Shattered

MM: Requiem

by SisShippy

Disclaimer: I don't own The X-Files or any of its characters, that honor belongs to Chris Carter and Fox. I do own the parts of this story you don't remember seeing in the episode Requiem, which I don't own either.

"Dana," the doctor greeted cheerfully as she entered the room. "How are you feeling?"

She smiled weakly, despite her concern for Mulder. "I'm feeling much better, Dr. Jackson. Are those my test results?" Scully asked, noticing a folder in the doctors hands.

Dr. Jackson smiled, "they certainly are. Dana, how long has it been since your last cycle?"

Scully thought for a few seconds, unable to remember exactly. At the moment, all she could think about was Mulder's safe return. "I . . . I'm not sure. As you well know, my line of work is stressful. Skipping a month now and again isn't uncommon."

"Is the dizziness and fainting common?"

Furrowing her brow, she shook her head. "Of course not. Not since my cancer." Her heart stopped, "oh God," she breathed.

Dr. Jackson was quick to dispel Scully's fears. "Dana, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you think that your cancer was back. That was one of the first things we checked for. I'm happy to report that you are still in remission."

Able to breathe again, she inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, "thank God. Then . . ."

Smiling again, Dr. Jackson sat down in the chair next to Scully's hospital bed. "Well, it would seem that you're pregnant, Dana."

In true Scully fashion, she arched a brow at the woman, "pregnant?"

"Yes. You don't seem as happy as I would have thought. Is everything okay?"

"I'm happy . . . I'm just, um . . . surprised." A genuine smile crossed her lips, "I'm very happy, actually."

Dr. Jackson stood to leave, not altogether convinced that surprise was the only thing keeping her patient from being over joyed. "Well, then, everything looks fine at this point, but I want to run a few more tests, so we'll keep you in here until tomorrow morning."

"Thank you, Dr. Jackson."

"A nurse will be in shortly to get some more blood."

Dana Scully smiled and nodded. After waiting for the doctor to leave the room, Scully reached over and grabbed the phone from the side table. Scully dialed a number from memory and waited for the first ring. After a long pause, she was sent directly to Mulder's voicemail. "You've reached Fox Mulder . . .," she knew the recording would go on and give her the option to leave a message, but that wasn't necessary. She had called to talk to Mulder, to share her joy with him, but not share her news. Her news was the type to be shared face to face.

She placed the phone back on the stand and thought about how she would tell Mulder he was going be a father. 'He had wanted the in vitro to work almost as badly as I did,' she thought. 'Turns out that wasn't my last chance.'

(Flashback)

Scully had come home from her appointment with Dr. Parenti, feeling everything a person should feel when their dreams have been shattered in the blink of an eye. She had wanted to put off going home to an empty apartment for as long as possible and decided to take a walk to clear her head. When she entered the dark living room of the place she had called home for so many years, she was surprised to find Mulder waiting for her. She hadn't had to tell him anything, he knew by the look on her face that the in vitro didn't work. "I guess it was too much to hope for," she had told him before allowing him to wrap her in his strong embrace and sob until her pain subsided.

A few minutes later, they moved over and sat down on her couch. They hadn't said anything since Mulder had told her to, "never give up on a miracle." Now she sat next to him, her head resting on his shoulder, and his arm wrapped around her. "Are you hungry?" Mulder asked after a long silence.

"No." Another long pause and Scully finally spoke again. "I know you probably weren't exactly thrilled about fathering a child, Mulder," she said softly. "You're off the hook now."

"I don't want to be off the hook, Scully." Mulder said honestly, a hint of shock mixed with the sadness of his tone.

She sat up, meeting his hazel eyes in the still dark living room. "You don't?"

"No. At first I had my doubts about the whole fatherhood thing, but that doesn't mean I didn't want this to happen for you. If I never seemed thrilled, its because I was terrified. But while I was waiting for you to get home, I found myself wanting the in vitro to work almost as badly as you did."

(End flashback)

Scully imagined how her news would be received, and just how it would be delivered, coming up with the only logical sequence of events.

They would be sitting in his living room, on his couch, not paying any attention to the bad sci-fi movie he had on TV. Mulder would be going over the events in Bellefleur. He would tell her how close he had come to having the proof he had been seeking for so long. As he finished his story, Mulder would get up and walk to the kitchen, bringing back two bottles of beer and offering one to her as he passed in front of her and sat back down beside her. She would refuse and he would set the unopened bottle on the coffee table.

In typical Mulder fashion, they would change topics of conversation without warning and he would ask about her health. "So, Scully," he would begin, "are you feeling any better than you did in Bellefleur?"

She would look down at her hands resting in her lap and back to Mulder. "Yeah, I'm feeling fine." Then he would ask if she had gone to her doctor as planned, and in his own special way press for more details by asking if she had picked up some bug, domestic or imported from outer space. She would respond to his questions cryptically, "not exactly, and no, not just a bug. From this planet or anyone else's." She would smile when confusion and concern furrowed his brow, confusing him all the more. She would look down, presumably at her hands again, then meet his confusion laced gaze, all the while still smiling. "Mulder, I'm . . . pregnant." The news would render Mulder speechless, and she would be pleased with herself for achieving such a feat.

Having long grasped the concept of the birds and bees, he wouldn't ask 'how' when he finally could speak again. Rather, he would say, "are you sure? Dr. Parenti said the in vitro didn't work."

"It didn't, I guess that wasn't my last chance after all," she would respond and her smile would turn to and ear to ear grin as Mulder's chest puffed with pride. "Just so I'm clear," she would say, teasingly, "you're happy about this news?"

He would reward her teasing with a hard earned smile, "happy? Yeah, I'm happy," he would confirm, and take her hand in his, leaning forward and gently kissing her lips. When he pressed his forehead to hers, he would ask if she was sure she was feeling okay, and she would respond with a soft, "I feel better than okay, Mulder." Then she would reach up with her other hand and wrap her fingers around the back of his neck. And though it would seem a little odd, she would whisper, "thank you," with as much sincerity as a whisper could hold.

For a moment, things would be perfect for them. For that one moment, their lives would be normal. She chose to believe that was how things would play out. In her mind, in that moment, it seemed so perfectly them that the scenario couldn't happen any other way. Scully was drawn from her reverie when the nurse came in to draw blood for whatever series of tests they were running now. "Good afternoon," the nurse greeted happily.

"Hello," Scully greeted in return. Before the nurse could ask, Scully stuck out her arm and watched as the nurse prepared and drew the blood needed.

"You've done this before I see."

Scully nodded. "I've been on both sides of the needle a time or two."

"Oh, that's right," the nurse said as she labeled the vials of blood. "They said you're a doctor." A soft knock on the door prevented any further conversation. The door opened slowly and the first of the three Gunmen peered inside. Looking to Scully, and realizing that the man at the door was obviously someone she knew, the nurse gave them the okay to enter. "Perfect timing. Is there anything I can get for you, Dr. Scully?"

"No, I'm fine," Scully responded, studying the somber expressions on the three men standing barely inside the doorway. The nurse nodded, grabbed her caddy and left the room. "I'm really fine," Scully assured her visitors, not wanting to go into great detail about her condition. Though they probably already knew, or could easily find out if they didn't, she wasn't ready to go public with her news just yet.

Wanting to break the uncomfortable silence, Byers spoke first, "that's good news. They'll be releasing you soon, then?"

"Tomorrow morning. Did the three of you come all the way down here just to see about my health?" She paused and studied the identical expressions on the three men. "Okay, what's going on? You guys look like you've just lost your best friend."

Langley busied himself by looking out the window. Byers suddenly found his shoes and the floor tiles quite interesting. And all color drained from Frohike's face. She couldn't have chosen a more appropriate choice of words and he couldn't think of any way to get out of telling her. She had caught on that there was indeed something else they came for, besides checking up on her, and wouldn't rest until she knew. Stepping forward, but stopping at the end of her hospital bed, he found that he couldn't look her in the eye. "Agent Scully, I'm sorry," he blurted out, and immediately wished he could rewind and start over.

For a moment, she felt her blood run cold and her stomach twisted itself in one tight knot. "Frohike, what's wrong?" She asked as forcefully as she could manage. When he didn't answer, she turned to the other two. "Langley? Byers?" The fact that none of the men would look at her made her breath catch in her chest and she fought hard to regain the ability to inhale. "Would someone please tell me what's wrong?"

"It's Mulder," Langley squeaked, still standing near the door in case he needed to make a quick exit.

Byers stepped forward and took over the explanation, "Agent Mulder and A.D. Skinner were in the woods in Bellefleur, looking for the UFO. Skinner was setting up another laser and when he looked up . . ." His voice trailed off and his gaze one again traveled to his shoes.

Scully struggled to keep her emotions in check, and did a good job of keeping her tears at bay until Frohike finished recounting the events in the Oregon woods. "Mulder disappeared. Just like the Hoeses, and Billy and Detective Miles and so many others. They've searched the entire area and there's no sign of him. Not so much as a footprint beyond the place Skinner last saw him."

Tears pooled in her eyes and her chin began to quiver as she bit back the worst of the emotions. "They . . . they've stopped searching?"

"From what we can tell, they've only stopped long enough to organize a broader federal search party," Byers offered, trying to sound hopeful.

Biting her lip in an effort to prevent the sobs, Scully nodded her understanding and studied her hands, unable to look at any of the men standing in her room. "Um, could you guys . . ."

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Frohike asked, taking a step backwards toward the door. Scully nodded again, still not making eye contact. The truth was, he was glad she asked them to leave. It nearly killed him to watch her try and remain strong, despite the fact that she had just been given the worst news imaginable. It was like someone was stabbing him in the heart, and knowing he had dealt the final blow twisted the knife. Turning to leave the room, he found that Langley had already left and caught only the heel of Byers' shoe as he was stepping into the hall. Frohike quickly hurried out into the hallway to join the others. "Uh, you guys go on and get the van. I'll be right out . . . there's something I need to take care of first."

The other two men gave him questioning looks, but did as he had asked. Frohike went in search of the nurse that had been in Scully's room just a few minutes ago. She was walking toward another room on the floor when Frohike called after her. "Excuse me . . .," he realized they had never been introduced properly and he didn't know her name. "Uh, nurse?"

She stopped and turned in the direction of the voice. "Yes?"

"You were just in my friend's room down the hall, Dana Scully. And I was wondering if you could maybe look in on her in the next fifteen minutes or so."

The nurse looked a little alarmed, "is everything okay?"

What little life was left in Frohike's eyes faded away. "Uh, not exactly okay. Physically, she's okay. Emotionally is another story." Before he was asked, Frohike went on to voluntarily explain the situation as vaguely as possible. "Her partner has gone missing. He was on assignment and disappeared. That's one reason we were here . . . we thought it would be better coming from us."

The seemingly kind and understanding nurse put a hand on her hip and narrowed her eyes, "don't you think that could have waited until after she . . ."

Frohike put a hand up, hoping to stop the woman's tongue lashing before she got started. "Ma'am, he wasn't just her work partner. They were the closest thing to soul mates that I've ever seen. She loves him more than anything -- they loved each other more than anything. Could you please just check on her in a few minutes and make sure she's okay? And maybe tell her if she needs anything to call Frohike?"

The nurse had intended to decline his last request, but when she saw the concern and sincerity in his eyes, she nodded. "Of course."

A while later, the nurse walked to Scully's room to find that she appeared to be resting as peacefully as could be expected given the circumstances. Not wanting to disturb her, the nurse quietly backed out of the room and went on about her rounds.

-----

He felt as though he were walking the final mile as he made his way down the hall to her hospital room. Since that moment in Bellefleur when Mulder disappeared, Walter Skinner had thought of little else. Not answering to his superiors for having lost one of his agents, no matter how unwanted. Not how he was going to deal with the pain and guilt of losing a friend. But how he was going to tell her. How he was going to look her in the eye and tell the woman in the room at the end of the hall that he had lost the man she entrusted to him. Her partner, her best friend, her lover, lost in the blink of an eye and it was his fault. He stopped outside her room and watched as she sat in her hospital bed, looking out the window. Inhaling deeply, Skinner pushed open the door that separated him from Dana Scully and stepped inside. "Agent Scully."

"Hi," she said softly after a deep breath.

"Hi. How you feeling?"

She looked at him, but he had the feeling she wasn't actually looking at him. "I'm feeling fine. They're just running some tests on me."

It's now or never and she deserves to know, he thought. "Well . . . um . . .," the words caught in his throat and guilt once again gripped his heart. She looked at him again, a breath away from breaking. He had never seen her so fragile and prayed she didn't actually cry.

In three words, she let him off the hook, "I already heard."

"I lost him," Skinner said, his voice cracking. Scully seemed to be so bravely handling the whole situation, when most women would have broken down by now. "I don't know what else to say. I lost him. I'll be asked . . . what I saw. And what I saw, I can't deny. I won't."

"We'll find him." She vowed before she allowed the tears that had pooled in her blue eyes to spill down her cheeks. "I have to." Skinner nodded his understanding and turned to leave, not wanting her to see him completely succumb to the pain of recent events. "Sir, um," she called, causing him to stop and return to her bedside. "There's something else I need to tell you." Ice blue met dark brown, "Something I need for you to keep to yourself." He looked at her questioningly, not able to think what news she could possibly have that he would need kept secret. "I'm having a hard time explaining it. Or believing it. But, um . . ." She paused, and joy mixed with pain and grief, but she smiled anyway. In a sob, she shared her secret, "I'm pregnant." The sound she made next was half laugh and half sob.

Suddenly, her need to find him held greater meaning and Walter Skinner's heart fell to his shoes. He stepped forward, wanting to lean in and comfort her. Though he was unsure, Skinner bent down anyway and hugged her to him. The action was something out of character for him, but he felt it was the absolute least he could do considering the circumstances. At his touch, Dana Scully allowed emotion to consume her and sobs racked her body. Each tear she shed multiplied the anguish he felt. Not only had he cost Scully her best friend, partner, and lover. But he had cost her unborn child a father. It was then and there he made a silent vow to find Mulder if he had to go to the ends of the earth.

Seconds turned to minutes, and minutes to over half an hour before she regained control of her emotions. "Sir, I . . . I'm sorry."

"Don't be. There's nothing to be sorry for." Skinner stood and took a step back. "We. Will. Find him."

Scully fought a new onslaught of tears and nodded. "Thank you, sir."

Before either of them broke down again, Walter Skinner nodded his head and left the room in silence.

-----

That night in the hospital, she dreamed. She dreamed that they had never received the call from Billy Miles. She dreamed that they had never gone back to Bellefleur, Oregon, and that he had never returned there without her. She dreamed that he had never been lost to her. And she dreamed that she was home, in her bed, in his arms, talking about what the future held for them and their unborn child.