Chapter 6

"OW! Selphie quit it! Stop pushing!" Squall and Shadow had been hanging around the fountain waiting for the two girls and heard their dates well before they saw them. As Selphie and Rhia rounded the corner, the two young men straightened up, both sets of eyes widening in appreciation. Rhia looked pretty damn stunning in her official Seed uniform despite the sullen look on her face; her hair pinned up in an elaborate bun, her eyes outlined with charcoal and green eye shadow. Selphie was her usual perky self; the grin on her face both bright and slightly smug at how well she'd done with Rhia, her own uniform equally immaculate.

Squall immediately got to his feet and offered Rhia his arm, his silence stunned, rather than his usual indifference to conversation. "You look…amazing." He told the girl quietly, trying his hand at a compliment and she shrugged slightly.

"Whatever. Let's just get this party over with…hey…Sh- I mean Commander." She hastily corrected herself as she took in Shadow's uniform, complete with the stripes indicating a superior Seed rank.

"Please don't call me that Rhia, it makes me feel old." He told her with a smile and she grinned wickedly.

"Really? Well you must be. Just how old are you anyway?"

"Oh would you look at the time, come on you lot, we'd better hurry up or we'll be late for the party!" He held his arm out to Selphie and sped off with her as she took it.

Rhia watched him leave in total confusion. "Why can I never get a straight answer out of that guy?" She asked and Squall shrugged, really not caring this time.

"Well…I guess we'd better get going huh?" She said finally, reaching out and taking Squall's arm, walking with him toward the quad where the party was being held.

She'd show up, look nice and smile a bit before getting the hell out of there. After everything that had happened, she didn't really feel like partying and just wanted to be alone for a while so she could sort out her thoughts. After the events of that afternoon she couldn't make heads or tails of her feelings. She should be happy that she had passed, but at the same time, couldn't find it in herself to be ecstatic when Seifer had not only not passed, but was facing disciplinary action for his behaviour on the field exam. And underlining all that, was a sharp, aching coldness that she knew she should recognise, but couldn't quite put her finger on.

But you wouldn't know of her internal conflict to look at her, an amicable smile was fixed firmly upon her face as she walked into the ballroom on Squall's arm, nodding to the people who greeted her. As they descended to the dance floor, she broke away from her 'date' and made a beeline across the hall, leaning wearily against a marble pillar as she snagged a glass of champagne off a passing waitress. Noticing that he had lost his date and was unattached and fair prey to passing females, Squall hastily crossed the ballroom as well, taking up a position on the opposite side of the pillar to Rhia.

As she watched the pair split apart, only to lean against the same pillar at the end of the quad, Selphie pouted in frustration. It seemed her brilliant scheme to set Squall and Rhia up had encountered a slight hitch. Shadow smiled down at her, noticing the miffed expression on his date's face. "What's wrong Selphie-chan?" He asked her and she sighed. "Those two!" She declared, pointing at Rhia and Squall. "They're hopeless. They show up at the same time, yet they split apart only to stand AWAY from the crowd on opposite sides of the same damn pillar! I mean come on they could've at least had one dance together before they started being antisocial."
"Why are you so…annoyed by this?" Shadow asked, his face mirroring the amusement in his voice.

"Because, I went to ALL that trouble to make Rhia look nice for this party, the least they could do is act like a couple for a few hours."

"Um yeah, great idea Selphie, set up Mr Aloof with Ms Pacifist."

"Hey, it could work."

"Uh huh…well…you can't really do anything."

"No…but you could go over there and order them to dance." She suggested brightly and Shadow frowned at her.

"Selphie, that would be abusing my authority and you know it."

"Oh fine, spoilsport." She told him with a pout. "At least help me get them to dance."

"Selphie, come on, is it really that important?" She gave Shadow a glare that would've made the devil feel cold and he held up his hands defensively.

"Ok, ok! I'll go talk to Rhia and you can try and see if your cuteness works on Mr Indifferent." He told her, muttering under her breath, "It's lucky you're so cute or I wouldn't even be considering this."

"Great!" Selphie exclaimed, pretending not to hear his angry murmur. "Let's go!"

She marched across the quad until she was standing in front of Squall, her hands on her hips. "Hi Squall! Oh! I forgot to ask you earlier, but do you want to be part of the Garden Festival Committee? I kinda took it over but I need more staff. What do you say?"

"If I say yes will you quit pestering me?" He asked her bluntly and she grinned.

"Not entirely, but it'll help."

"…whatever."

"Yay! Thanks Squall! Oh! And while I'm here, why don't you dance with Rhia? I mean this is a party, you two should be celebrating!" Squall just shrugged and Selphie pouted again. "Come on! She doesn't bite. And if you're lucky maybe you'll get a kiss out of it." Squall turned away and refused to answer, causing Selphie to throw her hands into the air in frustration.

"Oh whatever Squall, your loss. I mean you're the envy of every guy here and you don't even want to exploit that. See ya around." On that note, Selphie turned and walked off in search of more Garden Festival Committee volunteers, hoping that Shadow was having more luck in his talk with Rhia.

0o0o0

"Hey Rhia, what's up? Shouldn't you be out on the dance floor and having a good time?" The girl shrugged and sipped at the champagne in her hand.

"You have to answer me sometime Rhia."

"No I don't." She told him coolly. "Shouldn't you be dancing with Selphie?"

"Well she asked me to talk to you."

"There's really no need for that Shadow, I'm fine. Now why don't you go and enjoy the party? No sense in you missing out on the fun for my sake after all."

Before he could respond, she turned on her heel and strode out onto the balcony, leaning against the rail and staring up at the night sky before sighing heavily. She just felt so cold and empty inside, like…nothing mattered.

"A hollow victory." She murmured to herself. "It meant nothing."

"Any victory, no matter how small…is never hollow." A voice said softly behind her and Rhia whirled to see a masked figure perched on the balustrade.

"Who the hell are you and where did you come from?"

"Does it really matter?" The man countered. "I know all about you, I know that you have passed the hardest exam in Seed and secured a future for yourself. Why is that victory hollow?"

"Because…" Rhia answered, her voice slightly choked. "They should be here…they should be here to share this with me."

"What makes you think they aren't? They're with you Rhia, even if you cannot see them…and I'm sure they're proud of you."

"No! They're not here and it's all my fault!" She yelled at him, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. "You don't know anything!"

"I know more than you think…little one…" He told her softly before jumping up into the air…and disappearing.

"What the?" Rhia asked softly, shaking her head. "This is just too weird. Time to split I think." She turned to head back inside, intent on just leaving and heading back to her new dorm so she could have a few moments of peace; only to come to a sharp halt as she saw Squall blocking her path.

"Oh…hey Squall." She greeted casually, dashing the tears from her eyes. "What brings you out here?"

"Leaving so soon?" He asked her and she shrugged indifferently.

"What can I say? Parties never really were my thing."

"Running away isn't going to solve anything." He told her astutely and Rhia arched an eyebrow at him.

"I thought it was your policy to not get involved in anything, least of all the personal situations of others."

"You're a newly graduated Seed. You should know better than that Rhia. If you back down now…you'll make us all look bad."

"Oh, that's really rich coming from you! Look at you trying to take the moral high ground, Mr Indifferent, Mr Emotionless!"

"At least I don't hide from my feelings." He countered quickly. "Just because I don't show them, doesn't mean I'm not true to them."

"Don't try that crap with me! You have no idea how I feel! So you can't tell me whether or not I'm hiding from my emotions! Now get out of my way!" Shoving past him, Rhia headed back inside and fled across the quad, all sense of decorum and dignity lost in her sudden, desperate need to be alone.

The corridors leading to the dorms were thankfully deserted, making things easy for her, as Rhia felt that she wouldn't be capable of answering any questions put to her at that moment of time in a calm and rational manner. Encountering no one at that late hour, Rhia reached her new dorm in a matter of minutes, closing the door behind her as she shed her dress uniform in favour of faded jeans and a worn looking tank top. Unpinning her hair, the girl gave it a cursory going-over with her brush before pulling it back into a severe ponytail and proceeding to wipe the make-up from her face.

Once she felt more like herself, she snatched her staff up off its hook and slung it across her back as she turned and left the room, one destination clear in her mind.

0o0o0

"Wow…Rhia left pretty quickly." Selphie said concernedly and beside her Shadow shrugged.

"I don't see why, she's missing one heck of a party."

"There was some shouting out on the balcony just before, and Squall's just slunk back inside, so I get the feeling that they were arguing…and Rhia didn't like what Squall had to say." Shadow pondered that a moment.

"So…do you think we should go after her?"

"It's probably a good idea…she seemed really upset."

"…yeah, you're right, so let's go find her." Selphie nodded her agreement and together the pair left the quad in search of their missing friend.

0o0o0

"Hey Selphie…when we've made sure that Rhia's ok…did you want to head back to my dorm and watch a movie? Commanders get DVD players, it's one of the perks of the position." Shadow smiled down at the girl and she smiled back.

"Yeah sure…hey! There she is!" Selphie pointed eagerly at their target, distracted in a heartbeat and under his breath Shadow cursed vehemently. Rhia's timing could not have been worse.

"Hey…looks like she's heading for the training centre. Come on Shadow!"

"Training Centre? Why the heck is she going there?" He asked as they began tailing the girl.

"I dunno, she's been in a weird mood all afternoon. You'd think she'd be really excited about passing, but…she just…sat there…staring at her uniform looking like she was about to cry…but was too proud to. I think…that something happened to her…when she was just a kid and at times like this…she misses her family really badly."
"Yeah? Wow, Selphie-chan, you're really smart." She blushed and shook her head.

"Nah, I'm just good at observing people. I've been Rhia's dorm-mate since I transferred and she talks in her sleep a lot. She really doesn't like people asking questions about her family, preferring to keep to herself as much as possible…though she does her best to be always smiling. Hence the reason I wanted to set her up with Squall. Those two are SO alike at times it's scary…except I've never really seen Squall smile." She frowned thoughtfully at that then shrugged. "No matter. Let's go make sure Rhia's not getting into too much trouble."

Shadow followed Selphie down the green-carpeted hall, into the training centre proper, looking around intently for any sign of Rhia and breaking into a run when he heard the telltale sounds of a battle.

Rounding a corner he screeched to a halt when he caught sight of Rhia bouncing off trees and boulders, using the momentum to give added weight to the blows she was raining down upon a T'rexaur's head, magic flaring at the end of her staff with every hit. In silence he watched as the oversized dinosaur was subdued and faded away with a final roar, causing Rhia to land on the ground in a half-crouch, a self-satisfied expression on her face.

"Um Selphie…remind me why we're here again."

"Duh, to look after Rhia in case she gets into trouble."

"Selphie…she just beat the crap out of a dinosaur! I don't think she's in any danger."

"Um Shadow…she's angry right now. I don't know why, but she is. And so that anger…fuels her fighting. But what happens when her rage fades then hmm?"

Shadow couldn't find an answer to that question so he just sighed and nodded. So much for his perfect night with Selphie. "Yeah I guess you're right." He conceded finally. "Let's go make sure she stays in one piece then."

"There's really no need for that." The pair looked up sharply and there was Rhia leaning casually against a tree, her expression bored, but her eyes blazing with the inner fury that had consumed her.

"Rhia, if you're angry then this is the last place you should be." Shadow told her firmly and she arched an eyebrow at him, her face giving way to an amused smirk.

"Really? And here was me thinking that this place was open at night simply because of insomniacs like me." Selphie looked taken aback by her attitude. Something big had happened…why else…would she show this side of her? Was it the real her? Or was it…another mask…another defence to use when the first one faltered?

"Rhia, listen to me, you're tired, you're not thinking straight. It's been a long day and tomorrow you're likely to be sent out on your first Seed mission. You should get some rest."

"Get lost! I didn't ask for your opinion, nor did I ask for either of you to follow me!"

"As a Seed Commander, it's my responsibility to look out for your well-being." He told her calmly, unfazed by her anger and smiling at her in a fatherly fashion. However the look faded from his face as Rhia stared at him in horror before shaking her head violently. "No! It is NOT your place! You're NOT my father so don't you DARE try and take his place! DON'T!" She whirled about on her heel and ran off, unshed tears blurring her vision as she plunged deeper into the heart of the training centre, heading for the student refuge known as the 'secret area'.

Shadow watched her go and sighed heavily, turning and coming face to face with a smiling Selphie.

"Well?" She asked him and he looked confused.

"Well what?"

"Aren't you going to go after her? She's REALLY upset this time so someone needs to calm her down."

"What! Why me? Why can't you go?"

"Because I'm going to bed." Selphie informed him with a huge yawn. "I didn't realise how tired I was until you mentioned it. So you better go."

"But…the movie…"

"I'll see you around Shadow!" Selphie called as she ran off, his indignant query falling on deaf ears.

"Yeah…sure…" He said numbly and huffed to himself as he started off, making his way along a well-beaten path to the 'not so secret area'.

0o0o0

The long shadows of night retreated a moment as a small tongue of fire sparked up, bright and luminous; briefly illuminating a tear-streaked face as the lighter was lifted to the faintly quivering end of a cigarette. They closed in once again as the flame was quenched, broken only by the dim glow of the end of the burning tobacco and the heavy sigh as the person took a deep drag and exhaled.

Leaning back against the wall, Rhia watched the smoke twisting and turning lazily in the still night air, her gaze caught by the lights of the main Garden below. It never ceased to amaze her, or take her breath away…and tonight…it just caused her tears to flow faster.

I'm sorry you're not here to see this, I know…you would have loved it. She thought dejectedly as she took another puff of the cigarette in her hand, feeling her anger begin to dissipate as the nicotine worked its way through her system.

"You know, even though a lot of stuff goes on in this place, smoking still isn't allowed on Garden premises Rhia." Shadow's voice was soft, admonishing and she shrugged lightly, intent on her smoke, hoping that if she ignored him…he'd simply leave.

"Rhia…you've been in a right state all afternoon. Care to explain to me what's going on inside that head of yours?"

"Not particularly no." She replied sternly, averting her face from him.

"…it's ok to cry you know. There's no shame in it." Slowly, Rhia lowered the cigarette from her mouth, holding it delicately at her side as she stared in haunted silence into the darkness.

"It's ok to miss them." Shadow told her softly and fresh tears sprang to the girl's eyes and overflowed down her cheeks.

"It's funny." She said in a quiet voice, her eyes still staring out at nothing. "I passed the exam and should be happy…but…all I can think about…is how my father used to sweep me up into his arms and hold me tight…and how…safe…and warm I felt, just…being there…just knowing that…he loved me…unconditionally."

"Rhia…you don't…have to tell me this…if you don't want to you know." Shadow told her, surprised by her confession and she smiled weakly at him through her tears.

"Yeah…I know. But…I feel…I owe you an explanation…seeing as I did scare off your date." She looked up and sighed. "Seifer started it…as usual." She smirked wryly at that comment before shrugging. "He basically…called me weak, pathetic and a hypocrite. But…he just…doesn't understand. No one does. They all whisper about how I'm a freak, a walking contradiction. I want to help people Shadow, I want to heal them, make them better…not kill. I never wanted to kill anyone. No one has the right to take the life of another human being. But I did today in order…to make it this far in order to pass…and now I'm not even sure…if it was even worth it because they're not here to see me now and so…I feel so hollow. But I didn't want to ruin everyone's enjoyment of the party either…so I pretended to be happy too."

"Is that why you and Squall were arguing?" Shadow asked and Rhia smiled ruefully.

"Yeah. I don't know how…but he saw through me and accused me of not being true to my feelings. I said that he wasn't true to his either and then he basically asked me how I knew that. The truth is…I…was just saying that…I had no idea what he was really feeling."

"Then why don't you ask him?"

"What?"

"Knowing Squall he'll still be awake. So why don't you go and ask him?"

"Oh I…couldn't intrude…I wouldn't dream of it…" Curiosity had begun to burn in her eyes however and Shadow smiled slightly.

"If you don't ask Rhia…you'll never know. Go on, take a chance. What have you got to lose? But don't be up too late, you're likely to have a big day tomorrow." With another one of his mysterious smiles and a slight bow, Shadow turned and left the secret area. Rhia sighed to herself as she lifted her all-but forgotten cigarette to her mouth, relieved that he had said nothing further on the matter of her smoking. However, a piece of paper on the ground caught her eye and she scooped it up, cursing out loud as she read what was written on it.

A week's worth of detention…fantastic, utterly fantastic.

Crushing the butt of her smoke savagely beneath her heel, Rhia pocketed the detention slip with a sigh and also left the secret area, stopping as a frightened scream tore through the air. After taking a moment to pinpoint the source of the noise, Rhia took off in that direction, screeching to a halt as she saw a young woman pinned against a wall by an immense insect-like monster, - a Granaldo - a type of monster that she'd never before seen in the training centre - only read about in the textbooks she'd studied in class. The woman looked up and waved as she saw Rhia, crying the girl's name with obvious relief.

Hoisting her staff, Rhia stepped forward to divert the monster's attention, blinking as she saw Shadow also step forward. However, his dress uniform had given way to the attire of the infamous and elusive 'White Seeds' that Rhia had heard murmurs and rumours about all throughout her life at Garden. There was definitely more to Shadow than what one could glean from merely his outer appearance, further reinforced of course by his cryptic remarks and general avoidance of questions that he didn't wish to answer.

"Rhia…if you please." His soft voice drew her back to the present and she nodded as she lifted the staff in her hand, causing the Granaldo to scream in fury, one of its wings frozen solid as Rhia's ice-spell had struck. Taking advantage of the monster's distraction Shadow rushed in with a series of quick, powerful slashes.

"Shadow! Drive your weapon into the monster!" Rhia cried as she summoned magic again. Hey, it had worked on the Elvoret in Dollet, so…who knows…it might work again.

As Shadow jumped back, Rhia released a powerful blast of lightning, the sword acting as a conduit to draw the deadly energy deep into the monster's body. The Granaldo released one more piercing shriek before collapsing to the ground in an unmoving heap.

Retrieving his sword from the carcass, Shadow sheathed it and walked over to the woman, kneeling reverently in front of her.

"Sis, I'm sorry for my lateness." He apologised and the woman smiled, leaning forward to press a tender kiss to the man's forehead.

"Don't worry about it. You got here and that's all that matters."

"You're wounded!" He said, aghast as he noticed the small stream of crimson winding a sinuous path down her alabaster skin. "Rhia…I believe this is your area of expertise." Nodding, the girl put her staff away and walked up to the young woman, reaching out with a minor cure spell and closing the nasty gash on her arm. Ellone smiled her thanks and reached out to gently touch Rhia's shoulder. "You have grown up a lot…little sister." She commented as two Garden Faculty rushed up to escort her out of the training centre.

"Little…sister…" Rhia repeated softly. She felt that she should know that girl…but…couldn't quite remember why.

"Who…is that?" She asked Shadow and he grinned at her.

"Oh…I'm sure if you think about it you'll remember eventually." He told her cryptically before sauntering off. Rhia stared after him in disbelief before sighing to herself and following him, making her way back into the Garden proper and to the dorms.

0o0o0

She stared at the steel door in front of her, a simple obstacle, yet one so daunting that it might as well have been the gates of a mighty fortress.

What am I doing here? Rhia demanded silently. He's entitled to the privacy of his own thoughts and feelings, what right do I have to intrude on that? But…there's no harm in seeing if he's still awake…is there?

Lifting one hand, the girl rapped sharply on the door, listening intently for a reply. None came, so Rhia turned away from the door, thinking that he must have already gone to bed, stopping when she saw that the heavy metal portal was slightly ajar. Surely…it wouldn't be unlocked…if he was asleep?

Gathering her courage, Rhia pulled the door open and stepped into the small room, dodging the large gunblade stand near the entrance as she pulled the door closed behind her. As she turned back to the room's interior, Squall sat up on the bed and arched a questioning eyebrow at the girl. To her embarrassment, Rhia found her face flushing as she got caught in his gaze and she cleared her throat nervously.

"Um…sorry to intrude but…"

"…What do you want?" He demanded softly and Rhia flinched at the coolness of his tone.

"I…uh…the door was open…"

"That's no excuse for breaking and entering. Now…do you have a reason…for barging in so rudely…" Rhia straightened up as his words struck her like blows, her nervousness being overruled by anger at his hostility.

"I wanted to ask you something. But if my intruding bothers you that much, then don't worry about it. Goodnight Squall." Bowing slightly, Rhia turned to leave.

"What did you want to ask?" Spinning back to face Squall, Rhia looked at him with searching eyes as she thought about how to word her question.

"At the party earlier, when you accused me of not being true to my feelings…what…were you feeling?" She asked, deciding to go for the honest/blunt approach and he shrugged as he fell back on the bed, his hands folded behind his head. "My feelings." He told her shortly and she blinked.

"That's not an answer."

"Yes it is."

"No. It's not a specific answer. Your feelings can entail anything. Happiness, sadness, anger, fear…anything. I want…to know…specifically."

"I'm not telling."

"I'll make you." She threatened boldly and he shrugged indifferently.

"I don't see how."

Without warning Rhia pounced on top of Squall, pinning him down as she stared deeply into his eyes. "Like this. Now you have to tell me." She told him triumphantly, her smug look fading as he returned her gaze calmly and announced,

"Do your worst."

After a moment's hesitation, Rhia leaned forward and kissed Squall softly, feeling him tense up beneath her at the sudden gesture, but then slowly relax again. Breaking away, she looked at him again, her eyes glittering strangely.

"Well?"

"…well?" He echoed and the girl rolled her eyes.

"What were you feeling earlier? How do you feel now?"

"…that…was my first…" A hint of a blush coloured Squall's cheeks and Rhia's eyes widened in surprise as she sat back further.

"…if you tell anyone…" he warned and Rhia just shook her head.

"Oh please. I'm insulted you think that I could do such a thing."

"Uh…would you…mind moving please." He asked and Rhia turned bright red as she jumped up and perched on the edge of the bed.

"Sorry…" She apologised, her face still crimson as she cleared her throat, trying to regain her composure.

"And anyway," She continued as though she hadn't been interrupted. "Who would I tell? No one in this Garden listens to me, let alone takes me seriously."

"I do." Rhia's face betrayed her shock.

"You do?" Squall nodded.

"Yeah. You have some pretty interesting things to say and you're really funny at times too. I know Seifer does as well, he told me himself."

"Seifer? And here I thought you two never spoke more than one or two words to each other." She didn't know why…but…knowing that there were people who cared what she thought or said…lifted some of the weight off her heart and she smiled.

"Thank you."

"Why…did you do that?" Squall blurted out suddenly, referring of course to her kissing him. She shrugged lightly and shook her head.

"I don't know. You always seem so serious all the time…so I…wanted to see…if I could make you smile." She looked down at her hands for a moment before standing up and walking towards the door. "We should both get some rest. Congratulations on passing by the way, I know…you're going to do well. Goodnight Squall."

"…thank you." He replied softly, watching her graceful retreat. "…Rhia?"

"Hmm?" She asked as she looked back over her shoulder at him.

"Did you…find what you were looking for?"

"Yes. I believe I did."

"…goodnight Rhia."

"Goodnight Squall." Her farewell was very soft, almost lost beneath the sound of the door hissing shut behind her and as he heard her footsteps move off down the hall, Squall turned back to his contemplation of the ceiling.

She…took my first kiss…because she…wanted to see me smile. He thought to himself, frowning slightly. I don't know…whether to be amused…or angry…or…happy. Somewhere in his silent musings…Squall drifted off to sleep.

0o0o0

"Hey Shadow! Guess what!" The man jumped and fell backwards as Selphie came up behind him and he looked up at her, gasping for air and grabbing at his heart.

"Selphie-chan, PLEASE don't do that, you nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry! But you'll never believe what I saw when I got up to get a drink."

"What?"

"Rhia…coming out of Squall's room…" Selphie announced proudly and Shadow went pale. Holy crap…she didn't…

"How did she look? Not like she was uh…um…"

"What? She looked a bit embarrassed…but she was smiling. Aside from that…she just looked…like her usual self." Shadow let out the breath that he'd unconsciously been holding. "Oh. I wonder what happened."

"Who knows?" Selphie yawned hugely. "I just thought you'd find it interesting. Well, I'm going to bed. Goodnight Shadow."

"Night Selphie-chan." As she walked off, Shadow shook his head. Rhia and Squall huh? Who would've thought…that she'd take his advice seriously?