Disclaimer: I do not own any licensed material described in my stories
Last time in A day at the park: "Doot do doot do doot Dora! Doot do doot do doot Dora! Doot do doot do doot Dora! Dora the explorer!"
"AAAGGHHH!"
"NOOOOOOOOO! DORA!!!!!!"
"MEDIC! I NEED A MEDIC!"
"MY EYES!"
"Get that munchkin away from me!" Drake yelped, staring fearfully at the cartoon character in front of him.
"I'm not touching that."
"I think she's cute."
Link strapped on the golden gauntlets and hit Zelda in the arm. She flew. Flew right out the scene. "Whoops. Is she dead?"
"Sadly, this is the world of children's television, and no one dies. It's sick, completely sick."
"Well I guess we need to save her, just to keep my job."
"Why Link, what has she ever done for you?" Malon sighed.
"Dunno, gave me a job, I guess."
They began their trek through Nick Jr. Drake was extremely twitchy throughout the whole thing. Once a cute little birdie came out of a cute little tree to feed its cute little hatchlings a cute little worm in their cute little nest. That one cute little act was Drake's last straw. He went completely insane. He screamed for a straight 8 minutes, until Malon pitied him so much she tried to comfort him by hugging him. That shut him up (the fact that he was muffled against Malon's breasts had nothing to do with anything!).
It became apparent that they were leaving the bounds of Nick Jr. The terrain was changing from cartoony to a more realistic landscape. There was Zelda, hanging from a tree in across the divide. "C'mon, we might as well get her down."
"NO!" Drake stated, standing on the Nick Jr. side of the line. "Not until I know what TV program I'm stepping in."
"How the hell am I supposed to know?"
Distant singing: "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family."
Drake stood there, eyes wide and twitching, bone white, and stiff as a board. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed as he ran himself into the tree Zelda is stuck in.
Zelda thumps onto the ground. Everyone is bent over looking at Drake's face, which is still twitchy. "Poor guy. He never stood a chance."
"I'm not hugging him again. I know what he tried to do last time."
"Zelda, did you see Gannon anywhere in your trip?" Ruto asked.
"Wow Ruto! That's the most intelligible thing you've ever said!"
Drake woke up. "Soak it up, ladies and gentlemen, cuz that's the only intelligible thing she'll ever say."
"Well, actually Drake," Zelda implied, "I did see Gannon. He's over in the Blue's Clues Area."
"Damn. I'll go, but I'm not looking at any more birds." Drake stared at Malon's midsection. "Unless-"
"No, Drake," Malon sternly replied.
It had been a hard day's 30 minute trek through Blue's world. Drake saw a mailbox attempt to give him a package. He quickly took out a mallet and laid down some 3D whoop@$$ on its two-dimensional butt. Then they walked in on Gannon.
"Dear god it's hideous!"
"Snap out of it man!"
Gannon was wearing a flowered dress and a straw sunhat. Blue, Steve, Salt&Pepper, Dora, and Boots were all at a picnic table around him. He was pouring tea for Dora and handing a plate of cookies to Steve. Gannondorf looked up at the gang. "Oh! Lookie! Guests. Pardon me for my rudeness, come, have a seat."
"We'd rather not. Why are you doing this?"
Gannon looked on the verge of tears. "I never had a normal childhood, man! As soon as I was born I was pampered and cared for, I never got to learn anything for myself! You know how I was the only man in a hundred years! Those Gerudo women are sex-crazed sluts! As soon as I hit puberty they f*cked the life out of me! They couldn't get enough, they just kept coming and coming and they wouldn't leave me alone! All I wanted to do was have a tea party! But no, they had to be horny all the time. It's not fair!"
Gannon quickly broke into tears.
After about a minute, Drake spoke out, "That's a full minute of my life I'd like to have back."
"Were there orgies?" Zelda asked.
"Oh all the time! 15 to 20 of them, everywhere, trying to get at me!"
"Oh," Zelda said, breathing quickly and reaching in between her legs. She grabbed Ruto and pulled her into a nearby shed. "We need to be alone!"
"Ewwwwww."
"Damn Gannon, you went and turned her on. Well, I'm leaving."
Link grabbed Gannon and dragged him to the portal. Drake and Malon followed just as weird noises were coming out of the shed.
"Should we just leave them behind?" Malon asked, when they got to the main portal room.
"Why the hell not, what've they ever done for us?"
A commanding voice came from the heavens. It said, "Just to make the story more interesting, I'm dumping you guys with the princesses again."
"NO! And who the heck are you?"
"I'm the author. Don't mess with me."
Ruto and Zelda suddenly appeared next to them. "Toodles!" the author called.
"Have fun?" Gannon asked.
"Oh yes," Zelda mused. She walked over to Link and stroked his chest. "I would've taken you, honey, but Ruto is so much easier to manipulate."
"Fish?" Ruto called.
Link gaped in horror. Zelda leaned closer to him and whispered, "I'd have taken Malon too!"
"Author dude!" Link shouted, "HEY! Author dude! Get back here!"
"Yes?"
"Can you take Zelda away now that she's freaked out every one of us systematically?"
"Very well. But I'll have to replace her with someone. Let me think for a minute."
Zelda disappeared and was replaced by Saria.
"Are you happy now?" the Author questioned, "Don't bother me till tomorrow cuz' I promised Mom I'd cook today."
"Wow. The author's mom," Drake whistled appreciatively.
"Can a more powerful force exist?"
"I'm sorry to interrupt your little philosophical interlude," Saria interjected, "But I'd like to know what just happened. And who the hell he is he!?"
Drake smiled at her. "Hi, I'm Drake. I'm from the future."
"Right. Link. Who is he, really?"
"He just told you Saria. He's Drake. He's from the future."
The Kokiri girl glared at him. "That doesn't help, elf boy."
"I know. But that's all he told us too. He's kinda like Mido, just not gay or short or weak or retarded."
"So he's not like Mido at all?"
"Uh. Um. I guess not."
"If you people don't mind, I'm going to find the portal that leads back the park that Gannon stole money from me to get in," Malon stated, before marching off.
"You went to a park and didn't invite me?" Saria asked.
"We invited you, but you said you were too sagely to come along."
Saria hit herself on the forehead. "Why would I be so stupid."
"I think you were pissed I lost your ocarina," Link suggested.
"YOU WHAT?!!!" she exploded.
"Whoops? Sorry. Maybe? PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!"
Saria conjured up some sage magic and turned Link into a Deku shrub. Link looked down at himself. "Dammit not again!"
"Hey guys! I think I found it!" Malon called and jumped through the portal.
"What's she talking ab-" Saria started before Drake pulled her through.
The portal lead to a locker room. One of the doors were open and had an Asian girl in a black bikini on it. Someone sneezed. Drake chuckled quietly as he snuck up to a locker and opened it. A middle aged man with a mullet shot him in the head with an M9. The bullet went straight through Drake's transparent head. "Whoa! Slow down Snake, I'm an ally!"
"Oh! Jesus Drake you scared the shit outta me!" said the figure Drake called 'Snake.'
"Oh! My! God!" Saria shrieked. "Where the f*ck are we?!"
"Saria cussing?" Malon probed, *hums X-Files music*
Drake turned a valve on a door until it opened. The portal was on the other side. "BRING IT ON, HUMAN IMAGINATION!"
As everyone passed through, they found themselves in the same train they were on before the whole portal crisis. Link found that the safety restraints no longer fit his wooden body. "Ahem!"
Saria glanced at him. "OH! Sorry Link." *Zap* Link is all better.
"Thank you," Link replied. "All in all, I think this vacation was okay."
They went into a loop in the coaster and got stuck in the middle. Drake stared dully towards the ground. "I hate you Link."
Last time in A day at the park: "Doot do doot do doot Dora! Doot do doot do doot Dora! Doot do doot do doot Dora! Dora the explorer!"
"AAAGGHHH!"
"NOOOOOOOOO! DORA!!!!!!"
"MEDIC! I NEED A MEDIC!"
"MY EYES!"
"Get that munchkin away from me!" Drake yelped, staring fearfully at the cartoon character in front of him.
"I'm not touching that."
"I think she's cute."
Link strapped on the golden gauntlets and hit Zelda in the arm. She flew. Flew right out the scene. "Whoops. Is she dead?"
"Sadly, this is the world of children's television, and no one dies. It's sick, completely sick."
"Well I guess we need to save her, just to keep my job."
"Why Link, what has she ever done for you?" Malon sighed.
"Dunno, gave me a job, I guess."
They began their trek through Nick Jr. Drake was extremely twitchy throughout the whole thing. Once a cute little birdie came out of a cute little tree to feed its cute little hatchlings a cute little worm in their cute little nest. That one cute little act was Drake's last straw. He went completely insane. He screamed for a straight 8 minutes, until Malon pitied him so much she tried to comfort him by hugging him. That shut him up (the fact that he was muffled against Malon's breasts had nothing to do with anything!).
It became apparent that they were leaving the bounds of Nick Jr. The terrain was changing from cartoony to a more realistic landscape. There was Zelda, hanging from a tree in across the divide. "C'mon, we might as well get her down."
"NO!" Drake stated, standing on the Nick Jr. side of the line. "Not until I know what TV program I'm stepping in."
"How the hell am I supposed to know?"
Distant singing: "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family."
Drake stood there, eyes wide and twitching, bone white, and stiff as a board. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed as he ran himself into the tree Zelda is stuck in.
Zelda thumps onto the ground. Everyone is bent over looking at Drake's face, which is still twitchy. "Poor guy. He never stood a chance."
"I'm not hugging him again. I know what he tried to do last time."
"Zelda, did you see Gannon anywhere in your trip?" Ruto asked.
"Wow Ruto! That's the most intelligible thing you've ever said!"
Drake woke up. "Soak it up, ladies and gentlemen, cuz that's the only intelligible thing she'll ever say."
"Well, actually Drake," Zelda implied, "I did see Gannon. He's over in the Blue's Clues Area."
"Damn. I'll go, but I'm not looking at any more birds." Drake stared at Malon's midsection. "Unless-"
"No, Drake," Malon sternly replied.
It had been a hard day's 30 minute trek through Blue's world. Drake saw a mailbox attempt to give him a package. He quickly took out a mallet and laid down some 3D whoop@$$ on its two-dimensional butt. Then they walked in on Gannon.
"Dear god it's hideous!"
"Snap out of it man!"
Gannon was wearing a flowered dress and a straw sunhat. Blue, Steve, Salt&Pepper, Dora, and Boots were all at a picnic table around him. He was pouring tea for Dora and handing a plate of cookies to Steve. Gannondorf looked up at the gang. "Oh! Lookie! Guests. Pardon me for my rudeness, come, have a seat."
"We'd rather not. Why are you doing this?"
Gannon looked on the verge of tears. "I never had a normal childhood, man! As soon as I was born I was pampered and cared for, I never got to learn anything for myself! You know how I was the only man in a hundred years! Those Gerudo women are sex-crazed sluts! As soon as I hit puberty they f*cked the life out of me! They couldn't get enough, they just kept coming and coming and they wouldn't leave me alone! All I wanted to do was have a tea party! But no, they had to be horny all the time. It's not fair!"
Gannon quickly broke into tears.
After about a minute, Drake spoke out, "That's a full minute of my life I'd like to have back."
"Were there orgies?" Zelda asked.
"Oh all the time! 15 to 20 of them, everywhere, trying to get at me!"
"Oh," Zelda said, breathing quickly and reaching in between her legs. She grabbed Ruto and pulled her into a nearby shed. "We need to be alone!"
"Ewwwwww."
"Damn Gannon, you went and turned her on. Well, I'm leaving."
Link grabbed Gannon and dragged him to the portal. Drake and Malon followed just as weird noises were coming out of the shed.
"Should we just leave them behind?" Malon asked, when they got to the main portal room.
"Why the hell not, what've they ever done for us?"
A commanding voice came from the heavens. It said, "Just to make the story more interesting, I'm dumping you guys with the princesses again."
"NO! And who the heck are you?"
"I'm the author. Don't mess with me."
Ruto and Zelda suddenly appeared next to them. "Toodles!" the author called.
"Have fun?" Gannon asked.
"Oh yes," Zelda mused. She walked over to Link and stroked his chest. "I would've taken you, honey, but Ruto is so much easier to manipulate."
"Fish?" Ruto called.
Link gaped in horror. Zelda leaned closer to him and whispered, "I'd have taken Malon too!"
"Author dude!" Link shouted, "HEY! Author dude! Get back here!"
"Yes?"
"Can you take Zelda away now that she's freaked out every one of us systematically?"
"Very well. But I'll have to replace her with someone. Let me think for a minute."
Zelda disappeared and was replaced by Saria.
"Are you happy now?" the Author questioned, "Don't bother me till tomorrow cuz' I promised Mom I'd cook today."
"Wow. The author's mom," Drake whistled appreciatively.
"Can a more powerful force exist?"
"I'm sorry to interrupt your little philosophical interlude," Saria interjected, "But I'd like to know what just happened. And who the hell he is he!?"
Drake smiled at her. "Hi, I'm Drake. I'm from the future."
"Right. Link. Who is he, really?"
"He just told you Saria. He's Drake. He's from the future."
The Kokiri girl glared at him. "That doesn't help, elf boy."
"I know. But that's all he told us too. He's kinda like Mido, just not gay or short or weak or retarded."
"So he's not like Mido at all?"
"Uh. Um. I guess not."
"If you people don't mind, I'm going to find the portal that leads back the park that Gannon stole money from me to get in," Malon stated, before marching off.
"You went to a park and didn't invite me?" Saria asked.
"We invited you, but you said you were too sagely to come along."
Saria hit herself on the forehead. "Why would I be so stupid."
"I think you were pissed I lost your ocarina," Link suggested.
"YOU WHAT?!!!" she exploded.
"Whoops? Sorry. Maybe? PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!"
Saria conjured up some sage magic and turned Link into a Deku shrub. Link looked down at himself. "Dammit not again!"
"Hey guys! I think I found it!" Malon called and jumped through the portal.
"What's she talking ab-" Saria started before Drake pulled her through.
The portal lead to a locker room. One of the doors were open and had an Asian girl in a black bikini on it. Someone sneezed. Drake chuckled quietly as he snuck up to a locker and opened it. A middle aged man with a mullet shot him in the head with an M9. The bullet went straight through Drake's transparent head. "Whoa! Slow down Snake, I'm an ally!"
"Oh! Jesus Drake you scared the shit outta me!" said the figure Drake called 'Snake.'
"Oh! My! God!" Saria shrieked. "Where the f*ck are we?!"
"Saria cussing?" Malon probed, *hums X-Files music*
Drake turned a valve on a door until it opened. The portal was on the other side. "BRING IT ON, HUMAN IMAGINATION!"
As everyone passed through, they found themselves in the same train they were on before the whole portal crisis. Link found that the safety restraints no longer fit his wooden body. "Ahem!"
Saria glanced at him. "OH! Sorry Link." *Zap* Link is all better.
"Thank you," Link replied. "All in all, I think this vacation was okay."
They went into a loop in the coaster and got stuck in the middle. Drake stared dully towards the ground. "I hate you Link."