If they were to be any difficulty at all, it would be through the fathers allying themselves with someone dangerous. Until Nabiki returned, that would limit them to Happosai, Akane, or a rival. Now if they allied with Akane or a rival, all they'd do is pump them full of lies and empty promises and send them after me. They might try a sneak attack while I fought their cat's-paw.
Since I'm on the alert for attacks from that quarter anyway, their actions wouldn't matter. However they could ally with Happosai. Again, allying with Happosai means little more than directing him in my direction, but unlike the others, I wasn't expecting him to attack me for little or no reason.
After all, I've bested him too often for him to seriously attack me for no reason. He could still attack me with some new method, like he did with the strength weakening moxibustion; but if he didn't, I had topped each of his signature moves.
Well, he still thinks his happo dai karin are useful, and more versatile than my long range attack, the mouko takabisha. Fair enough, but his summoning bombs, sometimes four meters in diameter, has the same class of inherent dangers as Akane's hammers. The summoning would have been fatal to him by now if he weren't incorporating a second technique to drive off malevolent entities.
This second technique had been successful so far. However his aversion technique acted like a loud painful noise. While summoning a hammer might attract the attention of an entity, Happosai's technique guaranteed it, but he relied on the technique's unpleasantness to malevolent entities in keeping him safe.
There is a technique I've developed that should disrupt Happosai's firecracker summoning. But I had no idea what it would do to him. Originally my goal was to cause the bombs to explode while he summoned them. However my technique might prevent them from appearing altogether, or even eradicate his protection. If that happened then his fate would depend on the entity summoned.
I discovered the protection technique he was using after developing my counter. It seemed inconceivable that he could have survived so long while using such a dangerous technique, so I watched carefully while he deployed his technique.
Since I didn't know the results of my counter, I've avoided using it. That's not to say I wouldn't use it, but it wasn't just for casual use. All I'm trying to convey is that unless Happosai pulled out some new technique. I could defeat him without fail.
In retrospect it would have been wiser to issue Happosai with a formal challenge in order to maneuver him into a position where I knew I'd win. But I've always tried to avoid his presence. And summoning him to prove my mastery of the school was too similar to acknowledging him as my teacher.
But long before the Tendo brothers could have mislead an ally, I heard Ryouga shouting from outside the Saotome compound, "Damn it, Ranma. Where are you?"
Unwilling to leave my inevitable confrontation with Ryouga up to random chance, but also unwilling to allow him to damage my mother's home and its environs, I used the Umi-Sen-Ken to get to the opposite side of the street so that Ryouga was between me and my home. And while still cloaked, I held my hand before my mouth and dropped my tone to make it harder to pinpoint my location by sound. "If you fight me here, I'll make sure our next fight destroys your house instead."
"Show yourself!"
"Talk first, fight later."
"Fight me now!"
"Why?"
"You made Akane cry!"
"No. I mean why should I let you fight me?"
"You deserve to be punished!"
"I don't think so."
"Then let's settle this like men! Fight me!"
"Real men talk out their differences, and fight as a last resort."
"That's rich, coming from a girl like you!"
"And yet, I'm acting more like a real man than you. I'm warning you. If you start blowing up the street or firing Shi-shi Hokudans around here, then we can hold our next property destroying match in your living room. I've never done a Hiryu Shoten Ha inside of a building before. Now, are you willing to talk? I can lead us some place we can fight afterwards."
"What do we need to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know. How about what I've done that deserves punishment? Why do you think you have the right to administer it? And why I shouldn't just avoid you?"
"You've made Akane cry, and I'm the only one skilled enough to beat you up for it."
"Nope. Not good enough. It's not my responsibility to make sure my ex-fiancee is happy. And the actions that led to her losing our engagement involved alot of other people; people that I have no control over. Akane's crying is neither my responsibility nor my fault. So we have no reason to fight."
"You took Kasumi away from her family!"
"I allowed her to leave. It's not the same thing. As my sister she has the ability to find a life of her own. Surely you wouldn't dare suggest she should be forced against her will to cook and clean for the Tendos."
"You made Genma Akane's uncle!"
I couldn't help chuckling. "Alright, I'll admit that wasn't nice of me. However Soun can kick him out of the family and make him nameless whenever he wants. And it was Soun who officially adopted Genma as a brother, so if you don't like Genma being a Tendo, it's really Soun you aught to fight."
"You hurt Akane by agreeing to date Shampoo!"
"I will not base who I date on the ever-changing wishes of an ex-fiancee! Other people besides Akane have the right to seek better lives! Someone who hasn't even asked me on a date has no moral reason to resent it when I date someone else. She's had months to ask me out and she hasn't!"
"She deserves better than the way you've treated her!"
"What you think she deserves doesn't enter into it. The question is why should I allow you to try to bully me?"
"I'm not a bully!"
"You're trying to use force to get your own way. You're not trying to punish me, because I didn't do anything wrong. You're angry, and so someone else has to pay; in other words a classic bully."
"Fine! I challenge you to a fight!"
"Why? What do you want me to do if you win, become re-engaged to Akane? And what do you give up if you lose? Making it into a challenge doesn't change the fact that you're acting like a bully. Besides I'm tired of holding back in our fights. I never make use of your family curse or your Jhusenkyou curse when we fight, yet you have used every weakness you could find to try to beat me. Does that seem fair?" This was a mistake because he started glowing green with depression. I sighed. "Ok, Galahad. I'll lead you to a lot where we can fight."
Unsurprisingly after we arrived at the lot, Ryouga started our battle with his Shi-shi Hokudan. It's not a move that can win fights. If he does too well and starts to win, he becomes incapable of using the technique, and it takes a chunk of his stamina each time he uses it. Never-the-less, he hoped to use it to soften me up, and then when my speed was lessened, grapple with me.
Had he come up with a reason for me to fight him, I would have let him set the pace for the fight. But the only reason I agreed to fight him was to redirect the concomitant damage away from my neighborhood, so I didn't feel Ryouga deserved either my consideration or my time.
It was trivial to redirect Ryouga's depression into anger. For some one who relies so strongly on emotions for his attacks, you'd have thought he'd work at achieving an inner harmonious balance. Still, once his depression broke into anger, he lost all thought, and became a berserker charging to attack. So it was inevitable that he'd fall for the Hiryu Shoten Ha.
Having dealt with one Tendo launched guided missile, perhaps I might be forgiven for neglecting to prepare for the Tendo brother's upcoming attack. Instead I was expecting the imminent revenge of our blind bully, Mousse. Surely he wasn't going to permit me to date his beloved without a pre-emptive strike.
But the hour of our date approached, and still there was no sign of Mousse.
In a nod to the customs of Japan, and perhaps so that Cologne would have a chance to witness it, someone decided that I should pick up and drop off Shampoo at the Nekohanten. I have trouble believing that the idea originated with Shampoo, and I doubt Amazon custom has a chivalrous anachronism designed to protect the weaker female. Plus, I know for a fact that my mother and Cologne had a talk concerning what she would and would not allow in a girl dating her son.
I had related some of the tales of my fiancee's past efforts to win me over. My mother almost forbade my dating Shampoo until I reminded her of the stress the multiple engagements had on everyone, not to mention the father's actions. She agreed that everyone had been under unusual pressure, and combining that with culture shock forgave an awful lot. However that would no longer be considered an acceptable excuse for future indiscretions.
Never the less, I agreed to pick Shampoo up. No doubt the custom wasn't explained as an anachronistic acceptance of the weakness of women, but as an example of the devotion I was showing by being considerate of her.
Of course I entered the establishment waiting for an attack from the besotted paramour. But since Mousse was still abroad, we left the restaurant to the raunchy suggestion from Cologne, "Son-in-law, don't do anything I wouldn't do; and consider naming it after me."
Neither of us had any real experience in dating. We chose a restaurant at random from a phone book to throw off any plans to disrupt our date. None of our "friends" were renowned for thinking on their feet, so we were assured a peaceful dinner. The food was adequate, and the conversation better.
When I commented on the lack of Mousse, I expected to hear how Shampoo knocked him out earlier that evening. Instead she said he'd been gone since the day after Nabiki tried to blackmail Cologne. This seemed counterintuitive, as I'd assume Cologne would keep Mousse available during a tumultuous time like this.
Still, what Cologne did with Mousse was neither my interest nor my concern. After Shampoo explained away his lack of an appearance, his name wasn't mentioned again.
What a pair we made. Two people from different cultures going on our first completely voluntary date, both of us were maintaining false personas. Don't get me wrong, I had an enjoyable evening, as I'm reasonably sure she did. But it was obvious that she was projecting the kind of persona she thought I wanted to see. Happy, cheerful, and slightly dim.
I've only myself to blame, having masked my own intelligence for over a decade. As per my plan, since I'd broken ties with Genma, I was allowing my apparent intelligence to climb. But I was still limiting my apparent cognitive faculties to mimic an elementary school student.
So I couldn't tell her to drop her act, especially when I wasn't dropping my own. My reason for dropping my act slowly was to acclimatize others. I wouldn't be able to maintain plausible imbecility once Cologne and Nabiki thought over my recent actions. So as my cover was about to be blown, in the meantime I was going to gently let my friends and family adapt.
Still, I had a good time and enjoyed our walk in the park, although we studiously avoided the pond and the fountain. We made it throughout the entire night without needing the thermos of hot water I'd brought.
When we returned to the Nekohanten, she obviously wasn't expecting to actually get a goodnight kiss. So my hug, and kiss on the lips left her completely pole axed. I wish it were due to the passion of my kiss instead of the unexpectedness of it, but any time I leave a girl stunned from an intimate kiss, I'll chalk it up to a successful kiss.
She looked so cute standing there stunned, that I gave her another quick peck on the forehead before disengaging our arms, and wishing her a good night.
When I got home that evening, Mom and sister Kasumi apparently decided it didn't matter if I was male, we three were going to gossip about the date.
I could tell Kasumi was genuinely happy for me, as well as trying to mask sadness over how Akane might feel. Most of my date sounded boring to me as I described it, even though I enjoyed it. But momma and sis hung on my every word as if it were prime entertainment.
When I described Shampoo's expression to my goodnight kiss, they both laughed. I joined them when Kasumi pointed out that five minutes after I left she was probably kicking herself for failing to tear off my shirt and begin making out with me on the spot.
Mom asked me for my overall impression of the date. I hesitated, before taking a chance and mentioned how even though I enjoyed it, it would never work out if Shampoo can't drop her mask on subsequent dates.
After swearing them to silence, I told them how she was acting as she thought I'd want, and not being true to herself. Mom said that it was a common problem, especially for people under alot of expectations who haven't had a chance to figure out who they are. Mom was looking at Kasumi in an obvious warning, leading Kasumi to blush, and stammer how she'd try to avoid making the same mistake.
Neither of them, apparently, realized that applied also to me.
Now that I've intentionally kissed someone, all of the loons had to express their opinions.
Akane specialized in hurt anger. "I heard you kissed Shampoo!"
Remembering Shampoo's pole axed expression, I'm afraid I grinned. "Twice!"
"How could you?"
"If you're asking for a demonstration, try asking me when you're not angry. If you're asking why I didn't ask anyone for permission first, then you need to grow up. I kiss whoever I want, when I want; provided I think my partner would like it. I'm not Mikado Sanzenin."
"But what about us?"
"We'll always have Paris. What do you mean, 'us?' We were once engaged against our wills. We lived together, and I'd consider dating you if you wanted to. That's the extent of 'us.' I'm not ready to enter a long-term monogamous relationship with you or anyone else at this time."
"You're as bad as Kuno!"
"How dare you! I'd never pursue anyone who didn't reciprocate. I don't grope anyone, and I don't go around trying to use my martial arts to compel others to do what I want! If that's what you think of me, then we have nothing further to discuss." I waited for an apology, even though I didn't expect one. I think Akane realized she was in the wrong, but she couldn't bring herself to admit it. In the past this would have been enough. "Fine, here's another way I differ from Kuno. I no longer desire to be associated with someone who makes such accusations, and can't apologize. Goodbye."
It was at this point I began to notice something odd about Nabiki's absence. She had been gone too long, and too many things had happened for her not to have heard about it, and returned.
Approaching some of the girls Nabiki regularly hung around with revealed that they had a very familiar inability to even consider the name Nabiki. I quickly phoned Kasumi, and relayed my misgivings and my findings, asking her to wait on informing the Tendos until I had a chance to talk to Cologne without their interference.
When I pointed out that Nabiki's friends were behaving the same way Akane did after the memory erasing Shampoo, she said, "Well spotted. They conspired with Nabiki to blackmail us, so we erased their memory of us and Nabiki."
"Well, I can understand why you blanked their minds of whatever was being used to blackmail you. But now that you've pardoned Nabiki, shouldn't you restore their memories of Nabiki? After all, they are classmates."
"I agreed to drop all charges with the police. I never said I pardoned her blackmail attempt."
"You mean you intend to punish her yourself?" At her lack of contradiction, I asked "That's why she hasn't returned now that the police aren't looking for her? If you planned to punish her yourself, you never planned to turn her over to the police?" Again she didn't correct me. "Then the charges you've filed were a bluff to cover her disappearance when you kidnapped her."
"Now, son-in-law, that's a pretty circumstantial argument."
"So which part of it's untrue? Kidnapping is more serious than blackmail. You'd better return her."
"You couldn't prove it to the authorities, and you'd better not presume to order me around."
"You have no right to hold her!"
"She tried to blackmail me."
"She's not subject to your judgment. She's not an Amazon! We have independent judges for deciding suitable punishments. Kidnapping isn't one of them."
"We decide our own punishments!"
"If you really believed you had the right to do that, you'd have told the police instead of trying to conceal your illegal kidnapping. If Nabiki deserves punishment shouldn't her family been informed what happened to her? Doesn't she deserve a trial?"
"She had a trial; I spent half a minute debating what to do. We don't bother with all of the palaver your court system uses to drag things out."
"So you're a kidnapper and a despot for your people. And you deceive people you want to bring into your tribe. I can't imagine how you treat the people who actually live with you."
"That's hardly the way to refer to your own people, son-in-law."
"You're mad if you think I'd put myself in that situation."
"You will if you want Nabiki returned."
"You're mad!"
"Think it over."
I was heading back to home to tell the only two people I felt I could count on, when Shampoo glomped me. "Airen! We go on another date?"
I was in the soul of ice to avoid taking out on Shampoo my anger. She noticed my seriousness when I told her to let go of me. When I told her about her Grandmother kidnapping Nabiki and holding her hostage to blackmail me into returning to China, she blanched. "So in exchange for Nabiki's attempted blackmail, she already received the end of all of my engagements, plus she's engaged in kidnapping, erasing the memory of others, and now she's using Nabiki as a hostage to blackmail me. What do you think I should do to Cologne?"
At this point, no one knew of the Jhusenkyou curse Cologne had hit Nabiki with.
Shampoo was quietly repeating to herself, "No... No... No..." It was obvious that all of this was news to her.
"I'm going home to talk to my family about this. You'd better come along."
For Shampoo everything had been moving along beautifully. She had more of a relationship with me than any other non-family female. Bad enough her Grandmother was trying to force the issue at the wrong time, but if her grandmother was breaking these laws, she's obviously planning to cut all ties to Japan.
"Shampoo, I can never join your tribe if it means someone else can just decide I'm guilty and punish me if she feels like it. If we do have a relationship, either the Amazons have to change, or our relationship has to be held away from the Amazons. We can't change all of the Amazons, so if we do get married, we won't be returning to China."
There. The inevitable death knell of her dreams. But no one's dreams in Nerima included room for what I wanted, and I didn't have room before for dreams of my own.
When Shampoo and I told Mom and Kasumi the situation, Kasumi asked "What can we do?"
"We have options. But none of them are good. We can go to the police, but we haven't any evidence. And Cologne could probably make Nabiki disappear for good if necessary. We can go along with her demands, but we have no proof she'd release Nabiki; and before we got to China, I'd probably either have to kill someone, or myself. Finally, I can fight her. If I fight her all out, at least one of us won't survive."
"You think you can kill Great-grandmother?"
"I know some lethal attacks that I'm sure she doesn't know, and I doubt she'd even recognize until it was too late. Her only defense would be killing me before I finished. Think of it like a shiatsu attack, only made from a distance. Oh, and it can't be blocked, only dodged. And a near miss works pretty well. Ok, it's nothing like shiatsu. Think of it as a phantom hand grenade. With shrapnel and thermite. Boy, do I suck at metaphors."
My similes were horrible because I didn't want even a clue getting out about what I could do, but my allies needed to know that it was a fatal unblockable distance attack. Also I'd been appearing too educated; hence the confusion of the word metaphor where I meant simile. Everyone knew Ranma wouldn't recognize a simile unless it challenged him to a martial arts contest.
After my mother pointed out my swearing, but didn't think it worth trying to correct my grammar. I explained. "My point was that if I have ta fight her, it's going ta be a battle to the death. The only times I beat her was when she was testing me. For example she gave up when I used the neko-ken because I proved that I would even face my greatest fear if it meant winning. She recognized it immediately and probably knew its weaknesses. Even if she didn't; she does now."
"You know? I was ordered not to tell, and then trained incase you ever attacked me after I put you into the neko-ken."
"I don't want to have to kill anyone! I'd rather leave Nabiki where she is for a little longer, and look for an opportunity to free her without killing."
Kasumi suggested, "If Mousse is away on errands, and Shampoo is here, then Cologne is taking care of Nabiki, as well as her restaurant. Can't we make use of the fact that she's somewhat overstretched?"
Momma caught on. "Shampoo, did Cologne give you any orders that would prevent you from spending time with my son and me? What if I invited you to stay here for the next few days?"
"It's an opportunity to attract Ranma, right? Cologne said attracting Ranma is more important than running restaurant, so if it's a good opportunity, I don't even need to phone home. She'll be furious afterwards but can not blame me."
"OK. She's now without help. How do we overstretch her still further?"
"Kasumi, can you convince Soun to challenge Cologne for the release of Nabiki? Tell him any reason you like for me being unavailable for the next few days, but that you discovered that Nabiki's being held hostage, and challenge Cologne to a public fight. Say, at the school soccer field. I can steal an idea of Kodachi and Happosai by spreading leaflets around town, forcing them not to back out. When Cologne is at the field, Shampoo and I hit the restaurant for a rescue."
"The restaurant is trapped. Mostly cold water to keep Mousse and I out of certain areas, but also Happosai traps."
"We'll bring hot water. If something goes wrong, Mom and Kasumi can contact Happosai and Genma for either a last minute rescue or to cause confusion. We can't rely on them, but if someone tells them there are undefended things to steal, Shampoo's lingerie and Cologne's treasures, Happosai will strike, and he'll bring Genma along to carry, as a decoy, or as a sacrificial scapegoat."
"How will we know something's wrong?"
"Kasumi can watch the school, Mom can watch the Cafe from outside, and all four of us keep in touch by radio."
"Radio?"
"Hey, I'm not trapped in the 19th century. Even with Genma's upbringing, I did learn about technological advances. I don't like them, because I prefer to fight things head on. But this time Soun is doing the fighting, and I'm doing what Genma taught best. Snatching something valuable while someone else gets beat up. It's the heart of the Anything Goes School. Not that they tell their students that."
When Kasumi phoned up her father, the first thing Soun did was demand to know where Ranma was. Kasumi prevaricated that I was away on a training trip. But that what was more important was that Cologne had kidnapped Nabiki.
Never quick to change tracks, Soun immediately insisted that I fight Cologne. Kasumi raised the anger in her voice, pointing out that Nabiki needed rescuing immediately, and there was no way to find me in time.
When he said, "But, Kasumi..." she snapped.
"It's your job to rescue your daughter right away. How could you even suggest that we wait so you can try to force her sister's ex-fiancee to fight for her!"
"But they're Amazons. That makes it his responsibility."
"It doesn't matter. You're going to fight Cologne at two o'clock on the school soccer field. I've already delivered your challenge for you, and leaflets are being scattered over the neighborhood. If you don't show up, the Tendo School will be dishonored. Neither Akane nor Ranma can fight in your place." With that, she slammed down the telephone.
She turned to us, and almost wept, "I thought he had become better since Ranma and Genma arrived; he was more active. But he's just become more incapable of doing anything. He leans on Ranma to do anything dangerous, and he relies on Genma backing him up for courage and support."
After we had spent a while comforting her, Kasumi phoned Cologne to deliver Soun's challenge, while I left to photocopy and scatter the leaflets my mother had created, which outlined the combatants, the kidnapping, and that the honor of the dojo was at stake.
After all that planning, the execution was surprisingly easy. Cologne showed up alone at the soccer field. Soun opened with his demon-headed attack, but as it was just a variation of Happosai and Genma's giant aura technique and Happosai's fear attack, Cologne had a counter-method that left her completely unaffected.
Not expecting her to be unaffected, Soun fell to a simple blow to the head. Kasumi radioed in the end of the fight to us, and then engaged Cologne in conversation.
Meanwhile when Cologne had arrived at the school, we had started our break-in by Shampoo unlocking the door. I assured Shampoo that we'd disguise her help by locking the door on the way out, and then I'd smash the lock in. Always postpone any unavoidable noise to the running away stage. The kitchen, dining room, and Shampoo's room didn't need to be searched. But that left Mousse's room, Cologne's room, the store room, and the private room in the basement. Nabiki was most likely in the last, but it was also the most heavily protected.
I insisted on searching Mousse's room while Shampoo searched the storage room. Mousse's dabbling in unnatural topology meant he might have either traps or paraphernalia of an esoteric nature, which I might detect, but that Shampoo probably would not. I did find a number of Shinto wards of questionable effacy apparently designed to drive off evil entities, so perhaps Mousse wasn't unaffected by the side effects of his art as he appeared. But any dangerous works were missing or well hidden. I didn't have much time to search.
We had our reunion in front of Cologne's door when the fight between Cologne and Soun had ended. We'd propped an open Thermos of hot water down the hall in case Shampoo was hit by cold water. When I failed to hit the proper catch while opening the door, I not only got a face full of water, but the sprinkler system doused the whole building. An alert, trap, and a record of attempt all rolled into one. Had Mousse or Shampoo tried to sneak into the matriarch's room, their attempt would have almost surely been revealed.
Cologne's room was spartan, and while her cupboards and closets contained interesting items, they didn't have Nabiki.
.oO0Oo.
Author's Notes:
Shampoo is spending the most time of all of the ex-fiancees with Ranma. If it weren't for their disguising themselves around each other, Shampoo would be the most likely romantic match for Ranma in this story.
However, Ukyou could easily overtake her once Ukyou starts dating Ranma.
Akane has always been depicted in canon as being ill equipped to dealing with changes in the status quo, so she's going to hurt her own position until she accepts the recent changes.
Kodachi is still insane.