It's not that Malon hated purple. She just didn't like it either.
It was too princess-ish. It got especially bad when the gigantic crayon
started raining pasta on their heads. She also knew it wasn't Drake's
fault they had fallen into an alternate universe, but sometimes it's just
so easy to blame people, ya know? Hey, life sucks, just live with it!
She called out, "Drake, how do you get out of here?"
"You find the portal," he said, like it was perfectly normal to be stuck in a purple world looking for a portal. "But the bad thing is -"
"There's a bad thing?"
"Oh yeah, always a bad thing. The bad thing is that the portal is purple."
"Drake," Link hissed, "this whole damn place is PURPLE!"
"I know. We can't see it. That's the bad thing."
"We're doomed."
Gannon was staring in awe at the battle between the spork and the crayon. "I SHALL HARNESS THIS UNIVERSE'S POWERS TO CONQUER HYRULE!"
"With a spork.Riiiiiiight."
"That's enough cuckoo-time for me," Drake murmured and stepped out of the train. He was standing in the purple. It was like one of those screens where everything is white except for the characters in it. He then started to walk in three dimensions, in loops and corkscrews like it was perfectly normal.
"Hey, I want to walk crazy too!" Ruto exclaimed. She got off the train and fell. Drake's head turned and watched her go down till she disappeared.
"What did you do to her?!" Zelda screamed.
Drake pointed to his watch. "Now."
Sure enough, if you looked up, you'd see a blue spec screaming its way down. Ruto fell past the train again, hit the bottom, and started to fall from the top once more. After about 3 cycles of this, Drake walked up, grabbed Ruto's arm when she came by.
"You're a fish," he said.
He let go and she staid put.
"Now you people," he tapped Malon on the shoulder, "You spend your spare time talking to cows."
He tapped Link. "People will start wars over who they think you like."
He tapped Zelda. "You're a whore."
He tapped Gannon. "You miss your teddy bear."
They all stepped off and didn't fall. They all looked at Drake puzzled.
"I do miss Mr. Fuzzykins *sob*"
"I don't even know who I like."
"I talk to horses, not cows."
"How does he know what my night job is.?"
"EEEWWW! You really are a slut? I was just guessing!"
"I'M A FISH!"
"Yes you are, Ruto, now shut up."
"You know what I've noticed," Zelda said.
"You think?! I HAD NO IDEA, ZELDA!" Malon shouted.
"Shut it, farm girl! I've noticed, that this is a good color."
"Just don't talk till you're dead," Link said while standing upside down.
Drake was tapping his foot on nothing, thinking how to get out. "Do you want to know what I think?"
"Will it result in our death or a significant loss of IQ?"
"Maybe not this time. I say we climb onto the Spork. All kinds of crap drift in-between universes. How else do you explain 99 cent stores, solar flashlights, and Zoras? Huh? I don't hear any other solutions so I'm going to the Spork."
He started to walk straight up towards the Spork. After pushing many pasta pieces out of the way he situated himself comfortably in the bowl of the utensil. "You laggards coming?"
Everyone else reluctantly followed. As all of them sat down in the huge bowl of the huge utensil, nothing happened.
"Oh, great. All the way into this spork and it just sits here and doesn't do anything."
"Just a sec," Drake whispered, "Water bottles plan to rule the world with the help of their allies, the paperclips, and the scissors. But the remaining office supplies will make a valiant stand to save the cubicle!"
"What the hell are you smoking, Drake?"
The spork lurched forward. Drake laughed, "Just spit out garbage, and lies, it helps!"
Link tried, "Uhhhh.ummm.er. Yeah."
Then Malon, "I uh, I talk to horses?"
It moved a millimeter. Now it was Zelda's turn, and she was prepared. "I'm a virgin."
That worked. The eating apparatus surged forward; Drake found he had moved 15 feet from where he was last. It stayed at a steady cruising speed of about 75 miles an hour. "My god, Zelda, you're not even 18 yet. Jezus!"
It wasn't too long before the spork transported them to a new world. It was jungle, with huge futuristic cities in the background. There was a battalion of Marines fighting aliens below them. The hostilities ended as both sides paused to look at the huge utensil in the skies.
"Can we get off yet?"
"Not yet, Malon. This universe has gravity," Drake replied.
"Lets use Ruto and Zelda as cushions."
"I concur."
They threw the two princesses over the side. Before they jumped, Drake reminded them. "Make sure to land on them, we threw them over for a reason."
They all landed perfectly on Ruto and Zelda, and got up without a scratch. The princesses, however. A human soldier clad in olive green armor burst through the brush and began shooting the short aliens into Swiss cheese. Drake waved, "Hey MasterChief!"
He ceased firing and waved back, "Yo, Drake! Whazzup?"
"Nothin' much," Drake turned to the Zelda gang, "If I remember right..This portal is right..here!"
He pulled back a tree branch to reveal a swirling purple hole. "Ladies last!" he shouted as he jumped through.
"Get back here you little parasite!" Gannon called as he went stepped through.
What was on the other side amazed and astounded all of them. Except Drake. He was perfectly used to it. "So this is the giant room."
"Yes it is," said Drake, "but the amazing thing is, even though it leads to trillions and billions of other worlds, it is unbelievably boring. There are no labels, so you can't know what you're about to do. But I've named all the really bad ones, like those three over there."
He pointed to three portals in a neat line. "Those three. The first one is Gay porn land. The second one is normal porn land. The third is Lesbian porn land."
"Ooh! Let's go there!" Zelda screamed. Everyone glared at her. "Or not."
"In that one, the Power Rangers are real."
"Ugh."
"Yeah, I know. In this one, there is nothing but children's television."
Gannon exclaimed, "Dreams do come true! I'm going!"
"That is a sad, strange little man."
"C'mon, gang; let's get him out of there!" Drake called.
"Why? Let him stay in his childish little dream world," Link retorted.
"Think about it!" Drake hissed, "Without him, he can't kidnap Zelda or take over Hyrule. That puts you both out of a job! And since I'm a fan- boy, I'll have nothing to be obsessed with!"
"LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Link shouted.
They all passed through the portal. All mannerisms of horrors met them on the other side. There was an animated world before them. There was hideous singing in the background. Then a girl with an oval head popped out from behind a tree and said, "Doot do doot do doot Dora! Doot do doot do doot Dora! Doot do doot do doot Dora! Dora the explorer!"
"AAAGGHHH!"
"NOOOOOOOOO! DORA!!!!!!"
"MEDIC! I NEED A MEDIC!"
"MY EYES!"
What will become of the gang now they've been exposed to children's television? Will they risk the perilous journey to Gannon? Why doesn't the narrator speak more often? Find out in the next chapter of "A day at the park!!!!"
Well, maybe..
She called out, "Drake, how do you get out of here?"
"You find the portal," he said, like it was perfectly normal to be stuck in a purple world looking for a portal. "But the bad thing is -"
"There's a bad thing?"
"Oh yeah, always a bad thing. The bad thing is that the portal is purple."
"Drake," Link hissed, "this whole damn place is PURPLE!"
"I know. We can't see it. That's the bad thing."
"We're doomed."
Gannon was staring in awe at the battle between the spork and the crayon. "I SHALL HARNESS THIS UNIVERSE'S POWERS TO CONQUER HYRULE!"
"With a spork.Riiiiiiight."
"That's enough cuckoo-time for me," Drake murmured and stepped out of the train. He was standing in the purple. It was like one of those screens where everything is white except for the characters in it. He then started to walk in three dimensions, in loops and corkscrews like it was perfectly normal.
"Hey, I want to walk crazy too!" Ruto exclaimed. She got off the train and fell. Drake's head turned and watched her go down till she disappeared.
"What did you do to her?!" Zelda screamed.
Drake pointed to his watch. "Now."
Sure enough, if you looked up, you'd see a blue spec screaming its way down. Ruto fell past the train again, hit the bottom, and started to fall from the top once more. After about 3 cycles of this, Drake walked up, grabbed Ruto's arm when she came by.
"You're a fish," he said.
He let go and she staid put.
"Now you people," he tapped Malon on the shoulder, "You spend your spare time talking to cows."
He tapped Link. "People will start wars over who they think you like."
He tapped Zelda. "You're a whore."
He tapped Gannon. "You miss your teddy bear."
They all stepped off and didn't fall. They all looked at Drake puzzled.
"I do miss Mr. Fuzzykins *sob*"
"I don't even know who I like."
"I talk to horses, not cows."
"How does he know what my night job is.?"
"EEEWWW! You really are a slut? I was just guessing!"
"I'M A FISH!"
"Yes you are, Ruto, now shut up."
"You know what I've noticed," Zelda said.
"You think?! I HAD NO IDEA, ZELDA!" Malon shouted.
"Shut it, farm girl! I've noticed, that this is a good color."
"Just don't talk till you're dead," Link said while standing upside down.
Drake was tapping his foot on nothing, thinking how to get out. "Do you want to know what I think?"
"Will it result in our death or a significant loss of IQ?"
"Maybe not this time. I say we climb onto the Spork. All kinds of crap drift in-between universes. How else do you explain 99 cent stores, solar flashlights, and Zoras? Huh? I don't hear any other solutions so I'm going to the Spork."
He started to walk straight up towards the Spork. After pushing many pasta pieces out of the way he situated himself comfortably in the bowl of the utensil. "You laggards coming?"
Everyone else reluctantly followed. As all of them sat down in the huge bowl of the huge utensil, nothing happened.
"Oh, great. All the way into this spork and it just sits here and doesn't do anything."
"Just a sec," Drake whispered, "Water bottles plan to rule the world with the help of their allies, the paperclips, and the scissors. But the remaining office supplies will make a valiant stand to save the cubicle!"
"What the hell are you smoking, Drake?"
The spork lurched forward. Drake laughed, "Just spit out garbage, and lies, it helps!"
Link tried, "Uhhhh.ummm.er. Yeah."
Then Malon, "I uh, I talk to horses?"
It moved a millimeter. Now it was Zelda's turn, and she was prepared. "I'm a virgin."
That worked. The eating apparatus surged forward; Drake found he had moved 15 feet from where he was last. It stayed at a steady cruising speed of about 75 miles an hour. "My god, Zelda, you're not even 18 yet. Jezus!"
It wasn't too long before the spork transported them to a new world. It was jungle, with huge futuristic cities in the background. There was a battalion of Marines fighting aliens below them. The hostilities ended as both sides paused to look at the huge utensil in the skies.
"Can we get off yet?"
"Not yet, Malon. This universe has gravity," Drake replied.
"Lets use Ruto and Zelda as cushions."
"I concur."
They threw the two princesses over the side. Before they jumped, Drake reminded them. "Make sure to land on them, we threw them over for a reason."
They all landed perfectly on Ruto and Zelda, and got up without a scratch. The princesses, however. A human soldier clad in olive green armor burst through the brush and began shooting the short aliens into Swiss cheese. Drake waved, "Hey MasterChief!"
He ceased firing and waved back, "Yo, Drake! Whazzup?"
"Nothin' much," Drake turned to the Zelda gang, "If I remember right..This portal is right..here!"
He pulled back a tree branch to reveal a swirling purple hole. "Ladies last!" he shouted as he jumped through.
"Get back here you little parasite!" Gannon called as he went stepped through.
What was on the other side amazed and astounded all of them. Except Drake. He was perfectly used to it. "So this is the giant room."
"Yes it is," said Drake, "but the amazing thing is, even though it leads to trillions and billions of other worlds, it is unbelievably boring. There are no labels, so you can't know what you're about to do. But I've named all the really bad ones, like those three over there."
He pointed to three portals in a neat line. "Those three. The first one is Gay porn land. The second one is normal porn land. The third is Lesbian porn land."
"Ooh! Let's go there!" Zelda screamed. Everyone glared at her. "Or not."
"In that one, the Power Rangers are real."
"Ugh."
"Yeah, I know. In this one, there is nothing but children's television."
Gannon exclaimed, "Dreams do come true! I'm going!"
"That is a sad, strange little man."
"C'mon, gang; let's get him out of there!" Drake called.
"Why? Let him stay in his childish little dream world," Link retorted.
"Think about it!" Drake hissed, "Without him, he can't kidnap Zelda or take over Hyrule. That puts you both out of a job! And since I'm a fan- boy, I'll have nothing to be obsessed with!"
"LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Link shouted.
They all passed through the portal. All mannerisms of horrors met them on the other side. There was an animated world before them. There was hideous singing in the background. Then a girl with an oval head popped out from behind a tree and said, "Doot do doot do doot Dora! Doot do doot do doot Dora! Doot do doot do doot Dora! Dora the explorer!"
"AAAGGHHH!"
"NOOOOOOOOO! DORA!!!!!!"
"MEDIC! I NEED A MEDIC!"
"MY EYES!"
What will become of the gang now they've been exposed to children's television? Will they risk the perilous journey to Gannon? Why doesn't the narrator speak more often? Find out in the next chapter of "A day at the park!!!!"
Well, maybe..