We're All Just Stupid People Doing Stupid Things in a Stupid World
XO'MagickMoon'OX
A/N: Plushies for all you wonderful, amazing, sMexy people.
Shiro Ryuu: Ayame in a traditional Chinese-style outfit. Hehehe, Pet Shop of Horrors. D'you think he'd look better in that outfit than Count D? Oo;; Hard to imagine, ne?
SpiffyScribble: Yuki and Kyo naked and making-out. –drools-
BulmaWannabe: Rat-Yuki curled up against a Cat-Kyo, with Kyo licking Yuki's head. All right everyone, go: Awwww! So adorable.
Rikka Sohma: Yuki from volume 2 of the manga when he's wearing that adorable dress from the onigiri sale. Hehe, Yuki in a dress. Oh, and –hands you wedding ring- I have another spouse! W00T! XD Well, anyway, since you left an anonymous review (though I realized just now that you left your e-mail and I could've e-mailed you your reviewer-response) I'll say here: Thank you! And, also thanks for elaborating on the whole Akito's-a-girl-not-a-boy thing. :D
scarlettHuntress: Yuki sleeping in only boxers with hickeys allover his body and neko-Kyo chewing his ear. Mmm, hehe, that sounds yummy. :)
Mokimo: A saddened Haru dressed in all gray. Aww, poor Haru. T.T
golden-kitsunebi: Momitchi and Megumi holding hands. Awww. I think they should be a couple, too. :DFly8978: A Kakeru Manabe chibi. Yes, he is kyute. :)
To my other anonymous reviewers:
janeyjane: Whoo, yes, incest is fun for all the family. :D Thanks for the review!
Jesse: I can see HaruxMomiji working. –nods- Anyway, fear not! Hopefully this chapter will not make you sad. Thanks for the review!
Hikari-kun and Cia-Chan: It makes me happy to know that you're enjoying meh story. :) Yes, I think the whole fun of the YukixKyo pairing is working past that whole "I hate you" mentality. Thanks for the review!
kathy g.: Thanks for the review!
Shadow Cat17: Thank you, also!
And for Chess77: Whenever you get to this chapter, here's your Yuki-being-glomped-by-Haru plushie. –hands plushie- :D
And on a random note, I finally got FB 12, and just finished it last night! Now I'm on 13, and pretty soon I'll be up-to-date! Sigh, but now that I'm reading all that I have, I've realized a lot of stuff I could'a used in my story, stuff that definitely advocates the YukixKyo-ness. But alas, I'm also finding a lot of stuff that starkly contradicts the YukixKyo-ness, sadly. Ah well. On to the chapter!
Oh, and much thanks for Susannah, for not only beta-ing the old chapter 22, but the rewrite, as well. And for just being awesome, period. :D Much love! -glomps-
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That… That bastard! Agh, my tongue felt like sandpaper in my mouth as I fought to keep my tears at bay. How could he just say things like that? How could he even suggest ending our relationship on a whim? Or… Or had he been considering it for a while now? The thought made me sick to my stomach. I rose shakily to my feet, placing my palm against the wall to steady myself.
He… He couldn't really mean all that, could he? He couldn't really want to end our relationship, right? But, he seemed determined that either we came out with it or we ended it. Dammit, what the hell was wrong with him? He was the one who was so adamant about keeping it under wraps in the beginning. Wasn't he? So why the sudden change of heart?
Did he have a literal change of heart? Did he…not love me anymore?
No, I wouldn't resign myself to believing that. Yet. But, still, why was he being such a…such a bastard? It didn't make sense. Things were fine yesterday. Well, despite the fact that we were caught by Haru and Momiji. But at least it had been Haru and Momiji, and not someone else who wouldn't react very well to finding us in that compromising situation.
But still, why? I didn't understand. I just hoped with every iota of willpower I possessed that he hadn't stopped loving me. I…don't know what I would do if that were to happen.
Ah, I had a lot to think about, and it wasn't doing me any good hanging around here. I took a deep breath and headed down the hallway. Before I knew it, I was on the path to home. Alone. If Yuki and I hadn't been at odds, I don't think I'd have felt so alone, though.
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The evening was disconcertingly quiet. Yuki wouldn't look at me. I think Shigure and Tohru recognized our apparent quarrel and left it alone, carrying on as if nothing was wrong. This, on Shigure's part, surprised me, but I didn't question it.
As I went to sleep that night, my bed felt cold.
And though I knew it was selfish, I hoped Yuki was as miserable as I was.
Morning came quickly, and the day started normally. And when I say normally, I mean normal in the way it used to be before Yuki and I were lovers. I got up with the dawn and was ready to go by the time Yuki stumbled sleepily down the stairs. Tohru gave him his breakfast and he ate it quietly, while I waited impatiently by the door. Too impatiently, in fact; I left without them. I didn't feel up to suffering through the awkward walk to school that I knew going with Yuki would entail.
At school, things were almost calm. Well, calm in the sense that Yuki and I didn't have to worry about hiding our relationship. I didn't steal him away to the bathroom before lunch, and consequently, we didn't have to fret over being caught. A leaden weight dropped into my stomach with the realization that Yuki might have been right about ending this whole thing.
But when I found myself staring at Yuki on multiple occasions throughout the day, wondering what he was thinking about, what he was feeling, and then wondering what he was doing when he was out of sight, I also realized that I couldn't live without him. He was always on my mind, consuming my thoughts, so much so that sensei had to repeat her questions directed at me twice several times that day, and she had to repeat her question of "Are you paying attention, Kyo?" three times during her History lecture. I think Yuki sniggered at me, but my mind was still too far gone at that point to be sure. It was then that I decided that things could definitely not go back to the way they were before. I wasn't giving him up without a fight.
I wondered if that would be enough, though. We all knew that my fights with Yuki never ended in victory on my part.
Still, I wouldn't let him go. I wouldn't. I didn't care what anyone said. Despite this quarrel, Yuki had never officially broken off our relationship; he'd only suggested that we should. Until he declared that it was definitely over, I wouldn't give up. And even if he did end it, I don't think I'd give up then, either.
After lunch, as we headed back to our classes, someone grabbed my arm and pulled me staggeringly aside.
"What the hell!" I yelped. Once I'd found purchase with the floor again, I whirled on my captor, only to have them whirl me the other way and pin my back against the wall. To my surprise, my mystery assailant was none other than Hatsuharu. "What the fuck are you doing?" I hissed, glaring at him and cursing myself for wincing at the painful grip he had on my upper arm.
We were in an alcove of sorts in the wall that held the door to some closet or other, probably for the janitors or something. People walking by only passed us inquisitive glances, but went on nonetheless. Haru was glaring at me, making the gray of his eyes almost molten. But he wasn't Black Haru. I could swear I could see flashes of silver in his gaze that hinted at the fact that Black Haru was skirting the edges of Haru's consciousness, but White Haru was apparently maintaining control.
For this at least, I was grateful.
"What happened between you and Yuki?" he asked, his voice gentle, yet strained with barely suppressed anger, and hushed to thwart the attempts of prying ears.
"Wh-What?"
"Yuki, you stupid Cat. What happened between him and you?"
"What are you talking about?" I near-whispered back.
"I know that something's wrong," he said. "I can tell, whenever I look at him. He's upset. And he's upset in that way that only a broken heart can render someone. So what happened?" His grip tightened around my arm, his other going to clutch at the collar of my shirt. "What did you do to him?"
"I didn't do anything! He… I… We had an argument."
"About what?"
"About…whether or not we should go public with our relationship," I replied, dropping my tone another few decibels.
Haru's glare softened, any trace of Black Haru completely fleeing his countenance. "And?"
"And he…wants to come out with it, but…I don't."
I breathed an inaudible sigh of relief as he released my arm, his hold on my collar slackening some, but not entirely. "Why not?"
"Why not, what?"
"Why not come out with it?"
I gaped at him. "What is it with you two? How can you just carelessly suggest something like that?"
"Kyo, think about it," he said. "Yuki's smart. He knows what he's doing. If he thinks you guys should go public, then I say who's to argue?"
"Me! I'm to argue! We can't do that. Haru, he's not thinking straight. He's… He's just emotionally confused, right now. He even said, and I quote, 'The hell with Akito'! I mean, come on, for him to say something like that, there's something wrong. Once he… Once he sorts out what he's feeling, he'll realize that we can't just 'come out with it' like that."
"What if he sorts out what he's feeling, like you say, and still wants to come out with it? What'll you do then?"
"Knock some sense into him!"
Haru sighed, dropping his hand to his side. "You know, hiding it is doing neither of you any good."
I groaned. "You sound just like him! Why am I the only one who realizes what a disaster telling everyone will turn into?" I wondered, still with a quiet voice, even though nearly all of the students had retreated to their classrooms.
Somewhere in the background, the bell rang.
"Kyo…"
"Do you know what he said? He said… He said that if we can't come out with it, then we should just end it!"
"If you let him do that, I won't forgive you."
I started at his sharp tone. A glimmer of that glare had returned, and his arms were folded across his chest. "If I let him do that? It's not my decision to make." Though, I knew that if it came to that, of course I wouldn't give him up.
Haru leaned back against the wall of the alcove opposite me, closing his eyes. "You do know that you make him happy, don't you? He really loves you."
"O-Of course…I know that." And yet, hearing it made my stomach flip excitedly. It dashed my prior fears of him having a change of heart, much to my relief. "But…we're in a really…difficult…situation. You just don't understand, Haru."
"Maybe not, but I do understand this. You love him, right?" He opened his eyes and met my gaze squarely.
"Of course."
"Do you want to be able to celebrate that? Do you want to be able to…to yell it to the world? Do you want to be able to kiss him in public and be able to shower him with affection in front of other people?"
"Y-Yeah… I really…do."
And then something clicked.
Wow.
I hadn't exactly realized that before. Caught up in worrying about how others would react, I hadn't stopped to notice the fact that, when it came down to it…
…I really wanted to come out with it, too.
Haru looked up at the ceiling. "We all live in this world, right? We all have the right to love someone, the right to be happy with someone else. 'Forbidden' is just a word, Kyo; it doesn't mean anything. People might look at you and Yuki with disgust and contempt, but they have no right to take love away from you. Everyone's entitled to it, as a human being. And whomever you find love with, it doesn't matter, as long as you're happy. You and Yuki live in this world, just like everyone else. It's your home, and if you can't feel free in your own home, then something is terribly wrong."
And suddenly, it hit me. What Yuki was feeling, I understood it as clear as day. It wasn't natural to feel so bottled up, as he was claiming to feel. Feelings…they can't be repressed. They can't be banished or willed away. They can only be coped with. Love…and frustration… Yuki used to feel trapped in the Sohma main house. He left it to get away from that feeling, and now he was walking right back into it again. Except this time, he's in a place that he can't just up and leave from. He doesn't want to feel repressed or bottled up or trapped…and yet, if we continue to hide our relationship, he's going to feel that way.
I don't want him to hurt.
He claimed that I was only afraid of going public because I didn't want people to reject me. That wasn't true. I didn't want them to reject him. If people found out, they'd be disgusted, contemptuous, resentful, they'd shun us and taunt us and mock us…and I didn't want that for Yuki. The hell with myself. I didn't want him to have to suffer through that because of his feelings for me. But, in trying to save him from one bullet, he'd just been shot from behind with another: these feelings of entrapment.
Secrecy or honesty, we'd be faced with pain either way. We had to pick our poison. And Yuki had picked his. And, perhaps I should pick the same as him. After all, whatever we do, we'll always do it together.
I let out a quiet breath, glancing up at Haru. I offered a small smile. "Thanks, Haru."
He nodded. "No problem." With that, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and stepped out of the alcove, turning down the hall. I followed suit, going in the other direction to my class.
I was a good five minutes late, but at the moment, that seemed to be of little importance.
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After school, Yuki and Tohru waited for me at the doorway. They were talking about something, both laughing and smiling, and I immediately felt a stab of something foul in my gut. I stood by Tohru's side, and without another word, we left, the two of them still engrossed in some sort of lighthearted chat. I tuned them out, my hands buried deep in my pockets. I wished I could have buried myself with them.
The day was quiet. It was almost warming, seeing the sun flit through the trees like it was, gilding the branches with honeyed light. There were bare traces of life dotting the foliage, hints of the spring to come. It would be beautiful, I knew. It always was. I hoped… With a sigh, I felt sorrow bite my heart… I hoped that I would be able to enjoy the spring with Yuki. I hoped that I would be able to…to take him to a field somewhere, maybe have a picnic, and enjoy the life blooming around us. Just the two of us.
It would be beautiful.
I felt a drop on my cheek, and looked up to the sky. It wasn't raining, was it? No, the sky was clear, not a cloud in sight. So, what was—
"Oh, Kyo-kun! Are you okay?"
I was startled from my thoughts, looking down at Tohru. She looked concerned. "Um…yeah, why?"
"O-Oh…um…it's just that…you're crying, Kyo-kun. You're not hurt, are you?" As Tohru continued to panic, I reached up and felt my face, realizing that the wetness I'd felt there hadn't been rain, but tears. And they wouldn't stop.
I felt someone's eyes on me, and looked over Tohru's head at Yuki, who immediately averted his gaze, trying to hide the fact that he'd been staring at me. And I could've sworn he'd looked worried.
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"Kyo."
I glanced up from my homework at Yuki, who was sitting across the table from me, also doing his assignments. "What?"
"I was going to pick Honda-san up from work today."
My heart skipped nervously, hoping this was going where I thought it was. "And?"
He blushed ever so slightly, and I could tell he was taking a knife to his pride by asking what he did next. "And I wanted to know if you were planning on coming, too."
I tilted my head curiously. "Is it my imagination, or are you trying to reconcile our argument?"
His eyes flashed coldly. "Don't be ridiculous."
"Then why are you saying this?" I asked. "Why would you care whether or not I was going with you to pick her up?"
"Because… Do I need a reason?" he snapped.
"Getting defensive, are we?"
"Oh, shut up, you stupid Cat!"
I smirked, going back to my homework. "Yes, I'm coming, too."
That evening, as we walked along the street that was illuminated by the lights from the shops and streetlamps and stars alone, we were quiet. People milled about us, all engrossed in their own affairs. Their energy contrasted starkly against the dead silence between us. It seemed forever before we arrived at Momiji's dad's building, where Tohru worked. Yuki jumped up onto the wall that traveled along the sidewalk, sitting there and looking up at the stars. I leaned back against the stone structure, folding my arms.
More silence.
"Yuki… I—"
"Don't, Kyo. Don't talk," he whispered almost pleadingly.
I looked up at him, scowling. "Dammit, I want you to hear me out."
"And I want you to not talk."
"Why won't you listen to me!"
"Why won't you shut up?"
"Why are you such an asshole!"
"Why are you so thickheaded?"
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!"
"The same could be said for you!" He jumped down off of the wall and faced me, glaring heatedly.
I groaned, massaging the bridge of my nose. This was not what I wanted. "Yuki, please, stop it."
"Kyo…"
"Why is this happening!" I stepped up to him, looking determined. "What happened to what we had before? Why are we all of a sudden at each other's throats? And why are you so adamant on giving up!"
"Kyo… I… I don't know. But, Kyo… it…it hurts." He seemed to almost shrink against the wall, holding his fist over his heart. I saw the glitter of crystal at the corner of his eyes, and stepped even closer, taking his face in my hands and wiping at his tears with my thumbs.
"Shhhh… I know, Yuki… Don't cry…" I opened my arms and he obligingly moved into my embrace, burying his face in the crook of my neck. I held him tightly, not wanting to let him go. I rubbed his back softly as his body shook with barely suppressed sobs. And then I knew for sure that he had been as miserable as me.
When he had calmed down a little, he pulled back and looked up at me. His amethyst eyes were wet with tears, his face flushed and damp. I placed a kiss on his forehead and whispered, "Let's talk, now."
He nodded, sniffling. "Kyo… wh-what are we supposed to do?"
I took a deep breath. "Well… I know what we can't do. We can't end our relationship."
He shook his head. "No…I'm sorry that I even suggested it."
"But…we might… we might be able to come out with it."
He started, stepping back and meeting my gaze squarely, pure wonder scrawled across his face. "R-Really?"
I nodded. "Yeah, it might be the right thing to do. But I don't think we have to decide now. The weekend's coming up."
"But we have to decide before the dance. I…I do want to go with you, Kyo. I want to be able to go with you and dance with you…and just be a normal couple."
"Even though we're not a normal couple by any stretch of the imagination."
"Well, not by society's standards," Yuki consented.
"Sadly," I murmured. "But, are we okay now? Will you…stop avoiding me?"
He nodded, wiping at his eyes. "Of course. I'm sorry…"
"So am I. I…should have been more understanding."
"I just shouldn't have been so overemotional. I was never like this before." He pouted halfheartedly and punched me in the arm. "It's all your fault."
"You have the freedom to be emotional, Yuki. You don't have to bottle yourself up." I hugged him again, holding him close to me and rocking back and forth. People were still milling about us, but this time our energy mingled harmoniously with theirs.
Behind us, I heard some elderly woman say, "Oh, the beauty of young love," and someone else murmured their agreement.
Maybe things would be okay, after all.
"Oh, Yuki-kun, Kyo-kun!"
I turned and saw Tohru heading towards us, smiling brightly as per usual. I grinned. "Hey, Tohru."
"Good evening, Honda-san." Yuki offered a small smile, his hand slipping into mine.
As we walked along, Tohru asked, "I-Is everything…all right between you two, now?" She sounded anxious.
I nodded. "Yeah, it's all right."
She let out a breath of relief, smiling. "Good. It made me sad to see you fighting."
Yuki nodded, closing his eyes. "Yes, me too."
I tilted my head back and looked up into the stars, breathing in the night air. My nose twitched as I picked up the aroma of something portentous. It smelled like a storm.
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A/N: Hmhmhm, what is this storm that Kyo's sensing? Is it a literal storm, or a symbolic one, or both? You'll all just have to wait and find out! Though you all can already pro'ly guess what it is. Anyway, so now Yuki and Kyo are good again, and the weekend's coming up, so they can have their fun! (Though, let me warn you now, there will be no more actual lemons until the last chapter.) Review, please!
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