So this is pretty much random. I missed my show while typing at this one because I couldn't stop. I was reading a bunch of Hermione/Draco fics and ate some oatmeal and I guess I came up with this... if it stinks, sorry! Review anyway, will you:)
Summary: Diaologe fic: Draco discovers Hermione eating a strange Muggle food called oatmeal and he's instantly intrigued. Very, very random with friendly bantering.
Disclaimer: I own nothing at all! Hermione and Draco are owned by JK.
Oatmeal
"What's that you got there, Granger?"
"It's called oatmeal."
"What's… oatmeal?"
"It's this."
"Why's it so disgusting?"
"It's not disgusting!"
"Its appearance says otherwise."
"Fine, if you think you're so smart, try some."
"Granger, get that spoon away from my face."
"Just try it!"
"No—People with faces like mine do not devour things in bowls that look like that."
"You're missing out."
"I hardly think so."
"Fine."
"…"
"You still sure you don't want to try some?"
"I'm positive, Granger."
"Alright then."
"…"
"Malfoy, stop staring at my oatmeal."
"How'd you do it?"
"What?"
"How'd you make oatmeal in Hogwarts?"
"What do you mean? It's not like we have wards in Hogwarts for Muggle food."
"But… it's Muggle food. So… how did you make it?—I mean, without magic?"
"It came in a packet. All I have to do is add boiled water. I boiled water with my wand and mixed it in with the oatmeal."
"And it ends up looking like that? What does it look like before it's put with the water?"
"Here, open one of the packets. See? That's what it looks like."
"It looks nothing like what you have in your bowl."
"Well, that's because it's not cooked yet."
"I like how it looks before its cooked better. I think you should eat that part."
"Malfoy, I can't eat it before it's cooked."
"Why not? It certainly looks more appetizing."
"Because it's not cooked. When things aren't cooked you don't eat them."
"Why? Does it harm you?"
"Well, no, it doesn't. But you shouldn't eat it either way, it's not cooked."
"Granger, you're not making any sense. Why can't I eat the uncooked oatmeal?"
"Malfoy, you can eat it if you want."
"…"
"Well? Why aren't you eating it?"
"…you have that look on your face where you're preparing yourself to burst into laughter. I'm not touching it until you tell me what poison in it, Granger."
"I did nothing of the sort! I'm just saying that it's stupid to eat uncooked oatmeal. It makes no sense, you just don't eat uncooked things!"
"Well why not?"
"I don't know! It's… just wrong!"
"Hermione, you're being terribly vague right now."
"It's kind of hard to explain. Well, how about this: you can't eat uncooked oatmeal because it won't taste the same as it does when it's cooked."
"What does it taste like when it's cooked?"
"Like what it says on the box."
"Apple cinnamon? What does that taste like? An apple that's made of cinnamon?"
"No, Malfoy. Here, just try some."
"I don't put my lips on things your lips have."
"Oh, grow up, Draco. It's a spoon."
"Granger, I don't care what it is. Sanitize it and then try me again."
"I don't care enough to make all that effort."
"…"
"…"
"…so what's it taste like?"
"MALFOY!"
"Argh! You're pelting the weird food at me!"
"Good, now lick it off yourself."
"Bet you'd love to see that, eh, Granger?"
"Oh, how witty of you, Draco. No. Just eat the damned oatmeal!"
"Hermione! You should be ashamed of yourself. You just spoke profanity!"
"It's your fault! Could you just stay quiet and let me finish my oatmeal in peace?"
"Fine."
"…"
"Why does it look like that?"
"What?"
"Why does the oatmeal look so… gross? It looks like something that you ate yesterday and ended up in your bowl today."
"Eurgh, Malfoy, could you be any more crude?"
"I'm not crude; I'm asking you why it looks so weird!"
"BECAUSE IT LOOKED LIKE THAT AND THEN I ADDED WATER TO IT AND NOW IT LOOKS LIKE THIS! OK?"
"Merlin, Granger, I think my ears are bleeding."
"Well stick a Q-Tip in it and cry me a river."
"Stick a what in my ear?"
"Nevermind."
"Oh, now look at this. Now you've made me feel guilty. I can't stand here looking at your pretty little face all flushed and bothered."
"Stuff it, Malfoy."
"No really, let me make it up to you."
"How so?"
"I'll read to you how many calories are in one pack of this oatmeal nonsense."
"Malfoy, I really don't care how many calories in one pack of oatmeal."
"You don't? Why not? Pansy rants about it all the time, calories and whatnot. I'm not really sure what they are—although she mentioned something once about cars."
"What? Oh, you mean carbs?"
"Sure."
"Well a lot of girls care about their weight. Fortunately I am not a pig or a twig and merely healthy."
"You're curvy."
"Excuse me?"
"Er, I mean that in the best way possible. Healthy, yes, but a curvy type of healthy."
"…"
"C-c-curvy. Li-like hips."
"…"
"Don't raise the spoon, do not raise the sp—!"
"Humph."
"Thanks a lot."
"I should say the same to you. Now I don't want this oatmeal."
"You don't?"
"No. I'm going to go lock myself in my room and revaluate my eating habits. Thanks to you, Draco. Feel guilty, that's right."
"Hm. Such a shame. Well, have fun now, don't hurt yourself."
"You're infuriating."
"Mhmm, I love you too, dearest."
"Malfoy, I hate you."
"Of course. Now scurry along."
"I'm leaving."
"I'm quite aware of that."
"Good-bye."
"Ciao, miss."
"…"
"..."
"…"
Slurps. "Oh, Merlin! This is a bowlful of heaven just waiting to be digested by Draco Malfoy!"
That's it! Like I said, extremely random! Review please:)