Becoming Unraveled
By the start of October, the days were becoming cooler and shorter. That time marked nearly a month since Superman had come back to Earth, and crime was not as much of a problem as it had been in those first days after the Planet printed Lois's editorial on Lex, and his insidious plan to grow his own continent. In the weeks that had followed his return, Clark Kent had begun spending time with his son, and though at first Jason was weary of such a huge change in his very structured life, now the little boy loved spending time with him, and had even begun to call him, Dad. Clark was learning how to juggle his time with his son, and his time as Superman. He was also trying to figure out a way to let Jason spend time at his house without his child figuring out his secret, or the world wondering why, during certain times of the week, the man of Steel could not be found. So far that was proving to be a bigger challenge than what he wanted.
As Clark tried to figure out how to even out his time with Jason and the World, life at the White/Lane household was beginning to change. It was Richard who had noticed that certain things were not the same, and as another day began, he was realizing that he might have to break the promise he had made to himself about Jason. At first he agreed without thought that he and Lois could, and would stay together, with Clark Kent visiting Jason when he was able too. Richard knew that he had a duty to protect Jason and help him transition to this huge change in his life, and while Jason was still reluctant to go with Clark during the weekend, a few hours at a time, to the pier to fish, or to the park to play, Richard knew that the time would come when there would no longer be that hesitation. The other small changes were between he and Lois. It had been small things at first, fewer intimate kisses and caresses, but now he would wake up at night, and find her on the other side of the bed, when before they went to sleep she would have been settled against him, with her head against his chest while he held her in his arms. They had always slept cuddled together, and Richard knew that she wasn't aware of what she was doing in her sleep, but more and more he was beginning to realize that their time as a family was numbered in weeks or even days.
The morning rush was on, and while Lois was getting dressed, she was also on the phone with a witness to a robbery last evening. The ace reporter of the Daily Planet had a pad and pen in her hands, and had an ear piece attached to her left ear, with her cellular phone on her bedside table. While she was jotting down notes, she was also trying to find her black flats. Lois had become an expert at doing many things at once; though not being able to find her shoes was beginning to frustrate her. "So you saw the two boys throw the rock into the window?" she asked as Richard walked over from the closet with the two shoes she had hunted for nearly ten minutes. Lois sighed in relief as he handed them to her, and they shared a short kiss before she slipped her shoes on and continued to write out the details of the robbery.
In his room, Jason was still in his pajamas despite being told two times by his daddy, and a few by his mommy to get dressed. The little boy was busy making a tall tower out of wooden blocks of various shapes and sorts, and did not hear his daddy walk into the room, and then he found himself being held upside down and began to laugh. "No daddy not the tummy munchers," Jason yelled as Richard laid him down on the bed, trying to lift up his pajama top so that he could munch on Jason's belly. For a couple of minutes they played that way, and then Richard helped Jason get dressed. Since they were running late, Richard packed breakfast to go for Jason, and then as a family of three they headed for school and then work.
Not long after he arrived in his office, Richard received a telephone call from London, and found himself speaking to Albert Donovan, head editor at The Daily Planet's London branch. The Planet had three offices abroad, one in London, another in China, and one more in Australia. Over the years the young editor for the International team had been to all three offices for various functions. As they talked about the problems the London office was having, Richard was beginning to realize that he would need to head back there, and though some part of him felt guilty for being away again so soon after his last trip, another part of him was almost relieved. After nearly an hour on the phone, Richard hung up and talked to Perry, and then walked out of his uncle's office, and found Lois talking to Jimmy. As he watched them for a moment he saw a smile on her face, and then he walked over to the two, and said, "Hey Jimmy."
The young photographer was one of a select few people who knew that Clark was Jason's biological father, and that was due mainly to his close relationship as family friend. Jimmy could tell Richard needed to talk to Lois, and gathered up the photos he had been sharing with her. "Well I better get these to the Chief before he rings my neck," Jimmy said, and then left the two to talk.
When Lois looked into her fiancés eyes, she could tell he had something on his mind, and when he asked her to come with him to his office, she followed him instantly. Once they were inside she shut the door and crossed her arms having a guess of what he was about to say to her.
"Albert called me as soon as we got here, and said the London branch isn't keeping up with the rest of the paper." When she continued to watch him he sat down at his desk. "They want me to go back for another week of meetings."
For a split second Lois was as angry as she had ever been at Richard, but then it passed and she realized that he really didn't have a choice in this; as International Editor he had to go where the Corporate Goons sent him. "I wish they could just let you settle this over a conference call," she admitted as she walked over to him. When he reached his hand out she took it and let him pull her to sit on his lap. "Maybe Jason and I can come with you," she said and then dismissed it, because Jason couldn't miss school, not a week of it.
For a few minutes neither one of them said anything, and it was then that Richard realized that Lois wasn't talking, which was not like her. "Hey, what do you have going on in that mind of yours?" he asked as he gave her a gentle squeeze. She was sitting sideways on his lap and with her right cheek pressed against his chest.
Honesty had always been their policy, and she wasn't about to start pushing away the truth now. "I feel like things are starting to fall apart Richard." As she said that, Lois lifted her head away from his chest and looked at him. "I am the one to blame for it, and you and Clark are the ones who are stuck waiting for me to make my choice." He was about to say something but she stopped him. "Look don't tell me that you are okay with this Richard, how fair is it for you to stay with me when at any moment I could start over with Clark?" she asked. As she continued to talk she stood up and began to pace. "I don't know what I'm trying to say here," she said, and as she finished talking, she had come to pause in front of his window. Lois leaned forward, and let her forehead rest against the cool glass, looking down at the busy streets below Richard's office.
As soon as she said that, Richard remembered back to his thoughts, about when things would start to change for this family, and as he remembered, he realized that the change was happening right at this very moment. He found it hard to think, or to even breath, but he knew that if he didn't do something now that they might say things or do things that would forever damage the way they felt, and he for one would not let it happen that way. Richard White was no idiot, and thought of their second date when Lois revealed to him that she was just starting in her third month of pregnancy, but would not say anything about the father. He knew then as their love began to grow, that this very day might come, and he didn't know why he wasn't ready to yell at her and tell her this was all her fault. If there was anyone to blame, all three of them were at fault, Lois for not facing that this day would come, Superman for abandoning her when she needed him most, and even himself for letting things drag out so long, after The Man of Steel returned. He stood up from his desk and walked over to where she was still standing. "Lois, maybe this trip needs to be a time for us to think about things, clear our heads," he began.
She shut her eyes at his words and knew that he was right, even though the pain she was feeling now felt like a knife cutting through her heart. Why couldn't she just let him go, why had she let them go on for five years when she knew good and well deep down in her beating heart that Superman wouldn't stay gone forever, and then she knew that thought was wrong. Despite this pain she was feeling, Lois would not regret what they had, and slowly she managed to pull her gaze away from the streets below to look at Richard. "I think maybe you have a point."
Knowing that if he hugged her now, he would never be able to get out of his office without crying like a blubbering fool, Richard tore his gaze from her. "I do love you Lois," he said, and then with her watching him, he gathered what he needed from his desk, and left without turning around.
Now Lois knew why Superman had not said goodbye, it was the same reason Richard had not hugged her or kissed her, not because he loved her any less, but because he couldn't do that without falling apart. Again her gaze fell to the street far below her, and Lois took several very deep breaths. She still had articles to write, and after a few more minutes of standing at the window, Lois gathered enough strength to head back to her desk and get her day going.
The day had trudged by at a snails pace, and by the time Lois arrived at her bay front house, she was frazzled. In the back passenger seat of the car, strapped in his booster seat, Jason was sound asleep. He had no idea that Richard might not be coming back, and both of them agreed that until they knew for certain what was going to happen, that they would keep things the way they usually went while he was out of town on a business trip.
Somehow, Lois managed to get into the house with Jason against her left hip, and her other hand and arm loaded with her work things, and his school things. Now in her son's room, Lois had finished getting him dressed for bed, and stood by his bedside watching him sleep. Everyone had always said that Jason looked like her, but more and more she was seeing his father in him. Lois leaned down and kissed Jason's soft cheeks, and then walked out of his room, leaving his door open just a small amount. In her room, she pulled of her shoes and changed out of her work cloths, putting on a pair of gray sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt, before she headed downstairs with a pack of cigarettes. One she was outside she took one out, and lit it, and took in a deep breath of the smoke, shutting her eyes.
When she found out she was pregnant with Jason after two months of morning sickness, and denial, she quit smoking, and then after he was born, she had started back up as a means to unwind from the stress of having him in the NICU, after his early start. Lois took another draw from the cigarette as she sat down on one the chairs under the awning which faced the Bay. She knew that this didn't have to be the end for her and Richard, but then again she also knew that maybe it was time to address that. Lois loved him, but not in the way she had Superman. As she thought about him, and how to figure out living arrangements should she and Richard separate she began to feel shallow and superficial even. Before she knew the secret, she had always viewed Clark Kent as a close friend but nothing more. Lois went through an entire pack of Cigarettes over the next hour, something she hadn't done in over five years since having Jason. When she finally got upstairs, and after getting a shower she fell into bed and went right to sleep.
Something chirping woke Clark instantly from his sleep, and quickly he picked up the phone. "Hello," he said groggily. For a moment there wasn't any answer, and then he heard a sniff. "Jason is that you?"
"Mo, mo, mommy's sick, and my daddy is in London," said the small frightened voice from the other end of the receiver.
Now Clark was fully awake. "Okay buddy, everything will be all right," he said realizing it was only 2am. "Jason, will you go and wait for me to get there?" he asked, and when the little boy agreed to do that, Clark hung up, dressed in super speed and took off into the night sky.
On the top of the stairs, wearing a pair of long flannel, red and white checkered pajamas, Jason sat rubbing his eyes, and then he heard a knock at the door and ran to it. He didn't even ask who it was, and found his daddy on the other side. Any other time, Jason would have asked how Clark got there so fast, but he was so relieved to see him, that it didn't matter. Being hugged by his dad made him feel less afraid, and after they finished hugging, Jason led him upstairs.
Something occurred to Clark as Jason pulled him up the four steps leading to the top level of the house. "Hey pal, does your mommy know that you called me?" Jason hesitated and then shook his head. Clark knelt down and turned Jason around. "Why don't you go and tell her that I'm here okay." Jason nodded his head and continued on to his mom's room on his own, leaving Clark to wait, and wonder how Jason had figured out his number so fast.
A moment later, Jason walked out of the room followed by his mommy who looked horrible. Lois had been lying in bed when Jason told her that Clark was there, and now she felt guilty for smoking so many cigarettes and pulling Clark into all of this. "I'm better," she said, even though she felt like someone had punched her in the stomach several times.
Able to see right through her lie, Clark knew she was not well at all, and knelt down to Jason's level. "You go on back to bed, and I'll take care of your mommy," he said, knowing that Lois was glaring at him now. When Jason threw his arms around him, Clark held onto him and shut his eyes. "Sleep well okay," he said as Jason left his arms to hug his mommy. Both of them watched as Jason returned to his room, and only when his door was shut, and Clark could see he was in bed, did he turn to face Lois.
"I don't need you to take care of me," she said weakly, and as she said that she turned and ran back into her room. As Lois hugged around the toilet retching up the last remains of dinner, she decided that she would never again touch another cigarette. After she was sure she was finished, Lois managed to get back up by crawling to the sink, and using the edge to pull herself up. There she wet a washcloth with cool water, and blotted her face, and then walked into her room finding Clark there with a large glass of water. "Just go," she said not able to stand looking at him right now. He had his glasses off, and she knew if he stayed she would start crying like a baby.
Realizing that she wasn't going to relax until he left he put the water down on her bedside table. "Call me if you need anything," he said. Lois nodded her head and he turned and left, checking on Jason before he locked everything up and then left through his son's Window.
The next morning, the phone rang, and it was Lois asking him to pick Jason up and take him to school. When Clark arrived in the new pickup he had purchased along with the house, Lois was wearing a bathrobe over what she had on earlier that morning, and still looked pretty bad. Jason was standing next to her looking sad, and watched as his dad put his booster into the passenger seat. After the seat was in place, Clark walked over to the two of them, and Jason hugged his mom's leg sniffing.
Knowing that her son missed his daddy, and was still upset about last night, Lois knelt down and hugged him. "Mommy loves you very much, but I need to stay in bed today so I can get to feeling better. Your dad will bring you home after work tonight okay?" she asked as Jason hugged her as tight as he could.
"What if you get sick again?" he mumbled into her shoulder.
Lois shut her eyes and sighed as she held on to him. "I won't honey, I am going to sleep and eat some broth, and that will make me feel better."
Jason finally let go of her and reluctantly went with his dad, allowing Clark to lift him up and get him into the truck, and then strap him into his booster. When the door shut he looked out the window at his mommy still sniffing, and even as they drove away he turned in his seat to wave at her.
Once on the main road, Clark tried to start conversation with his son several times, but Jason wouldn't say a word. He knew something was going on, and part of him wanted to go and confront Lois, but he knew better than to do that. Confronting Lois about anything was like taking on a fight with a pack of wild dogs, and he for once was not going to push her into telling him what was happening, though he had a feeling it was something to do with Richard.
The school Jason attended was in a light tan building and by then Jason told him how to manage the drop off line. When it was Jason's turn, a woman with long red hair opened the passenger door and un-strapped Jason from his seat and lifted him down to the ground. "You must be his dad; Miss Lane said you would be bringing him by this morning. When you come back today, you will want to get in that lane right there," she said pointing to his left. Clark nodded his head and tried to get Jason's attention to wave at him, but his little boy was intent on looking at the ground as his teacher let him over to the line of other children in his class.
Being a quiet little boy, and very smart, Jason didn't socialize too much with the other children. All the children at Einstein's Montessori were very bright children, and there were a few kids just like Jason who didn't enjoy having to socialize with anyone. Lois and Richard had been made aware of that by his teachers, but thus far their few attempts to invite children over to play had ended with Jason playing by himself while the other child played by himself or herself.
Seated a circular art table, Jason was busy coloring a picture, and drew the attention of Miss Winset, one of three teachers who taught in his class of 15 children. He knew she was watching him color, but didn't stop, filling the entire piece of white art paper with various shades of blues and greens.
"Jason will you tell me what that is?" she asked when he finished.
The little boy looked his picture over, and thought quietly for nearly a minute until she prompted him once again. "This is the ocean," he said pointing to the darker blue colors." When she asked him what the green was, he told her they were crystals, but not anymore than that.
Miss Winset often wondered if this little boy would end up being an artist of some sort, because his drawings were already more complex by far than any other student in this class. "Do you mind if we hang it up?" she asked, and when he gave her permission she left with it.
Another teacher, Mrs. Davies clapped her hands calling the children to line up at the door, and Jason went over along with the other students to do what he was told. He waited until he was the last one in line, and then followed a girl named Rebecca out of the class, on their way to their Gym class.
At work, Clark managed to stay for at least an hour before he heard cries for help, and as he was pushing his way through the crowded office, he overheard a woman named Maggie talking to another woman about Lois. They were talking about how they had seen Lois and Richard in his office having a heated discussion, and then the other woman said something about Richard might be staying in London, because he found out that Jason wasn't his true son. Had it not been for the increasing cries for help, Clark would have given both women a piece of his mind, but as it was Superman was needed.
Flying high into the sky, Superman rocketed west and right into a huge storm. Lightning flashed all around him, and he saw a tornado off to east, ravaging a small farming town. Hovering for only a moment, Superman shot into action, flying up and over the tornado where he began to twist just as fast. His counter balance of wind made the tornado die out, and the rest of the horrible storm began to dissipate, but before he could fly down to help the people in the small Kansas town, he heard more screams, and cries and another storm.
School had let out almost an hour ago, and Jason sat on the steps crying as Rebecca and Miss Davies, her momma tried to calm him down. Some of the boys in his gym class had laughed and made fun of him because one of the girls beat him in a relay, and that topped with having his mom sick and his daddy in London as well as his other Dad late had really upset him.
"Don't cry Jason, your dad will come get you," Rebecca tried as she rested her head against his left side. She was one of the only children who took time to try and make friends with him. As he continued to cry she looked down the drive and saw a red pick up truck pull down to the school. "Jason your dad is here now," she said as he continued to softly cry with his face hidden on his lap. She watched her mommy go out and greet Jason's new daddy, and then he was there.
Seeing his son so upset put a knot in Clark's stomach, and hearing that the other kids were already giving him a hard time made him feel guilty. Clark sat down on the other side of Jason and gently lifted him, and settled him on his lap hugging him as he gently rocked him. "I'm sorry I was so late," he said lamely. Jason's cries slowly subsided, and when he was ready, they said goodbye to Rebecca and Mrs. Davies and headed off for the planet.
When they arrived at the office, Clark carried Jason in one arm and his briefcase in his other free hand, and noticed that Maggie was eyeing them, but instead of letting that bother him, he simply winked at her and went on over to his desk. Settling Jason in his chair, Clark took of his brown dress coat and black dress hat and put them on a near by coat rack. When he got back to his seat he asked Jason what he wanted to do, and when his son told him he wanted to color, Clark let him go to his mom's desk and get Crayons for that. Soon Jason was settled on his lap coloring, while Clark held him with one arm while he looked over his notes, managing to type with his other free hand.
It was close to dinner when Lois heard Jason call out to her a moment before his small arms were wrapped around her left leg. She had spent the day in bed sleeping, and thinking about what had happened between her and Richard, but right now she wanted to hold her little boy, and so she knelt down and gathered him in her arms as Clark entered the kitchen with Jason's bags.
"Thank you so much for taking him for me today," she said after Jason scampered off to play his key board. By then Lois was standing up in front of the counter as she cut up vegetables for a salad.
"It wasn't any problem, you look like you are feeling better," he said seeing if he could get anything out of her. She kept chopping her vegetables, but did answer him with a small head nod. "Well I'll just head on out, call me if you need anything," he said. When she didn't say anything else, Clark turned around and walked into the Living Room, over to where Jason was playing the Keyboard. "See you around pal," he said. He knelt down and Jason barreled into him giving him a really big hug. Clark held him close kissing the top of his head. "Be good for your mom," he said softly. He felt his son's head nod up and down, and then Clark left them, ready to go out on his nightly rounds.
Later that evening, after letting Jason speak to Richard, Lois got him settled in front of the TV with a movie, something she rarely allowed, and then went to her room to talk. "I've been doing a lot of thinking Richard, and maybe it would be best for us to move on. Jason and I will find a place closer to town, and…" She was cut off as he refused to let her do that.
On his end Richard had been thinking along the same lines, but it still hurt. "No, you and Jason stay at the house, he is used to being there, and our separating is going to be hard enough on him as it is." Richard said. He heard her take in a deep breath and let it out. "Lois, we can try and work this out," he said wishing there was some other way.
"I'm not being fair to you or Jason by letting it go on like this Richard, and I haven't even had the strength to tell Clark about this." Again she thought of him being Superman and knew that they needed to talk. There were times like now when she wished she could just run away from it all, take Jason, and Richard and just move far away and pretend none of it had ever happened, but she knew that this was the way of it, and like it or not she needed to stop hiding from it. They talked for a while longer, and then Lois went down stairs and found Jason asleep on the sofa. She switched off his movie, and then carried him up to his bed and got him tucked in without waking him. Lois knelt down by his bedside stroking her fingers through his hair as she had done so many times these past few nights as he slept. "I'm sorry baby, you won't understand any of this," she whispered as he turned over onto his right side breathing in deeply.
Again Lois retreated outside and this time without her cigarettes. She walked down to the edge of the water, to where Richard's sea plane was tied up, and looked out over the bay to the city which was about a mile away across the water. The lights twinkled at her, but Lois didn't really notice. She turned around when she heard his voice behind her, and kept her distance from him. "Richard is moving out, we are separating." How she managed to say that without crying was beyond her, and when Superman took a step forward, Lois took one step back and he stopped. His blue eyes told her that he was feeling guilty, but she had no support to offer him this night.
"Lois, I never came back to hurt you like this," he finally said and watched as she looked away. "I won't let this happen," he told her and she looked at him again. "Lois you and I can't have what you and Richard have now. There are too many dangers for both you and Jason, surely you know that," he pleaded.
"I know that you are the man I love and that if I have to I will raise Jason alone, with you and Richard visiting him, but I can't let Richard stay when my love is with you." She walked past him to the small porch under the awning where they had talked a few weeks ago, and again as he had done that night he followed her. When he was sitting across from her she spoke. "I never stopped loving you; I was just so hurt when you left me, that I pushed that love as far away as I could and tried to find love with Richard. He is a good man but I knew I could never commit to him. Even if you had never come back to us, I would have put a stop to things sooner or later," she admitted, and then shook her head. "I must sound like the most horrible person leading him on like I did," she said.
Superman could see she was hurting, and when he walked over to her and knelt down he took her hands in his own. "I don't think you did it deliberately," he tried. When she looked at him his heart thudded painfully in his chest and when she asked him what he would think if she had done that deliberately he stood her up and pulled her gently into his arms. "My leaving was the cause of this, and there are times when I think about reversing it all," he confessed.
Not knowing what he meant Lois pulled away from him to look into his blue eyes. "How can you reverse this, I don't understand." She listened as he told her about the earthquake that happened the first time Luther tried to take over a piece of land, and how she had actually died, but then how he had reversed the spin of the earth, and like a tape in a VCR backed things up to before she was killed. "That was only moments in time, taking away years, as painful as it is now, I don't know that I would have you do that," she admitted. He hugged her again, and Lois let him. This hug wasn't one of intimacy, just one of need for both of them, and when she felt him pull away she shut her eyes. "I should go inside," she said. She wanted to kiss him, but did not and before she could add regret she walked inside her house and shut the door.
Okay reviews, please, I know this sounds grim, and I honestly don't know where its headed at this point but please at your thoughts. Thanks.