dark despite the spotlight that was like a ray being concentrated by a magnifying glass.

Tender…

His eyes wouldn't look away from the details as it was one of the few times he got to see his rival's mask off, watching their tongues passionately pass through each other's mouths, their hands passing over, gripping, grinding each other eager for far more than that, and their hips bucked dryly, most of the force coming from the older of the two.

Soft…

Would have gone at each other like dogs on that same spot on the bridge if Kakashi hadn't noticed Gai ogling him with his Sharingan.

…he had glared back.

Sure, the teacher looked the same, but a careful inspection and a thorough knowledge of Kakashi's true moods instantly revealed that. Not even needing any persuasion, Gai had stormed off that night to leave them to do…whatever.

Oh no, were they at it again?

Kakashi's arm had begun to snake its way around Iruka's waist, and the dolphin man returned it with a light brush of his lips against the dark blue cloth. Again, another twitch from Konoha's great green beast. He was relieved by the fact that his rival was smarter than to reveal his face in broad daylight, so he had returned it gently through the mask and then the two finally parted ways.

After Lee's recovery from surgery, this was an event that relieved him most.

Gai's heart pieces began to writhe again by the burn. A deep, laid-back voice snapped him out of his trance, "I know you're there Gai…"

Well of course he did. Kakashi wouldn't be worth a damn as a jônin if he didn't. Instinctively he looked about to see if Iruka had vanished yet and finding that he had proceeded to escape the shade of the tree and make his way toward him with the second intention that he had concocted.

His eternal rival. As soon as his feet slammed the ground thanks to the heavy weights attached to his legs, he could feel the buzz of his injuries again. Minor, nothing he couldn't handle really. On the inside, he wished for them to be caressed intimately, the pains and aches kissed and massaged away…

"My Eternal Rival!" A characteristic pose, a loud voice, a huge smile with a glint for added effect. The one who he was referring to rolled his visible eye, a dark grayish color that was steely to him. He had seen it show true affection before…

"What is it now, Gai?" And too many times, it looked away from him, back to that little perverted book that he had just whipped out from his chûnin vest. Something in his mind screamed 'how utterly uncouth!', something else was hoping for a reason as to why he cared so much about his love.

They both knew what he had come for, of course, the excuse, "I wish to challenge you to another youthful competition!" God damn it all, he just couldn't speak straight and tell him right off. Kakashi always left him feeling frozen to the surface he was standing on, among other things.

What it was going to be about? Several thoughts were running through his mind; he needed to think of something quick. This was the first time that Gai hadn't come prepared, and his morals were scolding him. Scalding him with a red-hot iron poker. A sparring match…a wrestling match…

He felt the eye on him again, "Well…?"

"Let us spar and see who of us is truly the better of us! The loser must…"

Dance to techno music, with the heavy pulse that would dictate their heart rate. Pull the winner close until their crotches would rub together. Kiss the winner on the lips, taste him, swallow his essence...

"…run 800 laps around Konoha!"

The other ran a hand through his unusual gray hair, shaking his head and finally closing his visible eye to complete the expression. The nice guy pose's smile stayed tacked onto his tanned face, although it twitched just a bit, fell just slightly. That hadn't escaped Kakashi, and he smiled just slightly in return.

Gai wouldn't be worth a damn if he hadn't seen that too, the tiny movement. Instantly angry questions and insults were brandishing their spears, but on the outside he laughed. It was eerie, hollow…certainly a good kabuki actor though.

Pretending to get a head start, the eerily tall green beast began to jog to the training grounds ahead of Kakashi, not giving a chance for the other to properly respond—not like he would, anyway. If he did, his heart would bleed out the rest of his joy. Not even leaving some for Lee.

His skin would itch and burn as if battery acid were poured onto him. He would collapse as if all his bones were made of dried grass. His face would feel like shattering.

Maito Gai would get another bad case of heart burn.

Me: I was listening to Malchik Gay by tATu while I was writing this.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore Gaikaka. If you couldn't guess after reading that and the rest of this fanfic, then I'm just going to say that I actually dislike Kakairu to a great extent…it seems like such a random pairing—people just tacked these two together because they happened to be two hot guys that had a few conversations.

…no offense if you like the pairing. Just had to get that off my chest. -.-;

Well that's it. Rate, hate, masturbate.