Six.

Mary Anne

The clock on my car radio says it's ten after three in the morning. I shake my head and take another drag off of my cigarette.

I rarely smoke. Very rarely. In fact, this is the first time I've smoked in about a year. Last time was after the unfortunate prom incident. After I said those things to Dawn, those horrible things, I had tried to go to sleep, but I just needed a cigarette. So I had gone to the only all-night gas station and liquor store in town to buy a pack. That was about an hour ago. Since then I've been driving randomly around town, chainsmoking. I've gone through seven already.

I have asked myself about seventy times why I said the things I did. I can come up with no reasonable explanation, other than being a selfish ass. I wanted Dawn to be as humiliated as I felt. Why am I humiliated? It's not like a lot of people knew what had happened. Just Kristy, Claudia, Stacey, and Alan. The problem is, before that, nobody knew about Dawn's problem. It had been this big dark family secret. I know people suspected, but nobody knew for sure. I would have prefered to keep it that way.

I wish I hadn't said the things to Dawn that I did. I heard her leave. I have a bad feeling about where she went. She's returned an hour later, her curfew, and had gone straight to her room. She'd locked her door. I thought about going downstairs and discussing my theory with Dad and Sharon, but I knew that would be bad. I'm not in the mood for yelling, and I really don't think Dawn would be either, the way I treated her.

I sigh to myself and turn on another random street. I need to go somewhere, talk to somebody, do something. Sleep is obviously not going to happen.

I pass Logan's house and chuckle. Maybe I should stop there and finallly give him a piece of my mind. His bedroom light is on.

I keep going, of course.

Up ahead, nearly a block away, I see someone walking on the sidewalk. As a get closer, I see it's a girl, with long red hair. My stomach drops. No... it can't be.

I pull alongside her and yes, I'm right. I roll down the passenger side window. "Mal!" I call.

Mallory spins toward me, obviously scared. When she sees it's me her face relaxes. Slightly. "Oh! Mary Anne. What are you doing out so late?"

I flicked my cigarette out the driver side window and took another drag, sizing her up. "I was going to ask you the same thing. Come on, get in, I'll take you home."

Mallory hesitated. Guilty conscience. Then she opened the door and slid in.

"So where are you coming from?" I ask. My voice is a little shrill.

"Oh, nowhere. A friends house." She was fidgeting.

"Are you allowed to be out this late?"

"No, I snuck out..." She looked over at me, horrified. "You're not going to tell on me, are you?"

I chuckled. "No, Mal, I'm not going to tell."

"Oh." Mallory relaxed and actually smiled. My confidence faltered. Maybe that was why she'd been so uncomfortable. She thought I would get her in trouble. I should be nicer. Maybe I'm just paranoid. "So why are you out?" She asked.

"I can't sleep." I tossed my cigarette out the window and lit another.

"I didn't know you smoked."

"I don't." I replied, exhaling. "Not usually. Want one?"

Mallory looked surprised, and a little suspicious, like she was being set up. "Uh..."

"It's okay, Mal. I've seen you sneaking off to smoke at school." I held out the pack to her and she lit one silently.

"Thanks," she said, still sounding a little scared.

"Sure. So what kind of friend were you visiting at three in the morning? Guy or girl?" I can do this. I can get it out of her.

"Guy..." She shifted in her seat so she was looking at me. "Mary Anne?"

My heart skipped a beat. Oh God.

"What is it, Mal?" I asked quietly.

She was silent. For a long time. Finally she looked away and said "There's my house."

I pulled to a stop. "So who are you riding with to Sea City?"

"Sea City? Oh!" She forced a laugh. "I almost forgot about it. Only five more days. I don't know who yet."

"Well, we're only taking two cars, Kristy's and Stacey's. Oh, and Alan Gray is coming, too."

"Alan... Gray. Huh. Who's bringing him?"

"Kristy."

"I didn't know guys were going... Kristy? And Alan? Really?"

I laughed, not feeling like explaining it. "Well don't tell your mom, she might not let you come." I wondered why I was saying that. I had not wanted Mallory to come in the first place. Why the change? Maybe I like the idea of knowing where she is, and where Logan is. If my theory is true, which I'm sure it isn't.

Mallory opened her door and stepped out. "Thanks a lot for the ride, Mary Anne. I was kind of scared walking home so late."

"No reason to be scared. It's not like anyone's out to get you."

Mal hesitated, staring at me. Then she shut the door.

Or maybe she does feel guilty.

I go home after that. I feel drained. I wanted to scream at Mallory. I'm not sure what I know and what I don't know. I know Logan's light was on and Mallory was walking away from his house. I know what I saw at Rosebud a week ago. In court, none of this would hold up. Circumstancial evidence.

I'm considering studying law. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my life quite yet. I know I'm going to Brown in the fall, and that's about it. I have not declared a major. I was so happy to have gone Ivy League, so focused on finishing high school, that I had not thought about my major, or what I wanted to be. Law is at the top of my list, but only for now. I'm interested in family law. I think.

Last month it was vet. The month before I wanted to be an English major. Who knows what it will be next month.

When I get home I go upstairs quickly and knock softly on Dawn's door. I can see her light on and I hear her T.V.

There's some shuffling, and her door cracks open. One blue eye peeks at me from behind the door. "What?"

"I want to talk."

She didn't move.

"Look, I'm sorry. Can we please talk?"

She stood there for a few more long seconds and slowly opened the door. I stepped in and she closed it - and locked it - behind me.

I stood in the middle of her room and looked around. There it was, on her nightstand, in plain sight. A little baggie filled with small white crystals.

Dawn followed my gaze and looked back at me. I examined her face. Her eyes were normal. She wasn't chewing her lip.

"I didn't do it. Yet." She said, reading my mind.

I nodded. "Good."

"Aaron tried to give me some at his house, but I had to get home. So I've just been sitting here, staring at it." She looked back at the baggie. "I don't know what I'm going to do."

"I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it." I said quietly.

"Yes you did."

I sighed. "Maybe a little. But I didn't mean it so... harshly. I just snapped, Dawn. I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I hadn't driven you to this."

"Don't flatter youself. It's not all about you."

I didn't say anything. There I go, being selfish again.

"You've been smoking." Dawn said gently. I was grateful for the subject change.

"Yeah. Told you I feel bad." I cracked a small smile. "I ran into Mallory while I was out."

"Just now? Strange."

"Yeah. I was driving by Logan's house and I saw his light on, then I see Mal walking down the street. I took her home."

Dawn looked irritated. "Mal? And Logan?"

"I have no idea. I couldn't bring myself to ask her. I don't know, it kind of seems that way. Not that I care. To hell with him."

"If he hurts her, too... we'll kill him." Dawn said with a small smile. Dawn is the only person on the planet who knows what Logan did. In fact, this is the most she and I have really spoken since that night.

I'm having a lot of "first time since"'s tonight. "Uhg. I need to stop thinking about that."

"Yeah, I have things I need to stop thinking about, too." Dawn replied.

My eyes went back to the baggie, then the clock next to it. After four. "You hungry?"

"Not really."

"Me either. Do you want to go to Ed's?" Ed's is an all-night diner just outside of town.

Dawn hesitated. "I'll get in trouble."

"No, I'm with you. Come on. Put that crap away, let's go get some bad coffee and pancakes."

Dawn smiled, the first genuine smile I've seen from her in a long time. "Yeah, okay. Let's go."

I awoke around noon. I smiled to myself, despite the lack of sleep. We'd come home around seven, to surprised parents. I explained breezily that we'd decided to go out to breakfast and they didn't ask questions. They never question me. I could be getting away with murder. They both looked like they were dying to know why Dawn and I were suddenly getting along again, but they didn't ask. They probably don't want to push it.

My cell phone rang. I looked at the display. It was Stacey. I flipped it open. "Hey Stace."

"Hi! Claud and I want to go to Washington Mall... you want to come?"

I stretched and grinned. "I totally need a new bikini."

"Exactly. I'll be there in half an hour, be ready."

I hung up and quickly rushed to the bathroom. I pounded on the opposite door, which leads to Dawn's room. "Wake up! Let's go to the mall!" I called. I was glad to be getting along with my sister again. I want to take full advantage of it.

The door opened. "Mall?" Dawn muttered, her eyes barely open.

"Yeah! You, me, Stacey, and Claudia. Shopping for the trip."

"Mary Anne..." She looked uncomfortable. "After the other night?"

"Don't worry about it. They've probably already forgotten."

Half an hour later we were sitting on the curb waiting. I took my remaining cigarettes out of my purse and lit one without really realizing it.

"Mary Anne!" Dawn exclaimed, looking back at the house. "Mom and your dad are going to see!"

I shrugged. "Let them see. They need to stop trusting me so much." I spied Stacey's truck down the street.

"You don't even smoke!" Dawn still seemed horrified.

I laughed. It feels kind of good to be so unexpected.

Stacey pulled to a stop and the blaring music was turned down. Stacey eyed me. "What," she asked cooly, "is that?"

I threw my cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. "Sometimes you feel like a nut, Stace." I said with a grin.

Stacey forced a smile. "Yeah, well, no nuttiness in the new car. Dawn's coming?"

I frowned. Dawn was standing right beside me. Stacey was acting a little stuck-up.

Or is that how I act, too?

"Yes, my sister is coming." I reply testily. Stacey's smile falters. She knows she pissed me off. I open the back door and who is sitting in the backseat but... Mallory Pike.

I hadn't seen her through the tinted window.

"Mal!" I said. It sounded very forced. "Up pretty early for such a late night."

Mallory gave me a small, uncomfortable smile, and slid over. I glanced at Dawn, who winked at me and got in first so I wouldn't have to sit next to Mallory. When I was in and the door was shut, Dawn patted my leg. "Relax." She murmered. It was barely audible.

Stacey turned up the music again and the three of us remained silent in back and in peace. Stacey and Claudia sang along with the music. Mallory stared out of her window. I stared at Mallory, wondering.

Two weeks in the same house as Mallory is going to be hard.

I want a cigarette.