Chapter 1
The Pronunciation Problem
An enormously fat red pikmin traced around the room. What am I going to do with my problem? he thought. Alas! What was his problem? Who is this pikmin hiding in mystery and vileness? Let us just call him "The Fatman" for now. Describing this pikmin already tells he is evil. The "room" was cluttered with maps and unnecessary things lying around. Truthfully, the "room" was so cluttered that The Fatman didn't have that much space to trace around. Only a door and a window remained visible.
Suddenly another pikmin stepped into his room. "Your vileness," the pikmin said politely. "Ah! Jerry," Fatman replied, "just the person I wanted to see." The male called Jerry carefully, not damaging any of Fatman's waste, came closer. "I have a pronunciation problem," Fatman said. "I can't pronounce words correctly. I need your advice." "Well," Jerry started, "you could just get an English teacher."
"But how am I going to wreak havoc with horrible English?" Fatman replied quickly. He thought intently. "I know!" he said instantaneously. "I could get an English teacher!" Jerry sighed. "And then," Fatman continued, "when I am fully taught the arts of English I will beat Chancellors Red and Blue and take their position, FOR NO RAISON!" Jerry sighed again. "I think you mean reason, sir," he corrected. Fatman's 1 minute of imagination slowly turned to anger. Obviously he did not like being corrected. "YOU'RE FRIED!" Fatman bellowed. Jerry slowly walked out of the room. He stopped a few steps away. "I think you mean fired, sir," he corrected again.
Meanwhile in a nearby club a blue pikmin in a red mask argued with the club receptionist. "What are you talking about not on the list? My name is right there!" the red masked pikmin shouted. The club receptionist simply gave a bored look. "And, you are?" the receptionist asked. "Who am I? WHO AM I?" the masked pikmin yelled. The receptionist rolled her eyes knowing that this could only lead to an overly long description of the masked pikmin. "I am Captain Ironic Eraser! A freedom fighter, sworn to dispose of the evil Chancellors Red and Blue! I won two academy awards for best background picture and have saved this very Earth, four TIMES! I am the man who created the INTERNET AND VIDEOGAMES!"
The so-called captain gasped for air. Sure to you it wouldn't be such an overly long introduction, but to him 2 minutes of running would be a life time. The receptionist still bore a bored look saying again, "And you are?" That was it, he had blown it. The last Hero club to accept had kicked him out for harassing a receptionist. Am I a hero no more? Captain Eraser thought. He went back home to his apartment thinking about his pitiful life being wasted. His apartment was painted blue all over, even his toilet was blue. He sat on his bed looking at newspaper articles of himself but they did nothing to cheer him up. Truthfully they were not newspaper articles of him. His friend Red Frenzy had taken pictures of him to remember him by but he had forgotten at Captain Eraser's apartment.
This world is a rotten mess. We need to stand together. Why did he want to stop Chancellors Red and Blue? Well let's delve into that matter. A few long years ago aliens in suits had come forth seeking the pikmin's help to explore. The pikmins were like their guide. The pikmin's had signed an agreement saying that Red and Blue will be the leader of the pikmin pack. But things were strange after that. After guiding Red and Blue through the vastness of their world, many pikmin were already dead from guiding them. The pikmins didn't live in freedom anymore either. They lived more in rule than law. Finally Red and Blue had taken all control of the pikmins. After a few years the pikmin's tropical city of grass and flowers became an industrial city. The history of the pikmin was now extinct. There were no clues of the old ages of the pikmin, nor the pain they endured while serving under Red and Blue.
Captain Ironic sat there on his bed thinking intently about the things he was about to do. Then he stood up valiantly with his chest out. "I swear to this world!" he cried. "That there will be freedom to the pikmin! The first thing I need to do is take down Chancellors Red and Blue! Pikmin of the Earth, CAPTAIN IRONIC ERASER HAS SPOKEN!" he thumped his chest. Quickly he grabbed a cape, tied around his neck, stood up straight to his glorious moment of truth and justice as an ominous wind blew his cape. Suddenly there was knock on his door. Swiftly he rushed to the door and opened it. It was his next door neighbor a pink pikmin. He wore a white robe and a frightening green slime on his face. "Can you shuddap? I'm trying to sleep here!" he said roughly. He took out his pillow from behind and whacked our hero across the face. Although Captain Eraser's pain sensors did not pick anything he still reacted as though it hurt. Captain Eraser slammed the door on his neighbor.
He quickly turned around devising his plan to give a message to the world of the pikmin. The Captain laughed maniacally. "Chancellors Red and Blue will rue the day he stole our freedom!" Captain Eraser cried, "THE FREEDOM OF THE PIKMIN!" Captain Eraser stuck his index finger up to the heavens. "Citizens of the city!" he said, "I will strike!"
A few miles from here a yellow pikmin phones the FPPA. "This is the Federal Police Pikmin Association," a voice said, "how may we help you?" The yellow pikmin grinned. "I am here to tell you that a masked man is about to strike the Tower of the Pikmin," he said. "Wait, who is this?" the voice asked. The yellow pikmin grinned again. "You may refer to me as 'E' officers."