Author's Note: This one is very Karen-angsty. I'll go back to what Will's doing in the next chapter but I just wanted to concentrate on Karen in this one as I do love her so:)

Chapter 14

A loud crash caused Karen wake up with a start. She looked around blindly to see what had caused the noise and saw the empty vodka bottle in pieces on the floor. 'It must have fallen out of the bed', she thought. 'How much did I drink?' She tried to remember how much was in the bottle when she went to bed but her mind was blank. She couldn't remember. She glanced at the pillow she had slept on and was puzzled by the black stains she found there but the night came flooding back to her as she realised that the black stains were mascara and that, she had not only drunk herself to sleep, but cried herself to sleep too. She looked slowly at the clock to her right, not moving her head too quickly as her hangover began to make itself known. 06:03. She groaned at the thought of how little sleep she'd had. She picked up the phone and looked at the last dialled number to see what time she had rung Will. 04.32. Great, she thought sarcastically, 'less than an hour and a half in bed. I'm sure going to be fresh as a daisy for Stan!'

Slowly, she sat up and shuffled her way out of bed, picking up her dressing gown as she rose. She stepped forward but cried out in pain as the soles of her feet made brutal contact with the broken glass of the vodka bottle. She sunk to the ground, cradling her bleeding feet and sighed. Her feet throbbed with pain and her hands soon became wet with blood which began to seep its way into the cream carpet below her but she showed no emotion. Her face was like stone and her eyes were dry. Karen realised that she didn't care anymore; about the pain, about life, about anything. Through the crack in the curtains, out of her bedroom window, Karen could see the sun rising over Manhattan. The orange light enveloping all around it until the whole city was bathing in its glory. It was a sight which normally would have left her breathless, even if only for a moment, but today?…today she couldn't care less. Usually, if she was awake at this hour, Karen would sit silently watching the city she loved wake up. Kids going to school, men and women travelling to work; they were simple everyday things to anybody else but not to Karen. They sent a feeling of content rushing through her body as she watched. It meant everything was as it should be. Everything was ok. But today, Karen didn't even bother opening the drapes because everything wasn't ok, it wasn't as it should be. Suddenly Karen felt small and insignificant. She knew if she looked she would see what she always did…the world still turning and everybody going about their own business completely oblivious to the forty-something socialite falling apart on the floor of her bedroom in her million-dollar mansion. Nobody knew and nobody cared.

Not even Will.

As Karen sat there, slowly binding her dressing gown around her injured feet, she remembered what had happened the night before. She remembered the phone call, she remembered guzzling the vodka as if it were water, trying to do anything to stop her heart from breaking. She had done a lot of thinking, as she had laid there, about the phone conversation and Will's reaction to what she had said. She knew that their affair had needed to end but she hadn't expected him to just let her go, not without a fight. He had complied with what she'd said and not even attempted to change her mind. Her heart ached when she thought about him and she had to physically stop herself from reaching for the phone and calling him. No, he couldn't love her, not if he'd let her go so easily. Taking a deep breath, Karen stood up and carefully stepped over the remainder of the glass making her way towards her bathroom, limping slightly as she felt the glass still embedded in the soles of her feet. As the shower ran and the water began to get hot, Karen made a decision. I've changed, she thought, I'm not Karen Walker anymore. It was true, Karen had changed. She'd begun to let her guard down, she'd shown emotion and let Will see what she really felt. Even her staff had seen a change in her. She still yelled abuse but it wasn't with the same spitefulness as she had done it before. It felt, to them, like she did it more because she felt she had to, not because she wanted to. Well, not anymore, she decided, that won't be me anymore. It's too painful when it all comes crashing down. Karen stepped into the shower and let the water cover her body. She picked up a sponge and began to scrub until her skin was red raw, as if she was physically trying to get rid of the 'other' Karen that had over taken her. After she had showered and removed the pieces of glass from her feet, Karen found some bandages in the first aid kit under her sink and bound them up. She limped out of the bathroom to find Rosario finishing cleaning up the glass and blood from by the bed.

"Miss Karen, are you ok?" she asked earnestly, "I saw the glass and blood and…"

"I'm fine." She said quickly, glaring at the maid.

"Are you sure? There was a lot of blood. I'll go and find…"

"I said I'm fine!" she yelled, her eyes narrowing like a snake. "Just get the hell out!"

Rosario flinched slightly as she saw Karen turn back into what she used to be. She said nothing else but just looked sadly upon Karen as she left the room. Karen watched her leave and saw the look Rosario gave her. For a short second she wanted to call her back but Karen resisted and proceeded to walk into her closet. She ignored sick feeling she had growing in the pit of her stomach, and attempted to get ready for Stan's return.