Author's Note - I have never been happier checking my inbox, seeing all your wonderful reviews. But I will admit I was a little panicky. Half of the people who reviewed either asked or expected me to continue, and I had never thought this would be anything more than a one shot. I was awake until 3 AM trying to plan this out, and I only went to sleep after I had written a couple pages. This chapter is really a filler, I promise the next one will be better. I'm completely open to suggestions as to what happens in later chapters, as I only have the next one and the last one completely planned out. So please review and tell me what you think!

xanya-forever - Thank you! Same for me. I said 'out of nowhere', but I really like it. And yeah, that's exactly what he's doing. Silly Remus!

Commander Zucchini and Nymphadora85 - Thanks so much for adding this to your faves!

Also, thanks to chaotic pink chocobo and my anonymous reviewer, TarynMaegan.

Disclaimer - I owned Harry Potter once. But then I woke up.

Chapter 2

Those two days were the hardest I have ever lived through. It was as though I was seeing the world through someone else's eyes. I was disconnected from my thoughts, my emotions, and myself. The world was unfocused, unreal, unknown. It was like I was dreaming - I felt helpless, like my life was out of my control, that I could only float along the river of this horrible dream until I was eventually dashed on the rocks.

The only thing that proved it wasn't all some awful dream was the pain. Never in a dream has my heart ached so much.

I was beyond tears. I had cried enough beneath that tree to coat my face in salt, but the tears had ceased to come, and the salt stung at my eyes. For the first time I realized that even if it feels good to cry, you really end up feeling worse afterwards. After you've run out of tears, knowing that you can't even sit down and cry makes everything seem so hopeless, and the pain in your eyes from the salt makes you realize, in comparison, that the heartache is truly awful.

And after all that crying, I had to clean up again before I could finally go to work.

It wasn't that he hadn't returned my love for him - I really hadn't expected him to. It was that he had refused to accept it. He had refused to let me love him. It was that he had said he would rather die alone. That even if it was our last day on earth, he would rather we weren't together.

Those two days were a disconnected blur of emotion that seemed so distant and apart from me. I had gotten to work around noon. Kingsley took one look at me and told me to take the day off. The day before I would have welcomed those words, but that day nothing stirred in my brain. I simply turned and walked away, again feeling as if this was some kind of dream in which I was unable to see or think clearly.

It was late afternoon on the second day from my emotional episode with Remus that I finally woke up. Full moon. The thought hit me like a lightning bolt, and it thoroughly shook me up.

Full moon. The first since Sirius's death. And Remus and I were both alone.

There was no way I was going to sleep that night, and I knew it. I tossed and turned for a while, but my open eyes fell upon the place they had been avoiding for several hours - the window, through which could be seen the round, silvery moon.

I got up and walked through my flat, hunting for my wand, and then Disapparated.

Moments later I stood near a garden, the moonlight washing over me. I sighed, but knocked on the door. She can help, even if no one else can...

"Who's there?" It was Molly's voice, but it was more frightened than I had ever heard it.

"Tonks," I called, hoping I sounded more reassuring than I thought I had.

The door opened a crack and I could see her through it, making sure that it really was me. Her eyes rested on my brown hair, and the door was flung open. Her eyes didn't leave my hair.

"Tonks dear, it's wonderful to see you... Come in, would you like some tea?"

"No thanks, Molly. I just came..." my voice faltered. "I just came to talk." I stepped inside and sat in a chair at random, wishing fervently that she would stop staring at my hair. But, as luck would have it, she commented on it.

"New look?"

"Not really." I sighed, trying to think of how to phrase it in a way that wouldn't make her over-react. "We... had a fight, and..." I gave up. "I've lost control of my powers, Molly."

I kept my eyes determinedly on the ceiling. I didn't want to see her look of pity and surprise.

"What happened?" Her voice was as gentle and motherly as always, and I found myself crying again. Apparently I had regained my tears, whatever good that would do me. "It's about Remus, isn't it?"

I met her eyes, surprised. "How did you know?"

"It's full moon, and I know how you feel about him." She smiled at me in her warm, comforting way, sitting down across from me.

"I never told you," I said, but I knew that, being Molly, she had figured it out without being told. So I began to explain, beginning with me leaving St. Mungo's.

"When I got back to headquarters, it was pretty much empty. I was feeling a little down; you know how I hate being confined to bed. And Remus hadn't visited me, and even though I knew he would be feeling awful with Sirius dead and all, I couldn't keep myself from feeling a bit hurt." I paused and tried to smile, but I seemed to lack the proper muscles. "When I got back I saw that Remus had barricaded himself in his room, didn't answer when I knocked, and didn't ever come out, not even for meals. I stopped feeling bad for myself, but I couldn't help but think that Sirius had died two weeks before and that he would have gotten Remus out of there even if he had to force him. Sirius would never have wanted Remus to stop living just because he himself was dead."

"Quite right." Molly stood up. "Are you sure you don't want some tea?"

"I'm sure." Molly was never content to sit and talk without giving her guest enough food for a feast.

"Well, I'll bake you some cookies at least. I know how you love chocolate. Do go on."

I didn't think, just explained everything that had happened while Molly bustled about the kitchen. I had just finished when she placed a large plate full of chocolate chip cookies in front of me.

I stared at the cookies, then looked away.

"Is something wrong, dear?"

How could I tell her that chocolate reminded me of him? It was one of the things we had in common. "I'm fine." I made myself grab a cookie and munch on it, trying not to cry again. "Or as fine as I can be, given what's happened lately."

Molly placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "It'll be all right. Remus will come around in the end. He does love you, Tonks."

"No he doesn't. He said he would want to remain alone, no matter what."

Molly hesitated, so short a time I might have imagined it, then smiled at me. "He certainly does care about you. You know, he said that was because he wouldn't want to lose you."

"But that's not what love is about!" I stood quickly, a strange fury coming over me, my chair toppling over and hitting the floor with a crash. "You love while you can, you're happy while you can be, and if you die the next day then at least your life was worth living. Without love, what is life? Without love and happiness, is life even worthwhile? And I know he's no more happy like this than I am! How could anyone -" I paused to draw breath, glaring around the room, but Molly cut in.

"I only reminded you of what he had said. I never said I supported his opinion. In fact, I think you're quite right, dear." Molly looked at me searchingly, her eyebrows slightly furrowed. "Are you positive you wouldn't want a cup of tea?"

It was her expression of motherly concern that made my heavy breathing slow, and the fury fade away. "I'm sure, thank you. Sorry about my outburst there."

"No need for an apology."

A silence fell over us. I found my eyes wandering to the window again. "It's nearly sunrise. I should get going, Molly. Ginny and Ron and the rest will wake up soon, and I really don't want to explain about my hair. I'll come back sometime soon."

She nodded, and I went to the door.

"Tonks, dear?"

I turned back. "What?"

"Will you tell Remus your views on what love is about?"

I bit my lip. "I might."

"You should."

Without replying, I waved, walked back down the path, and reappeared seconds later in my flat.

I wouldn't. Remus had said that he wanted to be alone. Let him have what he wanted.