Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

AN: I felt it necessary to explore Sango's relationship with Inuyasha and especially with Miroku, since he is commonly thought of as her main love interest. Poor Sango. She's trying.

That evening, Sango moped. No one noticed her since Inuyasha and Shippou were also moping and Miroku had disappeared shortly after supper mumbling something about checking up on a sick friend. Sango sighed and laid her head against the wall of the Kaede's hut. The old woman was already asleep and there were only Sango's own thoughts to fill the silence of the hut. She almost wished Kaede were snoring, if only to break the stifling silence. Sango was restless, but she tried to sit very still. It would not do to disturb Kaede's slumber.

Sango was reluctant to leave the hut's quiet sanctuary. She did not feel much like conversation tonight.

Her thoughts kept returning to that last day at the stream with Kagome. The rush of feeling which had overwhelmed her as she'd held Kagome to the ground had been thrilling. She'd felt an overwhelming sense of --goodwill-.

It had all been too good to be true, she supposed. Still she was baffled by the fact that she could have felt such an earth shattering surge of emotion while Kagome remained both unaware and untouched by it.

In the end, Kagome's oblivious response was the same as rejection. And it hurt.

Sango also had anger to deal with. She felt angry at Kagome as well as herself. She knew that she had no right to be angry at Kagome, but the position in which she'd been placed needled her pride.

Her anger might prove useful, Sango decided. She'd often used her own anger as a tool in the past. It'd reshaped her pain, her terrifying sorrow, into a desired for vengeance towards Naraku. Just the casual thought of what he had done made Sango's jaw clench.

She could use her anger as a tool here as well, to rid herself of her fixation with Kagome. She could be angry at Kagome for not returning her feelings, or worse, for not acknowledging Sango's feelings at all.

It was a fine plan, she thought.

She stayed angry at Kagome for a day and a half before she gave that up.

She had forgotten. A fiery impulse such as anger could only take you so far before it fizzled out. As for the cold anger she still held within her heart for Naraku, she would never, could never, feel such a despicable thing for Kagome.

This was merely the first of the several unsuccessful attempts she would make to rid herself of her growing desire for Kagome over the coming weeks.

But as for the next few days, she momentarily gave up trying. She entertained a vague hope that perhaps her feelings might not be so inappropriate after all. She stopped searching for a reason not to fall in love with Kagome and allowed herself to dream.

But as it often happens, when you are not looking, that something finds you. A week into Kagome's departure, Sango and Inuyasha decided to take a small 'vacation' of their own by investigating rumors of a string of minor youkai attacks on a nearby village. They departed at sunrise and quickly found the band of youkai squatting near the village, probably coordinating their next attack.

"This is almost like target practice," Sango remarked with a grin as she swung her Hiraikotsu at a group of slithering, insect-like lesser youkai.

"Yeah," Inuyasha agreed, "I almost feel sorry for the buggers."

The slaughter, and that's what it had become, was entirely too easy and Sango's thoughts began to wander. She performed her fighting maneuvers automatically. As usual, she was thinking of Kagome. She wondered what Kagome was doing at the moment. The image of her taking a bath flashed through her mind. She mentally stamped out that thought and tried to imagine Kagome eating breakfast instead.

Behind her, she heard a growl and whipped around to see Inuyasha slicing up a worm which had come within inches of her.

"Oh," she gasped, feeling more embarrassed at her negligence than anything else. To be injured by such a weak youkai was unheard of by a skilled Taiijiya such as herself. Her cheeks burned with shame.

"You should pay more attention," Inyasha warned her. "You were standing there all starry eyed and weren't watching your back. Looks like Kagome's sky larking is rubbing off on you, Sango." He flashed a grin.

"Big words. Do you even know what they mean, Inuyasha," she countered. "And thanks," she added as an afterthought, "for nothing."

Inuyasha snickered at this and leapt into the air to chase off the stragglers.

Sango watched him float effortlessly in mid-air as he wielded the Tessaiga. His long hair billowed around him in the breeze and Sango admired the way it shone like spun silver in the sun. Despite her off-hand comment, Sango appreciated his help. Inuyasha had become a good friend to her. He had proved himself to be fiercely loyal and protective of his friends, even to the point where he would sacrifice himself in order to insure their well-being. He had done this for Sango many times. He had even defended Kohaku simply because he was her brother.

The memory of that event caused her mood to darken. Faced with her brother's blank, cold eyes, Sango had shut down her emotions, pushing back her love for her brother and deeming it necessary to kill him and herself. Under Naraku's control, he would've only continued his mindless slaughter. Inuyasha had stopped her, insisting she not give up hope. It was a relief to turn control and trust over to the hanyou. It was also a relief that someone was willing to stand up for her brother, and ultimately, for Sango herself.

Sango felt suddenly ashamed. She was aware of Inuyasha's interest in Kagome, yet she still allowed herself to secretly entertain thoughts of her. It was a breech of trust between herself and Inuyasha. There was loyalty to consider. It was true that his intentions toward Kagome were not clear, but who was she to insert herself into their strange on and off relationship?

And so Sango resolved, once again, to put away her own desires and lock away her feelings for Kagome. She would not stand in Inuyasha's way.

x x x x

This time, Sango was determined to go about things from a different angle. After all, like her father used to say:

If you continue dipping water from the same soured well, you'll go through life with a sour taste in your mouth.

There seemed to be no end to her intrusive thoughts, especially at night when her mind would wander back to the times she'd been in physical contact with Kagome. She used the same scenes to quicken her emotions over and over – what it had felt like to press herself against Kagome on the forest floor, her smile, Kagome leaning against her shoulder….Sango never tired of this fantasizing. And she was growing bolder. Late at night when the full, bright moon was high and her inhibitions were low, she would imagine grinding her hips against Kagome's as she explored her breasts beneath that flimsy shirt she always wore. Her late nights had become an exercise in sexual frustration.

She had a plan which might help that. Perhaps it would merely take the touch of another to distract her from her longing.

Once she had decided this, it took an entire morning of leaving herself open before Miroku took the bait. She was busy with weapon's maintenance when she felt the ghost of a caress against her backside. She offered no protest. Soon, she felt another, bolder touch accompanied by an appreciative squeeze. Sango smiled. She really did have a great backside.

Sango turned to face him and waited. He stared at her dumbly, taking a moment for the realization to dawn on him.

"You didn't hit me."

"No."

"Ah ha," he gave her a self-confident smile, "well that can only mean one thing." Miroku reached for her and pulled her against him. She could feel his angular chest and hips through his robes. He was all bone and muscle beneath those heavy robes, she knew, but somehow this did not please her as it should have. She mercilessly stamped out the comparison her mind was making between his hardness and Kagome's softness. Sango forced herself to smile up at Miroku. It was awkward. She lifted her arms up to circle his neck and willed her feet to move forward in order to press her body more firmly against his. Her actions felt contrived, where with Kagome things had come so naturally.

Miroku looked down at her strained features and hesitated for a moment. A look of concern flashed over his features and in that moment Sango melted a little.

But that look was soon replaced by lust and his lips came crashing down on hers. She had not been ready for that. She felt stiffened, fighting the urge to back away. His thrusting tongue left her feeling vaguely sickened.

She felt but one single-minded impulse, to push him back violently and slap his hands from her breasts and hips.

A few seconds later, Miroku was staring up at her, dejectedly, this time from a spot on the ground. She offered her hand and he lifted himself up and dusted off his robes. He sighed and gave her a hurt look. "If there was something I was doing wrong, Sango, all you had to do was say so," he told her in his familiar resigned tones.

Sango felt suddenly guilty. Needless to say her little experiment had not worked. "I'm sorry…I just thought," Sango was unable to find the words needed to explain her predicament.

Miroku's eyes softened and he briefly touched her arm, "You don't have to explain yourself to me, Sango. Your unpredictability is not an unattractive feature." He gave her a smile that might have been a leer had his gentle nature allowed such a thing. Sango hung her head. She felt him brush pass her. As he was leaving, he added, "one day you'll be ready for me."

Miroku always had a way of saying the wrong thing.

Upon hearing his boast, Sango felt better. It was not within her power to hurt Miroku by rejecting his advances. To him, there was a very definite line which separated love and sex. If she'd had sex with him today, he would have felt no compunction about chasing any of the pretty village girls tomorrow.

It did not mean that he didn't care for her. He was simply…Miroku, an unstoppable womanizer with a heart of gold. She'd first really understood this shortly after their long battle on Mount Hakurei. She'd thought herself to be falling in love with him at the time. She'd never been quite sure of his feelings for her until the time when he had fought for her so fiercely, professing words of love.

It struck her as strange that only a few weeks later, he was trying to sneak off to chase the women of yet anther village. First, she questioned his sanity. What normal, decent person would go after other women right under his loves nose? It took a few nights tossing and turning to realize that Miroku did, indeed, care deeply for her, but that did not mean he loved her. He would fight by her side for as long as it took. He would give his life for her. Yes, all of that. He desired her, even desperately at times. But these were two emotions were not interconnected in Miroku's mind. He cared for because she had become a dear friend. But he loved her only because she was a woman.

Sango realized, with no little shame, that she had wanted Miroku, not because she loved him, but simply because he was handsome, charming and there. The two of them were not so different after all. The only difference being he had not foolishly mistaken the longing for true love.

Sango pushed her romantic feelings to the back of her mind and was surprised how easily reason won out over emotion in this case. And yet she still cared for him and looked to him as one of her dearest friends.

If only things were the same with Kagome. Her desire from her did not obey logic or respond to Sango's attempts to squash it under her despair at the hopelessness of it all.

She resolved to do next the only thing left - to suffer in silence.

For the next few days, she walked about stiffly with a sour-faced expression.

Miroku watched her, muttering something about mysterious mood swings and being happy to have been born male.

x x x x

Sango walked mechanically behind a visibly excited Inuyasha towards the well to wait for Kagome. Today was the day she was due to return. Sango had missed Kagome as well, but she was determined to hide the fact. She wore an expressionless mask, her eyes dull.

As she watched Kagome happily rush to meet Inuyasha first, a twinge of jealousy worked its way through and her eyes flashed.

Not again, Sango almost despaired. Jealousy, desire, anger, helplessness, despair…she felt she would go mad with the intense barrage of emotions she'd been forced to endure over the past few months. And even now, when she should have known better, it was happening again.

Sango could not tear her eyes from the scene before her. Kagome smile shyly up at Inuyasha, handing him some trinket she'd brought him from her world. Hot tears rolled down Sango's cheeks as she watched the two of them. Sango quickly wiped them on her sleeve and turned away. Kagome would never return her feelings. She'd hardly noticed her with Inuyasha there. Big surprise there, she mentally berated herself, why the hell am I letting it get to me like this?

Sango slipped, unnoticed, into the forest. She wanted to be alone. With each step, the emotionally detached wall she'd attempted to erect around herself tumbled into a haze of pain.

AN: Let me know if this story is still working for you. Thanks for reading!