It didn't take very long to learn the true nature of Drake. Sure, he
could be nice if he needed to be, but apart from that he was just another
younger sibling. Popping up in front of Link's or Malon's faces, pleading
for money to get cotton candy or soda or to go on a certain ride or to go
this way instead of that way, or an infinite amount of other things. Or
he'd turn invisible and start punching Gannon or Zelda or Ruto in the face.
Gannon would say "I'll crush you like a bug!" flailing his arms. Zelda
would cover her face like a wussie and scream "If you don't stop like right
now, I'm so totally going to get my dad! And my dad is like, a king!"
Then Ruto would completely ignore Drake's barrage of fists, moronically
shouting "I'M A FISH!" at random times.
They finally got to the coaster section. Bushy Gardens has about twenty coasters all in one area, so close that they intertwine and mingle in ways that shouldn't be safe. There were five big monsters standing out from the roller coasters around them. A wooden one, a hang down, a stand up, lay down, and normal steel coaster were advertised as 'the meanest coasters in the world.'
"Ooh! Ooh! This one! Lets go on this one!"
"No, Drake, that's a concession stand," Link sighed. He felt like he was handling a younger brother. "And that's a bathroom."
"This bathroom, you say? Is it intense?" Drake questioned 3 inches from Link's face.
"Yes, Drake. Besides, even if you wanted to ride it, we can't, because there's a girls line and boys line, see?"
Drake looked disappointed. "Oh well. My aim isn't even that good anyway."
Malon stopped dead. "I did not need to hear that Drake!"
"Which is exactly why I did it, Malon."
Eventually they decided to ride the wooden one first. It was called 'Sanity's End' for very good reason. They were in line, when a most peculiar thing happened. Link was watching the people who got on the ride and comparing them to the people getting off. The people getting on were happy, and blissfully ignorant. The other people were green and pale and dead-ish. That's when 'it' happened. Link was watching the people getting off when he saw a very strange face.
"OH MY GOD I'M A MIDGET!" He shouted as loud as he could.
Drake appeared next to him, "I want to see the midget!"
Malon and Zelda and Gannon and Ruto looked too. "WHAT IN THE GODS' NAMES ARE THOSE!" Malon and Zelda shrieked.
"NO!" Drake exclaimed. "It can't be! IT'S THE WIND WAKER CHARACTERS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
He stopped for a breath. "NOOOOOOOOO!"
"Its okay Drake!" Malon said, desperate to shut him up. "They're just deformed short people! ITS FRIGGIN' OKAY!"
Link looked at himself. "I'm short."
"I'm tall," was his reply.
Big Link said, "I'm a cartoon character. Yay?"
Small Link said, "I'm a real boy! Dreams do come true!"
The two Gannons were glaring at each other. "I'm fat."
The Wind Waker Gannon retorted, "Which is your entire fault."
"I'm in a kimono!"
"I'm in armor!"
"Holy $hit! My nose got bigger!"
Malon whistled admiringly, "Damn! I didn't think that was possible."
Ruto and Medli were also locked onto each other.
"I grow a beak?"
"I used to have scales?"
"That's disgusting!" they both said in unison.
The biggest shock then came. An annoying shaking noise came from nowhere. Then, suddenly, it happened. A wooden bulb, with a leaf for a face, popped up on WW's Link's head.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT!" everyone from Ocarina of Time said.
Drake stood between the two groups. "Much fear I sense in you yes? Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to poor programming. Poor programming leads to bad sales at launch."
"The hell?"
"Let's just turn around," Drake sighed, making twirly movements with his fingers, "and walk away. Just walk away."
Nothing happened. Drake was getting frustrated. "Use your neural pathways to instruct your feet to move! Use your legs as a form of locomotion. Left-foot, right-foot, people! Get your butts in gear and move it retards!"
He ran out of breath and they moved.
"That," Gannon stated, "was odd."
"Whoa! Lemme get this straight," Link shouted, "I turn into a dwarf, Malon doesn't exist, Saria turns into a wooden.er.thing, all the Gorons die, Gannon gains some pounds, and Zoras turn into bird people? That's wrong. That's just wrong."
Drake shot back, "Hey man, the future sucks. Look at me! A loner teen with digital friends, who sits in front of either the TV or the computer all day. At least I'm happy."
"Jesus you're a loser."
While they were meeting themselves, the rollercoaster line had moved all the way up and they were holding everybody up. Someone tapped Zelda on the shoulder. "Listen here you little bitch! We've been waiting patiently for you freaks, but now will you please move your lazy as hell ass now!"
Maybe they were pissed. Maybe the sight of a transparent Drake scared them. Whatever it was, the gang got a whole train to themselves. Which was fine, until they reached the crest of the first drop. Right before they experienced the thrill of the drop, something very, um, unusual happened. The train was transported into an alternate universe. Everything was purple. Everything. It seemed as if they were just hanging in purple.
"Uhhhh. Oakie-day."
"Where the hell are we?"
"I'm scared."
"I'M A FISH!"
"Have I ever told you how I traveled through time?"
"Do we want to know, Drake?"
"Probably not, which is exactly why I'll tell you. In my hometown, there is a portal. That portal leads to a gianticly hugely titanicly big room. It the room is billions of other portals. For every thought you ever had, every dream, an alternate universe is created, just for that one thought, and a new portal is added to this room. The only problem is, they're not labeled, so its a lot like walking into a giant turd."
"Drake, what are you smoking?"
"No, really! Its like walking into a giant turd because you don't know what's in it, and most of the time you don't want to know."
"Really Drake?" Link mused, "I'd believe you. If only it wasn't the biggest pile of made up crap I've ever heard."
Just then a gigantic Spork loomed ominously in the skies, and impaled an equally gigantic crayon. The crayon began to spew giant macaroni from where it had been spiked.
"I stand corrected," Link sighed. "Now get us the hell out of here."
They finally got to the coaster section. Bushy Gardens has about twenty coasters all in one area, so close that they intertwine and mingle in ways that shouldn't be safe. There were five big monsters standing out from the roller coasters around them. A wooden one, a hang down, a stand up, lay down, and normal steel coaster were advertised as 'the meanest coasters in the world.'
"Ooh! Ooh! This one! Lets go on this one!"
"No, Drake, that's a concession stand," Link sighed. He felt like he was handling a younger brother. "And that's a bathroom."
"This bathroom, you say? Is it intense?" Drake questioned 3 inches from Link's face.
"Yes, Drake. Besides, even if you wanted to ride it, we can't, because there's a girls line and boys line, see?"
Drake looked disappointed. "Oh well. My aim isn't even that good anyway."
Malon stopped dead. "I did not need to hear that Drake!"
"Which is exactly why I did it, Malon."
Eventually they decided to ride the wooden one first. It was called 'Sanity's End' for very good reason. They were in line, when a most peculiar thing happened. Link was watching the people who got on the ride and comparing them to the people getting off. The people getting on were happy, and blissfully ignorant. The other people were green and pale and dead-ish. That's when 'it' happened. Link was watching the people getting off when he saw a very strange face.
"OH MY GOD I'M A MIDGET!" He shouted as loud as he could.
Drake appeared next to him, "I want to see the midget!"
Malon and Zelda and Gannon and Ruto looked too. "WHAT IN THE GODS' NAMES ARE THOSE!" Malon and Zelda shrieked.
"NO!" Drake exclaimed. "It can't be! IT'S THE WIND WAKER CHARACTERS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
He stopped for a breath. "NOOOOOOOOO!"
"Its okay Drake!" Malon said, desperate to shut him up. "They're just deformed short people! ITS FRIGGIN' OKAY!"
Link looked at himself. "I'm short."
"I'm tall," was his reply.
Big Link said, "I'm a cartoon character. Yay?"
Small Link said, "I'm a real boy! Dreams do come true!"
The two Gannons were glaring at each other. "I'm fat."
The Wind Waker Gannon retorted, "Which is your entire fault."
"I'm in a kimono!"
"I'm in armor!"
"Holy $hit! My nose got bigger!"
Malon whistled admiringly, "Damn! I didn't think that was possible."
Ruto and Medli were also locked onto each other.
"I grow a beak?"
"I used to have scales?"
"That's disgusting!" they both said in unison.
The biggest shock then came. An annoying shaking noise came from nowhere. Then, suddenly, it happened. A wooden bulb, with a leaf for a face, popped up on WW's Link's head.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT!" everyone from Ocarina of Time said.
Drake stood between the two groups. "Much fear I sense in you yes? Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to poor programming. Poor programming leads to bad sales at launch."
"The hell?"
"Let's just turn around," Drake sighed, making twirly movements with his fingers, "and walk away. Just walk away."
Nothing happened. Drake was getting frustrated. "Use your neural pathways to instruct your feet to move! Use your legs as a form of locomotion. Left-foot, right-foot, people! Get your butts in gear and move it retards!"
He ran out of breath and they moved.
"That," Gannon stated, "was odd."
"Whoa! Lemme get this straight," Link shouted, "I turn into a dwarf, Malon doesn't exist, Saria turns into a wooden.er.thing, all the Gorons die, Gannon gains some pounds, and Zoras turn into bird people? That's wrong. That's just wrong."
Drake shot back, "Hey man, the future sucks. Look at me! A loner teen with digital friends, who sits in front of either the TV or the computer all day. At least I'm happy."
"Jesus you're a loser."
While they were meeting themselves, the rollercoaster line had moved all the way up and they were holding everybody up. Someone tapped Zelda on the shoulder. "Listen here you little bitch! We've been waiting patiently for you freaks, but now will you please move your lazy as hell ass now!"
Maybe they were pissed. Maybe the sight of a transparent Drake scared them. Whatever it was, the gang got a whole train to themselves. Which was fine, until they reached the crest of the first drop. Right before they experienced the thrill of the drop, something very, um, unusual happened. The train was transported into an alternate universe. Everything was purple. Everything. It seemed as if they were just hanging in purple.
"Uhhhh. Oakie-day."
"Where the hell are we?"
"I'm scared."
"I'M A FISH!"
"Have I ever told you how I traveled through time?"
"Do we want to know, Drake?"
"Probably not, which is exactly why I'll tell you. In my hometown, there is a portal. That portal leads to a gianticly hugely titanicly big room. It the room is billions of other portals. For every thought you ever had, every dream, an alternate universe is created, just for that one thought, and a new portal is added to this room. The only problem is, they're not labeled, so its a lot like walking into a giant turd."
"Drake, what are you smoking?"
"No, really! Its like walking into a giant turd because you don't know what's in it, and most of the time you don't want to know."
"Really Drake?" Link mused, "I'd believe you. If only it wasn't the biggest pile of made up crap I've ever heard."
Just then a gigantic Spork loomed ominously in the skies, and impaled an equally gigantic crayon. The crayon began to spew giant macaroni from where it had been spiked.
"I stand corrected," Link sighed. "Now get us the hell out of here."