Title: Cold Light Of Day

Chapter Four

By: LizD

Spoilers: Mid-Season 8

Notes: This is the sequel to Better Never, Than Late story (by request from a couple of reviewers – I got inspired). s/b humorous with lots of sexual situations.

Written: Summer 2006

Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.

Chapter Four

It wasn't the sun that woke Mac; it him getting out of bed. She rolled over and groaned. The morning routine had started – sans singing – but it was hours away from dawn. Her groan was not from the water noise it was from the fact that she was a little sore. They had been a little rough with each other that night/morning. Not really rough, more like desperate, ravenous, insatiable – regardless it was one hell of a work out and she probably had a few new bruises. She didn't want to see the damage they had done to her living room.

She arrived home after her date with Lord and accidently running into Harm and what's-her-name and in less than five minutes there was a knock on the door. She worried that it was Lord coming back for something – like the kiss goodnight she had denied him. She wasn't in the mood. She needed to change and head over to Harm's to get there before he got home.

When she opened the door Harm didn't wait for the customary 'step back' granting him access to her and her bed. Instead he reached out, took a hold of the back of her head and pulled her into a searing, sizzling, knee-weakening kiss that didn't end until oxygen became an issue – or lack there of. To call it a 'kiss' was like saying that Beethoven's Fifth was a 'catchy tune': angels gasped, sang, wept and danced on pin heads; the earth didn't move out of its orbit, but there was a definite VERTIGO effect. With no fight from her, he pushed her back into the apartment, slammed her up against the door and kissed her again. Clearly he had needs. Clearly he had no worries that Little Lord Baltimore might be at her place. Clearly he was convinced that she had the same needs he did. He was not wrong. But that was hours ago …

Mac heard the water shut off and then silence. The routine had stopped – no shower, no shave, she wasn't even sure if he had brushed his teeth. She looked toward the bathroom; Harm stood in the doorway in boxers and holding a t-shirt.

"So … you think we are a head on collision, huh?" his tone was cold.

She couldn't help but notice the bite mark on his shoulder. She flashed on the moment of the infliction; she couldn't remember ever being driven to that kind of voraciousness by anyone ever in her life – even when she was drinking. Maybe it wasn't him, maybe it wasn't her … maybe it was THEM. She rolled away from him and groaned her embarrassment.

"Did the air bags deploy or were both drivers killed on impact?" he was clearly annoyed and a session of blistering, physical, hardcore sex hadn't chilled his mood any.

"Can you wait until I am dressed before we have this debate?" she pleaded.

"Forget it Mac," he pulled his t-shirt on and went to the living room in search of his pants.

She rolled over and heard him dressing in the other room. She dug around in the blankets on the floor by the bed and found her bathrobe and followed him to the living room.

It was a total wreck: vases knocked over, pictures overturned, furniture pushed around. Clothes were everywhere. It looked like a cyclone had hit it.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Home … work …" he stated as he picked through the debris looking for what was his. "I have a court date at 0900 … in fact … so do you," he nodded. "See ya in court, Mac," he headed toward the door.

"That's it?" she was floored.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked. "We're done."

"You get to make that call?" she said indignantly.

"You have made all the others," he glared at her. "Yes … I get this one for myself."

"I don't accept that," she stated in her best command voice.

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn," he opened the door, strode down the hall and didn't look back.

Mac crossed to the door and noticed that his watch was under the chair and his wallet had fallen out of his coat by the door. 'He'll be back,' she thought. Then she thought better of it. She tossed them near her briefcase so she would not forget them when she went to work. She would return them and that would be that. She got what she had wanted: an end to the … THING.

X X X X X X X X

Mac entered the court just as Harm was sitting down with his client, Lt. Love. She walked up to her table and unloaded her brief case. One of the items she left on the table was a small brown paper bag with the top rolled down on it self. Harm didn't acknowledge her in anyway.

The judge walked in. All parties stood. Harm could barely wait for the judge to bang the gavel.

"Your honor … this case was brought to you prematurely," he stated.

"Excuse me," the judge leaned back. "Are you asking for a continuance?"

"In a manner of speaking, I believe that if the prosecuting council would make her self available this matter could be settled out of court."

The judge looked at Mac. "Colonel?"

"This is news to me, your honor," she stood up. "This court date has been set for a week now."

"Yet I got the case last night," he still had not looked at her. "I just returned from the Seahawk from a week long TDY to discover this case on my docket."

"You had more than 18 hours, commander."

"The colonel was unavailable (as usual), sir," Harm accused.

"There was no attempted made to connect with me," she defended a little too ardently. "None, not at all."

The judge was not about to deal with their petty squabble. "Are you expecting to plead this case out, commander?" the judge asked.

"No, I believe that the colonel will drop all charges."

"You believe that do you?" Mac looked over at him shocked by his ballsiness.

"I think we better continue on as planned, commander," the judge stated.

"Yes sir, may I confer with my client for a moment?" Harm looked over at his client and nodded.

The client was shaking his head emphatically 'no.'

Harm leaned down to whisper. The client continued to shake his head, until he pulled away and looked at him and said "No."

"Sounds like you need a new strategy, commander," Mac said snidely.

Harm shot her a look quickly and then spoke to his client again. "When facing a no win situation, you have two choices: give up or fight with everything you have."

"We know which one you will choose," she mumbled just loud enough for him to hear.

"NO, commander," the client stood up. "If you pursue this, I will be forced to get another lawyer and bring you up on charges … sir."

That got Mac's attention. She wondered if she should have granted Harm's request to speak with her.

"You could change your plea to guilty and we could end this right now," Harm shot back at him.

"I can't go to jail, sir," he sat back down.

Harm shook his head. "You are making this very difficult Lieutenant Love."

The lieutenant nodded. "And I would like to get out with my pay and benefits."

"How about a million dollars and a pony?" he said snidely.

"Commander … any time soon?" the judge asked.

"Yes sir. " Harm looked frustrated. "I am sorry, your honor. Let's proceed."

The members were brought in and Mac read the list of charges against Lieutenant Robert Love. There were only three: several counts of UA, insubordination to a superior commissioned officer, missing a movement."

Mac called her first witness: Commander Janet Leonardo.

Lt Love made a point of not looking at her. Harm noticed.

Leonardo took the oath and her seat and never once looked at the defendant. Mac did a pretty dry questioning session. Harm noticed that she was not 100% and was moving rather slowly and cautiously. He secretly hoped that it was because of him, because of their "collision" the night prior. He wanted her to think about him even if it were only to curse his name. God knows he had a kink in his back that he was sure the chiropractor would claim to be un-repairable.

It was Harm's turn to do the cross. Again Lt. Love whispered something to him before he could stand up. Harm nodded.

"Commander Leonardo … what are your thoughts on the forced retention policy?"

Mac objected, the judge objected and the commander was visibly unnerved.

"If it pleases your honor, I think this has merit in this case."

The judge reluctantly allowed him to continue.

"So … commander … forced retention?"

She steeled her spine. "We are a country at war, commander," she shifted uncomfortably. "We need to maintain a qualified military force to protect our country, our people and to defend the American way of life."

"Do you believe that Lt. Love qualifies at 'qualified'?"

"Yes I do."

"In spite of the fact that on several occasions he was UA, insubordinate and missed the movement of an aircraft carrier?"

"Yes I do."

"So you want him to get a slap on the wrist, pay some fines – maybe even a reduction in rank – "

"Objection," Mac shouted. " … leading the witness."

Harm continued unchecked. "… but eventually he should go back to work … back under your command."

"Objection sustained," he looked at Harm sternly. "Rephrase, commander."

"What do you feel the appropriate punishment for Lt. Love's indiscretion should be?"

"You honor," Mac stated again. "Indiscretion?"

"I'll allow it," the judge ruled though he was not pleased. "Answer the question."

"That is not my call, commander," she replied cryptically.

"Should he be allowed to stay in the Navy?"

"That is what this trial will determine."

"But you have no opinion."

"I believe that Lt. Love is a qualified officer and a valuable asset."

"You would not refuse Love … if he were to come back … " Harm allowed her to get uncomfortable. " … to your unit."

"If those were his orders, no."

"Would it surprise you to learn that if Lt. Love were found guilty, he would undoubtedly do jail time, and then be dishonorably discharged?"

She was clearly unaware of that. "Again, Commander, I am not the one who makes the rules."

"Yet you were the one to file the charges."

"It was my duty," she defended.

"YOUR HONOR," Mac leaped in. "The commander is not on trial here – Love is."

"Funny you should say that, Colonel," Harm glared at her.

She ignored him. "What she did or did not know, what she would or would not do is not at issue. And her opinions are not up for discussion."

"Have to agree with the colonel, commander," the judge stated and turned to Mac. "If that were an objection, I would have sustained it."

"Objection," she stated.

"Sustained."

Harm looked back at his client. He was still given no leeway. "How long has Love been in your command, commander?"

"Three years," she stated.

"When did his tardiness … sorry absences and insubordination become a problem?"

"I'm sorry?" she asked.

"Was he always late … missing in action as it were … did he always treat you with disrespect?"

"It was about six months ago," she answered.

"What happened six months ago?"

"Lt. Love's tour was up … he was notified that he would be retained 24 hours before he was to depart."

"How did that come down?" Harm tossed over his shoulder keeping his eyes fixed on Love.

"I am sorry?" she shifted her position. "I don't understand the question."

"Did you have anything to do with Lt. Love's retention orders?"

She looked worried. "My CO asked me for my recommendations about the men and women in my unit and I gave honest evaluations about all of them."

"You know Lt. Morris Johnson?"

"Yes."

"Lt. Johnson was just released … that was what? Three weeks ago?"

"He had a family crisis at home and he had already stayed a full extra tour."

"Love was just starting his third tour … was he not?"

"I believe that is correct."

"Were you also aware that Lt. Love was married six months ago ---."

"Your honor," Lt. Love jumped up. "I would like to request another attorney."

Harm was not impressed and Mac was confused.

The judge looked shocked. "Now?"

"Yes sir," he squared his shoulders. "It is my right, isn't it?

"Usually we like to have some reasoning … some rationale."

"I do not believe that Commander Rabb has my best interest at heart. By his own admission, he got my case less than 24 hours ago … we have only had one conversation."

"Commander?" the judge looked at him.

"Both those things are true – however, I believe that I not only have the Lieutenant's best interest at heart, but also the Navy's."

"Would you care to explain that?" the Judge asked.

"I am not at liberty to do so in open court, your honor," Harm stated. "In fact Lt. Love has not given me authorization to discuss all extenuating circumstances in this case."

"You were doing an end run around your client?" The judge was not impressed. "That is a chargable offense," the judge looked at the members. "Thank you for your time. This trial is concluded until new council can be secured," he looked up at Harm. "I will see you in my chambers at 1500 to discuss this further. You will not speak to anyone about this case, do you understand Mr. Rabb?" he banged his gavel.

Lt. Love glared at Harm. Harm was unimpressed.

"I warned you." Love pressed.

"It is not the first time I have been screwed by Love, Lieutenant." Harm scoffed. "And you may think bending over and taking it like a man is honorable …" He glanced at Mac. "I think it's a pain in the ass."

Harm grabbed his briefcase and strode out of the room. Mac was shocked … by all of it.

X X X X X X X

Harm was on his way to the admiral's office, he needed to get there before the Judge had a chance to read him the riot act.

"Harm," Mac called to him.

"Kinda busy now, Colonel … need to see if I can save my career."

"What in the hell were you thinking?" she asked.

"I was thinking that I couldn't sit by and see another man get screwed for loving the wrong woman."

"Excuse me?"

"I am not at liberty to say … but you should have discussed this case with me before you set a trial date."

"I was not railroading your client," she defended. "It seemed pretty cut and dry."

"Things always seem cut and dry to you because you never look beyond the surface," he leaned in and lowered his voice. "There is a lot more gray area in the world than you would ever care to admit. Things aren't always as they seem and just because someone accepts the cards they are dealt, doesn't mean that it is right or that they like it."

"Are you sure you aren't confusing two different situations, commander?"

"I am very clear," he glared at her.

"GET ME COMMANDER RABB!" came the bellow from the admiral's office to no one in particular.

Harm closed his eyes and shook his head. He missed his opportunity to be heard first. He turned to walk away, but Mac stopped him.

"One more thing, Harm," her anger was rising to match his. "You need to get off your high self-righteous horse and come down to earth and live with the rest of us mortals. Just because people – just because I make decisions - doesn't mean that I don't have to live with them."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means I know all about gray area … and about NOT liking the cards that are dealt. And I have INTIMATE knowledge of the injustices suffered by loving the wrong man," her eyes welled up. "That is life and sometimes life sucks and we are all just suckers for holding out hope that it will change," she shoved the brown paper bag into his stomach and marched off.

Harm looked in the bag. It contained his wallet, his watch and a sock. "Sucker," he said to himself.

X X X X X X X

Later that day Harm heard that Lt Love had changed his plea to guilty was given a dishonorable discharge and lost all pay and benefits. It was a deal that Bud and Mac had worked out.

"At least I don't have to go to jail," Lt. Love said from Harm's door.

"There is that, Lt.," he confirmed.

"I want you to know that I won't press charges, and that I know you were doing what you thought was right to help me."

"It was your trial to lose, I should have accepted the parameters that you set," he laughed to himself. "Never been good with coloring between the lines."

"No sir," he stepped in. "I have heard that about you."

"Oh?"

"Yes sir," he shrugged. "Both Lt. Roberts and Col. MacKenzie have nothing but he highest respect and admiration for your passion for justice even if it does make you step outside the lines."

Harm shrugged. "Justice was not served in this case."

"I know you think that I lost … that someone got away with something, but honestly sir, I have gotten everything I wanted. I am out of the Navy, I can go home to my beautiful forgiving wife and share the experience of the birth of our first child even if that means I have to dig ditches for the rest of my life."

"Congratulations," Harm was clearly not impressed with Lt. Love's "victory."

"Nothing else is more important that the people you love," he stated philosophically. "A job –a career – even the knowledge that you saved the world or your own little piece of it can't compare to loving your family and doing right by them."

"Commander Leonardo?" Harm submitted.

Lt. Love looked suitably shamed. "She may have been the senior … but you and I both know that in matters of the heart, no one out ranks the other … she thought it was more than it was and I did nothing to correct her impression," he looked down. "I was wrong. I hurt her. I have to take responsibility for that. There was no way that she would ever accept my apology – and maybe she shouldn't – but she didn't need to lose her career over it. I was more at fault than she was."

"You are more generous than I am. She changed your shift times so that you would be UA. She took your car keys so that you would miss the movement. And I won't even get into the insubordination crap."

"You know what they say about a woman scorned sir," he smiled slightly. "Besides … I provoked most of the insubordination and I could have called a cab. I was just as petty and spiteful – if not more so – than she ever was," he nodded. "No sir. This was my bad," he looked up at Harm. "Justice was served."

X X X X X X X

Harm had been given a five-day suspension without pay and there would be a hearing when he got back. The charges had been dropped, but the admiral refused to let Harm get away with something again. It was close to 1930 when he heard a knock on his door. He assumed that he and Mac weren't done talking, but he thought that it would be a phone call the next day and by then he would be out of town, out of reach and by time they saw each other again he might have a new perspective.

He looked through the peephole. "Not tonight, Mac," he called. "I have a headache."

She ignored him and knocked again.

He opened the door and stepped back to allow her to enter.

She walked passed him and turned to face him. "I'm sorry, Harm."

"Accepted, good night."

"Again, you don't want to know what I am sorry for?"

"With so MUCH to be sorry for … can I ask exactly what you are apologizing for?"

"You did try to contact me about Lt. Love's case and I didn't respond," she was suitable sorry. "I was angry, I was hurt and I was jealous."

"Jealous?" he looked confused.

"Tessa?"

He almost laughed. "You are joking, right?"

"Why would I be joking?" she shrugged. "You were dating."

"I had an obligatory dinner set up by Turner to take a friend of his girl friend's out to welcome her to town. Turner and Varese were supposed to be there … you should have come along."

Mac didn't accept that.

"I wouldn't have had to if I could have told him that I was involved with someone else," he told her. "But I was not permitted to."

"This is not all my fault Harm."

"I am still not sure what THIS is … but there is fault on both sides."

"Jesus, Harm," she ran her hand through her hair. "Why is every little thing so difficult with you?"

"Not everything," he smiled lustily figuring that he would just get the night's activities moving along and they could stop the discussion that was sure to leave them in a worse place. "Some things are as hard as they should be."

"Don't do that," she snapped. "Don't make light … don't make sex jokes," she stood tall.

They were silent for a moment

"Who is the idiot that thought falling into bed would be the answer to all our troubles?" Mac asked.

"Not me … in fact I knew that when we crossed that line we were just opening up a whole new stack of issues."

"No walking off into the sunset for us, huh?" she asked rhetorically.

"Would you want that?" he asked. "Simple, neat … a fairy tale ending?"

"No … but … Is this really all there is … work and sex … is that really all you want … all you have ever wanted?"

"All I ever wanted?" he mused and walked passed her to the kitchen. "Honest to God Mac when we were running around the Arizona desert chasing your uncle down … you in that sun dress … all that heat … all that sweat … you daring me to make a move on you so you could shut me down … yeah … I wanted to you … I wanted to lay you out in the back of that truck and remind you what being a woman was all about … make you forget all that damned marine training … make you lose control."

"Harm!" she blushed though she didn't know why. He had said and done far more explicit things to her in the recent past – VERY recent past.

"You asked," he shook his head. "But something else happened in that desert."

"Oh?"

"I discovered that I liked you."

"Huh?"

"Oh sure … it was an adolescent like in the beginning."

"Junior High School!" she stated.

"Exactly like that," he smiled. "I loved teasing you … goading you … making you react rather than think and respond."

She shook their early past away. "Harm that is ancient history."

"Not that ancient."

"What does that mean?" she asked.

"It means I still need to goad you to get a reaction."

"And you are Mr. Open Book."

"Point taken," he sat down. "Ya know what is interesting," he keep talking not waiting for her response. "The only time I don't need to goad you, the only time I don't misunderstand what you think or want or need … from me or otherwise is when we are in court or in bed."

"What?"

"You have no problem in the getting your needs across and more often than not getting them met in court or in bed. Why can't you everywhere else?" he asked the pointed question. "Why can't you with me? And don't say it is because you can be in control, because I have seen you out of control in both."

"It's not that simple Harm."

"It has to be."

"You can't make someone love you," she blurted out.

"I love you," he stated as if it were obvious and that her first argument didn't hold water.

"You can't make someone want a future that they don't want."

"I want a future," he said.

"Since when?" she stated.

"Can't put a date on it … and you can't tell me that you didn't know."

"You never told me," she accused.

"I didn't think it was allowed … well … I… it didn't seem to fit with the rest of the rules that we were operating by and before that you would have laughed me into next Tuesday."

"And you are placing that on me," she stated.

"You have had more demands in this thing than I have had," he stated.

"I am not the big bad bitch in this … this … this THING we have," she nearly lost it. "And the fact that you have no demands at all makes me wonder just how engaged you are."

"I have made no demands?" he wouldn't own that.

"Who is the one who makes the first move? Who is the one who 'comes by' after days of separation? Who is the one that thinks about and tries to protect both our careers? Is that you?" she fumed. "No … I am the one who cares enough to not let our private life interfere with our public life …"

"But I want it to."

"I am the one who is responsible enough to … what?" It had finally registered what he had said.

"I don't care who knows Mac … I really don't. I would tell anyone that asks that you and I are together," he shrugged.

"Excuse me? You don't talk to me at work about ANYTHING other than work. You make sure that we are never seen together outside of work. You won't let me keep a toothbrush here or a change of clothes. You won't even throw your condoms away at my house. "

"I thought that was the way you wanted it," he defended. "I'm not embarrassed."

"You think I am?"

He chose his words as carefully as he could. "I think that you don't want to explain to people that you can love me and not like me – at times."

"I never said I didn't like you."

"I infuriate you," he stated proudly.

"OFTEN," she shouted but with very little force behind it.

"My point."

"What do I care what people think?" she tossed away without giving it full consideration. "Forget I said that."

"Consider it forgotten."

'Wait … wait … wait … let's get one thing straight," she stopped the discussion. "Are you HAPPY with the way things are?"

He shrugged. "No … not really … not so much," he hedged. "But I don't want to lose it."

"Why not?" she asked directly. "What are you unhappy about and what do you really think we are going to lose?"

"You," he stated simply. "Us … the life we could have together."

She was blown away. "You think fucking me in the dark of night and ignoring me in the light of day will get you "us and the life we could have together'?" she was appalled.

"No," he sincerely didn't believe that. "But it was closer than we were two months ago."

"I think it just got us on the wrong path."

"What?"

"Sex," she couldn't believe she had to say it out loud. "It was a mistake. We never should have allowed it to happen once let alone start down this seamy, sordid, tawdry path."

"I disagree," he submitted. "I think that putting sex into the relationship allowed us to work through some NONVERBAL issues."

"Don't be crude," she was not happy.

"Hear me out," he continued. "Sex allowed us to be together … working toward a common goal (if you will) and our mouths didn't get in the way … figuratively our mouths didn't get in the way … we didn't over analyze it or beat it to death. It was – for all intents and purposes – non-verbal communication," he smiled proudly like he had discovered sliced bread or Cheezwhiz. "I like you better now than I did. I respect you now more than I did. Maybe I even love you more than I did. But it is not all I want … but it is what I can get for now."

She was left looking for the proper response. She snorted a laugh. "Damn you amaze me."

"How so?" he stepped toward her.

"When I was driving over here I thought the best I could hope for was to get you to agree to take our relationship out of the bedroom and put it back in the dining room or on the running path. I thought that I would honestly have to say … I want my friend back, and if I have to give up the sex to do that – so be it."

"Sarah?" he was a little confused.

"I would have been happy if I left here with a dinner invitation or plans to see a movie this weekend."

"And what did you get?" he smiled.

"Everything I had ever hoped for," she burst out.

"Really?"

"Pretty damn close … and that is saying something for us."

He shook his head. "No … not enough," he stood up straight and tall. "Sarah, would you have dinner with me tonight, possibly tomorrow night and probably every night there after – for the next 20 or 30 years?"

"Dinner tonight is great," she smiled. "And probably tomorrow … and every night there after for the next 20 or 30 years … well I will need to check my calendar … but I can tentatively say … it is a very real a possibility."

They kissed, for the first time in a very long time they kissed with no expectation of taking it to bed.

"Good," he leaned back. "I am off for the next few days … was going to head out of town … up to a place I know in the mountains … hiking, fishing and a water fall that is pristine and a favorite place for the Gods … I don't know if there is a movie theater, but we could bring a DVD," he smiled. "Would you care to join me … at least for the next couple of days?"

"I'd like that," she smiled. "I'd like that very much," she got a sly look in her eye. "In fact I am due for some time off … I can move some cases around and … if it would be alright with you … I would like to spend the week."

"All right with me?" he reached for her. "I can think of nothing better," he kissed her softly on the lips. "Well maybe one or two things," he grinned. "What will you tell JAG?"

She thought for a moment. "Not that they need to know … but if anyone asks … we are going out of town."

He seemed pleased with that answer. "So … dinner?" he wrapped his arm around her.

"Dinner," she picked up her purse. "Something light and easy … I want to be in bed early tonight."

"Oh Yeah?" he cocked his eyebrow. "I can get behind that."

"No, no," she smiled.

"No?"

"I need to get up early tomorrow … to pack."

"Oh … yeah … right," he scanned her more lovingly than lustily. "Pack light."

X X X X X X X