Chapter Five:
Good Intentions

Becca decided that it was time for her to be firm with him. She had given him space and allowed him to walk away but this tactic did not appear to have worked. After finding her way back to the hotel from their 'date', she'd quickly and methodically gotten rid of all the vestiges of her holiday plans, the maps, guides, Internet printouts, and instead tried to work out a plan for getting him interested in her again.

She knew there was something there, the kiss had confirmed that. Before their night out she had worried that he wasn't interesting in her in that way anymore, but his eyes constantly on her and his kind attention soothed that fear. She felt confident now. His reluctance she attributed to a fear of getting hurt again.

She was not as cool about it as she seemed really, she did not expect it to be easy to get him back, but being proactive certainly beat sitting around and thinking about him all the time. When she stopped doing something, her hands stilling over her latest task, she'd remind herself that she was being an idiot. That it wouldn't solve anything. Every now and again she would begin to feel uncertain and her fingers would tremble when she re-lived the last time he'd been in her hotel room, but then she'd remind herself of the feel of his body pressed against hers the night before and she'd continue working.

If she was moving too fast, she put that down to her having so little time. Her holiday was up in a week. She had spent the whole of last night thinking it over. In a week she would have to go back. She did not want to be thinking about this for the rest of her life.

The masterplan was simple. To prove to him that she is serious she will seduce him with all of the tricks she knows. Then when his eyes are wide with affection again, she'll tell him that she still feels the same way. That she always has. And then we'll live happily ever after.

Becca rolled her eyes to the heavens and stuffed a bundle of forint notes of various values into her purse. Being carried on by her train of industry, she tried not to think of how she would be lying to him. When she'd been happy with Jake, Justin had never entered her mind. To say that to him would be painful and to lie about her life with Jake would surely lead to problems down the line when it came out. It seemed like an impossible situation, but Becca felt confident enough in herself to work around it until it was inevitable to tell him that about her and Jake.

With a last check locks she stepped out of her hotel room. The cream walls and plaster decorations belied the hotel's mediocre stature. Everyone else checked in on her floor seemed to be students. Loud students. She passed one in the hall who seemed out of it already. If all she had to think about were holiday matters, then she might have minded. But she didn't. She looked down at the scrap of paper in her hand and recited the directions for the hundredth time. First stop was a clothes shop...

She ran her hand along his arm, his skin smooth under her touch. It was an half-hearted move. She was thinking about something else entirely. Sensing her departure he leant forward and pressed a light kiss to her neck. She smiled, but didn't look at him straight away. It felt too painful to be wrenched back from her thoughts of despair and placed in his arms, it was too perfect.

"You were miles away" he commented, aware that she was back, "Thinking nice thoughts I hope.."

"How could I not.." she turned, lying on top of his bare chest and staring down into his face, "when I'm with you." she engaged him in a long, tender kiss. He disentangled his arms from the sheets and wrapped them around her. When finished he looked up at her curiously, although his expression said he was waiting for her to speak. She looked away from his eyes and studied his face for a moment before sliding off him and out of the bed. He watched her dress in silence. When she picked up her bag he propped himself up on an elbow and asked,

"Is this all I get then?"

"I have to get back." she explained, opening her bag as if searching for something.

"I know," he smiled ruefully, "But that isn't what I meant."

"I'll see you tomorrow Justin.." she said, closing her bag and walking towards the door.

"Becca.." he sighed, holding himself back and watching her retreating from his bedroom without a backward glance. He listened to her feet on the stairs, forcing himself to stay still so that he could hear if she changed her mind, and then flinging himself back onto the mattress petulantly when the front door closed and he was certain she'd gone.

Becca twisted in the changing room and looked at her profile in the mirror. The dress did not suit her at all, grey and low cut it had struck her as sensual on the hanger but now looked bulky and loose in all the wrong places. It was the second dress she'd tried on, the first had rustled too much - not so much whispering as shouting every time she moved. She was certain that she would find something that Justin would like.

His words from the day before in the hotel room came back to her. Maybe she was just being pathetic. Maybe she should just let him go. She was under no illusions that her motives centred more around making herself happy than making him so. What had made him happy before was being with her, it could be like that again. She would have to apologise some more of course... but the first step was getting him to listen to her. Getting him to pay attention. She turned in the mirror, looking over the classic 'little black dress'. It would do.

She felt like she was on a mission and although she was aware that she might have a bit of jungle fever, she could not stop herself. If she could just have him back she could make everything right again.

Becca paid for the dress with a handful of notes, then set off towards his restaurant. Holding back all of the feelings that were telling her that this was a bad idea.

"You've been avoiding me."

Becca turned quickly, dropping her books on the her desk. Justin was seated at the back of the empty classroom, leaning back in his chair and glaring at her.

"I saw you yesterday" she reminded him, fiddling with the stationary in front of her and not meeting his eye. She heard him stand up and then the sound of clothes being removed, looking up she saw he was dumping his coat on a chair. Realising he had her attention Justin walked slowly over to the door and locked it. They both knew she had no class coming up, so she could not use that excuse.

"Yesterday was a bit of a throwback.." he said softly, walking to one of the front desks and slowly seating himself on top of it, "..Not that I'm against quickies--" he rolled his tongue behind his teeth in a smirk, "--but you seemed a bit preoccupied."

"Sorry" she offered, eyes back on her desk, every inch holding the posture of someone who does not wish to talk.

"And now you're being difficult again.. If I did something wrong just say so Becca, sulking about it is no good."

"Nothing is wrong Justin," she looked up at him now, injecting as much sincerity as possible into her words. Glancing over at the window in the door, she then beckoned for him to come closer. He did not hesitate and soon they were inches apart. She dragged her chair back until it was out of view of the door and then pushed him down into it. She slid into his lap slowly, then wrapped her fingers around his tie, slowly loosening it. He seemed enchanted for a few moments, then the solemn look reappeared on his face. He pushed her hands away,

"You're trying to distract me," he accused, at the same time wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her tight to him so she could not escape and change tact again.

"I'm trying to make it up to you," she murmured, shifting a little in his lap, then resting her head on his shoulder, "I have been moody. But it's nothing to do with you" she kissed his neck but he pulled away again. She sighed, "Really Justin."

"I can't help feeling," he admitted, "that there is something you're not telling me."

"That's your problem, not mine," she snapped, before closing her eyes and biting her tongue in regret, "Look, Justin.." she opened her eyes again and locked gazes with him, "It's hard for me, being back here after that weekend. I'm just adjusting back to how it was... Sneaking around, lying to people, keeping secrets.."

"It won't be for long.." he said, half reassuring her and half himself. His eyes searched her face for some kind of lie, but her reply was said with such little emotion that he could not tell if she believed it or not,

"No, it won't."

"It would be quite nice to know when though.." he said, almost forgetting the purpose of this inquisition and spinning the conversation around onto himself, "When we can be together properly..."

"Justin I--"

"You don't know," he repeated from earlier conversations, his tone resigned.

"All you need to know now," she said, moving on his lap until she was facing him, "is that," her eyes shone as she stared at him, "I love you Justin." All his resolve melted away at those words, his intentions to be relentless and unforgiving softened. He smiled,

"Say it again."

"I love you Justin," she said with a grin, noting his change of mood. He kissed her, tongue flitting between her lips for the briefest of moments before he requested eagerly,

"Again."

She laughed, cupped his face in her hands and said in a tone of mock-seriousness, "I love you Justin Burton." Her follow-up giggle was smothered by another, longer kiss from him. When they broke apart his eyes were hazy, and she didn't feel like laughing anymore.

"I love you Becca," he breathed, and they stared at each other for a second, mutual affection passing between them, before they descended into another long kiss, but this time with their hands as busy as their lips.

Becca stared out over the bridge at the running water below, standing on her tiptoes so she could lean over the side. This must have been the same river they'd kissed by the day before, but further down the bank. The wind blew her hair backwards over her face. She dumped her bags onto the pavement to right it again. Leaves, twigs, ducks and a peddalo passed below her before she straightened up, tided her clothes and picked up her shopping again. The locals passing by seemed to ignore her, they were probably used to tourists doing strange things. The busy road behind her had slowed so she quickly darted across. Was she wrong to be so confident about this?

It was certainly a nice place to live. As cities go the air was clean, the architecture pleasant (in some places beautiful) and the population friendly and not too overcrowded. He could make a good life for himself here. He probably already had. But she could not stay, she had to go back. It would not be fair to drag him back too, she might not even be able to.

But if he wanted to come... If he wanted to, then she had to try. She had talked herself out of it once before. She had pulled back and lost time, now she needed to put herself forward. That might be all he needed. To see she was serious.

Getting his number at the restaurant had been easy. Some man had just reeled it off to her, along with his address, as she scribbled it onto a napkin. He hadn't even asked why she'd wanted it, which was probably a good thing as she had a completely implausible cover-story ready.

Becca reached the hotel doors and checked her watch. It was 4:50pm. She had two hours until her plan went into effect. Her heart pounded with anticipation. But it was going to work, she knew it.

"You have to end it."

"I know... but I don't know how... and if I can do that to him... everyone would hear about why we got a divorce.."

Mandy stared at her, thrown for a second, then qualified, "With Justin, Becca, you have to end it with Justin." She eyed her friend with scrutiny, Becca recoiled at her words, her face going blank. "Do you love him?" Mandy pried. Becca only looked at her with ashamed tears in her eyes.

Mandy sighed, "It will never work Becca--"

"--I know--"

"--No. Never, ever work." Mandy made a chopping motion with her hand.

"Do you think I don't know that?"

"You don't seem to, seeing as you're still sleeping with him..."

"I'm not happy Mandy..."

"Is that because of your marriage, or because of your affair?"

"Can you just try... to stop judging me for a minute?" Becca pleaded, aware her friend was trying to help but not finding it of any use. Mandy tilted her head to one side, expression still fixed in the same way it had been when she'd confronted her friend minutes earlier, hard and incredulous.

"Jake is completely suffocating.. every little thing he does at the moment annoys me, and that's probably due more to my perception changing than a chance in his behaviours, but I don't know if I can stand that for another fifty years..."

"Marriage can take time.." Mandy allowed, "Tony and I have had our rough times... I never slept with someone else though.."

"Well," Becca soldiered on, ignoring the comment, "I'm not sure if I want to take time with Jake.."

"But you do with Justin?"

"Surely being with someone you love is all that matters," said Becca, not really believing the words as she spoke them but thinking them up as something beautifully idealistic that Justin would say to allay her fears.

"That's a bit naive for you Becca. We're not sixteen anymore Becca, we know that isn't the case. What about what your parents will say? Your other friends? His family? This could even go to the police -- Love won't get you a job when no school will hire you, you'll be on the sex offenders register!" she sighed, "I'd have thought you'd have worked this out months ago."

"I think I probably pushed it to the back of my mind..." Becca admitted, deflated. Mandy wasn't finished though, she leant forward and grasped her friend's hand,

"Everything you've worked for - your degree, your teaching qualifications - will all be worthless. Stay with him and you'll have to rely on a lovesick schoolboy with a few GCSEs and a bad rep, who will probably grow bored of you by the time you're thirty and he's in his early twenties. And don't say he's not like that!" Mandy snapped as Becca opened her mouth, "He's sixteen, who knows what he'll be like in six years time? He doesn't even know."

"I want something more than this Mandy," Becca exclaimed as she finally got a chance to speak, "When I'm with him I see... Something more than this dull married life.. "

"How can you get that with him? Something more? You can do what you like Becca, divorce Jake, leave Chester, travel the world... you're young, beautiful, educated... What can you do with a sixteen year old in tow, no money and the police hanging on your back?" Now Mandy shrugged and pulled back, "I can't make you do anything Becca. But please think about it, maybe I sound harsh, but I'm trying to be a good friend to you. You have to think about your future."

Becca had thought that Mandy would appeal to her feelings for Jake, or her family, or tell her how much her decision would impact those around her. All those things she'd agonised over painstakingly and repeatedly. This different angle was surprising and devastating, mostly because the majority of what she said was right and she could not argue against it.

"Do you think I'm a bad person Mandy?" Becca asked the duvet, unable to lift her eyes. Mandy finally broke into a sympathetic smile and reached out for her friend,

"No, I just think you're a lost, unhappy one." She patted Becca's hand reassuringly, "But don't worry, we'll sort this out."