I know its been a really long time since I've updated this story, so here's a short update.

Recovery

Part XXVII

It was an unseasonably warm spring day. Preston and Cristina were having lunch on the patio. Cristina looked up when she noticed Meredith entering the patio with Derek following close behind. She waved her over, but Derek led her to a table across the patio.

Cristina sighed in disappointment, she worried about her best friend. In the last three months since Derek had come back to Seattle, it seemed like Meredith had less and less time for her friends. They would ask her to have lunch with them and she would always turn them down. They would ask her to go out to Joe's after work and again she would turn them down. Meredith wanted to spend her time alone with Derek; she said they had needed to make up for lost time. This wouldn't bother Cristina if Meredith had seemed happy, but she seemed miserable.

Meredith sat down disappointed, "I don't see why we couldn't eat lunch with Cristina and Preston."

"I thought you wanted to spend time alone with me?" Derek asked giving her a lopsided grin.

"I wanted to spend time alone with you last night, but once again you worked late," she said with irritation.

Addison and Miranda entered the patio with their lunch trays, once they saw Preston and Cristina and headed for their table. Derek watched Addison intently and frowned, she didn't even look his way.

"Fine," he said gruffly. "We can eat our lunch with Preston and Cristina."

Meredith gave him a hug and picked up her tray. She froze when she saw that Addison had joined Cristina's table. She knew that's why Derek wanted to join them. He wanted to have lunch with his ex-wife. Meredith dropped her tray on the table and fell heavily back in her seat folding her arms across her chest.

"I've changed my mind, I want to stay here."

Derek looked at her in frustration, "Fine we will stay here."

Meredith was miserable, how could she have been so wrong about Derek. She thought they had some special connection, but Meredith was becoming painfully aware she was wrong. The final straw was last week just before Maddie's baptism. Derek's family had come to town for the event. He had taken her out to dinner with his family so he could introduce her to them. It was one of the most awkward experiences of her life. His family made no secret of the fact that they wished Derek and Addison would get back together.

She could feel his sisters disapproving looks all evening. One of his sisters asked her how she had met Derek. When Meredith told them they met at the hospital Derek piped in saying that they met in a bar and had a drunken one nightstand. Meredith felt so embarrassed and looked at Derek pleading with him to shut up, but he just laughed and told them how she got him drunk and took advantage of him. He thought he was being cute and charming. Meredith was finally starting to realize he did not respect her. How could she be in love with someone who always made her feel so cheap?

His parents seemed to forget that Meredith had joined them because she was their son's new girlfriend. His mother and father asked Derek more then once when Addison and he were going to get remarried. They went on at great length about how many wonderful years Derek and Addison had before their troubles started. Both his parents felt it was the fact that they put their careers ahead of starting family was the root of their problems. They felt now that Derek and Addison had a child they owed it to Maddie to work on getting their relationship back. Derek politely tried to change the subject, but Meredith knew deep down that Derek thought his parents were right. The only reason Addison and Derek were not getting remarried was because that was the way Addison wanted it.

It didn't help matters when Addison and her family showed up at the same restaurant. Derek's family made it perfectly clear with their greetings that they still considered Addison a part of their family. She could hear the sisters say amongst themselves a number of times how stupid Derek was to let Addison get away.

Derek had shown he was obviously jealous of Preston, when they entered the restaurant and Preston was holding Maddie in one arm and had the other was around Addison's waist. It was ridiculous for Derek to be jealous of Preston. Everyone knew Cristina and he were still in a very solid relationship. Addison and Cristina had become good friends ever since Addison had gotten Preston to perform the surgery. There was nothing romantic about Addison and Preston's relationship, if anything they were more like siblings.

When Addison had left her table Derek followed her. She knew that Addison and Derek had an argument about her being here with Preston, because when Derek had come back fifteen minutes later he was in a surly mood and had a rather large red welt on the side of his face. She could only imagine what Derek had said to Addison to make her slap him.

Before Derek, Meredith had never been in love. She only now was realizing that she still had never been in love. The Derek she met almost twenty plus months ago was a fantasy. What they had wasn't real. Derek had said he loved her, but in reality he was running away and Meredith was his escape. Now their entire relationship depressed her. She pushed aside her friends for Derek only to have him ignore her. She needed to get a grip and end this before she was completely destroyed.

"Derek?"

"What?"

"What are we doing?"

"What do you mean what are we doing? We are having lunch."

"I mean, why are we together?"

He was taken aback by the question. "What do you mean why are we together?"

"Come on Derek, we both know you don't want to be with me anymore. And quite frankly, I don't want to be with you either. We are just both being too stubborn to admit we made a mistake."

He looked at her ready to protest.

"No Derek, don't try to say I'm wrong. We both know I'm not. I'm sorry Derek; a lot of this is my fault. If I really knew what it was like to really be in love with someone I would have let go the minute Addison showed up here and never looked back."

"But I thought we had something special. I really thought I was in love with you," Derek said with sincerity.

"Thought is the key word Derek. Now be honest with yourself. Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you are in love with me?"

Oh god not again, he thought. Why on earth do the women in his life do this to him? He remembered back to when Addison had asked him the same question. He knew then that he was not in love with Addison. He thought he was in love with Meredith. Something had changed in the last four months. Somewhere along the way he fell out of love with Meredith. Maybe she was right; maybe he was never really in love with her.

He had to ask himself who was he in love with? Meredith was right; he was not in love with her. He looked over at Addison, she was laughing with her friends. For the first time since she came to Seattle she genuinely looked happy. He knew the answer to that question now, but there was not a thing he could do about it.

He nodded at Meredith; he was over come with sadness. He never wanted to her hurt, but he realized now that is all he had ever done to her. "You're right I can't say it. What do we do now?"

Meredith gave him a sad smile, "We say goodbye and move on with our lives."

"I'm sorry Meredith; I never meant to hurt you. I hope you can forgive me. And I hope you find someone who really does know how to make you happy."

"I know you didn't mean to hurt me Derek. But I think I will need sometime to find myself." She smiled at Derek. "I finally realized something, I need to be the one who makes me happy, not look for someone else to make me happy." She took his hand in hers, "I hope you can finally figure out what you really want."

"That's the problem I know what I want, but it's too late."

Meredith looked over at the table Addison was sitting at. Izzie, Alex, George and Callie had joined the group. Addison was laughing; Meredith had never seen her looking so carefree and happy. She couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy; Addison was at home with Meredith's friends. She watched her friends and how easily Addison fit in with them. She had to laugh at how stupid she felt because Addison once again had what she wanted. Derek just might be right, he might have figured everything out too late.

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I hope you enjoyed the update, let me know what you think.